OCR Interpretation


The day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, September 06, 1916, LAST EDITION, Image 17

Image and text provided by University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL

Persistent link: http://chroniclingamerica.loc.gov/lccn/sn83045487/1916-09-06/ed-1/seq-17/

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LEAVE IT- TO THE DONKEY
Sandy Macleod and his donkey-
were well known in the country
which gave them birth, and the two
were on very friendly terms. Sandy
would not have exchanged his "cud
dy" for the best thoroughbred in the
land.
Going out for a ride one day re
cently he resolved to, make his
"moke" jump a stream. He applied
the whip and the animal galloped to
the edge of the bank and then
stopped so suddenly that Sandy was
thrown to the other side of- the
water.
When he had sufficiently recovered
from the shock he rose and looked
the donkey in the face.
"Verra weel pitched," he' said,
"but hoo are ye gaun tae get ower
yersel'?"
o o
THE WORST POSSIBLE
Jones (to his grocer) You seem
angry, Mr. Brown.
Brown I am. The inspector of
weights and measures has just been
in.
Jones Ha, ha! He caught you
giving 15 ounces to the pound, did
he?
Brown Worse than that. He sai8
I'd been giving 17.
o o
A HIT-AND-RUN EGG
" "When I arose to speak," related
a martyred statesman, "some one
"hurled a base, cowardly egg at me
and it struck me on the chest."
"And what kind of an egg might
that be?" asked a fresh young man.
r "A base, cowardly egg," explained
the statesman, "is one that hits you
and then runs."
HE WAS TRYING ENOUGH
"Dear sir," wrote the anxious
mother, "I am afraid Johnny isxnot
trying enough."
"Dear madam," replied the ha
rassed teacher, "I assure you that
Johnny is quite trying enough. He
is the most trying in the class."
AIN'T. NATURE WONDERFUL!
atftfSrtHgW-
A Caddie
Say, Norman! What's harder to
find than a fresh egg, an honest law
yer or'a square foot of ground with
out a flivver on it? Aw, gee, George,
go easy! D'ye give up? Sure we
do, there ain't nothin'harder. Is that
so? Well, here it is. A real Caddie.
What's " a real caddie," Eddie? "A
real caddie," Clarence, is one whos
right on the job, is down the course
when you drive off, keeps 'his glims
on the ball, doesn't laugh and talk
about your bum playing to the other
caddis, and most of all, at the end
of' the game, when you say, "Well,
Pete, how much do I owe you'" he
says right out, "Two bits, Mr. John
stone." instead of the regular gag,
"I dunnoV' Well, Oswald, that's our
idea of a regular caddie. You'd bet
ter spend the time looking for your
lost golf balls, Luke, than sleuthing
for that kind of a caddie, 'cause as
Julius Caesar once said to Vernon
Castle, "There ain't no sich animaL"
o o
NO LUCK WITH LOVE
Afary Love -never did bring me
any luck, mum.
Mrs. Smith Really, I fail to see
how that can concern me, Mary.
Mary-r-No, indeed, mum, only now
I've broken the statue of Venus.
o o
AS IT'S DONE NOW
"Professor, I want to take up in
ternational law. What course at
study would you recommend?"
"Constant target practice."
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