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Newspaper Page Text
The newly rich hostess was trying
to engage "a celebrated prima donna
to sing at a reception.
"What shall I be expected to pay
you for a couple of songs?" said the
.hostess to the singer.
"Five hundred dollars," was the
"What will be the selections that
you will sing?"
"I would like to sing the 'Liebstod'
irom 'Tristan and Isolde and the 'Ah
Perfido of Beethoven."
"Oh, ridiculous!" said the lady.
"My guests would not care for that
sort of thing at all. I shall have to
ask you to sing a couple of ballads."
"In that case, 'said the singer, "I
shall charge you $700. I enjoy sing
ing good music. It is painful to sing
The lady winced but agreed. Nev
ertheless, she felt that as she had
been bested in a bargain she might
as wen insult the singer.
"You will not be allowed to mingle
with my gue'sts," said she.
"In that case," replied the singer,
with perfect self-possession, "I shall
charge you $500 less." Top-Notch.
CHANGE FOR THE BETTER
"We were bounding along," said a
recent traveler on a local South Afri
can single-line railway, "at the rate
of about seven miles an hour and
the whole train was shaking terri
bly. I expected every moment to see
my bones protruding through my
skin. Passengers were rolling from
one end of the car to the other. I held
on firmly to the arms of the seat
Presently we settled down a bit quiet
er; at least I could keep my hat on
and my teeth didn't chatter.' There
was a quiet-looking man opposite me.
I looked up with a ghastly smile,
wishing to appear cheerful, and said:
" 'We are going a bit smoother, I
" Tea,' he said, 'we're off the track
Two young naval officers were
heard discussing their respective
dearest and bests for the time
"I think Clare is a dear little craft,"
" 'Dear and little,' did you say?"
snorted the other "She's 'dear,' all
right, but I don't know so much
about the 'little.' She's the biggest
revenue cutter I've ever seen. Tit
Champ Clark went hunting in Mis
souri last autumn. He approached
a village idler near a small station
"Is it worth my time to hunt
around here?" asked the speaker.
"Wul," drawled, the Missourian,
"shootin' ain't wuth shucks; but then
I don't know what your time i3
SIZING HER UP
"How timid and shy the brido
"Sure that's her -fourth hus