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title: 'The Day book. (Chicago, Ill.) 1911-1917, September 09, 1916, LAST EDITION, Image 17',
meta: 'News about Chronicling America - RSS Feed',
Image provided by: University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign Library, Urbana, IL
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DUES ENFORCED - .
' "I canna get ower it,!' a Scotch
farmer remarked to liis wife. "I-put
a twa-shlUln' piece ln-the plate atthe
kirk tils morning Instead o' ma usual
The beadle had -noticed ' the mis
take, and In silence he allowed the
"farmer to miss the plate for twenty
' three consecutive Sundays. s ',
On the twenty-fourth Sunday the
farmer again ignored the plate, but
the old beadle stretched the ladle in
front of him and, in a loud, tragic
whisper, hoarsely said:
, "Tour time's up noo, Sandy."
The man getting his hair cut no
ticed hat the barber's dog, which-
was. lying on tne -floor beside -the
chair, had his eyes fixed on his. mas
ter at work.
"Nice dog, that," said the cus
tomer. "He" is, sir."
"He seems very fond of watching
you cut hair."
"It ain't that, sir," explained the
barber. "You see, sometimes I make
a mistake and snip off a little bit of
a customer's ear." People's Home
Journal ' '
ALL THE SAME TO HER
- "See here, boss, I ordered tripe and
beans 'with coffee, and the waitress
has brought me a lettuce sandwich
and a cup of weak tea."
"You must excuse her, sir. All
due to absent-mindednes8. She'B a
former society eirl and she can't
seem fo grasp the idea that a qulck
lunch is not a. function."
"Edward," said his mother, t "I
want you to stop taking the baby's
toys away from him. It isn't a bit
nice of you to tease your UttIe
"I'm not teasing him, mother I'm
just trying to teach him to keep his
temper." N. Y. World.
AINT NATURE WONDERFULl
"What's on your mind besides your
liat, George? You lookj peeved!"
"Well, I'll tell you, 'Norman. I went
over to a restaurant to partake of
the noonday feed an I got a seat
alongside a couple of those wind-bag
"You have our sympathy, George.",
"Well, Joe, you should have heard
the salve those two Lukes were
spreading. It went thusly, out loud
so everybody could hear it: 'Say, Sol,
how did you come out in N Yawk
witfc that merchandise you had on
hand?' 'I had $10,000 worth tf goods
T.sold and got 25 per cent commis
sion Sample cases, pokez
game?, interest, stock; detail, lining,
texture, button holes, material
$,20,000 Waldorf hotel. I got the
20th Century Limited etc.' " "
Oh! Get me some water and a fan,
Eddie, before I go daffy trying to imi
tate them. Yes, Neil, theyhada
sandwich and a glass of milk.
, o o
SHE FURNISHED THE ROOM
"Wljen Jones bought' his new
house it was with the express under
standing that he should have a room
all of his own a den or study."
"Yes, I know what you mean. Did
he get it?"
"Yes, and his wife furnished it."
"How?" " ,
"With' a sewing machine, a cut
ting table, two dressers, dummies,
three sewing chairs and a full-length