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J. Brown & (^o. Dealers In Land Office nd Residence Opposite Poplar Avenue, Phoebus, Virginia. NOTARY WITH SEAL. Lock Box 225 Hampton, Va. On the Back River Road to the Right 350 feet from the C. & O. Railroad tracks, signs 11 around It, we have 100 Lots or more graded, laid out" in streets, 300 trees plan'.ed; look at it. We call It ?H^inickei*? If you want an honest bargain in lots, to speculate, or build, see XI r. Heintckel. the Baker of Phoebus, or come to me. Either of us will put j'ou on the ground floor, as to prices. There can be no "handicaps" or "back caps" about this. W? win ->n the first few lots at cost, and give you your own terms. This property is owned by A. Heinickel and the undersigned. S. J. Brown & Co., PHONE 453 PHOEBUS. VA. LOCK BOX 225 HAMPTOM, VIRGINIA Geo. M . Peek. (Mem. A. S. M. E.) Mectianlcal and Civil Engineer Installation and tests of gas and steam engines, boilers and electrical machin? ery. Surveys, maps, plats, estimates on excavations and grading. ?Phone 423. HAMPTON, VA. property "some day." Don't procrastinate. To-morrow nev? er comes but an accident or a fire or something else unfireseen and unexpect? ed may come and perhaps cause finan? cial difficulties. _ Immunity from loss by fire .flood or tornado can be -urchased for a small sum of money. Why not be an immune? MARYE & BOYENT0N, Room No. 1 Braxton Building. FOR SALE?FINE SINGING IMPORT ed Canary birds. Lin? nets & Goldfinches: fresh seeds, plain or mixed, fo. all kinds of birds. Also cage.-,, all sizes, cage fix? tures and material for cages. All birds guaran? teed. G. ALBERT LENZ. 2500 Jefferson Avenue. . For Salt, 60"" We have 300 acres of land right at Morrison depot, Chesapeake & Ohio Railway, with brick yard and railway siding on the property?for sale at a bargain. Also 18G acres of woodland with nici Swelling on it at Windsor Station Price, $1,000; one-half cash. Many other great bargains in proper? ty around Hampton. Call at once to se us. a GiaiDorne, Bros., REAL ESTATE AGENTS. King Street. HAMPTON. VA HE NORFOLK & WASHING TON STEAMBOAT COMPANY Tb? New Be.' .Powerful Iron Palae Stean.<-" Vc ? t!.. rt Wv= Washlmr*'" and Nort.ilk ?111 leave dally a? fo lows: NORTH ROi'vp Steal-"*"-- leave Portsmouth, foot of N.irth street at. 5:00 p. - Leavf Norfolk, toot of Mathews strei i at . 5:45 p. n. Leave ? -Id Point at . 6:45 p. n Arriv Washington nt . 7:00 a n B & O R. B PENN., R. R. Lv. Washington ai s on ? m * 0(>h Ar. Philadelphia at.11:00 a m.10:50 a r Ar. N> w York a! r 25 p m.. 2:15 p r South bound. B * O R. R. Penn R P Lv. New York at_11:3. am. 1:00 p p Lv. Philadelphia ?4 ! :33 p m. .2:18 p n Ar. ir Washinciop 4-H? p m..tf:18 p n Steamer* '..*-?<> 'Vashington a* *-3<* i< - Arrive I-"..'-tress Monroe at_ 7:00 * n Arrive Norfolk af . 8:00 an Arrive at Portsmouth at . 8:30?? .i The trip down the historic Potomac river and Chesapeake Bay on the ele gant steamers of this company is as surpassed. The steamers are compar atively new, having been built In 1891 and are fitted up In the most luxur! ant manner, with electric lights, cal bell, and steam heat In each rooir The tables are supplied with every df llcacy of the season from the marke of Washington and Norfolk. For further information apply to n J. CALLA HAN, A.-e-v Encou ap Home Industry Dealers can increase-their sales 50 per cent by pushing the celebrated EL MflRGO, The best 5 cent cigar on earth. New? port News Cigar Co. Factory, No. 2402 Washington avenue. P. O. Box 95. AND Or, in other words satis? faction and a paving of 25 oer cent warranted to every? body. We quote you just a few items, which will prove interesting reading t<>r Holiday BiWe> HANDKERCHIEFS In linen, silk, initial and Jauanette. MEN'S GLOVES] Kid, Mocha, Fur Top, Scotch Wool and As? trachan. MEN'S SHIRTS All styles, all colors all qualities at right price-". UNDERWEAR A large and varied as? sortment from cotton iu the lluest Australian Wool. NECKWEAR The handsomest and most complete line in evvry po.