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THE EENEa TIMES. 'j TUESDAY, AUGUST 27 1895.
Merely to make a clean a
showing in our Embroid- a
ery stock to hurry out n
what stock is now on hand rj
caused this awful reduc- f
For one lot of Cam
bric embroidery. 3
Inches wide. Worth
12Hc and 15c yard.
For 9-lnoh Hem
stitched Nainsook a
For 27-Inch Nain
sook and Swiss Em- J
Ingr. Worth 48c 4
50c Yard. 4
For 45-Inch Naln-
sook Embroidered A
Flouncing, hem- A
It's pleasant here. Our
ofi-i,-rt Ic "rioli orhtf ii I I u
cooled by our 'Patent J
Cooling Fans. f
f 420, 422, 424, 426 7tli St. f
EDUCATION- FOR REAL LIFE
FOB SONS AND DAUGHTER8.
Tlio Spencerlan Business College,
National Bank or the Republic Building,
cor. 7th andD nw. Dayandnlght.
fa tlie National Capital and throughout the
country, is a household word, associated
with thorough business training and a
Tho thlrty-rirst scholastic year of this
popular Institution begins Monday, Sep
tember 2, 1895. Five departments, viz.:
Practical business. Including complete
bookkeeping co'irse, English, rapid cal
culations, rapid writing, moral and social
culture, Delsarte system of expression,
civics, political economy and commercial
law. Practical English, witli InltLitory
bookkeeping. Shorthand and Typewriting,
including English; Spcncerian Rapid Writ
ing, Mechanical and Agricultural Drawing.
Full corps of thoroughly trained teachers.
Spacious, brilliantly lighted, handsome
halls and class-rooms. Service of gradu
ates always In demand. Terms moderate,
but no competition with cheap schools.
The leading business men of Washington
were trained In tills college, and send their
Eons and daughters and candidates for
employment hero for training.
Tills college received from the World's
Columbian commission, a diploma for
"Excellence of Students' Work" in nil of
tho above departments.
Office open every buFlness day and
night, on and after Monday, August 12.
Wrlto or call for new annual announce
ment. MRS . SARA A. SPENCER,
Principal and Proprietor.
Classical and Business courses of stud
ies Schools will reopen Tuesday, Septem
ber 3. Three free scholarships open to all
competitors will be contested for on Au
gust 29, 30. and 31. For particulars address
Hcv. CORNELIUS GILLESPIE. 8. J.,
President and Treasurer. au22-lmo
lVIIOTi: HYMNS ON STONE.
Unfile Found In Old Vuultx of an
fn Iheir excavations at Delphi the French
have unearthed a building thatPausanians
describe! as the Treasury of the Athenians.
They discovered the remains of two large
slabs of stone, inscribed with words tnd
music. In the first season's work they
found rourteen fragments of various sizes,
of which Uicy published an account last
year, says thcNe w York Sun.
Four of the fragments were distinguished
from Ihe other ten by a difference la tho
notation of the music, and these four made
up a piece t hat was Introduced to the public
as Ihe "Hymn to Apollo." "
They recently found another large frag
ment, to which the remaining ten were
adjusted, and now they have a second
hymn. The last line of the new hymn is
followed by the first line of a decree. This
shows how these compositions came to bo
insribjd on I lies lone.
The people of Delphi had passed decrees
in honor of the authors, and had ordered
the linms to be set out with tlie decrees
when these were put on record. As the
authors were Athenians, tho inscriptions
were placed in the Athenian treasury.
The porport of both hymns Is substan
tially the same. After the invocation of
the myses the poet gives various legenCa
of Apollo's life "and works, ending wllh
the slaughter of the Gauls at Delphi. In 270
B. C. He then Implored the gods for pro
tection for Delphi anil Athens and the gov
ernment at Rome. The date is therefore
after 146 B. C. when the Romans took pos
session of Greece.
Didn't Want Much.
Joseph Jefferson lias a national reputation
flotonlyasanactor, butalsonsastory teller.
The following experience, which lie related
at tlie dinner of the Harvard Association, is
by no meani the worst of ids yarns: "While
acting 'Rip Van Winkle" in one of the West
ern cities I received a lctler in which the
writer said he. was so overcome byrnyactlng
that he was desirous of returning thanks.
