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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, January 25, 1916, LAST EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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THE QUICKER THE BETTER
Judge Our speed limit here is 30
miles an hour and you were going 50.
Have you anything to say for your
self? Prisoner You see, judge, I "was
carrying some dynamite in that car
Judge Discharged, and, by special
dispensation, the speed limit in this
borough is raised for the next quarter
of an hour.to a thousand miles a minute!
No doubt the doctor spoke rashly.
An inquisitive niece, seeing him re
turn from the funeral of a wealthy
patient, innocently inquired:
"Uncle Tom, do you attend the
funerals of all your patients who
"Good heavens, no," said the doc
tor. "Do you thing I have nothing
to do but to go to funerals?"
NOT SO SURE
"There's one thing about cubists'
and futurists' art," said Don Marquis,
"for which I am thankful. Its prac
titioners do not paint sheep."
"I don't know about that, Don,"
said Bildad. "I saw a Cubist impres
sion of a trolley car once and it
looked more like a sheep than any
thing else in the whole animal king
dom." New York Times.
Ella Flagg Young tells of once in
structing a class in physiology. The
subject was the liver.
"Yes, teacher," answered one
youthful student," I know where my
liver is, but I don't know where my
"Can you come to the jeweler's
with me tomorrow, dearest? I'd like
you to choose the ring yourself."
j "In that case perhaps you'd better
save up a little longer, darling."
Too many pessimists persist in
condensing the milk of human kindness.
Delia I'm in bad luck. I need mo
ney badly, but I haven't the least idea
where I can get it
Ella I'm glad to hear that I
thought possibly you had an idea yoa
could borrow it from.me.