Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1756-1963 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the National Endowment for the Humanities external link and the Library of Congress. Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
FOOLISH FABLE OF RICHARD RANDIVEER By Robert Vernon Richard Randiveer was a humble Elevator boy, but he was bound to Rise. (Ouch!) One of a weekly Wage of nine dollars he Proved him self to be a Coming Captain of Finance by saving Most of it. He tucked it away in the Bank and De veloped a Character that wouldn't have Permitted him to give a Nickel to see the Statue of Loberty fox trot down Main street, or Dante's Inferno with the Original cast. Even his Doting Mother admitted to the Ice Man that Richard was get ting Kinder tight with his Kale. Richard didn't pay any Board be cause he Lived at home and his Mother got a widow's Pension from the government of Twelve Dollars a month. "That is more than Too much" muttered the Dutiful son. He wouldn't wear Gloves when he Pulled the Cable of his Car because Gloves wear out and Nature doesn't charge ' anything to replenish the Cuticle on the Palm. The years fled. Richard had Designs upon the Wedded State, but the Waitress to whom he paid " Attention had fond and Foolish hopes of Quitting her Job in the Beanery when Hymen would bind her to her Mate. This jarred Richard's delicate Sen sibilities and he took the Eternal Vows and decide'd to Stay with Moth er, whose patience was Inexhaustive. After 27 years in the Lift profession, Richard was Invited to become Pres ident of the Jitney Savings Bank where he had Been a Valued depos itor for these many years. He drew a wage of $5,500 a year and had a Stenographer. This was Curtains for Richard. The Stenog. had blondine tresses of violent hue and her eyes were Limpid pools of Something or other that made Richard shivery in the spine. They were married and the Blondine Frau took Richard -down the line for every jit in hts new bank. At last accounts Richard was night clerk in a livery stable in Venezuela and the Blondine bride was enjoying the fruits of spoil. Moral Banks should not employ reformed elevator pilots in connec tion with blonde stenographers. SOFTSNAPS I . FrtHAOfjrX fejDAN EAR men FOR AN BURY.' -WHY APPLg THeR ARE TAl-LORS W0Ut-DHT B I PQNP OP APPLES Y TAILORS j ruTTlNG "THE AIR IN BUTTONHOLES'