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Newspaper Page Text
r HURCH NOT PROPER PLACE
A well-known vicar gives a curi
ous experience which is well worth
relating. It was his custom to point
his sermons with either "Dearly be
loved brethren" or "Now, my
brothers," until one day a lady mem
ber of the congregation took excep
tion to this, and asked him why he
always preached to the gentlemen
and never to the ladies.
"My dear lady," said the beaming
vicar, "one embraces the other."
"But not in church!" was the reply
of the astonished lady.
HOW HE FELT
The conditions in the trenches
were dreary in the extreme after the
drenching and long-continued rain
fall, but the irrepressible spirits of
the "Pals" were not yet entirely
quenched when the order came to
leave the trenches.
"Hurry up out of this, my gallant
soldiers" was the cheery call of the
sergeant to his waist-deep and rain
"Soldiers!" came the derisive an
swer from one "of them. "I'm not a
soldier; I'm a blooming bulrush'!"
For three successive nights New
pop had walked the floor with, the
baby. On the fourth night Ije be
- came desperate and bought a bottle
of soothing syrup.
"Why, James," exclaimed his wife, J
when she saw the bottle, "what did
you buy that for? Don't you know
it is very dangerous to give a child
anything like that?"
"Don't worry," was her husband's
reply. "I'm going to take it myself."
"Did you have a good time at the
Sunday school picnic, Jimmie?"
"Betcher life I did. I fell in the
lemonade barrel and after that no
body wanted to drink any except
me." N. Y. World.
AIN'T. NATURE WONDERFUL!
The head is a ong structure com
manding the altitude record of the
It just acts as a knob to keep the
backbone from unwinding.
Most heads are just used as a
place for a hat to rest on. The only
thing that comes out of the majority
oi neaas is nan:.
There are many kinds of -heads,
fat heads, flat heads, boneheads and
wrestlers. You really couldn't call
it a head with any of thevabove, it's
just a. kind of blemish on the shoul
ders,' so to speak.
Tb,e original idea for a head was -a
piece of machinery for thinking,
but they're not using 'em for that
purpose any more.
Especially as is the case with the
clowned heads of Europe. When
waste gets caught in the gears, you
ICE CAKES IN LAKE
Conneaut, O. Conneaut, Harbor
has been mystified by the appearance
in Lake Erie near shore of cakes of
Ice. It is thought possible it may be
artificial ice dropped from some