Search America's historic newspaper pages from 1789-1922 or use the U.S. Newspaper Directory to find information about American newspapers published between 1690-present. Chronicling America is sponsored jointly by the
National Endowment for the Humanities and the Library of Congress. external link Learn more
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
Newspaper Page Text
- THE QUICK-WITTED WAITER
A downtown city restaurant has
made its reputation uponbne waiter
who has neves yet been found want
ing to translate an drder into a lan
guage of his own, and he and the
cook understand each other abso
lutely. "One order of pea soup," one cus
"Splash of split peas," cries the
"Couple of doughnuts and a" cup
of coffee without cream," another
' "Two submarines and a mug of
murk no cow!" orders the waiter.
"An order of ham and eggs," says
"Roast two on a slice of squeal!"
the waiter shouts into the tube.
"Beef stew and a cup of tea for
me," a new arrival says.
"Bossy in a bowl boiled leaves on
the side!" sings the waiter.
"A dozen raw oysters," orders a
busy business man.
"Twelve alive on the shell!" shouts
"Where's my eggs on toast?" com
plains a man who has been waiting.
"Rush the biddies on a raft!" cries
"I want a rump steak rare," or
ders another man.
"Slab of moo let him chew it!"
the waiter calls.
"I want a bowl of tomato soup,"
ordered another man, "a plate of
beans bread and butter, a piece" of
apple pie and a glass of water." The
wafter seemed puzzled for an in
Btant; then he shouted into the tube
"One splash of red noise, platter of
Saturday nights, dough well done
with a cow to cover, Eve with a lid
on and a chaser of Adam's ale!"
Ladies' Home Journal.
o o -
A man may class his wife as a bird
of paradise during the honeymoon
and as a parrot laterin the game.
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL!
- The Old Man
"The old man" w the "guv'nor" is
the boss of the house, when he isn't
The only trouble with the "old
man" these days, according to his
"finishing school" daughters and his
roadster week-end" sons, is that he's
so old fashioned he's almost a nui
sance. When they've got callers, in. he
comes, pipe in his mug, In shirt
sleeves, no collar, a newspaper and
in his stocking feet, and says "hullo!"
and- shakes hands the old fashioned
He drinks coffee out of the saucer
and does a lot of other awful things.
Really, yknow, George, these pa
pahs ought to be shot so as to ac
commodate their sons and daughters.
But Luke, where does Myrtle go
when she wants a set of white fox
furs? And when Harold wants 10
gallons of gas or an extra tire, who
shakes up the gelt?
Oh! well, that's different.
HADN'T HARMED THEM
Visitor My good man, you keep
your pigs much too near the house.
Cottager That's just what the
doctor said, mum. But I don't see
how it's agoin to hurt 'em.
She What will people say when
they see me in this short skirt?
The Brute They'll probably say I
married you lor your money. Life