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SPARKS FAMILY HAPPENINGS
THE KID EATS PAINTER'S P,Ei
BY EDWAKD . CLARK
R8. SPARKS Bat In the
window of tho little
fiat, darning. Tommy
SparkB, aged four, bad
been allowed to go
oinnn to nlay In the
great yard that Ilea
between the apart
ment building and the
well private resl
dence which faces tho
drive. Mr. Sparks war
at hla office, and all
the voung Sparkaes,
harrlne- Tnmmv worn lit school. From
Mrs. Sparks' vantage point In the lit
tle bay window sho could catch occa
sional glimpses of a painter In the big
yard next door, who was moving
along slowly from stone to stone
painting the foundation of the house
of their rich neighbor a subdued sort
of red color,
Mrs. Sparks was dreamily wonder
ing why the foundation which had
been pretty In Its natural hue, need
ed painting at all, when Tommy
Sparks toddled In through the door
way leading from the kitchen. Tommy
had come up from the yard the back
way. Tommy had some streaks of
red running diagonally down from
each corner of his mouth, and bis
linen dress was spotted In places with
the same color.
"Tommy Sparks," demanded his
mother, "what on earth have you been
Tommy climbed Into a chair, swung
his legs In his infantile way and said:
"Mamma, painter's ple'a good."
Mrs. Sparks gave one hurried, hor
rified glance through the window at
the red paint which was being daubed
on the neighbor's house, and then
turned her anguished countenance
"Tommy," her voice was a pleading
wall, "did you eat the painter's stuff
out of the pall?"
"Yes, out of the pall; painter's ple'a
good," answered Tommy.
Mrs. Sparks shrieked. The maid
rushed In from the kitchen. "Get the
doctor, the druggist and Mr. Sparks,"
creamed Mrs. Sparks. "Tommy's eat
n paint and sugar of lead and every
thing, do, girl, go." Susan rushed
thronih the door, sent the corner
druggist flying up to the house, or
dered the clerk to telephone Mr.
Sparks and then sat out on a chase for
' the doctor.
In the meantime Mrs. Sparks wai
moaning over Tommy, who was tak
ing the unusual commotion which he
had created as blandly as would most
four-year-olders. He Insisted on occa
sionally reiterating that'painter's pie
was good," and at each reiteration the
mother's heart sank. '
The druggist rushed in.. "Tommy
has eaten paint Heaven alone knows
how much. It must have had Bugar
of lead In it, and that's sweet and
that's why he ate it."
The druggist grabbed up Tommy,
half threw him onto a lounge, and
then turned to the mother. "Control
yourself, Mrs. 8 parks; life depends on
instant action. Get me salt, potash
and softsoap." Luckily Mrs. Sparks
had all three articles In the house,
and she rushed off to the kitchen and
brought them back. Tommy as yet
'showed no sign of collapse. The drug
gist put two tablespoonfuls of salt In
half a glass of lukewarm water and
forced Tommy to swallow It sputter
ing. This dose was followed up with
herolo one of potash, and then
- Tommywas made to swallow a large
coffee cupful of softsoap. With the
Map down and Tommy's eyes hang-
-lng out of his head and well down
over bis cheek bones, the druggist
turned the youngster over on his
stomach on tho couch and shook him.
The only thing about Tommy that
didn't rebel at this treatment was his
stomach. That held onto its unaccus
tomed load with a pertinacity worthy
of something better. At this Juncture
the painter appeared on tho sceno. He
admitted to the tearful Mrs. Sparks
that ho had left his paint pot on tho
ground where Tommy could have
found It for about five minutes while
he went round tho corner to get a
glass of beer.
At this Instant tho doctor fell In
at the door on tho heels of the maid
He approved, the druggist's treatment
and added to It a large dose of Ipecac
Under this last added horror Tommy's
stomach and spirit both gave way.
Like the younger hopeful In Helen's
Babies, he played whale, and while he
didn't cast up Jonah he cast up pretty
sear everything else.
While Tommy was in the throes Mr.
parks arrived, ashy-lipped and shak
en. The doctor turned to him. "I
trust, Mr. Sparks, that if we can keep
him at it for ten minutes mora we
may save his life," Tommy kept at it.
The painter, who had retreated be
fore tho stricken countenance of Mrs.
