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Newspaper Page Text
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL
Unnatural History by Eugene Ahem
' The Hog
The hog or pig, -whatever you want
to call it a hog makes a pig of him
self just like a pig makes a hog of
Who made Chicago famous? The
In Chicago they find use for every
ing on a pig, even the squeal that's
made into phonograph records.
What is this one weeping for?
The poor hog is fretting because
he can't make a pig of himself by
lying down in that pint can of sour
milk like the hog that gets on a
street car and wants to lie down on
a seat, or the one who sits down and
gives his suit case a seat beside him
while you dangle like a wet sock on a
Hogs are much more valuable dead
WHAT A TOURIST HEARD
A tourist in Ireland came upon a
couple of men "in holts" rolling on
the road. The man on top was pum
meling the other within an inch of
his life. The traveler looked on for
a moment in silence and then inter
vened. "I say, it's an infernal shame to
strike a man when he's down."
"Faith, if yez knew all the throuble
I had getting him down, yez wouldn't
be talkin' like that," came the reply.
OUR OWN TRAVELOGUES
Boston. Boston is a large city en
tirely surrounded by Harvard accent
Its streets' are very narrow, but its
"A's" are very broad. Traffic is fre
quently clogged by a broad "A" get
ting between the buildings.
One of the principle industries of
Boston is the sale of charts and com
passes to keep strangers from losing
themselves in the crooked streets.
The only person ever known to find
his way about was Sam Loyd, the
puzzle king and Sam was always
Boston was the scene of the bat
tle of Bunker Hill, which, had nothing
to do with golf.
When the young Bostonan of either
sex is still at an exceedingly tender
age its parents put spectacles on it
and it begins to study to get into
Harvard. Boston is the only city in
the world where pretty girls insist on
marring ther beauty by wearing tor
toise shell eyeglasses.
"Dad, what do you meanly peren
nial?" "Continuing from year to year,"
"Like my hat," interposed ma.
And then there was a deep silence.
FROM NVOfieY AND
Kwew a peu-ovr
vWo -Took mohGY
from -wo LrreRq
ElNCs A FRENOA
AMBASSADOR TO GfiRMAtfY-