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ALBUQUERQUE EVENING CITIZEN
"I AM AS I WAS MADE; THIS IS
vLtmcna in i trivia, wb
TWAIN, FOR THIS NEWSPAPER
ah i, RD0 mark REMARKS
, BY MARLEN E. PEW.
' New York. Dec. 1. Mark Twain
was an even 70 years old Thanksgiv
ing day. Maybe it would be more ac
curate lo sv, 70 years young.
Three score and ten have silvered
ike beautiful loolne bead of the
famous American author and humor
ist, time has brought a slight tremble
The picture Sarony made of a gor
illa in Mark Twain's overcoat, which
the author says has persecuted him
lor a lifetime.
ti the busy bands, but youth remains
In the sparkling eyes, pure rose mad
der paints the clieeks, while buoyant
pirlts, crisp thought, with clear and
rapid expression, tell of health of body
, This is Samuel I.aiighorue Clemens
We went to interview him. my
friend Fireman, the rtist, and I. At
J he corner of Fifth avenue and Ninth
street. In the shade of Twain's fine
ld fashioned town bouse we plotted
u assault. We would sandbag him
and take away funds of knowledge
st nd Information which would encom
pass the Twain version of all ques
Jfons of the d.iy at home and abroad.
In a small library we opened tnw
attack. We all sat down and smoked.
punched to the solar plexus witn
' Twain ran up a white flag for a
wmncil of war.
He told us that he believed we were
honest. We might go on and talk tor
an hour, he answering our questions
freely. But he defied us to - go out
wnd repeat accurately what he had
ald. No human being could carry
away another's thougbt as expressed
in an hours' talk and transcribe It
Le us be exact In all things and be
gin today. Let us experiment with
his Interview Just for fun. It would
lie original, anyway, and he had long
wanted to Interview himself.
We capitulated unconditionally.
He put me to taking down his words
Fireman started bis eketch.
Mr. Clemens began his interview
with Mark Twain.
Clemen's Interview with Mark Twain.
"There have been all kinds of in
terviews except natural Interviews
chat is to say. conversations whicn
could occur naturally In real life.
Necessarily an Interview must be one
of two thiny. question and answer, or
monologue. Neither of these ia quite
what Is wanted In an interview. The
question and answer process belongs
in the court, and the parties to It are
a lawyer, who wants to find out some
thing, and the witness, who often
wishes to defeat the lawyer's desire.
"Manifestly this process could not
produce a valuable interview, since
it would lack Its most interesting
feature, the attempt to conceal what
the Interviewed person had beeu
questioned alxjut. In the case of the
interviewed it is no trouble to con
ceal, for the accused can decline to
answer when you put him In an uncom
fortable place, and as there Is no
compulsion upon him the subject has
lo be changed. The result' must al
ways be a colorless Interview, for the
subject Is changed at exactly the
moment when it is about to become
"But never mind about the forms;
the real trouble about an Interview
His Remarks at "Social Evil"
Meeting as to Deportation
of Fallen Women
NOT SUSTAIXED BY SOCIALISM
To The Evening Citizen.
Yesterday morning's paper says,
"W. P. Metcalf, socialist leader, ad
vocated tho deot'tstlon of fallen wo-
ninn from the city."
I wonder Is this socialism? Can
Mr. Metcalf's suggestion be taken atf
emanating iroiu tbe socialist parly?
If so, I want nothing to do with so
cialism or socialists.
You will remember that when mem
bers of the Western Federation of
Mineni were deported from Colorado
that the biggest howl was sent up by
socialists. They vociferously declared
that "even if the miners were a men
ace to public peace tt was an outrage
and injiistico to deport tnem."
And so it wait Hut along comes
Mr. Meicalf and In an almost parallel
rase demauds deportation. Surely
tbe iucougruity of such a stand is ap
parent to the most feeble-iutuded.
As I understand it, the socialist
doctrine recognizes the "Boclal evil"
as one of tbe results of the competi
tive system which can not be elimin
ated uutil the system itself is abolish
ed, atid until then, only those tem
porary remedies that tend to regulate
and restrict the evil to do tbe least
- harm could be applied, but that the
int r Amuus humoh it. mark
DISCOURSES ON PORTRAIT
THAT HE WANTS TO BE PRETTY.
