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Newspaper Page Text
WHEN OPPORTUNITY KNOCKED "Your honor," declared Officer Mc pherson, "I heard an awful yellin' back in the wagon yard, and when I got there this man was beating his wife." Judge Broyles turned sharply on the prisoner, a tall, gaunt farmer. "Is this true? Were you beating your wife, sir?" "Yes, yer honor." "How" did you come to do it?" "Lord knows, jedge. For twenty years she alius wuz th' one what did th' beatin', but I jes' happened to catch her when she wasn't feelin' right" Case and Comment. o o SOMETHING TO RECKON WITH Boy appeared at the Willises one day brushing his face with the furry, silvery tail that had once belonged to a gray squirreL "O-oh," accused the eldest Willis when he saw the new plaything, "your pa's been shooting squirrels out of season." - "Boy's" father is his idol. " No one can speak in his disfavor and not ex pect to hear from the 7-year-old son. "You better look out," the little chap warned, shaking the squirrel's tail at the older lad, "or my daddy'l be Bhooting you 'out of season!' " o o GETTING, POSTED One of the freshmen at Yale im mediately applied to the proper of ficer of the university upon the day of his entrance into that institution for information touching his father's stay there before him. "I should like to see my father's record," said he. "He was in the class of '75." "I shall be glad to show you the record," said the officer, "but have you any special reason for consult ing it?" "Well,', said the youth, "when. I left home dad told me not to dis grace him, and I wish to see jus how far I can go." J 6abirdJab When a guy makes a deep impress sion on his new girl he ought to quit holding so tightly. o o TODAY'S BELLRINGER The late Dr. S. Weir Mitchell was fond of telling this story: "Once I told a country patient to drink water an hour before each meal. Two days later when I called the patient complainingly addressed me as follows: "I drank for 20 minutes, doctor, but I was so. full then I couldn't hold any more." o o SURE HE WAS "Was Mr. Burdick cool when ho found the burglar in the hallway?" "Cool? Why, I guess. -His teett chattered I"