8pnrkB, now reappoarod. Ho wan car
rying in one hand a dinner pail, which
lie held upside down to show those
assembled that it was absolutely
"When I came to work this morn
ing," the painter satd, "I had threo
pieces of borry pie in this pall. I
ain't got any now, a fact I Just dis
covered. I guess maybe the young
ster knows where U went"
Tommy, Just out of a paroxysm,
turned his head and caught sight of
tho empty dinner pall. "Painter's pie's
good," ho murmured.
Mm. Spurks sank Into a chair laugh
ing und crying hysterically. A grin
appeared on Mr. Spark'B faco. Tho
doctor and the druggist looked dlB
gusted. Mr. Sparks gave tho painter
a dollar. "Go to a restaurant and get
a square meal," ho said.
"Henry," sold Mrs. Sparks, still In
a strugglo between two emotions,
"what Bhall we do with that boy?"
"Well," answered Henry as he sur
veyed Tommy and his surroundings, i
I think from tho cleaning these two
professional gentlemen have Just giv
en him, that If we could turn him In
side out he'd make a good advertise
ment for some brand of soap."
The Sparks' Old Soldier Janitor.
"Eliza," said Mr. Sparks on the
night of the day that they moved Into
their new Hat, "this apartment life Is
worse than one of Dante's olrcles. I'll
make Just one more move before
I die, and that will be Into a house
In a suburb. Here wo are Just'moved,
everything topsy-turvy and no girl. Of
course, the 'latest acquisition from the
employment bureau had to leave us
Just to throw all the burden of tho
packing up and the unpacking on us.
Then again th Janitors of all flats aro
devils. I'll bet the one in this build
ing will prove to be worso than any
of the others, and even a man accus
tomed to using strong language can't
say anything stronger than that Just
look at this muss, will you, and no
one to help us fix up."
Just then the front doorbell rang.
It b a case of falso prelenso if we
"Not by a Jugful. I'll send Mrs.
Smlthklns the prlco of her advertise
ment in an nnonymouB letter. 'To
have and to hold' Is a good motto In
a case Ilka this."
That girl Rose, who stumbled Into
tho SparkB' flat that moving day night,
was a dream. She cooked things to
u turn; sho was willing; sho didn't
navo a cross word la her vocabulary;
she didn't care to go to balls on Sat
urday night, and she was plump and
good-looking. The Sparks' family life
One morning as Mr. Sparks was
leaving the building to go to the office
he met the Janitor, who was coming
up from tho basomunt leading a child
with each hand. "Mr. Sparks had bare
ly noticed thu Janitor before. This
morning something In tho man's boar
lug struck hi in und turning, ho snid:
"Willlum, you've been In tho service."
"YeB, Blr," said William, "I put in
five yearB In tho Fourth cavalry."
"I can tell a regular the minute I
clap eyes on him," Bald Mr. Sparks.
"I put In a good many years myself,
.you havo two tine children hero, William."
"Yes," said William asBentlngly, anil
then Mr. Sparks Bald "duod-byo."
That night when Mr. Sparks reach
ed home his wife said: "Tho Janitor
came up today and washed tho win
dows. I didn't think It was a part of
his work, but ho said It was nil right
and Insisted. Ho told mo that he used
to be In the regular army and that he
knew you had been In the service,
"That's It, Kllxa," said Henry, "an
old soldier likes to do things for an
other old soldier. .He washed our win
dows because wo had both, done hard
duty on the plains. Ho must bu a
good, steady fellow, for he baa n wife
and two children. They have a flat In
Mr. Sparks met William quite fre
quently after this. William alwnya
saluted. If he happened to be stnnd
lng still as Mr. Sparks passed ho
would come to "attention," clicking
his heels together the whllo and salut
ing like the old campaigner he was.
Almost every night when he reached
home Mrs. Sparks would tell Henry of
some new act of attention on tho pari
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Here tlio bent girl thai ever ur!ird
out stumbles In on ub by u idunt,
and we got n Janitor who sorv-o us a
though wo wero moguls."
Things went on this way for
months. Henry Sparks told flvo real
estate agentn to quit looking up a
country home for him. "You can't bent
tho combination I've got right hero In
the henrt of Chicago," ho said.
A box of cigars wont a long way
with the Janitor. Ho Insisted on
boating tho SparkB ruga, ho glldod the
radiators, he fixed tho door knobs, and
toward the end of the second month
ho was washing tho windows every
other day. The windows of tho other
flatB were dingy and finger-marked.