Is that the matters touched upon are
always suggested by the Interviewed
and as he cannot know what is of
first interest In the prisoners mind,
he Is not likely, save by accident, to
suggest a topic that the prisoner can
talk aloiit with any real warmth.
"It Is most unlikely that either of
you gentlemen, with a week to pre
pare In, could guess the subject which
Is not only uppermost In my mind this
morning, but Is occupying and solidly
packing to the exclusion of all. other
Interests the whole spacious firma
ment of It. That suhject will seem to
you and to everybody else thlvlal.
whereas to me for Just this day and
train only it Is of the first Importance.
It is the matter of portraits jmrtraits
"Many people think I am a happy
man. but I am not; It Is because mv
iHirtralts do me justice. I have a
highly organized and sensitive const!-j
union ann an educated taste in esthet
ics, and I cannot abide a portrait
which Is too particular. I am as I
was made that Is a disaster which I
cannot help and am in no way re
sponsible for: but Is there any fair
reason why the artist should notice
that? I do him no harm, I have never
done him any harm, yet he always
exercises this wanton and malicious
frankness upon my-portraits.
"I mould like to be drawn once,
before I rench 70 again, as I should
look if I had been mnde right Instead
l ou must not expect me to be
calm and collected when I am talk
ing upon the subject which has made
my life a bitterness. I could be hand
some, if the artist would only Tielp,
but he has never done this.
"Even the camera has always en-
SAMUEL L. CLEMENS
11V. im fSirl fgiW WW
1 -"stit-j-. ,-ry S-..
teied with eutlnisiasoi into this con
spiracy to pulnt me as I am. There
U one photograph which has perse
cuted me for what may fairly be term
ed a lifetime. Sarony took that por
trait and in all these years I see It
lu print oftener than auy other. It ar
rived once more yesterday, with this
remark: "With this I enclose a jic
ture of yourself in the Detroit Jour
nal. Of course, it Is a wood cut, but
socialist party was not coucerued in
these petty reforms.
It would seem, however, after read
ing the socialist leader's opinion, that
such is not the case, and the only way
I can understand the present socialist
attitude Is that they intend to utilize
every little issue that arises as so
much political capital to cutch votes
at municipal elections. Then- bow
have the mighty fafiea! The once
revolutionary socialist party degener
ating into a reforui pandering, vote
I had thought there was something
high and sublime in the doctrine of
socialism, something akin to the doc
trine of Christ, who said "Let him that
is without sin cast the first stone."
Again. 1 must have been wrong; or,
can it be that the "socialist leader"
has risen alHive the Just coiuumnd
ment and is himself without ?ln? I
wonder! Oh, wonder!
I do not wish to appear as cham
pioning the cause of adultery. It is
vicious, deplorable, degradiug. But
In justice to themselves the. socialists
should come out openly, lu Justice
to people interested in the movement,
it is time that tbe socialist party of
Albuquerque declared themselves.
GEO. W. HORN.
Give Your Stomach Rest.
Nothing will cure indigestion that
doesn't digest the food, its-elf. and
give the stomacn rest. You can't e
pect that a weak stomach wi!l regain
its strength and get well when it Is
compelled to do the full work that a
sound stomach should do. You
wouldn't expect a sick horse to get
well when It is compelled to do a full
day's work every day of tbe week.
Kodol Dyspepsia Cure is a perfect di
gestant and digests the food regard
less of tue condition it your stomach.
Relieves Indigestion, lleuiiing, Sour
Stomach, and all stomach disorders.
Sold by all druggists.
I CANNOT HELP."
FIREMAN'S SKETCH OF MARK TWAIN AT 70. DRAWN ESPECIALLY
FOR THIS NEWSPAPER.
I presume it is not a bad picture, in
which you can see yourself as other
"No doubt the presumption is right.
That is Just the fault I fin with it. I
have explained that portrait a great
many times. It is such a distress to
me when I see It, that I always put
down my work and explain it. I have
explained It to this Lansing gentle
man In a dictated letter last nlgrit.
and If you would do me the kindness
to print that letter, maybe I shan't
have to explain again for a month."
