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The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, February 16, 1916, LAST EDITION, Image 17

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1916-02-16/ed-1/seq-17/

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' m, v w i,. ry Ty fw y;vTw w tTvr.wv n yj iru'w ;'v f
TO-DAY'S BELLRINGER
'Tm sorry my engagements pre-
vent my attending your charity con-
cert, but I shall be with you in spirit"
"Splendid! And where would you
like your spirit to sit? I have tickets
here for $5, $2.50 and $1."
'-0 o
UTILITY FIRST
"I want a pair of pants."
"Something in rough goods or
smooth?"
"Rough, I reckon. I find it handier
to scratch matches on."
kLi faff iBil"ya
"2
new york there Is a man that lives
on 124 st.' which is verry smart, about
one of the smoothest proposishuns
you ever lamped, i gess, if what they
say about him is tree & I beleeve it is
his name is mr. samel b. tompkins
he was married to mrs tompkins, his
wife, for a long time befour he hit on
this here skeem of getting a chanct
to give the evening paper the o. o.
without haveing to stop & lisson to a
earful of langwidge from mrs. tomp
kins what he done was one nite he says
to his wife, how wood you like to lern
to talk french & she falls for it like
a duck piling into a pond ,
after mrs. tompkins lerned french
he said why dont you lern a littel ger-.
man & latin & greek & and then evry
body will think your awful smart
the dame falls for that bunch of
talk too
now she is the smartest woman in
there nayborhood & can chin in lots
of different langwidges
but where does that help you, Sam
uel, one of his friends inkwired when
he was told about it
why, cant you see, you port nut, i
only understand the united states
langwidge, mr tompkins replyd
yes, i know, his friend -remarcked,
but how does that help you
well, when my wife gets started
talking now she is just as apt to do it
-f , in french or german or speak & i dont
have to pay no attensnun to ner atau
which gives me lots of time to read.
o o
Some of these new dances may nol
? be right but I notice the girls who
don't dance them, are always lefti t
WELL NAMED
"I don't see why you and your hus
band call your new place a bunga
low. "Well, if it isn't a bungalow, what
is it? The job was a bungle and wa
still owe for it!"
o o
FOR THE SAKE OF PEACE
rFjB
He A man who gives in when he's
wrong is a wise man, but he who
gives in when he's right is
She Married!
f6''"l- -.
juBSietj.

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