Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
HE AT LEAST LICKED THEM
Augustus Thomas looked thought
ful as he helped himself, to a tempt
ing bit of French pastry.
"What is it, Gus? Out with it!"
adjured a fellow diner at the famous
board of the Lambs' club in New
"I was only thinking," responded
the noted playwright, "of what hap
pened to me in Paris one day. I was
finishing off with pastry in a restau
rant where I frequently dined when
in Paris and I became considerably
interested in the little boys in white
caps and aprons who deliver the
goods of the pastry cooks.
"One morning one of these boys
brought me some cakes and I said
" 'Do you like the cakes, young
"He stared at me, but gave me no
" 'I suppose you get the benefit of
one of these cakes yourself some
times, don't you?' I persisted.
" 'Pardon, sir, I don't understand,'
"'Why, you eat a cake now and
then, don't you?' I said, trying to
make myself clear.
" 'Oh, eat them, sir?' he responded,
a light breaking over his face. 'No,
indeed, sir. that wouldn't do at all
I only lick them as I come along,
"I hear Jiggs has invented a new
"Yes, he finished it yesterday."
"Has he tested it yet?"
"No, hut he, seems to have a great
deal of confidence in it. He asked
me to try it and offered to pay my
funeral expenses in case I got killed."
N. Y. World. r
Irate Farmer Do you think you
own this road?
Motorist Dear me. no. There are
other motorists. Life.
n. y. a man what runs a store up
in harlem tryed to have a lady
pinched the other day & he went to
the stashun house where he told the
searg all about it & the cops gave
him a marry haw haw
this lady is verry smart & wood
just as soon cut off her rite hand as
to spill a few cents of spare change,
so when her little boy broke the lid
of a dish she had on the tabel he got
a spanking that he will remember for
some time & his ma set out for the
store where they sells dishes like that
& she picked out 1 which was like
hern & said i want to know how
much you wood charge for this with
out the lid & the storekeeper says
he dorit sell them that way usually
but we can if you are willing to pay
what'we ask for it
the dame says alrite, what do you
charge & he says 9S cents
& she says, my aint that a lot
when the whole thing with the lid
is only 1 dollar
well, he replyed, you see the lid
woodent be anny good to us for no
1 ever buys a lid aloan
i see, the dame said, so i will buy
the lid, here's your 2 cents, and she
beets it out
that what made the storekeeper
so mad & he said it will be a milliun
yeres befour i can get rid of the rest
of this dish for 98 cents.
HE WAS CONSISTENT
"My boy, I must congratulate you
on your consistency."
"Thank you, sir. I cr "
"Yes, sir; you've worked ho-e three
veeks and you haven't done any
thing right yet"