-sible shape, CLOTHING This line needs scarce? ly any mention, as the public well knows that lor durability, Beauty und economy there i bllt one place to go. HATS Of every description and color, strictly up to dat .1 ' LOUIS F. LIVEPIGHT, Mgr, 30 W. Cucen St., Hampton, Va Look for kki> fjiont A UNDOUBTEDLY ^ ? IT WILL PAY* I ? YOU ? TO INVEST MONFY j IN NEWPORT NEWS PRO- V PERTY. SIX YEARS EX- ? PERIENOE AND J STUDY ff OF THE CITY MAKE US CAPABLE OF ADVIS- ? ING YOU. ? WHERE? Multord & Edmunds, 135 25th btreet I EAT AT Meals'at all hours. First-class D'r ner,30c., from 11:30 to 2 P. M. Break? fast from 5:7A to 8:30. 25c. Suppei fast from 5:30 to 8:30. 25c. Supper from ?* to 7:30 P. M. The best the market af? fords in every respect. Game in season Suppers furnished to parties on short notice DINING-ROOM UPSTAIRS. Georn I.ohse. M mag r H B. L*'skey, GENERAL AUCTIONEER SALE ROOM 3107 ? WASHINGTON AVENUE Consignments of every dlseription so? licited. Liberal advances made on same. Special attention given to trus? tee and court sales. We hfl VP opined a first class iin*> of timoeii?? ai No. r>(C>0 -"\Vsii-1?ii jm< n a\enue, conur Thiiutiii !-uv.? i (Koch's old stand, better ki own as the "Good Luck Store"). It is our purpose to keep at all times a complete stock of reliable goodf^?such as Staple and Fancy Gro ceries, Vegetables, Fruits, Kuts, Candies and many oth er things too numerous to mention. Goods Delivered Free of Charge Everything at Moderate Prices Mr. N. B. Garner, formerly with Mr. W._>M. Parkerand Mr. G. W.Scott, Je, form*?y?wiiii I-?ayn6 & Trent, are with this house, and will be pleased to see and serve their friends. Things that are to he eaten should be clean. We offer you clean goods and a clean deal all around. It will pay >ou to get on speaking terms with the inside of this new stcrc. 3000 W/ashlngton Avenue. FINANCE AND COMMERCE Market Quotations From the Leading Business Centers. NEW YORK MONEY MARKET. NEW YORK, Dec. 14.?Money on call, steady, at 2K@?Vi: per cent.: last loan, 2% per cent.: prime mercantile paper. 3 @4 per cent.: sterling exchange, easier, with actual business in bankers' bills at $4.84U<S'4.!j4>4. tor demand, and at J4.SlM!@4.Siai for sixty days; posted rates, $4.82V<; and $4.S5M-: commercial bills. $4.80%: silver certificates. 59Vint 60V?; bar siler. 59%: Mexican dollars, 47: government bonds, strong: state bonds, firmer: railroad bonds, stronger. NEW YORK STOCK MARKET. NEW YORK. Dec. 24.?Stocks rose fractionally today in many cases, while in some instances the gains were very considerable. After an initial hesitancy decided support developed in many spot. The boom in Americans in London paused and there were realizing sales from that quarter. Sugar was feverish? ly heavy all day on a reduction in the product, and lost 2%. The demoraliza? tion in this specialty helped the bears to make an impression aTter midday and prices dipped considerably, but activi? ty ceased as usual of late on a break and steadiness developed. The Vander bilts came into promience, Lake Shore rising IS points above yesterday's price. Canada Southern and New York Cen? tral were exceptionally active and mod? erate purchases of other Vanderbilt properties resulted in gains in the group of 1 tu I! points. The strength of that group sympathetically affected the rest of the list. The continuance of the cold snap and the resulting advance in coal prices at some points benetittcd the coalers. The improvement was most marked in Reading and Jersey Central. Missouri Pacific crossed 111. which, perhaps may be attributed to reports circulated after the close that it would come into possession of the Chicago and Alton. Western Union declined slightly on the poor showing for the six months of the fiscal year. Northern Pacific was strong in expectations of a dividend tin the common which was subsequently announced. Atchison continued its up? ward movement on board room gossip developments expected at the next meeting. Consolidated Gas. whose plant suffered a quarter million dollar loss by accident yesterday, sold off sharply. Total sales of stocks today were 7S0. 