"I wasn't always like this, lady,"
said the wayfarer at the back door.
"They was a time when I had every
thing money could buy."
"You poor man! How did you come
"I'll tell you, lady. My wife used
to keep me on the go all the time.
One week it would be Newport and
the next it would be Palm Beach or
the Adirondacks or else Europe, ac
cordin' to where the society folks
happened to be goin'. We spent all
our money that way, and when it
was all gone I was so used to travel
in' that I just naturally couldn't
stop, so I took to trampin'." N. Y.
SLOW, BUT SURE
The cabby and the chauffeur had
a slight altercation and-the former,
in approved sarcastic style, inquired:
"And what's that pretty thing
stuck on the Bide?"
"Why, that's a spare rim and tire
in case any of the wheels go wrong
as any sensible man knows."
"Well, I've drove 'osses for nigh on
twenty years, an I never carried a
spare leg for one of 'em yet!"
HANDLE WITH CARE
Harold had eaten most generous
ly of good things and ended a day of
feasting and mirth by curling up in
the corner of the fireplace and em
barking for the Land of Nod. When
some one discovered and picked him
up to carry him off to bed, he opened
one sleepy eye to caution them: k
"Put me in bed, but don't bend
"Ma husband's very po'ly, ma'am.
He's got dat exclamatory rheuma
tism." "You mean inflammatory, Martha.
Exclamatory is from exclaim, which
means to cry out."
"Yes, ma'am, dat's what it is. He
boilers if any one goes near him."
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL
The Practical Joker
Heh! Heh! Heh! Wah-Heh! Heh!
Why all the merry guffaws, stupid'
We just can't restrain ourselves
from lawfing at the merry antics of
the practical joker, he's so clever and
We think you should be spouting
sympathy forthis rummy instead of
the tickle exhausts. He's the feeble
minded Luke that wears the trick
flower and tells you put your horn
down and smell it, then he presses a
bulb that squirts rain up in your
He's the rummy that puts drinking
water on the bookkeeper's chair
when he goes to answer the phone.
Always has some clever little stunt
where his victim is a full-bearded an
gora, but when somebody changes
the act and uses him for the nanny.
Oh! His record rattles off thusly:
"That's a dirty trick. I don't mind a
joke, but that ain't no joke; a joke's
a joke, but that's dirty," etc.
AND RARER, TOO
"Pop," inquired little Clarence
Lilywhite, "what am a millennium?"
"Sho!" said his parent "Doan'
yo' know what a millennium am,
chile? It's jes' about de same as a
centennial, on'y it's got mo' legs."
Ladies' Home Journal.
She Here is a woman who got
married, deserted her husband and
eloped, all in one day.
He What delayed her? Judfi.
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