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THE REPUBLIC: SUNDAY. JUNE 22, 1902.
-Ah AN IMPERTINENT INQUIRY. " , Y -S .
jrfJU . wMtfjl i y cfV"" Small Boy (after w.tchlnp: the old gentleman handle nlmost the whole stoek in trade)- "Pay, cuv'nor, If It Is S K tH-, !
il.Ll I i((WW I "55 only a cheap vrhiff of the brine you are after, why don't yer take a clie.ip tup to Revere Beach?" ."!?- TJtN W"
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WjlA M!dt&Z3r. -:S(BKuSxi:Sl f fesSeVPfci wJJCpKSiiB Rj5rT)VjJ yML ranKMYl'i.sft I Oh. why should the spirit of mortal be
sBtralliiii? JM2P- M&8&$w wBi&sfi4i VwMmlm """
mBf&Xsia if " iT"- i t'i! B?KfeiS5WvV'N.'S I 5hSYVv9KSi ilWirtfawB' M W He's of no great Importance Just one In a
wB2Mjfm'j 3&m52p lllrs) V SbWIp' VI v crow3:
iffiPfTTHaHKinMlTOrriT o5v .tSraaHaljB .,, RW 1 : 53SSfc V -cm lfiyaSJ4ffy flit He backs the wrong horse; his vote counta
ifaHSKWa."; - ilBwffi?si5,RiBf fSSS3sy'ffSss Pi lir'W' ml but one;
jjWga?Swfrft(y7-- VM i29K ,M l IfflsSsMTffSSBSsffii -J(3j8SEaSBv ' "' - r .fill The big fish he catches shrink up In the
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&lja::' ' l'"l"'MK?:Kicac-i.. ffBgff!iimTali 'tHtT"-tji i'i ' rwiiniiiT "in i tittiw 'Pl i iirit
First Village Dune: "Dia I bring; 70U back that basltet you lent me last weekT"
Second Dame (emphatically): "No, Indeed, you did not"
First Dame: "That's a pity, for I just came round to borrow It agaln."i Punch,
farei of Him.
Tess: "If you really love him why did
you refuse hlmT"
Jess: "Goodness! You don't iiuppose Td
be so unmaldenly as to accept him the first
Tess: "But he declares he'll never pro
pose to another girl as long; as hu lives "
Jess: "Of course. I'm not 'another slrL' "
The fisherman with line and liook.
Hears, as he idly basks.
The suxg-llng- of the limpid brook
And eke the limpid flasks.
Xthletlo Promoter: "Tou want me to en
ter you In that six-day walklr race, do
you? Are you In training?"
Applicant: "Well, I played ths hero with
a bamstormlnjr theatrical trocpe for two
A. P.J "TotfU do." Exchana-e,
Visitor: "Tou go to school now, do your'
Tommy: "Oh, yes, sir."
Visitor: "And what part of the exercises
do you Ilka best?"
Tommy: "Why, the exercises we get at
recess." Philadelphia Press.
"What tort ef a license will I have to
take oat for this new play of miner'
"Have you tried It yet?"
"Well, you'Q have to take out a doe; li
cense, then." ToEkers Statesman.
that respect," answered young Mrs. Tor
kins -Our new girl won't do a thing we
tell her unless we say 'please.' "Washing
"Tou say you are making gardes stmpiy
"Tea," answered the patient man.
"But there Irn't any amusement In sptd
ing and stooping for hours!"
"Yes, there Is. It amuses my wife and
children Immensely." Washington Star.
"Tou ay you are thankful you have a
"Tea," answered the optimist. "A cold Is
one of the few ailments that a doctor will
undertake to cure nowadays without a sur
gical operation." Washington Star.
Her View of It.
"There Is a great deal in having servants
who are accustomed to the ways of good
society." said the experienced housekeeper.
"We have been remarkably fortunate n
Defined by nn Authority.
"Why do thry call them BrooUjnites?"
"Because that Is the only time they are
In Urookljn." Brooklyn Life.
One IIeCoo!d Rcoommend.
"What Is the best thing in oil you have to
day T' asked the occasional patron.
"Well," said the dealer In art goods,
"here's an excellent portrait of Mr. Rocke
feller." Chicago Tribune.
I?ooL.n and Book.
Professor "iltea I'enelope, what do you
think of modern fiction?"