900 shares. The leading stocks closed as follows: AtcO'Son. 1SS Batituore & Uhu. COS Canada Pad tic . *"'?> Canada Southern. 54j Chesapeak? ? Ohio . '??'>? CIhchko <? Alton. lb? Chicago, Hurlingtoi. \ ytnncy . 1214 C. C. C. & St. 1. 44 do do pref'i!. ?'?> Delaware & Hnih-o!. 101 Delaware, 1-n.ck. & \V. l*!l Erie (new). 143 Fort Wayne. I?-1 Hreat Northern prffVl. lo'J Illinois Central. ex cliv 1.4 Lake Shore .2?'? Louisville & Nashville. <4; Mauhatt: n L . !Wi Michigan Central. 113 Missouri 1 hcilic. 4-">s Mobile & Ohio. iiO; Nl-W JtTM'J Celltlel. S)5j New York Centra!. 1211 Norlolk J: Westen. Hm Northern Paeilic. . 41 i do pref'd. . 0 i I ittsi.ur^. ... 172 RdadiUK. 11)1 Rock Island. 1083 >t. Phu. 11041 do prei u . 105 Southern Pact tic. BO Southern Railway. ,. 104 j do pref'd. 4.'? lexas a. Pacific. 10! | luiou i'acilic prel'd,.S mams Express. Ida -iuierican Express. 142 United Stales Express. 52 Wells taiuo l-xpress. 172 A 'lelicau ; obacct. .4 J do prtfd . Ii7 people's tias. :0!ij ' Consolidated ?ja?. .... UI14 leneral Kli-rtric.. ... !>:; . Hcilic Mail. 4:1 !'-.illuiao Palac".es iliv 15U --iiver O i titieatef. ,'!?$ -u^-ai . i2?( do pie 'u . US; ?euiussee (.'<-al 4: Iron. 84 ?verterii Union. li? !hicti?0 Nort.hvestern. do pref'tl. 185 Chicago Wreat Western. ,4jj I CHICAGO PRODUCE MARKET. CHICAGO. Dec. 14.?Wheat, corn and oats all suffered today from the inabil? ity of shippers to procure cars for the movement of grain. All three cereals closed '/t? Vt cent lower. Provisions de? clined 2Vi0'? cents. The leading futures ranged as follows: WHEAT? t'peu High Low Close: Dec 035 (14i ('. k (it Mrv ti?i 053 05i CORN Dec 3't 3:ij 334 3:^ May 34 g 34 J 34 34 DATS - 1 Dec '.'?S v5J 251 2<W M av 20j 2?i 25s 2G; I ORK ? Dec !>.:S24 11.40 8 25 j 27* Jan il.OO U.fii) $1.50 11.50 LAKD? Dec 4.15 H. 174 4 124 4 12? Jan ?.l? 5 174 5.124 5.15 KIBS .f.-in 4 (i7j 4 70 '4.(134 4.C2i Dec 4.8.'j 4.S"> 4.77} 5.774 Cash quotations were as follows. fl"U* eusv; No. 3 soring wheat. tilit4 34: No. 2 red, ?6@o8; No. 2, com. 33j: No 2 oats, 7; No. i white, 29; No. 3 whit.. 283 @28S; rye, ,ri5 No a hnrley, 30 @i41; No. 1 flax seed, 1044; prime, tiuiothv se#d. 2.30; mess pork per b irre! 8 07alS.10; lard, per 100 pounds "i 12t(/5 2ti; short ribs sides, loose. 4 55?>4.75 dry salted sL< uldere, ho nil. short clear ?i<:e>-, boxed. 4 85@4 8U; No. 2 yellow corn. BALTIMORE PRODUCE MARKET. BALTIMORE, Dec. 14.?Flour?Dull: I unctianged. W'heat?Strong; spot and month, 71Vb |@n%: January. 717/b@72%; Southern I wheat, by sample, 68{t'72. Corn?Strong; spot 39%@?,9%: month. |38V&@39'4: December, new or old, 38%: I January, 3SViC"38%: February. 38%@ 8%; Southern white corn, 36@39%. Rye?Strong and higher: No. 2, near ]by. 57%: No. 2. Western. 59%. Sugar?Strong: unchanged. Butter?Steady: unchanged. Eggs?Firm; unchanged. Cheese?Steady; unchanged. T^ettuce?Unchanged. Whiskey?ITnchanffed. COTTON MARKET. NEW YORK, Dec. 14.?Cotton futures I opened Steady. December. 5.45; Janu? ary. 5.51; February, 5.51: March, 5.54;' April. 5.56; May. 5.61; June, 5.G3; July. 5.64; August, 5.71; September. 5.112; Oc I tober, 5.67. Futures closed steady. December, ?.55: January, 5.56; February 5.55; March. 5.57; April. 5.61; May. 5.64; June, 5.67; July, 5.70; August, 5.74: September. |5.68; October. 5.71. Spot closed steady, middling uplands, 5 13-16; do. gulf, G 1-16. Sales 1.81? hales. r Fl AM PTON NEWS. SBamptoss Bureau o! Wh* Bail? fvcss, Phoebus Bank Building. King Street. Telephone Xo. 18. All !i?'\vs letters for publication In this department should be addressed to Daily Press Bureau, hamptun, The Daily Press will be found for sale every morning at the following places: Hampton?Shield's Book Store, Queen street, and at the olllce of the paper on King street. Did Point?Baulch's Stationery and Hook Store, Hygeia Hotel Chamberlin Hotel. iS" Mr-G. A. Schmeiz Purchases the Simpson Hospital Site A TKOLLEY CAR MISHAP SIJ. -Sw p-Cn.li?.on It Uli ? 