Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
Things were slack in the office, as
he manager was on a holiday. The
chief clerk thought, therefore, it was
his chance of wooing the stenog
rapher. "Just one kiss," he begged fervently.
"Certainly not!" replied the girl
qoldly. "I'd as soon kiss a snake as
"That'a all right then, said the
man calmly. "I saw you kiss a snake
' "Yes, you kissed the bookkeeper
y and he's an adder, you know."
"I wouldn't go out at the end qf
every act, my boy. Beastly bad
, "i don't go out to drink. I tele
, phone home and get bulletins from
; the maid about the condition of the
f pan under the ice box. My wife can't
CZ. enjoy the opera unless she knows
there is no danger of that pan run.-
V TODAY'S BELLRINGER
Wm. J. Burns, the famous detec
,tive, tells of once putting two burg
lars through the "third degree." Fi--nally,
after the leader had confessed,
he loudly made this resolution:
i "S'elp me, boss, it's the last time
I'll ver go in with an ex-plumber.
That guy always came off without
AT THE FRONT
Private A Wot kind of cigarets
have you got?
ivate B (handing him one)
'Flor de Kitchener."
." Private A (puffing) They'd floor
tetter men than Kitchener.
ALAS, POOR VENUS
Corntossle (at art museum) Ma
ine, the sign on that Venus de Milo
Isays "Hands off." Now, any foo
fcould see that
GOOD ADVICE FOLLOWED
Delia Father fussed yesterday be
cause I was going shopping in these
Stella What did you do?
Delia Oh, rather than argue I
obeyed him I put on heavier ear
rings. o o
"John, I bought you a bottle of thai
new hair restorer."
"Thanks. It's very thoughtful of
you to try to put back somfci of the
hair you have robbed me of Jane."
. .. ?- A--aa,