,MLs3 Penelope. Oh, professor, it takes all
my time to read It, I don't hate time to
think about It. 'Detroit Tree Press.
Dolnc 11 hat lie Could.
"No gold huvo 1," the poet said,
"Nor copper, either not a red;
And yet my hear feels pity's dint
And fain would do ita modest stint,
I cannot glte you gold or food,
But lake this ode o;i'H find It good,"
Tlie Ilero and the Wringer,
"A recent novelist says of his hero: Tou
could ht.iT him wring nls hands.' What do
jou suppose he meand by that?"
"ilaybt) the fellon got pinched In a laun-
drj." Cleveland Plain-Dealer.
The Whole ThlnB Ajrnln.
"Blxby seems to think he'a the whole
thing as an expert autnorlty on (porting
"les. He appears to regard himself as
pretty nearly big enough to near golf links
to fasten hla shirt cuffs." Cleveland Plain-Dealer.,
XTlUlns tho Punishment to the Crime.
"It appears that somebody has slandered
Mount Vesuvius. She hasn't shown any In
dications of an outbreak."
'Thai' a shame! The man who would
wlUjully say aught against the character of
that venerable crater should be Pompeiled
on the spot." Cleveland Plain-Dealer
An Airy Indention.
"Yes. I've got a nno new scheme. It's a
llfo-savlng net for aeronauts. You spread It
on Usht stctl rods and hang It to the bot
tom of the car of the balloon. Then when
Mistress (to new servant): "There are two things, Mary, about which I am very particular. They are truthful
ness and obedience."
Mary: "l'es'm; and when you tell mo to say you're not in, -when a person calls that you don't wish to see, which
is it to be, mum truthfulness or obedience?" Tho King.
Mother: "But, children, what are you doing herp?"
Children: "Mamma, we are playing spiritualism. Fred is the medium and August is the spirit,'
From Iiustlg Blaetter.
THE ARAB AND HIS NEW MOUNT.
Arab sings (modern version): "Don't give me back my Arab steed!" Punch.
fer sartln des how hot It Is down darr"
When be thinks he haa something of mo
ment to say.
He Is ordered to quit In an official way;
He la never so smart but there's some
man more clever.
And at house-cleaning time he feels smaller
Batavla Dally News.
"It's wonderful," said the meditative man,
"how ona small word. Insignificant In Itself,
may Induce an endless train of thought.
speaking volumes, In fact."
"Yes," replied the caustlo man. "Take
the word 'but," for Instance, when a wom
an saya: 'Of course. It's none of my busi
ness, but.' "Exchange.
Customer: "Is the proprietor In? I went
to get some screen doors."
Clerk: "He's In, but ho'a out o' doors."
The Joy of Relief.
Casey: "i'e're lookln purty bad this
mornln", but ye seem bjppy enough."
Cassldy: 'indade, Ol urn. It makes me
feel great to think av the turrlble toot'ache
Ol had lasht nolght."
"Casey: "Phwy sh'd thot make yez so
Cassldy; "Bacause Ol haven't got It this
mornln', thot's phwy." Philadelphia Press.
Bobble: "You know them preserves out In
the pantry v. at you told mo not to eat?"
Bobuiu. "You know you siid they'd make
me blck If 1 et 'em, dldn t you?"
Bobbie: "Well, they didn't." Ohio State
According to Representative LlttlefleldV
It was a preacher's small boy who got Into
a fight with another oungster. As ths lat
ter was going home with one black eye tha
minister met him.
"My lad." said the preacher, "you hava
"Yes, sir," was the Teply.
"Don't you know It Is wicked to fight? X
will go home and pray for jou."
"You'd better go home and pray for ycuy
own boy," was the indignant reply. "Ha.
has tvvo black eyes." Washington Post.
"He'a a kind-hearted automoblllst.' tent
"Exceptionally so. I never knew hhn to)
run over even a child unless he was ta A
The One Great Xeed.
"It's a funny thing to me," solllcejulzea
the one with the pole, "that In these days
of progress In Indention somebody hain't
got up a labor-savin' device fer catchm-
' fish. Now. I s'pose that soon's I git asleep
some toot nsn'ii grab tnat bait an I'll hava
to wake up an pull him out." Indianapolis
An Experiment, Perhaps.