11 .y Whkod lupp~Vt on at fort Moiuo*. K.kl - wiiy KrcnrbUf- Aiuemi ecl i?h l>*.lre*l. The activity in real estate in Hamp? ton, Phoebus and vicinity is unparal? leled at this season of the year, and in? dicates a faith in the future of the two towns that cannot be gainsaid. Many small deals have been reported, but yesterday the consummation of a large one became public, in which Mr. George A. Schmelz, who has been , prominent in real estate investments lately, is the purchaser. The dial in question is the sale by the owners. Mr. Hunter Booker, Mrs. Mary It. Watkins and Mr. Edward i'rooke. the last named of Baltimore, of the valuable tract of land now occupied on lease by the United States govern? ment as a military general hospital. Mr. Schmelz paid for the property the sum cif $15.000. which will be divided aiming the former owners In the propor? tion of their interests therein. The properly consists of thirty-four and one-half acres of very desirable latid located on the shore of.- Mill I'n ek and directly on the line of the Buckroe branch of the Newport News and (.Hd Point Railway and Electric Company, about half u mile from the main line of that road and the Chesa? peake & Ohio railroad. East summer, the government desiring to locate a military general hospital in this vicin? ity, chose this site and thereupon leased the tract, immediately beginning the erection of the necessary buildings thereon. Ever since early in Septem? ber the new buildings have been occu Pied. The property was leased for one year with the privilege of two addi? tional years if desired. It Is expected that the government will have need of the hospital for two years to some, and will probably permanently locate a hospital thereon. Mr. Schmelz's purchase is regarded by real estate operators as a safe and wise .me, even if the government does not buy the property. If the tract were di? vided into lots and sold there is little doubt that the property would pay a handsome profit on the amount in? vested. OTHER. SALES. Claiborne Bros., real estate agents, have negotiated the following sales of realty: For Shields & Wilson, to Arthur Yeatman, a lot in WestEnd; considera? tion, $450. For Worrell & Reid, to F. M. Phoe? bus, two lots in Phoebus, consideration. $250. For Mrs. Mary B. Watkins, to Nelson Groome, two lots in Easl End, consid? eration, $G00. Negotiations are now in progress for the sale of several valuable pieces of tealty, but, until the sale is fully con? summated, nothing Is made pu'bllc. THE FRANCHISE AMENDED. Peninsula Company Changes Its Route Through the Town. The Town Council met last night pur? suant to adjournment to act on the application of the Peninsula Railway Company, for permission to change the route of its line. There were present president .J. Barron Hope. Jr.. Messrs. Cunningham, Schermerhorn. Piecker. Whiting and Bryant, Town Attorney Gumming; and Messrs. Causey anil Livezey, representing the railway com? pany. The report of the Ordinance Com? mittee, recommending the adoption of the amended sections of the franchise asked by the company, was, after brief discussion, adopted. A number of the provisions of the new sections are as follows: Section 1 as amended, provides that the route of the railway line shall be as follows: Entering the town limits on Lincoln street, thence by single track along Lincoln street to Wine street: thence, in a southerly direction, along Wine street to Brown; thence along Brown to Locust street, and along Lo? cust street from the corner of Brown, northwardly, to the corporate limits. Section X, as amended, requires the company to restote the streets traversed to their former condition as soon as can be done, under penalties for failure to do so: also to keep the streets tra? versed covered with oyster shells to a uniform depth of seven inches between its rails and for a space of two feet on each side thereof. The company may he required to grade and pave such por? tion of said streets in such manner and with such material as the city may use ? n paving the remaining portion of such streets, the work to be done under the direction of the Street Committee of the Council. Penalties are provided, and a provision insuring the enforce? ment of this requirement, In