(Twain handed over a letter ad
dressed to Samuel II. Row, of Lan
sing. Mich., who In a recent communi
cation recalled to the humorist how
"when you were young and handsome
I had the pleasure of Introducing you
to a Lansing audience." Mr. Row re
called that during the lecture Twain
was "sweating blood" because Lan
sing didn't tumble to his humor, and
Row began to clap his hands, stamp
his feet and cheer. The audience ren
In line. At the hotel that night Row
reminded Twain that he had said:
"Mr. Row, you saved me.")
Dear Mr. Row:
that alleged portrait has a private;
history." Sarony was as much of an;
enthusiast about wild animals as he I
was about photography: and when!
Dr. Du Cliaillu brought the first gor
illa to this country in 1819 he came to
me in a fever of excitement and asked
me if my father was of record and au
thentic. I said he was. Then Saintiv
INTERVIEW WITH MARK
without any abatement of his excite
ment, asked me if my grandfather also
was of record and authentic. I said
he was. Then Sarony, with still ris
ing excitement and with Joy added to
It, said he had found my great grand
father in the person of the gorilla and
had recognized nim at once by his re-
Bt-muiance to me.
ve'ai This cause Y T
veal this, because 1 knew Sarony
HOODOO IS ON THE
The hoodoo is ou the Albuquerqtie
VMuslow division. The early part of
the week, a washout at n. ..,,..,.
broke nn trjiffln fr-- tivanin fn... i
-f- n uui; tuui llUlirS.
me wasnoui was just repaired, when
the engine on n unnclul ini.
the Lnion League Huh r ku,. i,,,.
Cisco, Jumped the track at Flagstaff
tying the road up for twelve hours
more ami delaying trains both east
and west. However, the accident in
curred no lOHS Of life. Tha train n o a
just rounding the curve east of Flag-
start, wnen the engine, without the
least provocation, toppled over in the
ditch. Trains Nos. 8 and 4 of last
night did uot arrive here until early
this morning, v,
"For seven years," writes George
W. Hoffman, of Harper, Wash.. I
had a bitter battle, whh chronic
stomach and live trouble, but at last
I won and cured my diseases by the
use of Electric Hitters. I unhesitat
ingly reeommend them to all and
uou i intend in tne ruture o be with
out them In the house. They are
certainly a wonderful medicine. o
have cured such a bad esse as mine."
Sold under guarantee lo do the same
for you. by all druggists, at 50c a
bottle. Try them today.
WHAT HAVE YOU TO TRADE
For property at Ix Cerrlllos? Cost
11.250; trading p;1ce, one half of
cost. A snap. If you can use the
property. Dent he afraid to talk
with me. T. L. McSpadden, 300 South
Liquors, wtnes and cordials the
finest line in the city. All goods deliv
ered free. Ernest Meyers & Co., 118
West Silver avenue.
meant no offense, for the gorilla had
not uone mm any harm, and he was
not a man who would ay an unkind
thing about a gorilla wantonly. I went
nn mm to inspect the ancestor, and
exumlned blm from several points of
view, without being able to detect
anything more than a passing re-
eamuiance. 'Wait,' said Sarony, with
strong confidence. 'Let me show you.'
He borrowed my overcoat and put it
on the gorilla. The result was sur
prising. I saw that the gorilla, while
not looking distinctly like me, was
exactly what my grandfather would
look like if I hud had one. Sarony
photographed the creature In that
overcoat and spread the picture
around the world. It has remained
spread around the world ever since.
It turns up every week In some news
paper somewhere or other. It is not
my favorite, but, to my exasperation,
It Is everybody else's. Do you think
you could get it suppressed for me?
I will pay the limit."
(After this letter had been marked
j "In evidence," Mark Twain went on.)
j "This morning I have received an
l other heart breaker In this line, it
comes from Webster, of the Chicago
Inter-Ocean. If you will examine that
portrait (handing to me a cartoon by
Webster) ami then look at me, you
will see for yourself, that it Is too ex
act. This kind of accuracy, continued
long enough can ruin a man who Is
constructed us I am. In that picture
all the imagination Is lavished upon
I the butler, a!l.the cold facts are lav
i Ished upon me. My butler Is an Ital
ian ; tne Italian in that picture is ideal-
i.eu, mat ik wnat i want.
