OCR Interpretation


The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, April 14, 1916, LAST EDITION, Image 17

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1916-04-14/ed-1/seq-17/

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TODAY'S BELLRINGER
Peddling Peter shuffled to the bar
of the country inn and ordered a
glass of beer.
"Say, boss," he remarked, as the
landlord served him, "d'you -want ter
buy a patent, never-failing flykiller?"
"How much?" was the reply.
"Well, guv'nor, if you'll perwide me
wi' a decent dinner yer can 'ave a
full-sized bottle of my flykiller for
nowt"
The worthy innkeeper eventually
agreed, add when the repast had
been provided and consumed, he
said, briskly:
"Now let's see this wonderful pat
ent of yours."
Peddling Peter at once produced
a small bottle from his pack and
carefully uncorked it
"All you 'ave to do," he explained,
"is to old the aggrawatm hinsec' be
tween the finger and thumb, press
'im firmly until 'e opens 'is mouth,
an' then drop in some of this poison."
"W-why," gasped mine host, fee
bly, "if I had him between my fingers
I could squeeze him to death straight
away."
"Well," remarked Peddling Peter,
as he departed, "o' course that's a
very good way, too." Tit-Bits.
o o
DISPUTED TERRITORY
"Oh, mamma, I'll never disobey
you again!" said Susie tearfully.
"Why, Susie, what have you
done?"
"Well, I drank my milk at lunch
and then I ate a pickle, and the milk
said to the pickle, 'Here, you get out
o here!' and the pickle said, 'I won't!'
and now they are having an awful
fuss." Ladies' Home Journal.
CORRECT
"What is the plural of man, John
ny?" asked a teacher of a small pu
pil. "Men," answered Johnny.
"Correct," said the teacher. "And
what is the plural of child?."
"Twins."
SOFT SNAPS
" wonT GET A
f ROUND TRIP TICKET
(ON KY TKP 'UP TH.
WEFT-LAST VEAR
nS)oPte out vacations
WRTrie MEN AT SIN& -5IN&
NOT WORRYING
Snappy Young Wife To be frank
with you, if you were to die I should
certainly marry again.
Harrassed Husband I've no ob
jection. I'm not going to worry about
the troubles of a fellow I shall never
tofow.
o o
6abirdab
If the fond mother and father both
ask you whom you think the baby
resembles, the safest way out of it is
to tell them it looks absolutely neih
tral.

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