case the penalties are not effective, is pro? vided. Section 11 require the company to execute and deliver bond in the sum of $10.000. with approved security, to in? demnify the town against any loss or damage sustained in widening Lincoln street, between King and Wine streets, to a width of not less than thlrty-slx feet, sidewalks included, such widen? ing to be on the north side of said Lin? coln street. The company Is also re? quired to widen Wrlne street from Lin? coln to Brown, to a width of not less than thirty-seven feet, such widening to be on the east side of Wine street: also to widen Brown street, between Wine and Locust, to thirty-three feet, such widening to be on the north side thereof. The company also expressly agrees, before beginning the construction of its track on the causeway on Locust street, that it will grade and widen the said causeway, extending to the corporate limits, and the approach to the said causeway to the grade and width of Locust street between Brown street and Ihe said causeway. In the event of the failure of the company to do this th. town shall have it done at the expense of the railway company. An additional section provides for th indemnification oA the town for an: loss or cost lncu?La M a oonoc?ucnc of granting the_f?m^hise asked and j merely precautionary, for there is hi I conflict with prior franchises grantei any one. I The franchise, in its phraseology anc completeness, is an admirable paper and completely guards the town's Inter? ests in every contingency that may arise. It looks far into the future and binds the railway company to the ful? fillment of all requirements. Postmaster Prod Bead, of Newport .\Y\.. s, ?;is a visitor at the post-office at * >ld Point today. BROOKLYN'S SHOUT STAY. Crack Cruiser Will Leave Old Point This Morning for Cuba. The United States armored cruiser Brooklyn, Captain Cook, arrived at Old Point at 1130 A. M. yesterday and an? chored to the east of the dock several i ods off shore. The Brooklyn, during the recent unpleasantness, was the Mag ship of Commodore (now Admiral) W. S. Sehley, and played a brilliant and conspicuous part in the naval opera? tions around Santiago, bearing several scars as an evidence of her service and her staunchness. The Brooklyn will sail early this morning under orders to proceed to Havana. Cuba, whither she gives, pre? sumably for tin- nu.ral effect of her presence during the chaotic condition preceding the complete transfer of the island and the fixing of its permanent i national or political status. She will Join the New York, Texas and other warships recently dispatched thither. There is little or no doubt that the squadron, now widely scattered, will, as soon as the need for its presence elsewhere has passed, return to Hamp? ton Roads and rendezvous there. Thai was the plan until the recent ebulltiou in Havana made its temporary aban? donment necessary. CAR AND WAGON COLLIDE; While street car No. If. was going I eastward through the eastern part of the city, it was severely shaken up by collision with a hay wagon. The mo? tor-man in charge attempted to pass the heavily loaded wagon on the nar? row street, thinking he had room to make it. and did not discover his mis? take until too late to avoid damage to his car. In the side-swipe collision that ensued all but one window was shat? tered, making the car appear as if it had been in a rock battle or a cyclone. Fortunately there were but three pas? sengers on the car al the time, and all three were seated on the same side, and that the safe one; otherwise some I one or more would certainly have been cut by the breaking glass. The muti? lated car was taken to the power house 1 and run in for repairs. INSPECTION AT FORT MONROE. Yesterday was a day of bustle and activity al Fort Monroe, owing to the arrival there of the Inspecting officer and the preparations to meet the appro? val of Iiis critical eye. Everything? quarters, men. guns. etc.? were spotless in their neatness and the garrison made an excellent showing. < if course, the inspecting officer did not