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Newspaper Page Text
HOW DID SHE DO IT?
A feto,Ut vanan with, considerate
nalure had ' cultivated the habit of
buying twb seats fyhen she intended
to visit a theater? In this manner
she hoped always to remain in com
fort without annoying any one by
On- one occasion she handed an
attendant her two tickets, as usual.
The attendant scrutinized them,
then looked at her.
"Who is going to occupy the other
"I am going to occupy them both,
sir!" retirted the lady indignantly.
"Very good, ma'am; but the seats
are on opposite sides of the aisle!"
A GOOD WORD FOR HIMSELF
Benevolent Individual Yes, sir; I
hold that when a man makes a little
extra money his first duty is to make
his wife a present of a handsome
Stranger You are a social philos
opher, I presume?
Benevolent Individual No, I'm a
dry goods merchant.
NOT BUILT FOR THAT
"My daughter reminds me of the
Venus de Milo. She's good to look
"But It wouldn't be any uBe to call
on her to help wash dishes."
"Husband I wonder why 11 the
misers we read abouTare old bach
elors? - v N
Wife Oh, marriedmlsers are so
.common they're not worth mention
ing. WHAT PA SAID
Hector What did your father say
when you told him I was a war cor
respondent Imogene He said, he would give
you something to write about, if you
didn't leave early tonight .,. ,
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL!
A wedding is a one-act drama or,
by rights, a "hot sketch" where a
couple agree to split 50-50 for life
with "corn beef and" for better or
for worse, whichMO times out of 9 is
A wedding is always a cue for a
couple of "dear girl friends" to faint
(that's always good stuff). The
motheralways cries (for j6y) "at'
last we're rid of Mabel; now we can
paper the front room."
Thejold man lights into the wed
ding cigars and says to himself:
"Sweet mackerel! I'll be glad when
the whole thing is over. This collar
has my Adam's apple rollin' aroun'""
the roof of my mouth, an' these
shoes OY! an' this trick scenery I
am wearin'. I look like a phoney
During the ceremony the bride
groom gets all bawled up, loses his
voice and everything. But not the
bride. She retains the vocal stuff al
ways. The "best man" is the "brain
man" he has to do the thinking for
the bridegroom during the cere
mony. The bridegroom is only there
Berore the ceremony the bride
groom always gets cold feet and
wishes he could go there in "spirit."
You know what "we mean, Ed.
Ralph E. Lewis is having-his block .
painted. It will be a great improve
ment. PJattsburg,. N. Y., Press.