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Newspaper Page Text
MARRIED MEN ARE LIARS! THEY KNOW HOW
TO FIGHT AND DON'T MIND WOMAN'S TEARS
East Orange, N. J.f Jan. 15. Mrs.
Anna chofield just chuckled and
chuckled today when, asked to ex
plain her statement that "you can
always tell a married man by his
t, actions." v
, Mrs. Schofield is the East Orange
mother-in-law who just naturally
knew her daughter's husband had
another wife stowed away some
where. She suspected that of Capt. Sel
wyn Joyce of Boer war fame from
the first; and after he married daugh
ter Dorothy, Mather Schofield pooh
poohed his claim to bachelorhood
arid sniffed out his other marriage
record in far ff New Zealand.
Dorothy's marriage ' now stands
annulled and' wife Number One is
waiting her divorce suit to jell, all
due to mother Schofield's eagle eye
"You can see it in their faces," she
said today. "It sticks "out all over
"Marriage brands a' man as plain
as a hot iron on a cow's hip. I saw
'wife' written on the slick Mr. Joyce
the first 'time I ever set eyes on him.
He was too considerate around the
house to te a 39-year-old bachelor.
"Like all average married men, he
was an, artistic liar in a- small way
about things wives like to be lied to
about. As to his further accomplish
ments in this respect, I say nothing,
but that he copld prajse coffee that
everybody knew was vile in such a
way that it tasted good.
"Like his brother henedio.tn. ho
knew how to praise his wffe's taste.N
whether good or bad. If a married
man says something about another
woman he doesn't neglect to say
something a little nicer about his
wife.x That was Joyce.
"He had habits of cleanliness' and
care about the house that no bach
elor of 39 ever had. He didn't throw
his clothes on the floor," nor leave
things cluttered up behind him. He
showed in a thousand little ways that
a wife wasn't new to him. ,
"Take tears, for instance. Tears
break a newly and never before mar
ried man's heart. He gets all excited
about them. But they rolled off that
man's back like wate? off a duck.
"I kept quiet about my suspicions
until oneNday he and Dorothy were
fighting. He fought like a married
man. He knew when to talk and
when to shut up.
" 'Selwyn,' said I, interrupting
them, 'I wouldn't be surprised if
you've been married, before.'
" 'You can't prove it,' says he, get
ting red and k turning round real
quick I told him 'I'd just show him, i
which I did.
"Not long after we, got the goods
on him he came in with an empty
poison bottle and said he'd swallowed
poison and was going to die and
would we shake hands and tell him
"We said we'd be glad to if he
really had taken the poison. But
when they used the stomach pump
on him at the hospital it was as we"
suspected. They didn't find anything
but free lunch. . '
"You can tell a married man every
time. They show where the harness
has rubbed. "v
By Mrs. Anna Schofield.
"It shows ip their faces.
"They are considerate around the
"They are artistic liars about
things wives like to be lied-to about.
"l they say something nice about
other women they say .something
nicer about their wife.
"A woman's tears don't bother
"During a family tiff, they know
when to talk and when to keep still."
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