Newspaper Page Text
PfHW iJJW4JiA rwy&tmiri
TonrVlfe IsnTf looCln'g Tren." "She
Is unable to sleep nights." ''"She
doesn't look like a nervous woman."
"It isn't that I bare had a secret
pocket pnt In my clothes and she
hasn't found it ret" Houston Post
Bill Fishing is mighty good exer
cise. Jill Where does the exercise
come In. pray? "Digging the worms."
I know a maiden who la fair
And from blemishes free.
Except that she doesn't seem somehow to
To talk of the talents so great and so
Appertaining to me.
"What Is the first step toward reme
dying the discontent of the masses?'
"The first step," replied the energetic
campaigner, "is to get out and make
speeches to prove to them how dis
contented they are." Washington Star.
Mrs. Willis Is your husband of a
literary turn of mind? Mrs. Gflllls
Yes. Whenever an Idea turns up, he
turns it over in his mind, turns It out
as a story, turns It into an editor, who
turns it around and turns It down.
Roughshod he rides and nothing balks;
Ha likes to spring surprises.
He's not content that money talks.
But also advertises.
"I wish you would stop that howling
baby of yours r "Why. the baby is
very popular In the neighborhood."
"It Is a nuisance! When it cries, I
can't hear myself sing." "That s why
It's so popular." Baltimore American.
"All men look alike." simpered the
fluffy young thing.
"To you?" queried the mere man.
"No; at me." Chicago Tribune.
I took her little hand In mine.
(She Is my bride that Is to be.)
I slipped upon that mitt divine
The ring that tied that doll to me.
She piped the stone, she got all red
Say, she was something great to seel
"I fear no future, kid," she said.
!This present Is enough for me."
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
"The automobile has certainly en
abled me to catch up on my social en
gagements." 'That so? "Yes. If I
am lucky enough to strike the people
who are not at home, I can make
eighteen calls in an afternoon." De
troit Free Press.
"You don't avoid hot weather by go
ing away from home." :No," replied
Hiss Cayenne; "but It's better to be
among strangers where the formalities
prevent giving way to the irritations
of climate." Washington Star.
rve had many a Queer ambition.
But believe me. now, my dear,
rve never longed for that position
On a motorcycle's rear.
The Old Timer Yes, sir; we had two
Ice crops this winter. .
The Newcomer to the Country That
speaks pretty well for this section.
I'tn glad we moved out here. What
kind of water did you plant? Wo
man's Home Companion.'
"Does your child always do what yon
tell him to dor "He either does, or
explains in detail how absurd my re
quest Is, and why he cannot comply."
The sea has Its yachts.
Through the waves to splash;
The air has its ships.
Through the clouds to dash;
The earth has its autos
To stir up the Just:
X have my two legs.
And use them I must.
Poet (at stamp window) You have
no reduced rates for manuscript?
Clerk No, sir. Poet Well, I want
stamps for this. Clerk One way or
round trip? Boston Transcript
"A horse." said the kindly citizen, "is
man's most faithful friend.'' "Yes,"
replied Fanner Corntossel. "But If
you'll figure up feed bills you'll see that
a man is also a pretty good thing lor a
horse." Washington Herald.
Ehe sent a record with her volee
On It to her dear lover.
He sent her some cough sirup with
The hope that she'd recover.
"Is your theory making any practical
progress?" "Unquestionably," replied
the socialist "Already umbrellas, lead
pencils and matches are regarded aH
common property." Washington Star.
"Why have you never run for 06100?"
Mked the reporter. "Well," said the
wealthy citizen, "when I was younger
I was too poor to make a campaign;
now that I am rich I don't dare to."
Detroit Free Press.
T used to have three bald spots
Op there on top of xny bead.
Tou've only one there now. sir,"
The barber soothingly said.
"What party does that statesman be
long tor "He would be offended If he
heard that question. Ton should ask
what party belongs to him.' Washing
Scientists are trying to disconer a
rare for the blues. Men who have
Wed to cure them by painting towns
red find that scheme a decided faflare.
2ar alius nnnpln skeery
A-loomln p each day.
2f rou ain't afraid of sssstrsfes
mi's a frosbtte on de way.
.-... Washington Star.
Back where dandelions grow
Lives my Amaryllis.
From her head to tip of toe
I love ray Amaryllis.
Ehe Is plain as plate can be.
But she's style enough for ma.
A dearer one .you'll rarely see
Through the woods and o'er the fields
Roams my Amaryllis.
Ecstasy her sweet voice yields -
Oft she lies there In. the sun.
Gayly thinking happy one. ;
Glad the day is nearly dope '
I've been offered prices great
But to sell I somehow hate
For to part I don't know how.
