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Newspaper Page Text
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL!
Is this a futurist picture of nine
o'clock Monday morning in a Chi
nese laundry? No, Nicholas, it's a
souphound giving an imitation of a
leaky faucet Here, take this urn-
brella and Turkish towel and we'll
f go over and examine it.
What's the matter, is it mad at
the soup? Just look at the way it
' bends over it and gets a half-nelson
on the bowl, and listen to it gargle!
It ought to take the soup on the
lawn but then too much watering
isn't good for grass. Did you ever
see or hear a horse that had lost it's
back molars drink out of a trough?
Delightful sound, isn't it? Just like
wringing the starch out of a table
cloth. Well, the souphound has it
faded three weeks from Sunday
when it comes to the Niagara.
Besides soup it renders the vocal
stuff with mush, soft-boiled eggs and
coffee. It's the same cookoo that
pours its coffee in a saucer and takes
a shower bath with each inhale.
Gosh, Al, take me away quick be
fore I go down for the third time. I
BRINGING UP FATHER
"We dined out last evening. Pa dis
graced us as usual."
"How was that?"
. "He got to the end of the dinner
with three forks- and two spoons still
, . THE LIMIT
He was a very small boy. Paddy
was his dog and Paddy was nearer
to. his heart than anything on earth.
When Paddy met swift and hideous
death on the turnpike road his moth
er trembled to break the news. But
it had to be, and when he came home
from school she told him simply:
"Paddy has been run over and
He took it very quietly; finished his
dinner with appetite and spirits un
impaired. All day it was the same.
But five minutes after he had gone
up to bed there echoed through the
house a shrill and sudden lamenta
tion. His mother rushed upstairs
with solicitude and sympathy.
"Nurse says' he sobbed, "that
Paddy has been run over and killed."
"But, dear, I told you that at din
ner and you didn't seem to trouble
"No; but but I I thought you
said daddy!" Tit-Bits.
"Anlericans don't sing as they do
"No. But you ought to hear us hol
ler at a baseball game."
A SOFT SNAP
'0oesrf MAfHISR WHO TH
wilYl&Sf GUY irt-lHe VJORLD
IS. yi reli-Cw THAT
WRoTe SKwe0UHD WAS
-UMPltf & UP A WHEEL