Rosa wbb a pearl of great prlco. She
anticipated every wish of every mem
ber of tho family. There whb little
left for Mrs. Sparks to Uo but to em
broider and to mend FranceB stock
ings. For Bomo reason or other,
Henry tiparkx, though ho hud alwuys
prided himself on his persplcaolty,
never noticed that whenever William
found that something In tun kitchen
needed llxlng tho Job was ahvnyn ouo
that required three or four days' time.
One night Mr. Sparks went down
town to do some work. Ho didn't get
back till one o'clock. He slipped oft
his shoes at tho door bo as not to
awaken his wife. Ho passed through
the hall, and feeling hungry he wont
oncK through the dining room with a
mind and appetite bent on exploring
thu kltchon pantry. Tho door leading
Into tho kitchen was shut. In his
stocking feet Mr. SparkB made no
nolso. He opened the door quickly.
Tho kitchen gas wub burning. From
the far end of tho room enmo a click
ing nolBe. William the Janitor was
standing at attention with hla heels
brought sharply together. As tho man
Jumped to tho position of a soldier
Mr. Sparks saw that ono of his arms
had Just dropped from Its position of
embrace about tho waist of Rosa, the
Mr. Sparks was horrified. Ho wont
back to days when as a "non-com" ho
had verbally lashed some bluccoat
"William," ho said In a voice of
thunder, "how dare you I You're a
"William's hand went to his fore
head In a salute. "Rosa and I are to
be married next week, Mr. Sparks,"
"Married I" was the gasping re
sponse. "How about your wife and
two children down stairs?"
"That's my widowed sister and her
two little ones. She's been keeping
house for me," said William.
Mr. Sparks groaned and went limply
back into the front room. He waked
his wife. "Eliza," he said, "our dream
is over. Rosa is going to marry the
Janitor. It wasn't any old soldier
sentiment at all that made him wash
windows. I'll tell Hunt in the morn
ing to look for a home for us in the
country," and, sighing, Mr. Sparks
went to bed.
At the breakfast table noxt morning
William and Rosa came in hand is
hand. "We're going to be married
next week, Mrs. Sparks," said Rosa,
"but my sister wants a place and I'll
Bend her here. She's a better cook
than I am."
At this bit of Information Mr.
Sparks' faco clenred visibly. "Yon
both havo my blessing," he snid;
"send In your sister Rosa, and If Will
iam leaves here I'll get old Hlghratos,
the landlord, to Bend a good Janitor In
his place, but I'll tako good care that
he Is not an old soldier." And then,
forgetful of everything else, Mr.
Sparks turned to his wife and said:
"They can't resist an old soldier, can
they, my dear?"
HAD ALREADY LEARNED.
"WHAT ON EARTH HAVI YOU IE EN EATINQr"
Henry Sparks stumbled over two
trunks, his daughter's bicycle, barked
his shin, bruised his toes and finally
reached the door. There in the hall
stood a young woman, comely atd
strong looking. "Is this the place you
want a girl?" she asked.
A sudden Joy leaped Into Henry
Sparks' heart. "Yes," he snid. "Come
In. We have Just moved; we're ull up
side down here. Look out for the
Then Mr. Sparks led the wny Into'
the dining-room and turned tho culler
over to his wife. "Yes, we want a
girl," said Mrs. Sparks; "we've Juot,'
moved In, and It may be you won't
want to stay now; you see how things
are" and what cleaning Is to be done,
"I'm not afraid to work," said the
At this answer, Henry Sparks, who
stood in a corner, almost fainted. The
girl produced n letter from a Luther
an clergyman in a llttlo country vil
lage. It happened that Henry Sparks
knew the man. The girl was taken on
the spot, as she declared sne was
ready to go to work then and there
and would havo her things sent right
over from her cousin's.
During the whole conversation
Snnrlm' face had wewMBsWa DH
tied expression. WbettflMtjfl had
volunteered to stay Mrs. BpTrfa'sald:
"How did your happen to Know we
wanted a girl?"
"I saw your advertisement," was
tho answer. "Here it is," ana tne gin
pulled out a cdpyof tho morning pa
per. Mrs. Sparks" "took It. "Mercy,"
she exclaimed, "that's tho advertise
ment of Mrs. Smlthklns, who lives In
the flat underneath this. You came to
tho wrong apartment."
"Well, I like tho looks of this place
anyway, and I'll stay,"
"Henry," Bald Mrs. Sparks, "won't
of the Janitor. "He came up and
went all over the plumbing today,"
she said one night "He said he
wanted to make euro that there
wasn't any sewer gas in the placo."
