Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
"The doctor told me I'd have to lay
off work for a month or so."
"But I told him if I did I'd lose my
job and probably wouldn't be able to
pay my bilL"
"What did he say then?" '
"He said I could give him my note,
and he'd collect it from my life in
surance'." N. Y. World.
"I forgot myself and spoke angrily
to my "wife," remarked Mr. Meek
ten. "Did she resent it?"
"For a moment. But Henrietta is
a fair-minded woman. After she
thought it over she shook hands with
me and congratulated me on my
NO CONFIDENCE IN HIM
Physician Well, but if your little
pig won't grow big and fat you must
go to the vet
Woman (who has brought her pet
pig to the doctor) Oh, doctor, I
have no confidence in him, he's so
AT THE COTILLION
Soph Your girl is a wonderful
dancer but for two things.
Junior (elated at compliment paid
his girl) Yes, I think so, too, but
what are the two things?
,Soph (beating a hasty retreat)
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL!
"What happened to the nest egg
Smithers set aside when he mar
ried?" "It hatched into alimony." Judge.
WHAT IT WAS WORTH
"Miserly offered the man who
saved his -life half a doller."
"Did the man accept it?"
"Yes, but he handed Miserly 20
Why is everybody strong on swafc
ting the fly?
Don't you know? Well, Harry,
The fly can go and have anything
in the world without paying for it
It works like this: Mr. Fly is fhown
sitting in a box seat just above the
knuckle on the left hind leg of a
He waits until the horse has kicked
the 'dashboard as far as Cleveland oz
some other remote place, trying ta
unhook Mr. Fly from his roost
Then Mr. Fly spots some corn cobs
and watermelon rinds in a garbage
can up the alley. "My," he says, "1
can still taste that whitefish head I
had for supper last night; it's so an
noying!" Then he volplanes down tc
the coliseum of garbage.
Then he inspects the house and ii
any one is sleeping nothing delights
the fly more than prancing all over
their lips, which also acts as a blot
ter for his dainty feet Well, now,
don't you understand why fly-swatting
is so popular?
"Nowr see here," said the lawyer
"before I take your case I want to
know if you are guilty."
"Am I guilty?" replied the prison
er. "Wot d'yer s'pose? Dat I'd hire
de most expensive lawyer in town ii
I wuz innocent?" Judge,
. . , .,, W. .LA.iA,.. LtJLJtot-dL-JjA