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LEARNING IT ALL
A farmer strolled into a motor
sales house. "What's that worth?"
he asked, pointing to a small car.
"Five hundred dollars."
"And that?" pointing to a better
"Seven hundred and fifty dollars."
"And that there one?" pointing to
"That one is a fine car and is
"I'll take it," said the farmer.
"The car is cash, you know."
"Yes, I got the money," said the
fanner, as he pulled a roll of bills out
of his pocket, peeled off twelve $100
bills and paid for the car. "Now,
you'll show me how to drive the crit
ter?" "Sure," said the salesman; "that's
a part of the sale."
So they started out, and, after go
ing three miles, overtook a man in
a wagon with a mule team. The
salesman tooted and honked and
tooted, but the man with the mules
refused to heed.
Finally the farmer said, "This is
my car, ain't it?" '
"It is," said the salesman.
"And I paid for it?"
"Then," said the farmer, "you run
right over that sunnavagun. That's
the way automobile drivers always
done with me."
BIG CHANCES BOTH WAYS
The famous physician and the em
inent clergyman were deep in a dis
cussion which threatened to become
"You see," said the minister sar
castically, "you medical men know
so much about the uncertainties of
this world that I should think you
would not want to live."
"Oh, I don't know," responded the
physician caustically. "You clergy
men tell us so much about the uncer
tainties of the next world that we
don't want to die." Ladies' Home
DIOGENES STILL SEEKING
Diogenes was sitting on a fire hy
drant when a kindly-faced man ad
"What's wrong with you, old
friend?" he asked.
"I've been sorely misused," re
plied the cynic
"In what way?"
"As I turned yonder corner, car
rying my lantern, a youth ap
proached me. 'Wherefore the glim?
he asked. I replied that I was Diog
enes looking for an honest man.
The youth laughed. 'You're wasting
time in this town, uncle,' he said.
'Your glim is no use here.' And what
do you think? He took my lantern
away from me, and my hat and my
street car pennies, and ran around
the corner. The only thing he left
me of any value was my collar but
ton. Do you wonder that I appear
"Not at all," replied the kindly faced
citizen. "You are quite excusable. I
am a little sorry, however, that in
your search for an honest man you
couldn't have waited until you met
me. But, perhaps it's "just as well."
So saying he stooped down sud
denly and, snatching away the philos
opher's collar button, ran up the
nearest alley and disappeared.
Mother Now, Harold, that you
are through college you had really
better begin looking around for some
sort of employment
Harold Mother, don't you think it
would be more dignified to wait until
the offers begin to come in? Phil
It is told of Gov. Johnson of Cali
fornia that he once went into a Mar
ket street barber shop to get shaved,.
"You don't come in as frequently
as you used to," said the barber.
"No," replies the governor, "it
takes my face longer to heal lately.