(Webster's cartoon-letter, in which
was an exaggerated negro, was mark
ed "Exhibit A 2," and Twain turned
his attention to the pictures by Fire
man, which were then nearing com
pletion.) "These portraits are absolutely sat
isfactory. What I want is a handsome
picture. These are not only good por
traits. Inn they are also handsome.
They are dignified. They are in
tellectual. Let us disseminate these:
let us make them popular. Let us use
t'iiera to drive out Sarony's over-conscientious
gorilla. These portraits
are right, because they are physically
correct, and at the same time they
are Idealization spiritually. They
oreak tne boiler Iron law of protrait
painting, and therein lies their great
value to me.
"I M- a play last night Id which
you will find this seeming paradox.
In that play all the implucalile rules
of the drama are violated, yet the re
sult Is a play without a defect. I re
fer to "Peter Pan." It Is a fairy play.
There Isn't a thing in it which could
ever happen in real life. That Is as it
should be. It Is consistently beautiful,
sweet, clean, fascinating, satisfying,
charming and impossible from begin
ning to end. It breaks all tbe rules of
real life drama, but preserves Intact
all the rules of fairyland, and the re
sult Is altogether contenting to the
"The longing of my heart U a fairy
i portrait of myself; I want to be
fin llp the gap with charms."
A DANGEROUS MISTAKE.
Albuquerque Mothers Should Not Ne
glect Kidney Weakness In
Most children have weak kidneys.
The earliest warning is bed- wet
ting. Later comes backache, headache,
'Tis a mistake to neglect tluve trou
bles. To blame the child for its own dis
tress. Seek to cure the kidneys
Save the child from deadly kidney
Doan's Kidney Pills cure sick kid
neys. J. A. Skinner, dealer in staple and
fancy groceries, 216 West Railroad
avenue, says: "Some time ago there
came to my notice a case of a child
whose control over the kidney secre
tions was limited. The parents pro
cured lor it Doan's Kidney Pills
at a city drug store, and the treat
ment, according to directions for chil
dren, was commenced. In addition to
the limited control there was consid
erable backache, the complications
fully proving that in some way the
kidneys were either weakened or ov
erexcited. The treatment of Doan's
Kidney Plils so strengthened the kid
neys that the annoyance ceased."
For sale by all dealers Price 50
cents. Foster-MUbtirn Co., Buffalo,
N. v., sole ageuts for tbe United
Remember the name Doan's and
take uo other. . . ;7
New Tailor Shop.
A. J. :,l.e;ii, the well lt:.n tailor
has reopened a tailor shop on North
First street, where he is ready to
clean, press and repair ladies' and
pents' clothing. Suits made to order.
Patronage of former customers solicit
Chicago won the western foot ball
championship ynsterdajr by defeating
the University of Michigan by a score
of 2 to 0 In a gridiron battle devoid of
spectacular features, but hotly con
Corne, lost to Pennsylvania yester
day by the score of 6 to 5, In the
most stubbornly contested game ever
seen on Franklin field at Philadelphia.
The score In the foot ball game be
tween Indians and Ohio universities
resulted In a score of 11 to 0 in favor
of the Indiana eleven.
The Haskell Indians were blanked
Thanksgiving Day by the University
of Colorado's eleven, the victors win
ning by a score of 39.
California ring followers who are
watching the preliminary work of
Fltzsimmons and O'Brien for their
match at Cslma, December 20th, have
picked O'Brien as the winner, and
will lay their money on the Philadel
phlan. Old Fltz Is striving hard to
get his hands and feet in condition
but Is having considerable trouble in
The pick among the European stars
have arrived in New York for the
bicycle races which begin at Madison
Square -Garden, December 4th. The
foreign teams include Oougoltz and
Vanonl, the French-Italian team; Gor-
sllnger and Gussat, the French team;
Trouscller ' and Decot, French team:
Van Derstuvft and Stol. the Beleian
team, and Hall, who has not mate as
Six Wisconsin veterans will leave
the foot ball team at the end of this
season Remp, Bertke, Bush, Vander
boom, Findlay and Donovan. The pro
posal to drop one of the big games
next season is meeting with great
favor, and It. Is almost assured that
Wisconsin will not play with Minne
sota In 1906.