And he closed the letter by saying: "My
name Is Duncan and I am the inventor of
Duncan's spring beds. I would like to send
as a token of my gratitude one of Duncan's
spring beiU to yoa for your family. I am en
tirely disinterested in the matter, and all I
shall ask yon to do will bo simply, when you
wake up in Uic last act, to say you wouldn't
fcare felt so bad if you had been slBbplcg on
a of Duncan's spring beds."
WATER PARTIES THE CAPER
Swell Dinners Served on
Yachts and Barges.
COSTUMES FOE SUCH AFFAIES
Clinging Gowns and Water
proof Duck to Defy
Mists and Fogs.
"A llfo on the ocean wave.
And a home on the rolling seal"
Is the song which the August woman Is
humming as she shakes out the Rally smell
ing dresses of her wardrobe anil selects
the freshest one for this, the fiftieth "wa
ter party" of the season. She is going to
drive or cycle to Ihe beach, trip daintily
out upon the smallest and finest wharf
there, and step lightly upon a beautiful
yacht for a sail and a dinner, And that is
a "water party."
The finest water party of the month was
given by Mrs. Potter Palmer at liar Harbor
a few days ago. There were present all
tho Bar Harbor eop!e and many of the
Newporters, who had conic to the Bar for
a few days for this occasion. Mrs. Pal
mer's dinner was a dream of land and sea
combined, and the singing In tlie saloon
afterward was as classic and as well pre
pared as though it had 1mi planned and
rehearsed in a drawing-room for weeks.
A COLUMBUS BARGE.
To have a real water party there need
A Gtiost at Mrs. Palm
not bo a great yacht. A small rowboat win
accommodate enough to come under the
title. But if only rowboats can bo pro
cured there must be several of them tied
alongside, making a wide barge-like fleet,
and in the middle boat sit the merry com
pany. The rowing is done by, the outside
oarsmen, who are professionals. They sit
In the two outside bouls that arc (on each
side, the middle boats containing the com
pany, and they row withanevenstroke that
sends the barge along.
Toles with lights are stationed at each
end of the boats, and there Is red fire
set off i n the outside noes. There Js a land
Ingmadesomewheru and a spread Is looked
after, then comes the triumphant procession
home and muslecn route. This is liked
by young people wl .do not own yachts,
and who cannot appropriate for their own
special use the family house-boat or yacht
belonging to the pater of the family, who
may want it forapartyof elders.
The gowns at Irs. Palmer's water party
were very beautiful. They bad every
apiiearance of great warmth and comfort,
while bcl ng also airy and pretty.
It is a mistake to say that chiffon can
not live upon the water. For there Is an
admirable quality of Ibat'.most admirable
material which stands sea air nicely,
and does not droop even under a spray.
It may have a trifling of stiffening in its
manufacture, but it looks wry light and
airy, , and will endure much .hardship.
The prettiest of the sea dresses, at -Mrs.
Palmer's water parly -was n deep crimson
summer silk, with tiny Norfolk Jacket
of a deeper shade. This gave warmth to
the figure. The sleeves were elbow length,.
Worth's professed "abomination," yet very
becoming to this tall wearer, and orcr tzietr
Inside material was draped and puffed the
redoubtable chiffon. Long black suede
gloves made the arms look fully enough
attired, and the broad, flaring hat brim
shaded the face. The hat was most dressy,
as It was of while chip, knotted with bows
of crimson and trimmed with upstanding
ornaments of Jet, whkti is a wicked,
shiny substance that winks at you when
you least expect It.
The curmingncss of this toilet became
apparent a tdlnncr, when the wearer slipped
off Ihe velvet Norfolk and stood dressed
in the-most perfectly fitting dinner Prin
cess ever seen. It hugged thu waUt, it clung
to the figure and It fitted tho hips. The
front was one Lively cuirass of jet, that
winked and blinked the man in the moon
clean out of countenance.
BALLOON WOMEN UNPOPULAR.
- "That woman has never been ata water
party before," remarked a very critical
young woman as there stepped aboard a
matron dressed in shining satin with out
standing skirt and plenty of fulness to her
sleeves. "If she had she would know that
yachts arc not ballrooms. -and that there
isn't room for stand-out skirts nor for
balloon sleeves. My molber orders her
'water dresses' made Just as she does her
bathing suits, and she knows better tbau
to be selfish In her skirls and sleeves."
