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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, August 01, 1916, LAST EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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TO CHECK THE HIRED MAN
"I'll be mighty glad when my boy
h gets back home, said Farmer
"You need him around the farm?"
"I Bhould say so."
"Is he such a wonderfnj worker?"
"I wouldn't think of askln' Josh to
"Then why do you need him?"
"The hired man's puttin' on so
much airs there ain't hardly no livin'
with him. Josh is the only person
that ever come around here that kin
beat him playin' checkers."
O RELATION TO WEBSTER
Sk here," said the head of the
addressing the new stenogra
"this letter is wrong. Your
tihctUation is very bad and your
allihg is worse. I can't afford to
send out any such stuff to my cli
"Well," she replied, "I'm sorry if
my work don t suit you, but was you
expecting to get a Mrs. Noah H.
Webster for $13 a week?"
A SCOTCH RETORT
A Scotchman visiting In America
stood gazing at a fine statue of Geo.
Washington, when an American ap
proached. IfThat was a great and good man,
Sandy," said the American. "A lie
never passed his lips.
"Well, said the Scot, "I pray-
sume he talked through his nose like
the rest of ye."
A CONVINCING ARGUMENT
Policeman What are you stand
ing 'ere for?
h Loafer Nuffink.
Policeman Well, just move on. If
everybody was to stand in one place,
how would the rest get past?
UP OR DOWN
First Senior I'm going to marry
a poor girl and settle down.
Second Senior Better marry a
Wch girl and settle up.
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL!
What's he running for, Rube? A
mad dog after him?
Mad dog me eye. A mad dog
couldn't run fast, enough to catch up
to this "Luke." It's the first of the
Oh he's going: after the rent,
Why of course not, senseless, he's
hotfooting to tell his tenants that the
decorators will be around the' next
day to massage the house, and he
wants to find out If they all have suf
ficient' screens, or how they'd like to
have a sleeping porch built on the
back of the house or whether the
plumbing is in first-class shape, or
about putting' in a set of new win
No, he's not running after the rent!
In fact, it's probably slipped his mind.
That's a regular stunt with land
lords. AW, say! Roll over, Walter, you're
QUICK AID NEEDED
Beggar I have a sick wife; could
you help me out?
Stranger I can give you a job
Beggar Too late! She'll be able
to go to work herself by then.
"She trumped his ace."
"Did he say anything?"
"He couldn't have said more if he
had been married to her."