"There,' it Is Just as I told you,
Eliza," said Mr. Sparks; "this Janitor
doesn't want to see the family of an
old soldier suffer. I'll give him a box
of cigars tonight. Eliza, this Is the
finest kind of life. Never talk to me
again about taking a suburban house.
"I hoar your boii'b nt college learn
In' to bo a author. Do you expect
ho'll soon learn to wrlto for money?"
"Humph! He don't do nothln' elso
A CLERQYMAN'8 TESTIMONY.
Tho Rev. Edmund Heslop of Wig
ton, Pa., Buffered from Dropsy for a
year. Ills limbs and feet wero swol
len and puffed. He had heart flutter
ing, wna dizzy
and exhausted at
tho loABt exer
tion. Hands and
feet wero cold
and he had such
a dragging sensa
tion across tho
loins that it was
difficult to move.
Aflat ttalnff R
Itov. B. Heslop. boxcg of Doddg
Kidney Pills tho swelling disappear
ed and ho felt himself ngaln. Ho says
ho has boon benefited and blessed by
tho use of Dodds Kidney Pills. Sev
eral months later ho wrote: I have
not changed my faith In your remedy
since tho abovo statement was author
ized. Correspond with Rev. E. Hes
lop about this wonderful remedy.
Dodds Kidney Pills, 50c. per box at
your dealer or Dodds Medicine Co.,
Iluffalo, N. Y. Wrlto for Household
Hints, also music of National Anthom
(English and German words) and re
cipes for dainty dishes. All 3 sent froe.
Nsw China Currency.
The new Chinese dollars of the
Chinese republic are objects of much
.ourloslty among the natives. They
carry English on tho obverse side and
Chinese on the reverse, with tho pic
ture of Dr. Sun Yat Sen, founder of
"He proposed to hor In a canoe."
"Did the accept him?"
"I presume so. The canoe capsized."
Mr. Window'-, Soothing B-rtip for Chllilrrn
terlblDff,aoftcDBtliBuma, reduce,, Inrluounk
tlon, allays pain, curta wind o lie, Me bottle.
Tho faith that inspires is the trust
which comes from our time-trusted
friends. -W. 6. Royston.
THE CHILDREN'S HEALTH
In observing tho physical character
Istlca of her children, tho careful moth
er Boon lenrnn that health Is depend
cut on tho regularity of the bowels.
When the bowels become clogged with
the Btomach'B rcfuso, loss of appetite,
rcstlessnesB, Irritability, and similar
evidences of disorder aro Boon appar
ent. Keep tho bowcln regular and a
healthy, happy child Is assured.
At tho first sign of constipation the
mother should administer a mild lax
tlvo to carry off the congested wast
from tho stomach that Is fermenting
and forcing poisonous gases Into the
system. A simple compound of laxa
tlvo herbs with pepsin Is highly recom
mended as being very mild, yet post
tlve, In Its action, a tcaspoonful nt
bedtime usually serving to bring an
ensy, thorough, natural movement
next morning. This compound la
known oa Dr. Caldwell's Syrup PopbIq
and Ih Bold by druggets every whore
for COc n bottlo. A larger bottlo, put
up especially for the family medicine
chest, costs ono dollar.
Tho ubo of salts and violent purga
tives and cathartics should bo avoid
cd. They aro too harsh and drastic
tending to upset tho entire system.
Wrlto to Dr. W. II. Caldwell, 203 West
St., Montlcollo, 111., for a trial bottle
of hlB Syrup Pepsin, If you havo never
used It He will be glad -to send it
without any expense to you. Adv.
Nun l'vo seen your new young man,
and 1 should call him a diamond In the
Fan Well, he's BUBceptlblo of some
polish, I'll admit, but you haven't
classified him correctly; he's a Jasper.
Danger In "Shuttle Kissing."
"Shuttle kissing," as a vehicle for
the transmission of diseases from one
person to another employed In Eng
lish weaving sheds, is the subject of
a recent report which has been Issued
as a parliamentary paper, The "kiss
ing" referred to takes place when the
operator puts the thread' through an
eye in the shuttle. This is done by
placing the shuttle in the mouth and
sucking the thread through the little
opening. The report says that while
the Investigation has shown the pres
ent method to be, uncleanly "and may
even be a posslblo means of spreading
infection," the committee does not
think the time' Is yet ripe for insisting
either by act of parliament or by reg
ulations on tho abolition of the exist
ing form of shuttle.