make pub? lic the report he will make, but from remarks let fall by him, there Is no doubt that he was well pleased with I he showing made by the garrison and til.' post. The inspecting officer was a man \\ Idely and honorably known in the ser? vice Lieutenant-Colonel John D. Mlley. a Santiago hero, who served with espe? cial gallantry. DEATHS OF CHILDREN. The Infant child of Mr. and Mrs. E. F. Forbes died at the residence of the parents at 6 P. M. Tuesday, aged a few months. The body of the little one was interred In St. John's cemetery at 3 P. M. yesterday. The infant child of Mr. and Mrs. George W. Lewis died at the family residence, corner Queen street and Armistead avenue yesterday, aged a few days. The burial has been arranged for today. BRIEF LOCAL ITEMS. Air. and Mrs. Howard Watkins Saunders have returned from their wedding Journey and are now at home at the Roseland cottage. They had only gotten as far as New York when Mr. Saunders was culled home on ac? count of business. Mr. Frank W. Phoebus went to Ports? mouth yesterday to attend the marriage of Mr. Wilkie Bond and Miss Leavitt, both of that city. Condustor Ford, of the electric rail? way line, who has been detained from duty from illness, is now Improving. Major-General Nelson A. Miles, who. it was reported, would arrive at Old Point yesterday, did not conn-, and is not expected there. The (Ire alarm sounded yesterday morning about 3 o'clock was a fake alarm, presumably the prank of un? known parties. It called out the steamer, and many liremen were forced to leave their warm beds at ibis un? seemly hour. If they could have gotten hold of the joking individuals there would undoubtedly have been some In? voluntary plunge baths. And that's no joke. Passed Assistant Engineer Daigh, of the Newport News shipyard, who makes his home at the Chamberlin Ho? tel, has been detached from duty as inspector of machinery and ordered home. He will leave for Boston, his former place of residence, in a few days. The mercury did its great tumbling feat of the season yesterday morning (unless it excels it this morning), fall? ing to, and some say below, 110 degrees Fahrenheit. Persons working mil of doors found it very uncomfoi table early in the day, anil not a few were told they were not so warm, even though they were smoking. Master Willie Lawson, son of Mr. W. E. Lawson is detained from school and confined to his home as the result of a blow on the ankle, suffered as the result of contact with a piece of brick or stone thrown at him by an unknown boy. The lad was on his way from sc hool when he approached a group of older boys, who accosted him by order? ing him to hold up his hands. Upon his plucky refusal to do so, some one threw the missile. The ankle was bad? ly swollen and caused much pain. Rev. Charles S. Walkeley's lecture, recounting personal personal exper? iences and observations around San? tiago de Cuba, which will be delivered at the Y. M. C. A. Hall, promises to attract a large audience. I'haplain Walkeley has made an excellent im? pression as a speaker upon those who have heard him. which fact, coupled with the interest incident to the theme, makes the occasion one of peculiar in? terest. POSTPONED AGAIN. The transport Chester, which is to carry the Fourth regiment. Virginia volunteers, Is undergoing a few repairs, and receiving a new coat of paint. I oadlr.g has not yet commenced, but will probably be started tomorrow. The regiment is not expected to leave here before Friday, and will, it Is be I lieved, certainly leave for Cuba this week. DUE AT OLD POINT. I The new four-masted Massachusetts 0 recently launched at Bath. Me., is soor 3 due at Old Point from Wiscasset. lader > with ice for Fortress Monroe. She I? 1 f.02 gross tons and cost $30,000. 