Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1943 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
Not long ago the editor of an Eng
lish paper ordered a story of a cer
tain length, but when the story ar
rived he discovered that the author
had written several hundred words
The paper was already late in
going to press, so there was no alter
native the story must be condensed
to fit the allotted space. Therefore
the last few paragraphs were cut
down to a single sentence. It read
"The earl took a Scotch highball,
his hat, his departure, no notice of
his pursuers, a revolver out of his
hip pocket, and, finally, his life."
"Every time you see a pretty girl
you forget that you are married," his
better-half complained bitterly.
".On the other hand, my dear," he
replied sadly, "nothing brings home
to me the fact with so much force."
After which the war in Europe
seemed a pretty tame affair.
"One wife too many!" exclaimed
Mrs. Wederly, as she glanced at the
headlines of her husband's paper. "I
suppose that is an account of the
doings of some bigamist?"
"Not necessarily, my dear," replied
her husband, without daring to look
AN IMPORTANT ONE
"Thompson has made a'discovery."
"Yes. He says that he has discov
ered that the more buttons there are
on a woman's coat the greater the
probality that it really fastens with
hooks and eyes." Puck.
1 o o
A HEAVY LADY
E. Fosley, who lives in Marion
township, four miles west of Decord,
has on his hands 1,500 pounds of
honey. Neosho, Mo., Democrat.
ii"V6oNMV ASK "1H '
BOSS TO BUYMJs A A
I "SHOTGUN SO t CAN 1
Weep TH' MUD TURTLES
OPF TH' RoOfM
BANNING AN ELEVATOR
"What did you do when you dis
covered there were burglars in the
"Wy wife grabbed a rolling pin and
crept softly through the hall and I
- "Case of 'safety firsf for you, eh?"
"No, indeed! Safety second."
N. Y. World.
The man with the dark purpl
optic can bear witness that the hand
is quicker than the eye.