Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
new york a purty gurl can ser
tainly rub it in when she wants to, &
theres a young lad that lives on 5 ave.
who knows it too
He has a long name but they call
him monte for short to his ''face &
solid ivry when he aint around
monte has got only 2 hobbys, 1 is
that he knows it all, & the other is
that all the gurls fall for him
. at a swell dance the other evening
he met a verry purty wren from out
west some place, & he was trying to
make a 4 base hit with her so he spills
a bunch of langwidge about how big
a guy he is & what he dont know
aint worth knowing & finnally he gets
purty confidenshial & he says, miss
hillman, when i marry i shall choose
a life pardner who is my complete
opposite in evry respect
miss hillman has his number long
befour then allrite, allrite, but she
didn't like to hurt his feelings until
she seen as how she coodent get rid
of him no other way
so you want a wife, who is your
complete opposite in evry respect, she
yes, i do, monte said low & lov
ingly like because he had a bug in
his bonnet that the gurl was going
to pull a leap yere program on him
well, replyd miss hillman, as she
looked around the crowd of other
gurls, there are plenty of brite, intel
ligent girls with lots of brain3 & sense
around here, i should think
but the goak woodent have slipt
out if monte dident tel it to some
other fellow & asked him what the
dooce she meant.
A young Scotsman arrived in New
York and secured work in a garage.
He was set the first day to greasing
the wheels on motor trucks. In a
remarkably short time he reported
his first job as done.
"Do you mean to say," demanded
the foreman, ''that you have greased
all four wheels already?"
"Weel, naw," replied Sandy, "only
the two front ones."
"And why not the back ones, too?"
asked the foreman.
"Weel, so lang as the front ones
are all reet, the two hind ones have
PROVED SHE COULD
Astounded Mother Why, Tottie,
you never told me you had invited so
many children to this party!
Small Hostess That's 'cause you
said that I could never keep a secret.
CATCHING ON TO DAD
Eddie Let's sneak 'round behind
the barn,an' smoke a cigaret
Sammy Too likely to get caught
Ever since dad swore off New Year's
day, he's been sneaking around there
to smoke his own. Judge.
The simp that brags about the cold
bath he takes every morning usually
took hl3 first one that morning!