1 I BERLIN OFF FOR NEW YORK. The United States transport Benin, which arrived in port last Friday with Major General Brooke and the Firs: Kentucky, sailed yesterday for New York, where, it is understood, she will take on stores and supplies for Cuba. The Berlin was originally ordered to Savrirrah to take troops to Havana but the orders were countermanded Tues? day. What She Wonld Want. "And when we are married," said th| beautiful young- girl to whom the age* millionaire had just proposed, "willyou give me everything I want?" "Everything, my charmer." replied] tb? old man in un ecstasy of delight at 1 this intimation that she would surreu-j dor; "everything that you can ask." "if I could believe you," she said, | doubtfully, "1 would not hesitate a min? ute." 1 "Why should you doubt me?" he;J asked. 1 "Oh. because of the character of the rtquest 1 would make," she answered^jL "You mean well, but I'm afraid yotf| might hack out. You see. the first thic 1 should ask ufter marriage would for a divorce and alimony."?Chicu I'ost. Two IlMble?. Mrs. Newma?Oh, 1 wish you Bee Mrs. Winkler's bain. It's pcrfteij lovely! Such a delicate, sweet tit; creature as it is! It's a perfect litt] cherub, with the loveliest eyes sweetest Tittle mouth, the cunninges little nose, and eyes of heavenly blul It looks as if it just dropped from Hea^ en and every tiny feature hail be fashioned by the angels. Mr. Newmu? Is it as nice as our ball Mrs. Newma?Mercy! no, not half. !i. Y. Weekly. Si fjcntlt th "Did I understand you to I dress you admired so much to-day wi jn dream?" inquired Mr. Smokehart. "Yes." answered his wife, hopefull] "Well." he proceeded very ki "yon keep your mind on it wher go to sleep to-night, and maybe will dream one of your own."?-Wusf Ington Star. Tito of n Kind. Husband (at the breakfast table) Oh. for some of the biscuits my moth used to make! Wife (sweetly) ? I'm sorry haven't got them. dear. They i be just about ntnle enough by th time to go well with that remark. Chicago Dally News. Sim l.nt.l mm Out. Williamson?1 hear that .lagnvfln w *o drunk last night tliat several you fellows had to lake him home a shutter. Did his wife think he v\ dead? Henderson?She muwt have. Shew i-rtainly laying him out when we leltj ?Uni lern Life. trMons of l^iirrlrnrf. Mr. Spriggins (gently) ? My desr. |Wn?hlngton man was shot nt by n bur glar, nnd his life was saved by a butU 1 which the bullet struck. Mtn. Spriggins?Well, what of It" Mr. Si>riggins (meekly) ? Nothing!" onlv the button must have beer, on.?<-l I N. Y. Weekly. v\ A Fnlnfal Ovcr?l(|rlit. "Weren't you thrilled, Clementine^ <rhcn I July Macbeth came out with/| that horrible spot of blood on litij hand?" "Yes; wasn't it awful? I could n' help wishing she had worn rubber, gloves."?Chicago Record. Cold Slavr. Why praise the rosef the truer gueu. The bloRstm none can beat, flo surely th< chrysanllu mum? It looks R?od enough to eat. ?Detroit Free Press. m SSXffSAIII.K AXGLR. Animal Keeper?Take care, young lady, the old upe is treacherous. Elderly (lentlenuin?Your insolence shall l>e reported. How dare you insult, . me??Meggendorfer'a Blaetiter. KI ISvldence of the Troth. Hicks?Ikowers has been telling m some of his war experiences. Wicks?And I suppose you believe al his yarns. Hicks?Oh. yes; they were so unintei' esting I'm sure t.liey must be true.?: Boston Transcript. Comlnar and Going;. Mrt. Crimsonbeak?There'* been steady stream of tuen going into thl saloon nearly all day long. Mr. Crimsonbeak?I don't suppose ; was a very itendy string coming out. YonUers Statesman. An Infallible Method. Professor (lecturingon precious me Bis)?What is the easiest way of detj mining whether an object consists! (fold or silver? Student?Try to pawn it!?Fliegen?] Blaetter. Flattering. Mr. Blwell?Isn't it strange, but truS.fj nevertheless, that the biggest fools al? ways marry the prettiest girls? Mrs. Elwell?Oh, now. go on. you flat ? terer.?London .ludv. Foiled. A Restaurant Guest ? Everything yoifi have brought me Is stone cold. Polite Waiter?Here is the mustard] and pepper. Bir.?Illustrated Amer!-t can. T"n? CrTcct* of War. Johnny 'underneath) ? I've got er nuff! Let me up. will yer? Eddie (on top)?if yer'll gimme yet, Jockknife an' ten marbles for an i^i lemnity. I'll declare pnnce ?Puck. Milk from healthy cows. Stabler ?lean as a house and alwys open to I ipect Ion. J- F. L>f\iNGSLOW, NEWPORT NEWS, VA.