Before an hour the woman who
"Never was at Era before.
Never had been off the shore,"
collapsed as to stiffening, and was far
more endurable in her last date than in
Such a very queer waterdinncr was given
on a great yacht lallid by lis owner the
Homing Pigeon. The j ach t has big rails and
is to all appearances a yacht, yet planted
in the midst of it is oi e of these queer little
one-Mory wooden cottages that make a
yacht "a house-liodt." Tli cabin is the
bhape of a tiny cottage that is all ili.it
distinguishes it. And as the jacht niter
does any fat calling or racing, but is In
reality a house-boat, t:ie shape of the in
terior matters nothing.
The plans for the water dinner were so
very uulque that everybody who likes a
it's Water Dinner.
good time and lives within twenty-live
miles of a stream will want to try one. The
guests were all invited by formal invita
tion, with the added scribbled line: "Will
call for you at 5."
At 0 sharp a great vehicle, filled with
seals which wcro covered with straw to
look like a straw ride, was hauled up In
front of the door and a horn blown for the
invited ones to hurry to a place in thecarry
all. By 6 all were al the water's edge, where
lay a houseboat, with the dotted muslin
curtains primly tied back from tho window
panes and the latch-strlng hanging well out
side the door.
A second later the doorvo.-.thnirw wide
open and a waiter with a huge dinner bell
in hand appeared, ringing the bell violently
and shouting, "DInnclr! dinner!"
It took ten minutes to get all aboard an4
to set the craft afloat, but by that time
the soup was on the table and the water
dinner bad commenced. The feast was
spread upon the deck, walle a few prop
erty trees, lent by a Tillage theater, gave
great Tcallty to the scene.
TOO MUCH JOYFORAMAN.
It was afa water party on the Nourmahal
that Mrs. John Jacob Astor's captain gave
first signs of infanlty, and had finally to
be brought ashore and put In an asylum.
And i t was at one of these that a well-known
young society man,-wbo hails from the
West, but disports much in the Eart, so
far came under Ihe spell of Uic waterwltcn,
as to propose to two very celebrated,
heiresses In the rame night, and nave bad
the bad fortune to be accepted by eaca in
One accepted blm over the nuts and cof
fee -and the oUrer told -him she would lire
for him alone as they bent over the bow
of the boat watching the water cat In
foamy slices before the sharp prow. The
young man Is con abroad, recuperating
rrom the wrath Uintr followed on the
next day. But the moral Is for all to be a
Utile careful of the.iWater Witch, for she
is an -icliaiillng Jade,, and in the moon
light suggests strange tilings.
Girls almost always wear thin dresses
on these water parties., But It is not wise'.
"The thicker the material and the simpler
made the belter the appearance all the
evening through," ( the rule. The linens
wear nicely upon the water .and take a
ilat.li of brine well.fliuj the thinner goods
iling, get limp and look draggled before
the first after-dinner promenade Is taken.
The most becominglitllewatcr party suits
are of heaviest white pique, en, if you can
get it, old-fashioned Marseilles. This
comes as thick as u board. Or Jut t as good
is the great coarse, white duckj with
which the soldier boys make themselves
brave on the Fourth of July.
If this is made Into a tigta-rilllng Jacket,
with Immense sleeves, and if worn oer a
black silk vest, with a white duck sHrt
and tiny black sjlllrg cop, the effect is
very chic. Big white pearl buttons aro
very ornamental upon 'the front of the
Jacket, and a white pearl button trimmed
the cap of a girl whose white durk suit
had evidently been nmattiTforcoiiRiiltntlon
and prayer fora week bcforcltwasnchir-ved
in nil its perfection.
It is tald that old.occnn Is making merry
over the desertion of the belles (mill land,
and Is behaving ittelf -wry excellently this
season. Earth meanwhile rends up the
daislrs-and buttercups for its adornment,
and the ocean brags the belles and beaux.
