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Newspaper Page Text
Co to it, kids! Slews of skatingH
places were frozen Thursday.
Now you can be thankful you
haven't' got an automobile. It's too
blamed cold to ride in one.
There is always the brfght side of
a thing if a fellow will only look long
enough tq find it
If this peace talk keeps on and
eventually develops into something
real, a lot of the so-called war brides
will be getting a divorce.' '
And peace is much more likely to
send a cold chill up stock gamblers'
spines than the chizzly weather is.
Eight more days and we'll get two
days vacation in succession: Sunday
It is often .cold enough on the in
side of a street car, but think of the
Might be a great idea to canvass
the trenches in Europe and let the
men who are doing the actual fight
ing vote on'the peace proposition.
The king was in tse counting-room
counting out his money; the queen
was in the parlor eating bread and
honey; the common people were in
the trenches, flehtine: . like heck:
along came some bullets and shot'
'em in the necK.
Now will the H. C. of,L. please
make some peace proposals?
People in need of -free advertising
can always get arrested.
Copenhagen. Public vote on ques
tion of selling Danish West Indies to
United States resulted in votg of
283,000 in favor of sale to 157,000
Davenport, la. O. L. Susemihi,
real estate man accused of bribing
aldermen, committed suicide. Left
note involving two aldermen in bri
bery. Washington. Postmaster Gen.
Burleson expects to spend greater
part of $100,000 appropriation for
experimental aerial mail service on
air mail route from Chicago to New
York. . . .
New York. Marine insurance rate
up to from 8 to 15 per cent, highest
since just after beginning of war.
London. Since Saturday majority
of boilermakers in shops of Liver
pool have been on strike. Want
more wages and less overtime work.
Berlin. Meximum price that may
be charged for .horse meat set at 39
cents a pound.
' o o ,
THIS GEM OF GREAT HILARITEE
WAS NOT COMPOSED BY J.MANEE
New York, Dec. 15. The teeth
were false, the tale is true, but what
else could the poor man do? He paus
ed upon a public place and took them
out to rest his face. Two boys thenV
nipped them from his pocket to get
the gold therefrom and hock it. Men,"
boys and teeth wer& haled to court
and -eke a crowd to see the sport.
"For evidence," said old Judge Bro- ,
phy, "I'll keep this pilfered molar tro
phy." Just then the toothless wit
ness grabbed 'em and in their proper
place, he jabbed -'em. "Dismiss the
case," he told the judge, "the evi
dence is eating fudge." And draw-,
ing forth a nickel sack, he went his ,
way. Alas! Alack! The moral of
this tale should be: Don't wear your
eyebrow on your knee!
- o o 1
HAD' FORTUNE INSIDE,' BUT
NOTHING TO EAT ON ,
Jim Williams is a hard-luck guy.
Last night" he gave himself up to the
police here because he didn't have a
bite to eat. .
He copped a diamond in Dallas,
Tex., about two years ago, swallow
ed the jewel, was captured and sent
up for two years. But the diamond,
worth $10,000, was never extracted.
Jim jumped ., jail, skipped to Chi
cago and had to give up because ho
was starving to edath with $10,000.
worth of "jewelry in his bread basket