All my folks would kick, I trow.
So I guess Til keep my cow
A Question of Weights.
Senator Borah was talking at a dln
oer in Boise about an embarrassing
question that had been asked at Chi
cago. "The question," he said, smiling,
"went unanswered. It was like little
"A young gentleman was spending
the week end at little Willie's cottage
at Atlantic City, and on Sunday even
ing after dinner, there being a scarcity
of chairs on the crowded piazza, the
young gentleman took Willie on his
"Then during a pause In the conver
sation little Willie looked up at the
young gentleman and piped:
"'Am I as heavy as sister Mabel?"
New York Tribune.
IThe Cubs nilWil when they
read that the rernin "Tliii.tr to Bvers to
Chance ouId ha no nuccesor. Col
lier's Weekly I
This is a slogan thai thrills to the ear:'
"Wagner to Wrk.-s to Stnhl "
More or less trio, o i-ehnr ph vn mlr.
"Wagner to Verke- to Stahl "
Three of the hlftUst brill .l;iyln;r gents
Bver referred to as "stonewall defense."
Slip them a lyrical laurel wreath hence,
'Wagner to Ycrkes to Stahl."
-New York Mall.
"When we had climbed to the top
of the mountain we observed an old
man sitting on a rock with a pair of
glasses in his bands. Every now and
then he would squint through them
and then let out a yell. Finally I ap
proached him and asked. 'Why do yon
rubber and holler? He answered:
" "Where be ye stoppIa'Tr'
"'Down at the Cliff hotel.' I an
swered. "Then don't take up my time, or
I'll lose my job. I'm the famous echo
you read about In the advertisements
of this here place. Git outer th' way
while I squeal!"' Cleveland Plain
Not the Proper Gait
If your gate Is bending double
feo and remedy the trouble.
To not brace It with a prop that's not
the proper way.
Shiftless habits are Insidious,
And we hope It's not Invidious
To tell you that to prop a gate will pro
. Chicago Tribune.
How It Was Done.
At a luncheon in New York Dr. Ly
man Abbott, sipping a glass of Ice cold
milk, told a woman suffrage story.
"I had beard a lot" he said, "about
the wonderful success of woman suf
frage in Australia, so. meeting an
Australian woman one day. I asked:
" 'How did you vote, madam, at the
"The Australian woman answered
with a simper:
'"In my mauve pannier gown, sir,
with a large mauve hat trimmed with
mauve ospreys. "Washington Post
The ladies do the marching now.
IThe men Just sit around
And let the women show 'em how
To make th' skies resound.
There was a time when flfe and drum
Filled men an' boys with joy.
But customs new and strange have come
Since father was a boy.
Cleveland Plain Dealer.
The Legal Mind.
"I don't see how a lawyer can en
joy a ball game under the present
"What would a lawyer want?'
1 should think they'd want to stop
the game after every decision and
have It argued and ruled on, with a
court of appeals sitting constantly on
the side lines." Kansas City Journal.
The men who say
Hard work is sweet
Are those who live
On Easy street.
The Retort Courteous.
An EngUshnian in Dublin was asked
by an Irish cab driver If he wished. to
ride through the city.
"No," replied the Englishman, "I am
"Ah, well remarked the Jeho, may
your honor long be able, bat seldom
willing.' Boston Post
We've said It once.
And we repeat
Eggplant was never
Made to eat
slmbarrassment ef Riches.
What are yon puzzling about J" "Tra
writing a sketch for Taudevffle on the
COTrentTwlitlcal aitation., -WeHytMr
ought to hare plenty of good staff to
pat in." That isn't -what puszleasae.
rve got so much good stuff I doa't
know what to leaTe oat-LeakTfls
C3Biir-JonrnaL . . , w
Fibs and Dates. " " .
It Is a good plan to wash figs and
dates before giving them to children
or, .for that matter, to any one. Their
sweetness attracts insects, and their
stickiness makes them a perfect home
for dust and Its undesirable germs.
Yet most people seem never to think
of this at alL Washing will not im
pair the flavor. On the contrary, it
makes them more agreeable to the sight
and touch as well as to the taste.
. The First Coins.
The first coins were struck In brass
about 11S1 B. a and in gold and silver
fby Pheldon. tyrant of Argos. about
The Original "Village Blacfcsmithr
Dunchurch, near Rugby. England,
claims that its smithy is the original
forge which inspired the famous verses
on The Village Blacksmith." It Is a
picturesque old place, and the "spread
ing chestnut tree" still flourishes In
front of it
Trousers In their present shape were
introduced into the British army in
1813 and tolerated as a legitimate por
tion of evening dress in 1S1G.
