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WITHOUT REGRET A certain drill sergeant, whose se verity had made him unpopular with his troops, was putting a party of recruits through the funeral service. Opening the ranks so as to admit the passage of the supposed cortege between them, the instructor, by way of practical explanation, walked slowly down the lane formed by the two ranks, saying as he did: "Now, I'm the corpse. Pay atten tion." Having reached the end of the path, he turned round, regarded them steadily for a moment or two, then exclaimed: "Your hands are right and your heads are right, but you haven't got that sad look of regret you ought to have." T AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL BAD BOTH WAYS Charles' mother was reproving him for not being more tidy about his hair, when his uncle, who was very bald, thinking to soothe his feelings, said: "Charles, don't you wish you were as bald as I? Then you wouldn't have any hair to comb." Charles heaved a long sigh of res ignation. "No, I don't," he said. "There would be that much more face to wash." Ladies' Home Journal. JIMMY'S COMPLIMENT "Ma," said Jimmy, "the teacher gave me a fine compliment today." "Oh, did she?" said the delighted mother. "What did she say to you?" "Wen, she didn't exactly say any thing to me, but she told George he was the worst boy in school and that she liked even me better than him." Ladies Home Journal. SURE ' "You women are the limit. What's the idea in wearing furs in the sum mer time?" "Why, to keep our necks fromget tlngsunburned, of course," The Umbrella . Lis'en, Looie, you know that old gag, "What becomes of all the pins?" It's wrong; it should be, "What be comes of all the umbrellas?" Well say, Horace, that's a funny way to draw a picture of an um brella, having it standing without any support. No, It ain't, Lem, that's right; you try it some time, take an umbrella and'St&nd it on its tip and well bet some new scenery to a shine that it won't get a chance to fall, somebody will nab it even before you get all your hands off It 'v Umbrellas go quicker tfian money. There's just one case known where a fellow still has the first umbrella he bought, and that's Calabasha, the 23rd Egyptian prince of Weenie Weenie. He died 2006 years ago and had the umbrella buried up with him when he was bandaged Into a mummy. Now haven't you got a kind ct easy idea why these research guys are all digging and tunneling around in Egypt? o o A PROMISE "No, Bobble, you must not eat any more candy. It will make your teeth ache." "Aw, ma, please let me have a lit tle more and I'll promise not to cry when you take me to the dentisL'W N, Y. W-orld.