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Newspaper Page Text
ENCOURAGING "The doctor told me I'd have to lay off work for a month or so." "Yes?" "But I told him if I did I'd lose my job and probably wouldn't be able to pay my bilL" "What did he say then?" ' "He said I could give him my note, and he'd collect it from my life in surance'." N. Y. World. o o SOME HERO "I forgot myself and spoke angrily to my "wife," remarked Mr. Meek ten. "Did she resent it?" "For a moment. But Henrietta is a fair-minded woman. After she thought it over she shook hands with me and congratulated me on my bravery." NO CONFIDENCE IN HIM Physician Well, but if your little pig won't grow big and fat you must go to the vet Woman (who has brought her pet pig to the doctor) Oh, doctor, I have no confidence in him, he's so thin himself. AT THE COTILLION Soph Your girl is a wonderful dancer but for two things. Junior (elated at compliment paid his girl) Yes, I think so, too, but what are the two things? ,Soph (beating a hasty retreat) Her feet AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL! WHAT HAPPENED "What happened to the nest egg Smithers set aside when he mar ried?" "It hatched into alimony." Judge. o o WHAT IT WAS WORTH "Miserly offered the man who saved his -life half a doller." "Did the man accept it?" "Yes, but he handed Miserly 20 ents change." i v The Fly Why is everybody strong on swafc ting the fly? Don't you know? Well, Harry, hark! The fly can go and have anything in the world without paying for it It works like this: Mr. Fly is fhown sitting in a box seat just above the knuckle on the left hind leg of a horse. He waits until the horse has kicked the 'dashboard as far as Cleveland oz some other remote place, trying ta unhook Mr. Fly from his roost Then Mr. Fly spots some corn cobs and watermelon rinds in a garbage can up the alley. "My," he says, "1 can still taste that whitefish head I had for supper last night; it's so an noying!" Then he volplanes down tc the coliseum of garbage. Then he inspects the house and ii any one is sleeping nothing delights the fly more than prancing all over their lips, which also acts as a blot ter for his dainty feet Well, now, don't you understand why fly-swatting is so popular? o o OFFENDED "Nowr see here," said the lawyer "before I take your case I want to know if you are guilty." "Am I guilty?" replied the prison er. "Wot d'yer s'pose? Dat I'd hire de most expensive lawyer in town ii I wuz innocent?" Judge, . . , .,, W. .LA.iA,.. LtJLJtot-dL-JjA