The Gulf Stream.
Western Europe's climate would be
changed entirely were the isthmus of
Panama mid ndjacent territory to be
Bulimer-iPi!. for lu that case the equa
torial rurivnt would be carried into
tin I'ncinV renn. and the gulf stream,
which tlmw so much to warm Europe,
would not emerge into the Atlantic.
Oldest House In Paris.
The oldest house In Paris, built In
HOT. N Htlll standing. The house was
built liy :t philanthropist. Nicol Flam
el. and was originally used as a hos
telry for workingmen.
The Game of Craps.
The game of "craps Is an old one.
Is the word Itself a corruption of the
French "crops." a favorite game in the
gambling halls of the Palais Royal In
the eighteenth century? Bescherelle
says it was a game played with dice
and of English origin; that the name
was sometimes written "krabs" and
the word was spoken when one suc
ceeded In throwing 2, 3, 11 or 12 at
the first cast
The Screw Cylinder.
Invented about 23C B. C the princi
ple of the pumping screw, or screw
cylinder. Is still the same for those in
Water contracts as It falls from the
normal boiling point. 212 degrees, un
til It reaches 30 degrees. Below that
degree it expands, and at 32 degrees,
the freezing point it will expand
enongh to burst pipes and vessels
Fruit Eating Is Healthful.
If people ate more fruit they would
need less medicine and would have bet
ter health. Fruit eaten early in the
morning on an empty stomach serves
as a stimulant to the djsestion. and ap
ples and oranges eaten at any time in
the dayare good for biliousness. Stew
ed prunes and tigs are also healthful at
Strange as it may seem, beef may be
kept for months if Immersed In sour
milk. The lactic acid destroys the
germs of purification.
The average number of total and par
tial eclipses In any one year is four;
that the maximum is seven and the
minimum two. Where only two occur
they are always both of the sun. There
are a great many more eclipses of the
sun In the course of a year or a hun
dred years than there are of the moon.
Excluding Siberia, China is the lar
gest empire In Asia.
llica when reduced to aowder form
is used as a lubricant for high speed
machinery. It keeps the bearings free
from dust and resists cold and damp
A Jellyfish weighing one pound con
tains over fifteen ounces of water.
Instead of raincoats, the NIcaragnan
wears a capote, which Is a piece of Im
pervious material almost square with a
hole in the center large enough for the
wearer to put his bead through. It is
made by pouring rubber over un
Pliny's -Natural History' may be
regarded as the first encyclopedia,
since It contained 30.000 facts compiled
from 2.000 books by 100 authors.
November 1 I.ondon worst month
for fogs. During n good year the Lon
doner may have to breathe only fifty
fogs: In a very bad yejjr be may have
to endure as many ns eighty. London's
countless con I fires, mingling soot with
mist concoct the' Londoner's fog for
him. The great majority of fogs in
the metropolis begin to form between
7 and 8 In the morning. Just when most
fires are tajng lighted.
If 'typhoid fever breaks out In focrf
vicinity eat nothing that has not been
subjected to heat above the sm idling
A Needless Fast
An actor without funds managed in
some way to get a second class ticket
on a line of steamers running between
Seattle and San Francisco.
The voyage between these two points
consumed the better part of three days.
and In view of the fnct that his money
were at a low ebb he figured It out In
this way: The first day out he slept all
day to keep from eating and remained
up all night to keep from sleeping. The
second day he took physical culture
On the third day he couldstand the
6traln no longer and went down to the
dining room and ordered the best meal
the boat could afford. While tucking
it under bis belt he conjured up in his
mind's eye a picture of a cell in the
bastile In San Francisco.
After finishing the meal be said to
the waiter, "Dow much do I owe you?"
"Nothing," replied the waiter; "your
meals are Included In your ticket"
I seen a piece that a feller wrote
About a girl he knew
N the way he spoko about her eyes 'a
N her nifty ways n faco so fair
You could tell he'd been down Cedar
Where the grass grows green on Simp
'IT seen my sweetheart Sue.
Jim Todd, who's gone through college,
To slip me a Josh or two.
How that poet had lived a long ago.
Been burled a thousand years or bo.
But I Bald: "Jim. you're a kldder. see?
N you might fool some, but you cant
That poet sure meant Sue.
-Philadelphia Public Ledger.
A correspondent from Berea sends J
"My father Is the superintendent of
the German Methodists' Orphan home
here. This incident happened the other
day. Wanting to know the time, I sent
a youngster into the bouse to look at
the clock. lie came back and told me
It was a quarter to 4. I didn't think
It was quite that late, so I sent anoth
er child. He reported that it was
twenty-rive minutes of 4. Up speaks
the first lad:
"'I knew that: but If 2."i cents is a
quarter, why ain't twenty-live minutes
a quarter? "Cleveland Plain Dealer.