Don't let a lazy
liver put you "in a
rut" Make it ao I
tivc,kccp the bowels
m open, the appetite
keen and the diges
tion normal by the
daily use of
IT DOES THE WORK
00 YEARS THE LEADER
W. N. U., LINCOLN, NO. 41-1912.
From Forty-Five to Fifty Are Much Benefited
Lydia E. Pinkham't Vegetable Compound.
Nuisance at the Table
Story of the Man Who Always Tried
to Be Funny, Especially Be
In a story by Mary Stewart Cut
ting in the Woman's Homo Compan
ion appears the following characteriz
ation of a. man who made himself a
nuisance by always trying to be
"Mr. Brentwood was well born, well
educated and successful in affairs. He
had. in the eyos of his family, one
fasti-he bad a masculine sense of
or of a homely, almost rural type,
atwhlch bis family winced uncon
trollably. Mrs. Brentwood, even from
the earliest days of their marriago,
had been wont to implore her Theo
dore when they were expecting com
pany, not to be funny,"
"Certain Jokes or mannerisms of
his at tho table were of dally occur
rence. Hardly tiotlccd;aty more when
they were alono, thoy sprang Into
startling prominence when there wero
guests. Ho always said, 'People come
from miles around to hear us drink
boup.' He Jovially Inquired if he might
'borrow tho butter or If Ellon, the
waitress, could 'spare blm another
sllco of bread.' Ho made ouns on th
vegetables and ho had a habit of look
ing with Budden suspicion at any dish
handed to him, no matter bow famil
iar, and asking disgustedly, 'What la
this, anyway?' Strangers always In
spired him particularly to their enter
tainment Certain ancient, Inherited
anecdotes could be endured by his
wife and children, even if with ach
ing strain, but there was a bathtub
story (Mr. Brentwood had in his early
boyhood migrated with his parents to
what was then tho edge of the prai
ries) boglnnlng mendaciously, 'You
know, we never took baths when I
was a boy,' that, though It was amus
ing, nearly went beyond the pale of
refinement, and an awful toothbrush
Btory which positively did. If people
laughed at his stories, Mr. Brent
wood became practically untram
moled. "Another common tablo romark by
Mr. Brentwood was that he never
had any ubo for potato salad, because
cold potatoes always reminded him
of cold feet. It was also his habit to
admonish people to 'cat slowly and
distinctly.' He got this from the old
saying, 'Read slowly and distinctly.' '
The "change of life" Is most
critical period In a woman's ex
iatence. and tho anxiety felt by
women as it draws .near isnot
When her system Is in a de
ranged condition, sho may be
predisposed to apoplexy, or con
gestion of somo organ. At this
time, also, cancers and tumors
are more liablo to form and begin
their destructive work.
Such warning symptoms as
sense of suffocation, hot flashes,
headaches, backaches, dread of
impending evil, timidity, sounds
in the ears, palpitation of the
heart, sparks before the eyes,
irregularities, constipation, vari
able appetite, weakness and
inquietude, and dizziness, are
promptly heeded by intelligent
women who are approaching the
period in life when woman's
great change may be expected.
Those symptoms axe calls from
nature for help. The nerves are
crying out for assistance and tho
cry should be heeded in time.
. Iydia E. Pinkham's Vegetable
Compound is prepared to meet
the needs of women's system at
this trying period of hor life. It
invigorates and strengthens the
femalo organism and builds up
the weakened nervous system.
It has carried many women safely
thioufh this crisis.
rV HR-JgaiBMLJPLaW . VXf
ft -mrj.Es.clla Gillisple
ONE CASE OUT OF MANY
TO PROVE OUB CLAIMS.
St. Anno, I1L aI was passinf
through the change of life and 1
was a perfect wreck from female
troubles. I had a displacement
and bearing down pains, weak
fainting spells, dizziness, then
numb and cold feelings. Some
times my feet and limbs were
swollen. I was irregular and had
so much backache and headache,
was nervous, irritable and was
despondent. Sometimes xay ap
' petite was good but more oftenlt
was not My kidneys troubled
mo at times and I could walk
only a Bhort distance.
WI saw your advertisement in a
paper and took Lydia E. Fink
ham's Vegetable Compound, and
I was helped from the first. At
the end of two months the swel
ling had gone down, I was re
lieved of pain, and could walk
with ease. I continued with the
medicino and now I do almost all
my bousowork. I know your
medicino has saved me froflkjgha
grave and I am wilUng.forybiro
publish any thing I write tojou,
for the good of otlMrj. lira,
Estbxla GiLuarrsv RFJX No. L
Box 84, St. Anne, nilnnto.
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