Miss Minnie Tooney, of Baltimore, is
the guect .of Mrs. C. Murpay, of I ttreet
Miss Mamie McGuIre has returned from
Colonial Beach where she spent thu past
MrsF.dward T. Collamore, of East
Washington, has returned from a month's
stay at Atlantic qty,
Mr.ll. L. Tucker, who left some days a go
for Cape May, will visit the resorts of New
York bay beroro returning at the end of the
Mr. Thomas Conelly , who has been enjoy
Ing his vacation ut Colonial Beach, returned
Mrs. William Tost.'of South Washington,
has gone to Button by ria, and will visit
the resorts of Massachusetts coast before
returning about the middle of Scptunber.
Misses Delia and Katie McGuirr re
turned from Colonial Beach yesterday.
The Misses Jarvls ore spending the sum
mer at Harper's Ferry,
Mr. Joseph Hall'iihs returned aricr a
month's vacation at the seaside.
Miss Mary Gardlicr left yesterday to
spend about three weeks at Colonial
Beach. " '
Mrs. Dr. Coatcs will cbanerone a party
of young people at a picnic at Laurel to
morrow.. A. number of young people from
Washington will Jcjin the party.
Mrs. J. T-Allen. o Capitol Hill, and
her (laughter wllt.leavi; to-day for an ex
tended lrli through Northern New i'ork
and the lakes. They- will be absent about
six weeks. ,""
Mr. Isaac Crossmau and his son and
daughter have gone to Western Pennsyl
vania, to remain several weeks.
Mr. Thomas Edgerton is spending the
heated term with relatives uvar ilaltli
Mr. Patrick. Carrind Mr, -Michael. J.
Farrlngton, of Northeast Washington, have
gone on an extended tour to Providence,
Boston and Niagara Falls.
Miss S. O. Fri'bus left yesterday for a
three weeks' visit to her frlciid, Mrs. S. A.
Stewart, at Algona. Midi.
Mr. and Mrs. John F. Kelly, of No. 1C4G
Sixth ttreet northwest, hale gone to At
lantic City, where they will spend a week.
The President and Mrs. Cleveland have as
their guest at Gray Gatle3, Dr. Bryant, who
arrived there last week from New York to
enjoy a season of restand toaccompany the
President upon some of his fishing trip
that liavo been unusually successful this
Mrs. John W. Mackay Is at Homburg,
where she Is adding materially to the
gaieties of that place by her numerous and
elegant entertainments. On Wednesday of
the past weet Mrs. Mackay gave a dinner
parly at thQUotcl de Russle. Thefeast was
spread In the gardens of thehotel where the
illuminations of Interns were on the most
gorgeous scale. .The dinner table was
literally a mass of roses and'the music for
tlie occasion was furnished by the Eigh
teenth Regiment Inlaulry. The guest of
rrince Radzivlll sat at her left. Among
the ol her guests was Hon. Chauncey Depe w.
Hon. Chauncey Depew will give a lunch
eon on Thursday of the present week at
Homburg In honor of the Grand Duke and
Grand Duchess Michael of Russia, Countess
Torby, Countess Ada von Merenberg, Mrs.
Bancroft Davis, of Washington, and Miss
Rev. Dr. and Mrs. Thomas Addison are
atNantucket visiting JudgeandMrs.Arnoux
of New York. Dr.-WVddieoii officiated at
Grace Church at that resort, both at the
morning and evening services on Sunday a
week ago. . i
Bishop Hurst, of Washington, is spending
the eeason at Bazzardls Bay.
Mr. Henry ThnrbeT has teturned tG
Buzzard's Bay after'a.fveek or ten days in
tho mountains. -- h
Baron and Baroness Fava are taking
part in the gaieties ofsNarragansett Pier.
Tho Chilian Minister Senor Gena has gone
to Bar Harbor, r
Marquis desMontnKliarl, of the Italian
embassy, is at Ban rtarbor to take part In
the closing gaieties of tlie season.
Capt. McDougal, V. S. A., and wife are
at Harper's Ferry.
Mrs, Collamore has been spending som
trine at Harper's Ferry.
Mr. ami Mrs. Myron M. Parker, who
have liecn out of town all summer, stopped
lost week on tbclr way to Vermont to pay a.
ciuori, visib-u) ait. anU'Atm. xienry tviuaru
at Nantucket. Mrand Mrs. Parker are
at present in Vermont for a stay at the old
homestead of the former.
