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Newspaper Page Text
' m, v w i,. ry Ty fw y;vTw w tTvr.wv n yj iru'w ;'v f TO-DAY'S BELLRINGER 'Tm sorry my engagements pre- vent my attending your charity con- cert, but I shall be with you in spirit" "Splendid! And where would you like your spirit to sit? I have tickets here for $5, $2.50 and $1." '-0 o UTILITY FIRST "I want a pair of pants." "Something in rough goods or smooth?" "Rough, I reckon. I find it handier to scratch matches on." kLi faff iBil"ya "2 new york there Is a man that lives on 124 st.' which is verry smart, about one of the smoothest proposishuns you ever lamped, i gess, if what they say about him is tree & I beleeve it is his name is mr. samel b. tompkins he was married to mrs tompkins, his wife, for a long time befour he hit on this here skeem of getting a chanct to give the evening paper the o. o. without haveing to stop & lisson to a earful of langwidge from mrs. tomp kins what he done was one nite he says to his wife, how wood you like to lern to talk french & she falls for it like a duck piling into a pond , after mrs. tompkins lerned french he said why dont you lern a littel ger-. man & latin & greek & and then evry body will think your awful smart the dame falls for that bunch of talk too now she is the smartest woman in there nayborhood & can chin in lots of different langwidges but where does that help you, Sam uel, one of his friends inkwired when he was told about it why, cant you see, you port nut, i only understand the united states langwidge, mr tompkins replyd yes, i know, his friend -remarcked, but how does that help you well, when my wife gets started talking now she is just as apt to do it -f , in french or german or speak & i dont have to pay no attensnun to ner atau which gives me lots of time to read. o o Some of these new dances may nol ? be right but I notice the girls who don't dance them, are always lefti t WELL NAMED "I don't see why you and your hus band call your new place a bunga low. "Well, if it isn't a bungalow, what is it? The job was a bungle and wa still owe for it!" o o FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE rFjB He A man who gives in when he's wrong is a wise man, but he who gives in when he's right is She Married! f6''"l- -. juBSietj.