Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
"If you please, sir," remarked lit
tle Tommy, one afternoon when
school was over, "father says he's
going to kill a pig and would like to
know if you can do with a joint"
"Certainly I can," replied the
schoolmaster. "I'm very fond of
pork. Tell your father to send along
a loin; 111 have it for my Sunday din
ner." But the meat did not arrive and,
in consequence, the schoolmaster's
Sunday meal was of the pick-up va
.riety. On Monday morning there
fore, he questioned little Tommy and
reprimanded him for his forgetful
ness. "Forget!" replied the youngster.
"I didn't forget The fact is, father
didn't Mil the pig. It got better."
THEN THERE WAS TROUBLE
A man went into a store one day
to buy a Christmas present. It was
early and the storekeeper and his
little boy were alone in the house
Tne proprietor or me store naa to
go upstairs to get his cash box in or
der to procure some change, but be
fore doing so he went into the little
room next to the shop and whispered
to the boy:
"Watch the gentleman so he don't
steal anything," and bringing him
out seated him on the counter.
As soon as the proprietor returned
,the child sang out: "Pa, he didn't
steal anything; I watched him."
N. Y. World.
Billy Sunday was once driving
across Nebraska. He paused by a
"Tail fence to ask directions of farmer.
After getting his directions, Billy
said to the farmer:
"Is that a scarecrow over there In
the field? It has stood in the same
position a long time but "
"That?" responded the farmer,
-"Oh, no. That's a man I've got work- j
tag by the day."
THE WALLOPS SAY
Why won't a carpenter believe
that there is such a thing as stone?
Because he never saw it.
, A motorist was stopped by a police
man for speeding, whereupon he be
came angry and called the policeman
an ass. After he had paid his fine tha
judge reproved him for what he had
said to the officer.
"Then I mustn't call a policeman
an ass?" he said.
"Certainly not," said the judge.
"You must not insult the police."
"But you wouldn't mind if I called
an asS a policeman, would you?"
"Why, no, if it gives you any sat
isfaction," answered his honor with
The motorist turned' to the man
who had arrested him.
"Good day policeman," he said,
and immediately left the courtroom.
"I suppose you have high ambitions
for your boy."
"Well, I wouldn't say that exactly.
but I do hope that he woa't turn out
to be the male assistant to a female
dancihi: teacher." "
u A.L.. ..jufc .. tM.J-4-
p ywawa.1 - m ' "if . w --