The signing of third baseman Chas,
Babb of Brooklyn, to manage the
Memphis team in the Southern Lea
gue, assures the Tennessee town of
an aggressive player for the position.
George Siler. the occasional referee.
of Chicago, is having a dreadful time
all by himself, arguing the question
of who was the first Queensberry
champion of the ring. He has proven
to his own satisfaction that it was
neither Sullivan, Corbett, Fltzsim
mons or Slavln, and so the public
ought to be satisfied and continue
in the belief that nearly all of these
men at one time or another held the
One of the disheartening features
of tbe meeting between the Army and
Navy foot ball teams next Saturday
will lie this chorus of a song the Mid
dies will iiurl at their Army opposi
tion: "Army mule, army mule,
You can kick and balk and bray
But foot ball you cannot play.
Army mule, army mule,
Haw-he, haw-he. haw-he. haw-he.
Young Theodore Roosevelt having
recovered from his New York news
paper Injuries, which consisted of a
liroken nose, torn ear. a flattened
chest, a wrenched ankle, a broken
neck, a few displaced ribs, a discolor
ed eye, anil some minor injuries, he
can now settle down to his studies
with the diligence that characterizes
the Roosevelt family. How he escaped
being killed by the New York news
papers Is one of the wonders of the
foot ball Beason.
Pacific coast fight fans will see two
good liouts on December 20 O'Brien
and Fitzsliumous at Colma and Au
relia Herrcra and Kid Herman at lx
Angeles. Herrera and Herman will
go 20 rounds at catchweights .
That the agitation for open play on
the gridiron will bear fruit next sea
son Is undoubted by close students of
the game. While the game, as the
leading college sport. Is more popular
than ever before, and drew more peo
ple to witness the contests this year
than any previous year in its history,
the fact remains that the protests
against the mass play, the profess
ional coach, the paid player and vari
ous forms of brutality is more vigor
ous and widespread than In years. The
modification of the rules will elimin
ate the causes of the general com
plaint and place the game on a sound
er fnotlnir Rml higher nluno thnn pvpr
President Roosevelt's timely criticism
or the game and Coach Reld s declara
tion that the rules must be modified
or the game abandoned have been the
soundest utterances and sanest criti
cism yet offered.
Manager McGraw expects to make
fewer changes in the personnel of
his team next season than any other
manager in the National League. Mc
Graw believes the men who won the
pennant still overtop any youngsters,
coming up from the ranks of the
minors, and that It is better to de
pend on seasoned material than take
chances with the uncertain talent to
be secured by way of the draft.
CHEAP RATES OVER
THE SANTA FE ROAD
Chicago Live Stock Show.
Kvery stockman needs the Inspira
tion and benefit of the International
Live Stock Exhibition. Will be held
In Chicago, Dec. 16-23, '05. Arrange
your plana to include a trip to Chi
cago for tbis event. Tickets ou sale
Dee. 1 to 19. inclusive. Special rate
of 145.00, via Santa Fe.
T. K. PUKDY, Agent.
The Great Cattle Exhibit.
At Union Stock Yards, Chicago, De
cember 16 to 23, inclusive. Is an event
that should not be missed. The aris
tocracy of the hovinu kingdom will
be there. Attend the 'International"
by all means. Low rates i$4".i0) via
Santa Fe. Tickets ou sale I lecemher
lt to ls. Inquire af ticket oilice.
T. E. PUKDY. Aent.
The crown of all exhibitions for live
stock purposes Is the "International."
It will be held at Union Stock Yards,
Chicago, Dec. 16 to 23, Inclusive. Of
course you will plan to attend? Only
145.00 via the Santa Fe. You may
buy your ticket any time Dec. 16 to
li. Inquire at ticket office. .
T. E. PUKDY. Ageut.
Every Broad-Mnided Citizen
Should plan to patrouizo the Inter
national l.ivo Stuck l" rwmlt Inn at
Chicago. Dec. 16 to 23. Inclusive. It
stacus lor growth and expansion in
live stock production. Of course you
are going? Low rates via Santa Fe.
T. E. PUKDY, Agent.
When you are In need of fine liquors
snd wines, call on Ernest Meyers A.
Co., 116 West Silver avenue. Auto
matic phone, 240.
