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Newspaper Page Text
WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKED
"Your honor," declared Officer Mc
pherson, "I heard an awful yellin'
back in the wagon yard, and when
I got there this man was beating his
Judge Broyles turned sharply on
the prisoner, a tall, gaunt farmer.
"Is this true? Were you beating
your wife, sir?"
"Yes, yer honor."
"How" did you come to do it?"
"Lord knows, jedge. For twenty
years she alius wuz th' one what did
th' beatin', but I jes' happened to
catch her when she wasn't feelin'
right" Case and Comment.
SOMETHING TO RECKON WITH
Boy appeared at the Willises one
day brushing his face with the furry,
silvery tail that had once belonged to
a gray squirreL
"O-oh," accused the eldest Willis
when he saw the new plaything,
"your pa's been shooting squirrels
out of season." -
"Boy's" father is his idol. " No one
can speak in his disfavor and not ex
pect to hear from the 7-year-old son.
"You better look out," the little
chap warned, shaking the squirrel's
tail at the older lad, "or my daddy'l
be Bhooting you 'out of season!' "
One of the freshmen at Yale im
mediately applied to the proper of
ficer of the university upon the day
of his entrance into that institution
for information touching his father's
stay there before him.
"I should like to see my father's
record," said he. "He was in the
class of '75."
"I shall be glad to show you the
record," said the officer, "but have
you any special reason for consult
"Well,', said the youth, "when. I
left home dad told me not to dis
grace him, and I wish to see jus how
far I can go."
When a guy makes a deep impress
sion on his new girl he ought to quit
holding so tightly.
The late Dr. S. Weir Mitchell was
fond of telling this story:
"Once I told a country patient to
drink water an hour before each
meal. Two days later when I called
the patient complainingly addressed
me as follows:
"I drank for 20 minutes, doctor,
but I was so. full then I couldn't hold
SURE HE WAS
"Was Mr. Burdick cool when ho
found the burglar in the hallway?"
"Cool? Why, I guess. -His teett