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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, December 08, 1915, LAST EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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Detective "Billy" Burns returned
the other day from a tour through
the country in the interest of the
Bankers' association. He was pro
foundly impressed with the merits of
western Pennsylvania as a place of
"Nothing like it for a man that's
inclined to be a bit low-spirited," said
Mr. Burns. "They don't take any
chances with you there at all. Why,
if you go into a store and ask for a
bit of clothesline the storekeeper
will open a big book.
" 'What do you want this rope
for?' he asks.
" "The old woman needs it to hang
the wash on.'
" 'And what's your name?' the
'"Herman Wilhelm Pfeifer.'
" 'G'wan,' says the storekeeper,
closing the book. You can't get no
rope here without a prescription.' "
AN INDISCREET MEMORY
"You and that very charming Miss
Malcolm were boy-and-girl friends,
"I saw you talking to her. You
must have had a delightful time re
calling early days."
"Well, no. I tried to make it pleas
ant, but it didn't seem to work. I re
called to her how she climbed trees
and fences when she was ten years
old, and she gave me a freezing look.
Then I asked her to remember how
she was thrown from an overturned
bobsled and went head foremost into
a snowdrift and stuck there. 'You
were seven years old,' I said, 'and I
recall that you wore ' What
you think she did?"
"Said 'Sir!' and stalked away."
"Young man, don't ever let me
catch you kissing my daughter
MY SHOES PINCHED ME BEFORE I HAP
CSXV FAR AND WHEN I APPEARED
SETOSE THE -lUPfrc,
uic mrc u A iTimV AS HP
Jim, having tunked Buck on the;
head with an ax, with fatal conse
quences, was haled to court and sen
tenced to pay the penalty at the end
of the state's rope. The judge ap
prised Jim of the verdict and asked
whether he had anything to say be
fore sentence was pronounced.
"Who, me?" asked Jim.
"Yes," responded the court. "
Jim spoke earnestly:
"Well, sah," he said, "dis yere
hangin' sut'n'y gwine be a lesson,
READY FOR HER
Mother (on Sunday) Bobby, are
you sure that's a Sunday puzzle you
Bobby Well, you see I can't tell,
mother, until I've figured it out
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