Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1924 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
.. TOO SLOW
A Philadelphian was in New York
for the, firsjt time, determined to see
the slgfits and test every novelty.
The' sign "Snail Soup" outside a
Broadway restaurant caught hie eye.
fie entered. "What's this snail
soup?" he queried. "Have, you Teally
"Sure." The waitress 'questioned
him with her eyes. I
z 'Til takeNa (chance on a platehe
ordered. "" i
He ate with gusto down to thjr
lasp morsel and smacked Ms lips
ovet the new luxury. "Is It really
snail soup?" he asked. "Made from
The waitress nodded. "Didnjt you
ever eat it before?" .
"Never heard of it" She glanced
at him pityingly. "Where are you
"Philadelphia the city of broth
erly love, Liberty Bell and John
"Don't you have snails there?"
"Certainly vfk do," lie replied,
reaching for his hat "We do, but
we can't catchthem.'' Everybody's;
OPPOSITE VIEW '
"My husband and I will never
agree -on religious inatters."
"His idea of .heaven is a place
where women can't talk, and that's
my idea 6f the other place." N. Y,
Hub ''Look here, -Mary, it was
only last month Ipaid a dressmaker's
bill of $74, and here is another one
Wife "Well,, dear, doesn't that'
show that Tarn beginning to spend
"Can you tell me what a smile is?"
asked a" gentleman of a little girl.
- "Yes, sir; it's the whisper 'of a
laugh." , '
NAn egg is an egged-shaped object.
It id kept in this shape by a shell,
bitt after the shqll is rent asunder
the majority of eggs ark in anNawful
Columbus got into an argument
with some boneheads and asked if
they, could make an egg stand on its
Being boneheads and unable to
think (like politicians), they didn't
know how. 4
SO he just took the egg an"d brpke
one end .and stood Jfr up.
Ah! ha! now we know how Chris
found out theworld was round. That
egg was one of those eggs that did
not improve with age- and Chris hot
footed down to the beach, 'hopped
into a launch and chugged and rowed
and sailed trying to get away from
the horrific aroma of the egg.
Before he knew it he had sailed
clean 'round the world, and came
back on the other side pf his native-1
spaghetti land. Hurry up, George,
produce the needle!
"Papa, the little hoy next door says
his father wants yto know if he can
use our lawn mower ior a little
"Yon may tell the little boy, Bob
ble, to tell bis father that we shall be
glad to let him usfe our mower when
ever he likes, but be sure to tell him
ha mustn't take it out of our yard."