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vwwfvwpvqmp rwmw r , THE PRAYER HE NEEDED The following amusing Incident was witnessed the other day at a London railway terminus. A Salva tion Army lassie was selling The War Cry at the windows of the trains. In one of the compartments were a number of "knuts," and one of them, thinking to have some fun at the ex pense, of the sister, asked her if she would offer up a word of prayer for him. Rising to the occasion, the sister put her hand on his head and to the amusement of thpse within hearing distance, replied: . "Oh, Lord, make this young man's heart as soft s his head." r o o HAD TO USE HIS HANDS Ephum Johnson was up before the judge on a cruelty to animal charge. " 'Deed Ah wasn't abusin' dat mule,' jedge," the old man demurred. "Did you not strike it repeatedly with a club." "Yessah." "And do you not know that you can accomplish more with animals by speaking to them?" "Yessah; but dis critter am diff'nt He am so deef he can't heah me when Ah speaks to him in de usual way, so Ah has to communicate wid hm in de sign language." NO SPEED MERCHANT f Gloom (in restaurant, having waited 15 minutes for his soup) Waiter, have you ever been to the zoo? ' Waiter No, sir. Gloom WelL you ought to go. You'd enjoy watching the tortoises whiz past o o - HE OWNS UP "Simple Simon went aflshing in his mauler's pail." "Not so simple a,t that," declared the amateur sportsman. "I've spent time and money getting to a place where the likelihood of catching fish was no whit greater." L AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL! A'Bull Head Arrows point to the theme of this Chautauqua. A bullhead is a one-way piece of machinery without a reverse gear. A bullhead is a goof, who, when -told something for his own good, sniffs at you and says: G wan, yub poor Luke, I know what I'm doin'," and when you come down' to pol ished tacks he doesn't know what he's doing any more than a wrestler. Wjsa guys aay: "It takes two to make a fight," but Norman, it only takes on bullhead to start something. The prizewinning bullheads are the crown wearers of Europe. Just look what the rattling of the royal bullheads has started. Science has it fixed now so &at if anybody is shy in the knot they can remedy it by overhauling the brain, but the bullheads will have to go on the way they are. Why is that, Os wald? Shh! Jake! (bullheads ain't got no brains.) o o CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE "I wouldn't o' had no trouble wif de constable ner nobody," said Eras tus Pinkley, "if it hadn't been for woman's love o' dress." "What has dress got to do with it?" asked the jailer. " "My woman folks warn't satisfied to eat mos' of de chicken. Dey had to put de feathers in deir hats and parade 'em as circumstantial evii dence." - i - ,