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Newspaper Page Text
MIGHT BRING IN SOME BUSINESS
A young country doctor whose
businesa was not large sat in his
office reading when his henchman
"Them boys is a-stealin' of your
green apples agin, sir. Shall I drive
The doctor' considered a moment
and then, leveling his eyes at his
servant responded: i
"No." Ladies' Home Journal.
'-o o '
NOT SERVED THERE
The applicant for coojc was untidy
an insolent in appearance.
"Don't hire her," whispered Jones
to his wife; "I don't like her looks."
"But," remonstrated his wife, "just
consider the reputation for cooking
"That doesn't matter," said Jones
testily; "we don't want any she-bears
cooked." Ladies' Home Journal.
A man from Kansas City, Mo., was
held up for a day in Topeka, Kan.,
the capital city ofthe mid-west pro
hibition state. Meeting a native on
the street the Missourian said:
"I beg your pardon, but can you
tell me where I can get a drink?"
"Sure," responded the Kansan
eagerly. "I can tell you where you
can get two drinks." Puck.
"Why," said she, "it's all nonsense
to say a woman can't buy her hus
band's cigars. As for me, I never have
the least difficulty."
"No? What's your systehi?,"she
"I take along a sample stump," she
said. "and there's never the least
trouble about matching the shade."
He My love, honestly I wonder
when God made you how he had any
thing left for the other angels.
She What I love about you, 'Jack,
Is that you never flatter. Judge.
AIN'T NATURE WONDERFUL!
By Gene Ahern
They call the Brooklyns the "Dod
gers" because they shy at the trol
leys, or, to make it more simple for
the masses, Neil, because they shun
the "jitney jockeys."
Tapping the wire on a Brooklyn
"Why, Bill, that boid Daubert at
foist is a poil Lookit 'im nip them
wings from thoid, no chin music
about it, Bud; he's a pink pon."
"Casey" Stengel is an unconscious
comedian. Hold your seats! Don't
cheer! He's not in vodeville. He's
rightfielder for the Flatbush Dodgers
in the land of rubber plants.
The guy who published that song
"There's plenty of room at the top is
dead wrong. Ask Gran'pap Robinson,
'"'Wheat Rises," says a headline
that caught our glims. If it's the
Wheat we're thinking about, Zach
Wheat, left fielder of the Dodgers,
the only way you can get a rise out
of him is to serve him a piece of pie
without the cheese.
Jake Daubert, first baseman of the
Trolley Boys, is the curbstone tie
salesman of the N. L. He can chime
more chin goods about nothing than
a dozen men in a penny stake
DIDN'T MIND THE BRICKS
It had been a very tiring case for
everybody concerned. The plaintiff
and the defendant were both country
men and had had to have everything
explained to them at least twice.
"Do I understand, my man," said
the magistrate at one point, "the de
fendant hurled invectives at you?"
The plaintiff scratched his head
wildly. Then slowly a look of un
derstanding dawned in his eyes as
"No, sir. To tell the truth, it was
duly bricks as he threw at me; but
wot I complain about was the terrible
way he swore at me when thej