TSk BEST IN SILVEitWARE
. Our tock of Stirling Silver and Mated Warr
I commands the consideration of the critical
variety, newness in styles, fineness in
I - inn ikm mi i n C"B
enables one to choose with a
degree of satisfaction not
kpos&ioie i ise w Mere in
Q Cor. First street and Tljeras road.'
)The Gt. ?mo..s rj&T
JOSFH BARNKTT, top.
" 1 SAMFL8 AM)
20 West Rafroatf Arcase CLAIM KOOSfS
WE GRIND OUR OWN LENSES
For the reason that we can guarantee all glasses prescribed by us.
Bebber Optical Co.
115 GOLD AVE.
Member of Board of Optometry
ME LIN I & EAKIN, Wholesale liquet and Oar Dealers
Exclusive Agents for Yellowstone and O. F. C. Whiskies. Mot A
Chandon White Seal Champagne, St. Louis A. B. C. Bohemias and
Jos. Schllts Milwaukee Bottled Beers, and owners and distributors
of the Alavarado Whiskey. Write for our Illustrated Catalogue and
Price List. Automatic Telephone, 199. Salesroom, ill South First
Street, Albuquerque, New Mexico.
The Highly Humorous Plays,
Auspices of Woman's Club, under the
direction of Mrs. Walton.
The Play of the Season
EACH PERFORMER IS A STAR.
Reserved Seats 75c
On sale at Matson's book store on
DECEMBER J3) gffj
The New York and London Semi-mu
sical Comedy Success of
the past Season.
EVERY SONG A HIT.
Jules Murry's Comedy Company
MISS ALICE JOHNSON
THE MARRIAGE OF
MR. HARRISON J. WOLFE as Sir
PRICKS 75c. It and $150.
Seats on sale at .Matson's Saturday
N. PEACH & CO.
HE ML ESTATE DEALERS
Automatic 'phone, 535. Office, 208H
West Gold Avenue.
Citizen want ads get the business.
ILLUSTRATED FALL AND
WUtTB CATALOG N. IS
Will Da ILOTlt 1 1 T Win fnnit W-
all charges, and ship goods on approTal '
BROCK AND FEAGANS
Jin-mmiths LOS ANGELES. CA.L. Jfwtkra A
2v Albuquerque, N. M.
Horse Blankets and
Kvery horse needs a blanket ikla
weather, and we invite an tnepes
tlon of our targe line. A good,
lined. Burlap Blanket, lwth two
surclugles attached, for $1.50. Ktne
wool street Blankets at 12.50 eci..
- ALBUQUERQUE CARRIAGE CO.
W. L. TRIMBLE & CO.
LIVERY, SALE FEED AND TRANS
Horses snd Mules bought snd ex
changed. BEST TURNOUTS IN THE CITT
Second street, between Railroad and
O. F. PLATT,
The real cleaner and dyer. La
dles' and gentlemen's fin
clothes a specialty. Portieres,
lace curtains, etc. 1411 North
Fifth street. Old 'phone, Red,
26 1-2. Automatic: 'phone, 675.
9. T. VANN O. O.
President of New Mexico Board of
First established optician la New
Mexico. Glasses fitted for poor sight,
headache and nervous strain.
Office Room 9, Whiting block. Ap
pointments made at Vann's drug
Thos. r. Keleher
PAINTS, OILS. VARNISHES AND
Leather, Harness, Saddles, Lap
Robes, Horse Blankets, Etc. Pal
metto Roof Paint; lasts live years and
stops leaks. Caatt paid, for Hides and
t09 WEST RAILROAD AVENUE.
Boston Baked Bean and Brown Bread
401 WEST RAILROAD AVENUE
RANKIN & CO.
FIRE INSURANCE. REAL ESTATE.
Aatomatle phone 451.
Room 10. N. T. Armljo Building.
Movin Drayln Shippio
Tou have as once, yoall
call araln. Prices rlfM;
there ain't no gougln.
By the Albuquerque Transfer Mei
Groceries, Cigars and Tobacco, and
II kinds of Freeh Meat.
300 North Broadwsy, Corner of Wash
ington Avenue. ALBUQUERUE.N. M.
A fine place to whlia away tha
hours at tbe pool hall, No. 115 West