A Slight Oversight
He had eleven kinds of bait.
Three sorts of line.
He spent a wnd to buy a rod
Of Norway pine -
He had a pair of rubber boots
That reached the hip:'
Eent miles to get a special net
With which to dip.
He had most all they specify
In angling books.
He reached the ground, and then he
He had no hooks.
A Pen and Ink Shakespeare.
Woodrow Wilson, on a recent visit to
Atlantic City, referred good bumoredly
to bis rather Illegible handwriting.
"But my hand is nothing," he said,
"to that of Horace Greeley.
"Poor Greeley once quoted from
Shakespeare in a leading article, Tis
true, 'tis pity, and pity 'tis, 'tis true.'
"This appeared the next day as
"Tis two. 'tis fifty, 'tis fifty, 'tis
fifty-two.' "New "York Tribune.
Oh, You MaudI
Maud Muller on a winter's day
Helped harvest Ice instead of hay.
The Judge slid up on steaming skates.
Bent there perhaps by kindly fates.
Ee noticed Maud; he turned to look
And Instantly a tumble took.
Maud never got a second glance.
And there, of course, was no romance.
Their Worst Fault
Uncle Joe Cannon, seated on the
piazza of the Cape May hotel, con
demned a certain Improvement type
of social reformer.
They're great borrowers, he said,
"these chaps who are going to make
the world all .over again.
The worst thing about your Uto
pians is that they're all I-O-U-topIans."
Detroit Free Press.
A long hard
In spite of the dealers endeavor.
And It looks as though surely 'twere
coming to pass
That hard coal will be harder than ever.
"So you took your wife to the base
"Yes,' replied Mr. Meekton.
Did she enjoy itr
"Only part of It She thought they
wasted a great deal of time running
around the lot, vbut she thought the
arguments with the umpire were
quite Interesting.'' Washington Star.
For years rve gazed upon your face.
Tour smile, your dimples and yonr grace.
Although -no word we've spoken yet
In fact, although we've never met
Tour witching beauty drives me mad.
Oh. girlie of the tooth soap ad. I
A Science Lesson.
What was your little boy
about last evening?"
"Over bis lesson In natural
"A child of that age studying natn
ral history? You astonish me!"
"It's so, just tha same. He was
learning the difference between a
wasp and a fly. Houston Post
Sams Old Story.
Whenever I go flirting
The story is the same:
The fishing always was Immense
The week before I came.
Phones: Office, Mala 413 J
Res. Drexel. 7990
WALTER M. FARMER
ATTORNEY AT LAW
Salt 70S, 184 Washington St.
Notary Fabllo CHICAGO. ILL.
Office Phone: Central 6624.
Res. Phone, Deo. 4397.
No. 508 East 36th Street,
J. GRAY LUCAS
Attorney at Law
Sta -405. MS dark St
Cor. Randolph St
TtL Alilis 1121 la Offita at Urit
PHYSICIAN AND SURGEON
Office Hours: 9 to 11 A. M, 2 to 5 P.M.
3158 State Street. Chicago
Offlat Hun Ttmu 9 A. M. to 5 F. Hi
fraaa 7 P. W. U 9 P. M. Sawkr W
DR. THEO. R. MOZEE
471S SOUTH STATE STRUT
PJmm. Oakland 4662i AatamaUs 73053
mmd J. B. MeCaW. Tl
John J. Dunn
. Wholesale Retail
nUT-TOUT STRUT sad armour, avx.
1262 M.aall r Pleat
Ttksleee. Mmnm 2714
Miles J. Devine
Attorney at law
Salt 315-320 Raapar Baa
Ctatk aa4 WuUictM Streets CHICAGO
I249i As. 41-91)
TeL Ctstnl SH2
Franklin A. Denison
Attorney at Law
3S W. RANDOLPH STREET
Sal ta 70S
DeUwaf BalUlas CHICAGO
A. D. GASH
118 North La Salle St. Chicago
Suit 615 to 616
Oakland 1609 Raa. Oakland 1760 Anta. 79156
HENRY C. B0MAR& SON
FINE FURNITURE AND PIANO
K07O5, '.PACXDtS AMD SETPPZK3
S.Tripa DaU ta AMDtpota
4706 Indiana Are.
Darius Cobb, noted Boston artist. Is
seventy-eight and still is at work with
A member of the Women's Social and
Political union and a well known paint
er, lime. Arsene Darmesteter has been
elected associate of the Sodeta Nation
ale des Beaux Arts, Paris. Her picture
In this year's Champ do Mars salon,
Xa Tasse da The," Is hung on the line
and has made a considerable sensation.
