Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1836-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
FOOLISH FABLE OF RICHARD RANDIVEER
By Robert Vernon
Richard Randiveer was a humble
Elevator boy, but he was bound to
Rise. (Ouch!) One of a weekly
Wage of nine dollars he Proved him
self to be a Coming Captain of
Finance by saving Most of it. He
tucked it away in the Bank and De
veloped a Character that wouldn't
have Permitted him to give a Nickel
to see the Statue of Loberty fox trot
down Main street, or Dante's Inferno
with the Original cast.
Even his Doting Mother admitted
to the Ice Man that Richard was get
ting Kinder tight with his Kale.
Richard didn't pay any Board be
cause he Lived at home and his
Mother got a widow's Pension from
the government of Twelve Dollars a
month. "That is more than Too
much" muttered the Dutiful son. He
wouldn't wear Gloves when he Pulled
the Cable of his Car because Gloves
wear out and Nature doesn't charge
' anything to replenish the Cuticle on
the Palm. The years fled. Richard
had Designs upon the Wedded State,
but the Waitress to whom he paid
" Attention had fond and Foolish hopes
of Quitting her Job in the Beanery
when Hymen would bind her to her
This jarred Richard's delicate Sen
sibilities and he took the Eternal
Vows and decide'd to Stay with Moth
er, whose patience was Inexhaustive.
After 27 years in the Lift profession,
Richard was Invited to become Pres
ident of the Jitney Savings Bank
where he had Been a Valued depos
itor for these many years.
He drew a wage of $5,500 a year
and had a Stenographer.
This was Curtains for Richard.
The Stenog. had blondine tresses
of violent hue and her eyes were
Limpid pools of Something or other
that made Richard shivery in the
spine. They were married and the
Blondine Frau took Richard -down
the line for every jit in hts new bank.
At last accounts Richard was night
clerk in a livery stable in Venezuela
and the Blondine bride was enjoying
the fruits of spoil.
Moral Banks should not employ
reformed elevator pilots in connec
tion with blonde stenographers.
I . FrtHAOfjrX
fejDAN EAR men FOR AN
BURY.' -WHY APPLg THeR
ARE TAl-LORS W0Ut-DHT B I
PQNP OP APPLES Y TAILORS j
ruTTlNG "THE AIR IN