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WITHOUT REGRET
A certain drill sergeant, whose se
verity had made him unpopular with
his troops, was putting a party of
recruits through the funeral service.
Opening the ranks so as to admit
the passage of the supposed cortege
between them, the instructor, by way
of practical explanation, walked
slowly down the lane formed by the
two ranks, saying as he did:
"Now, I'm the corpse. Pay atten
tion." Having reached the end of the
path, he turned round, regarded
them steadily for a moment or two,
then exclaimed:
"Your hands are right and your
heads are right, but you haven't got
that sad look of regret you ought to
have."
T AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL
BAD BOTH WAYS
Charles' mother was reproving him
for not being more tidy about his
hair, when his uncle, who was very
bald, thinking to soothe his feelings,
said:
"Charles, don't you wish you were
as bald as I? Then you wouldn't
have any hair to comb."
Charles heaved a long sigh of res
ignation. "No, I don't," he said. "There
would be that much more face to
wash." Ladies' Home Journal.
JIMMY'S COMPLIMENT
"Ma," said Jimmy, "the teacher
gave me a fine compliment today."
"Oh, did she?" said the delighted
mother. "What did she say to you?"
"Wen, she didn't exactly say any
thing to me, but she told George he
was the worst boy in school and that
she liked even me better than him."
Ladies Home Journal.
SURE '
"You women are the limit. What's
the idea in wearing furs in the sum
mer time?"
"Why, to keep our necks fromget
tlngsunburned, of course,"
The Umbrella
. Lis'en, Looie, you know that old
gag, "What becomes of all the pins?"
It's wrong; it should be, "What be
comes of all the umbrellas?"
Well say, Horace, that's a funny
way to draw a picture of an um
brella, having it standing without
any support.
No, It ain't, Lem, that's right; you
try it some time, take an umbrella
and'St&nd it on its tip and well bet
some new scenery to a shine that it
won't get a chance to fall, somebody
will nab it even before you get all
your hands off It 'v
Umbrellas go quicker tfian money.
There's just one case known where
a fellow still has the first umbrella
he bought, and that's Calabasha, the
23rd Egyptian prince of Weenie
Weenie. He died 2006 years ago
and had the umbrella buried up with
him when he was bandaged Into a
mummy.
Now haven't you got a kind ct
easy idea why these research guys
are all digging and tunneling around
in Egypt?
o o
A PROMISE
"No, Bobble, you must not eat any
more candy. It will make your teeth
ache."
"Aw, ma, please let me have a lit
tle more and I'll promise not to cry
when you take me to the dentisL'W
N, Y. W-orld.