Don Arigustb Olive, a young painter
of the Argentine Republic, has justJ
been honored In an exceptional man
ner try the Judges of the exhibition of
fine arts at Madrid, who, enthusiastic
over his work, proposed a prize for
him, although as a foreigner he Is no
entitled to one. In recognition of his
unusual talent a purse has been given
him by th Argentina munklpellty of
THE SBOAD AX CAN SB FOTTXD
ON SALB AS THB FOLLOWING
From on and after this data Taa
Broad Ax, can be found on sale at tha
following news stands:
A. T. Tervalon, cigar store and naws
stand, 5004 Bate street.
George L Martin, maker of fine cigars
and news stand, 18 W. 31st Bt, near
B. M. Harvey's barber shop and
news stand, 3924 State street.
Mrs. Nellie Phelps, cigars, notions
and news stand, 15 W. 30th fit, new
W. 8. Cole, cigars, tobacco and naws
stand, 34 W. 31st 8t, near Dearborn.
T. B. HaH, laundry office and news
stand, 11 W. 29th 8k, near State.
B. Davis, cigars, tobacco and news
stand, 3532 State St.
W. M. Maxwell, notions, eigars, to
bacco, confections and news stand, 6244
Edward Felix, notions, cigars and
news stand, 52 W. 30th St.
P. Bishop, cigars, tobacco and news
stand, 8 W. 27th St, near State.
Turner Williams' barber stop and
news stand, 3252 State St
Sylvester MeGIofon, news stand and
laundry office, 4122 State St
William Gaughan, laundry office,
cigars, tobacco and news stand, 263S
N. T. Chilton, ladies' and gents
shoe shining parlors and news stand
5108 State Street
Harry Shelby, news stand 83081-2
Mrs. L. B. Taylor, notions, eigars
and news stand, 15 W. 36th Street,
Benjamin Z. Eakin news and adver
tising ageney, 428 Indiana Avenue, In
THE AMERICAN LIFE INSURANCE
COMPANY OF ILLINOIS.
Old Use LttU Incrrt Ca.
ASBsbma. utUir SUti Ortraatat St-xrrlilis.
1100,000 deposited with the State. Policies of all
kinds. lansins trom five cents to ten thousand
dollars. Oar indastriafiContracts give to the color
ed policy holder more than any otnerieompany for
the same weekly premium.
Calarti Axtsli It Wrltt tad CaTJtct Yair Balitta
Information of rates and Tallies st yonr if a will
be furnished free, noon eirinz Tonr ize. uma and
Tot Amtrlcaa Lift Insaruea Ce., of Illiioli,
and McCall PatteAs
ftOjsSs For Women '?
Have More Friends than any other
magazine or patterns. McCall's is the
reliable Fashion Guide monthly in
one million one hundred thousand
homes. Besides showing all the latest
designs of McCall Patterns, each issue
is brimful of sparkling short stories
and helpful information for women.
Save Moay ami Kp la Stria br sataaitus
tor McCU' Igto st onct. Com only 5a
cxnu a year, including say oaa el the ctlebnud
McCall Paturoi free.
McCall Pattern Uad all olhoa fa style, fit.
siapliaty. economy and lumber said. More
deilerx tell McCall Pattern tbaa aay otaar two
make combined. Noa biiber tbaa 13 ctatx. Bay
from yonr dealer, or by nau from
236-246 W. 37tk St, New York Cky
9m iiiiCTT.rTii 1 oi mainin aaao,
Telephones. CALUMET 4401-4428
J. S. DORSEY, Druggist
2701 Dearborn St. CHICAGO"
U Doraar'a fine Pomade far the hair. It
will make It aoit and sloaar. Prescription
caraf ally compounded. Pfcon jour ORDERS
kr Das' ee Week
2! Douglas Hotel
res- Ilea Ord.
Bat, fltaasa Heat, ZXsetrie Light
SM 8. Mate Stress. CHICAGO
First Boy Hey, BUlle! What's the
Second Boy Don't bother me; I'm on
an Important errand.
First Boy Where yoa goln'?
Second Boy I'm goln' to get a new
inner tube for pa and have ma's pnmps
Things are not always what they oeesa,
Z got from a book.
And Mamie's feet are not as large
As white shoes make them look.
Detroit Sreo Press.
'A woman at Niagara Falls had tsreav'
What a comfort It must have been to'
glrr all those kiddles a world's wnra-'
der for a playgrountL-CleTelaad Plaia :
.- . -