"Were you lonesome while I was
away, Bertram, dear?" asked his
wife when she returned from her trip
to the seashore.
"Yes, love, I was dreadfully .lone
some," replied Bertram.
"But why didn't you write to me
oftener? I had only two letters from
, you the whole time I was away."
"Well, you see, my dear, I tried to
write you, but I couldn't make the
letters sound cheerful, and I was
afraid you'd discover how lonesome'
. I was and come right home. I would
not- have spoiled your vacation for
the world, love."
And he really thought she believed
him. N. Y. World.
t LEAVE IT TO TOMMY
Tommy Tuck, after tucking away
three portions of glorious plum pud
ding, passed up his plate for a-fourth.
But Mr. Tuck said firmly:
"No, Tom. No more plum pud
k ding tonight, my boy. Don't you
" know you can't sleep on a full stom
"Well," whined Tommy, "can't I
sleep on my back?"
"James." said his father, sternly.
"You've been fighting again."
"I couldn't help it," sobbed the boy.
"Billy Jones said their new car could
go twice as fast as ours, and"
"Oh, well, that's different I
wouldn't expect a boy of mine to
take that kind of talk from any-
body." N. Y. World.
"Hurry, Tommy!" called mamma;
"we're late. Are your shoes on?"
"Yes, mamma, all but one!"
AINT NATURE WONDERFUL!
He Would your father and
mothen object if they knew I had
"She They never have. Life.
The Much Ado About Nothing
What's this supposed to be, Wal
ter, a circus acrobat taking hei
Not quite, Francisco. This is one
of the society contortionists that
hover around a tennis iournament or
a horse or dog show.
- They always sit around as though
their ankles are caught in their hair
pins. Bathing beaches are tame com
pared to a tennis tournament.
They always have their picture
taken' this way, even if they are built
like a .French hay stack. If they ever
had their pictures printed with both
feet on the ground and the skirts
covering the shoe laces, we bet some
druggist around town would get a
phone call for 10 cents' worth of cy
anide. Yes, Al, their banner reads: "Blue
Blood Aristocracy, Well Bred and
Wah! Haw! Heh! Heh! We can't
help lawfing, you know.
"I don't see why you should be so
angry just because I asked you to
go with me and help me to select a
hat It merely shows what con--fidence
I have in your good taste,
"Good taste be blowed ! You know
those salesladies can jolly me Into
paying twice as much for a hat as
you'd ever dare to pay if I wasn't
with you." N. Y. World.
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