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Newspaper Page Text
new york. there was 2 awfull ax
cidents at brighton beech, the other
day when some peepel was skating
on the ice & having a dickins of a
first it was a bunch of swell wrens
on the ice & one says to the other
part of the gang i wish i cood brake
threw the ice & be reskued by a hand
some feller & we wood be married &
live happy ever afterwurds.
o, woodent that be lovely said an
just then she went threw the ice
with a splash & the rest run to the
banks hollering for help
help came all rite and pulled the-
gurl from the cold water in no time
now here is where the sad part of
the storey comes in
the guy was fat and had 45 win
ters back of him & he was married
that ended romance no. 1.
that same afternoon neer the same
plase a gang of fellers was skating
neer to where some other gurls was &
1 of the fellers says if 'the purtiest
chicken over there falls in l will do
the reskuing stunt & i hope her old.
man owns a hatfull of war brides.
in just about 3 minits a gurl busts
threw the ice & henry felder, which
is his name, gets his new soot all wet
pulling her out
when the dame got out she throws
her arms around henry & calls him
hero nothing, said henry, as he
made a wild dash for the car, didjer
ever in jour life see such-a uglymae .
on a gurl, and fat, by golly i don't
care if her old man's John d., nothing
o o j
Dr. W. A. Evans, formerly health
commissioner of Chicago, tells of a
young country physician who called
on an old farmer suffering from
"There is a curious swelling over
your heart," said the physician, "I'll
probably have to remove it"
"No, b'gosh!" exclaimed the farm
er, "that's my pocketbook."
. o o
NO TIME LOST
"How about your new stenogra
pher? Is she quick and accurate?"
"Yes, sir. She can powder her
face, arrange her bracelets and fix
her hair quicker than any stenogra
pher I ever had. And do it accu
ON THE ICE
He I saw my boyhood chum on
the lake today. He's now a million
aire. She Did he recognize you?
He I think so, because he turned
the corner when he saw me.