"I see by the paper." said the grocer,
"that the Congressmen has passed a reso
lution that no more liquor can ba sold la
the Capitol building."
"I reckon," said Mr. Meddergrass, absent
ly reaching Into the box of glngersnaps.
' that this here Phillypeen Investigation has
led them to try that there water curs oa
themselves." Baltimore American.
First Fan: "That nt,ht fielder Is mighty
light on his feet. .Look how he went Into
the air for that ny."
becond Kan. "Well, he ought to be. He's
jumped eight contracts so far this season."
Cincinnati Commercial Tribune.
the aeronaut topples out, or the balloon
blows up, ha falls Into the set and Is
"But suppose they both fall?"
"Who? The man and the net? They can't
fall. The net Is fastened to the ear br tnt.
ed steel chains"
But supposing the balloon falls?"
The balloon can't falL either the nt !
In tho way." Cleveland Plain-Dealer.
Going: sos Qoog.
"To-day for the first time J was
really delighted to hear Miss Mextdorefs
"Ascum: "Something worth U-rtenlngr to.
Crabbe: "I should say. I heard tha In
stallment men taking It arway."
Hot Deslrsbl Property.
"Who owns that Nebraska, volcano?"
"Yes. Mount Ions,"
"I dunno. But If ever I-own-e, volcano
I'll let It be sold for delinquent taxes just
as soon as the County Treasurer can get
around to It." Cleveland Plain-Dealer.
Doc's Fate Not Such a Happy One.
Hlgglns: "They talk of leading a dog's
life, as though anything could be more
pleasant. A dog does not have to woTk for
a living, and he does not have to dress and
undress every day.
Wiggins: "True; but think of the wretched
plajs that are tried upon the dog." Boston
She: "Why. I thought the sermon re
murkably short. I'm surprised that you
xcuuid (.ouslder It long."
He: "But I wasn't wearing a new bonnet
to CD urea for the first time with the con
sciousness that all the other women were
looking at It." Philadelphia Press.
"Remember, my dear brethren," said
tne minuter, "tnat charity covereth a
multitude of sins. I hope you'll be un
usually generous In your offerings this
morning." Detroit Free Press.
Sammy Snaggs," said the Sunday
school teacher, "wnat did the Psalmist
mean when he said all flesh Is grass?"
"He meant to call everybody haj seeds.
I suppose," replied Sammj. Pittsburg
"How come you alius sayln" It's hot ez
de place what de devil live at?" asked
Brother Dickey of one of his "white
folks." And then he added: "Don't ou
know you come of a long-life family,
en hit'!! be some time jrit 'fo' you'll know
Mrs. Bright: "I don't -understand, Henry,
about this wireless telegrapny. How would.
I know when I was go'ng to get a message,
and how would I be able to know what it
was. If I did get It: and how would I know;
anything about It?"
Henry (looking at her over his paper)--!
"Good Lord!" Smart Set. f
"You ought to hate a change of seeae,
said the physician.
"But, my dear sir," protested tha patient j
"I am a tra eling man by profession." 1
"Well, that's the point. Stay hexsol ;
awhile and see something besides hotel
rooms and depots." Washington Star,
Ilia Ilulr Dyed. '
"Why. Willie," said his teacbe-j, whr3
makes your hair so red?"
"Aw, I Jjst had scarlet fever and It at
tied In me head." Exchange.
"My wife has the queerest Ideas) 01 as9
"What Is It she's doing now?"
"I bought an automobile coat for her nod
she's rulrcd It sprinkling gasoline on It to.
make It smell realistic." Baltimore News.
T haven't seen a good short story fraj
months. What has become of all tha writ
ers of fiction?"
"Don't you know? They are an at work
writing attractive little pamphlets tor tha
proprietors of summer resort hotels." Claim ,
cago Tribune. '
liny of Hope. '
Employer: "Mr. Slack, would you Eka ta
have an Increase In salary?"
Emplcje: "Would I? I should bsjj X
Employer: "Well, let ma tell you. trash
that unless you get here earlier and work a7 )
great deal harder you'll never get It In tBJ-
tedggL- .j-. (2,cAl-& irxStf' W-,rjsr&&, &&1&J--V ,vj.i.l,rt iSsiCJO!.
t2iyx-PJt !?r-gjif qtp&l&i2rtM $ .&ga&g
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