Search America's historic newspapers pages from - or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the National Endowment for the Humanities external link and the Library of Congress. Learn more
title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, July 26, 1916, LAST EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
All ways to connect
Inspector General |
External Link Disclaimer |
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL!
new york a lawyer slips into the
offise the other day to spin some
yarns with the boss, it being too hot
for the boss to work so he hands his
work over to 1 of the clerks who
probly dont feal the heat so much
i tell you what, the lawyer says,
they are lots of men who cant tell
how old their wife is or what color
her hair is
o, you are way off, says the boss,
for a feller dasent tell how old his
wife is & most of them changes the
color of there hair so often that
there aint no use trying to lern the
color for like as not by nite she will
have it changed.
what color is your wife's eyes, the
feller ast my boss, & by golly the boss
that's it, the lawyer says, i had a
client the other day that came over
from long iland where he has farmed
for manny yeres with his wife
the old boy wanted to make his
will & i started to rite it until we
comes to the wife's name & then i
says to him, what is your wife's
name & by george he stopped and
thought for a long time & coodent
think what her 1st name was
i said to him, thinking he cood re
member it that way, go to the door
& pretend to call upstares aWier like
you do at home
he goes to the door and yells
say you, aint you never coming
he had been calling her say you
for go Ions he forgot Jier rite mime.
The Tough Bird
Behold a hard boiled guy, with a
pill hanging on his lip, bands in his
pockets, no necktie, and wearing a
cap on his left shoulder.
He walks around stoop-shouldereo
and drags his feet like a fly doing a
"Weston" over fly paper.
What's the! matter with the boob,
Arthur; what's the idea in trying to
be a bad guy; what is he going to get
out qf i?
Oh, he thirtks it just the candy to
be hard-boiled; he imagines people
admire hlna for it
Tough birds always travel in
gangs; they likevto get a name over
the surrounding territory as a bunch
of holy terrors, always looking for a
scrap and maybe they can't battle.
Why we've seen ten of these fear
less roughnecks go right in regard
less of danger and beat the daylights
out of a 50-year-old helpless peddler.
But if you ever met one of the
tough birds alone away from hia
gang he'd have a yellow streak that
would make the milky way look like
a crack on the head of a pin.
No, Raymond, don't wallop the
next tough bird you see on the head
or you'll get your hand full of slivers.
Young Husband Darling, I have
a confession to make: My salary is
30 per cent less than I told you be
fore we were married.
Young Wife Oh, that's all right,
Tonu X calculated, on fifty. Judee.