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Newspaper Page Text
An American stopping at a London
hotel rang several times for attend
ance, but no one answered. He start
ed for the office in an angry mood,
which was not improved when he
found that the "lift" was not run
ning. Descending two nights of
stairs he met one of the chamber
maids. "What's the matter with this dash
ed hotel?" he growled.- "No one to
answer your call and .no elevator
"Well, you see, sir," said the maid,
"the Zeps were reported and we were
all ordered to the cellar for safety."
" !" ejaculated the American.
"I was on the fifth floor and I wasn't
"No, sir," was the bland reply.
"But you see, sir, you don't come
under the employers' liability act,
MAKES NO DIFFERENCE
"Boots by Smith, costumes by
Robinson, wigs by Jones, scenery by
Dingbat," muttered the man in the
"What are you driving at?" asked
"Jm trying to discover who wrote
SAME OLD ANSWER
We gazed pityingly on the listless
drug clerk leaning against the soda
"Haven't you any ambition?" we
queried kindly and all that.
"No," he replied, with brightening
Intelligence, "but I have something
just as good."
Dora had just returned from Sun
day school, where she had been for
"What did my little daughter learn
this morning?" asked the fond fa
ther. "That I am a child of Satan," was
the b'eaming reply. Life,
AINT NATURE WONDERFUL!
A jury is an institution for learn
ing the game of pinochle. Twelve
men make up a jury and like a dozen
of hen fruit there is usually a couple
of flooie ones.
A jury is a mixture of celluloid
collars, ready-made ties, diamond
scarf pins, men who work and floor
walkers. Picking a jury is like trying to
count all the flivvers along the-avenue.
Subpoenas are sent out to dif
ferent citizens. Some men are so
healthy they've never had an ear
ache, but they suddenly get violently
ill when a subpoena breezes their
A jury is a queer bunch. For in
stance, a pretty woman is on trial
for murder Iri the first degree for
flooring her husband with an ax and
then pushing a piano over on him.
Her plea is self-defense because
her Jiusband endangered her life by
shaking her finger at her. All she
has to do is beam radiant smiles at
each of the jurors and it's all over
She's as innocent as the guys that
fall for no-decision fights.
But let some poor goof who cop
ped a loaf of bread get run in and
what happens? Oh, lo! la! Two
years up the road for that, Luke.
ALL WANT IT ,
ButcherWhat kind of a cut of
meat do you prefer, ma'am?
Customer (bitterly) A price cut.