Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
An Irishman was reproved by his
priest for eating sausages on Friday.
"Sure, Father Tim, ye don't call
sausages meat," he protested.
"Certainly they are meat," said
The next day the Irishman ap
peared at the priest's house with a
load of sawdust
"But, Michael, I did not order any
sawdust; it was wood I ordered."
"And isn't-it wood I've brought?"
"No, it isn't; it's sawdust."
"But, Father Tim, if sausage is
meat, sure isn't sawdust wood?"
Things had certainly looked black
for the very young lieutenant when
his colonel discovered him in sweet
communion with his daughter.
What could he say when he was
summoned to explain himself?
"Have you any explanation to offer
for your conduct?" the colonel de
"Sir," answered our hero, bringing
his hand up to a smart salute, "1
have the honor to report an engage
ment 'at close quarters, in which I
have been entirely victorious. It
now only remains for you to give
consent to the terms of surrender.
He carried the day.
HAD NOTHING ON HIM
"See the spider, my son, spinning
its web," said the instructive parent
to his son. "Is it not wonderful? Do
you reflect that no man would spin
that web, no matter how hard he
"Well, what of it?" replied the up-to-date
offspring. "Watch me spin
this top. No spider can do that, no
matter how hard he might try."
Ladies' Home Journal.
A MERE BABE!
Born To Mr. and Mrs. W. H.
White, a son, aged 69 and 4 months.
Oneida ,(N. Y,). Rnlon . . v J
-.it. ?lrjil liMi thl
wci-l. incw, 1UU l-niv
USEtT FOR FQROUS
I USEtT FOR FQROUS
lNG A FLY PAPER
SALESMAN IN ICELAND
"What makes you go in through
"I don't know our servants very
well," replied Mr. Cumrox. "Some
way, the front hall seems kind of for
rmal and distant. Around at the
kitchen steps they've got an old door
mat with 'Welcome on it"
A real friend is one who knows all
about you and likes you just the