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Newspaper Page Text
PROVED HIS POINT
The old Scotch professor was try
ing to impress upon his students the
value of observation.
"No," he complained, "ye dinna
use your faculties of observation. Ye
dinna use 'em. For instance "
Picking up a pot of chemicals of
horrible odor, he stuck his finger into
it, and then into his mouth.
"Taste of it, gentlemen," he com
manded, as he -passed the pot from
student to 'student.
After each had licked a finger and
had felt a rebellion through his whole
soul, the old professor laughed in tri
umph. "I told ye so!" he shouted. "Ye
dinna use your faculties of observa
tion! For if ye had observed ye
would ha' seen that the finger which
I stuck into th pot was-na' the finger
which I stuck into my mouth!"
HIS LAST WORDS
A detective was praising the truth
fulness of women.
"If war"bulletins were as truthful
as women," he said, "we'd have a
better idea of how this world strug
gle is readly going.
"I remember a case the other,, day
it's interesting in its revelation of
woman's truthfulness the case of a
husband who had disappeared.
"Questioning the wife, I said to
" 'And now, madam, tell me this
is very important tell me what your
husband's very last words were when
" 'His last words,' - the truthful
creature answered with a blush,
'were, "For heaven's sake, shut
NOT THE GREATEST NEED
"Do you like your new little sis
ter, Tommy?" asked the doctor.
- "Oh, yes," replied, Tommy. "She's
all right, but there are a lot of things
we needed more." Ladies' Home
ATTA BoM-CMON: WUVS THE
STATUE OP UBCKTY REMND NOU
j. A 600D
The hard-working fancy dealer
had vainly ransacked the whole of his
shop in his efforts to please an old
lady who wanted to purchase a pres
ent for her granddaughter. For the
fifteenth time she picked up and
critically examined a neat little
"Are you quite sure that his is a
genuine alligator skin?"
"Positive, madam," quoth the deal
er. "I shot the alligator myself."
"It looks rather soiled," said the
"That, madam, is where it struck
the ground when it fell off the tree,"
. yi,i umsummty tti rfa'cLa'i