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Newspaper Page Text
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL Unnatural History by Eugene Ahem ' The Hog The hog or pig, -whatever you want to call it a hog makes a pig of him self just like a pig makes a hog of himself. Who made Chicago famous? The hog! In Chicago they find use for every ing on a pig, even the squeal that's made into phonograph records. What is this one weeping for? The poor hog is fretting because he can't make a pig of himself by lying down in that pint can of sour milk like the hog that gets on a street car and wants to lie down on a seat, or the one who sits down and gives his suit case a seat beside him while you dangle like a wet sock on a strap. Hogs are much more valuable dead than alive. o o WHAT A TOURIST HEARD A tourist in Ireland came upon a couple of men "in holts" rolling on the road. The man on top was pum meling the other within an inch of his life. The traveler looked on for a moment in silence and then inter vened. "I say, it's an infernal shame to strike a man when he's down." "Faith, if yez knew all the throuble I had getting him down, yez wouldn't be talkin' like that," came the reply. be --Ji OUR OWN TRAVELOGUES Boston. Boston is a large city en tirely surrounded by Harvard accent Its streets' are very narrow, but its "A's" are very broad. Traffic is fre quently clogged by a broad "A" get ting between the buildings. One of the principle industries of Boston is the sale of charts and com passes to keep strangers from losing themselves in the crooked streets. The only person ever known to find his way about was Sam Loyd, the puzzle king and Sam was always lucky anyway. Boston was the scene of the bat tle of Bunker Hill, which, had nothing to do with golf. When the young Bostonan of either sex is still at an exceedingly tender age its parents put spectacles on it and it begins to study to get into Harvard. Boston is the only city in the world where pretty girls insist on marring ther beauty by wearing tor toise shell eyeglasses. o o FLORICULTURE "Dad, what do you meanly peren nial?" "Continuing from year to year," answered pop. "Like my hat," interposed ma. And then there was a deep silence. o o foKEfWO uer-fRS FROM NVOfieY AND Kwew a peu-ovr vWo -Took mohGY from -wo LrreRq ElNCs A FRENOA udge. AMBASSADOR TO GfiRMAtfY-