Miss Iota Lernar Monroe has returned
to tlie city after a visit of two months in
Le Plata, Md- v "
Postmaster. General "Hniron returned from.
Long Branch yesterday -afternoon and win
resume bis 4nuei to-day, i .
Tlio Land of Toys, Dolls, Kltew, Fans
I shall tell you something about Japan
and Japanese children, because travelers
say It Is the children's paradise, and that
babies uevcr cry there.
I don't think that is quite so, because
that is the only language babies have and
they must speak somehow.
The Japanese do almost everything Just
opposite from what we do, and even live
opposite, and may be lb-- smile Is bom In
them. They may Inherit it from Uielr
parents or grand parents, an 1 so away back
with a smile that they can't help any moreJ
tliau you can a frown when things don't
please you. I think children are uluut the
same the world oor, and we should get
tired of a smile all the time, as soon as a
frown. If we always had sunshine it
would lie as disagreeable to us us clouds.
We waut variety lo make It pleasant.
Japan la about half way around the
earth from us and in tlie samo latitude.
Von ought tq know that this would gite
about the climate that we have; but be
ing islands, and surrounded by water,
makes Japan a little warmer than our
northern climate or about tho same as
South Carolina, as they raise rice In abund
ance and live mostly upon It
Tlio chrysanthemum ts the national em
blem. The Iolus, a kind of icd Illy that
grows very large, they think very much
of. - Tlie birds aro very pretty. I tell you
all these things so that you won't be disap
pointed as the people arc right under us on
the opposite side of the earth; so we will
lake a thought-skip right down through
theeartb and sec Justhow they live at home;
but be careful, now, for we may come
right down upon some Jap's head if he
Is standing on it. He will only smile,
but won't say anything that we can under
stand. It is dark, you know, but we can
Bee everything by the light of these beau
tiful paper lanterns. The first thing wo
notice Is that never varying smile. Some
think itls not real and sincere and I think
It doesn't mean much as they are born with
it, and can't help it. It is a national trait.
bat we can tell better after we get more
acquainted with them.
The equate must be warmer than ours,
as you sec the doors and windows of their
houses are all made of paper. Sort mats ot
rice straw are used for carpets, and soft
cotton mattresses for beds, which can be
rolled up .and put away. At meals, straw
table clothes are laid on mats and the
family sit on the floor around, just as
we do a picnic.
You see the children arc all dressed Just
liko their parents; a plain loose garment
girded about the waist with a sash, no hooks
to pull out, no buttons to drop off and no
pins lo scratch. A strong silk cord does
all the fastening, and the garments instead
of being seivedtogetherllkeoursare basted
with a strong cilk thread so that they can
easily 1 taken apart to be washed. Stock
ings are made with a place for the big toe,
like the thumbs In our mittens. They wear
a kind of wooden clog in the streets. Pock
ets are put in the large sleeves.
Handkerchiefs and napkins arc made of
thin white paper as soft as silk. The slid
ing doors and partitions in their houses are
almost always pushed back so that you can
liar and see all that Is going on. The
lople live and dress so simply that the
mothers have much of their time to play
with their babies, and It Is no wonder they
don't cry, as they have no phis to prick
them, no tables or chairs to hit their heads
and when they fall there are soft, thick
mats on the door to protect them; but the
babies have eonic afflictions, as tfcelr
heads all have to be shaved they don't
Ilka It, lmt Instead of crying they kick, so
I think they must bjllke some of our babies
Japan is the land of (oys, dolls, kites,
fans and parasols. A Ultle girl wil some- I
times haveover a hundred dolls. It would
aruuseyouintheday time to8ees,"meof tho
babies tied uin the backs of the mothers
while they are flying kites. That is the
way they carry their babies instead of In
"' AuEngUsh teacher whospent several years
In Japan schools says that in all the time he
was then.1 he never heard a harsh word used
In any family nor saw a child struck in the
schools or in the homes. No theft -was ever
committed Thelrhouses were not locked ut
nislil and there are but few polifvmen, and
they have a large population, too, and
there would Ik; no need of pobec If It were
not for the people who go there from the
Now we will wall and see the sun rise and
skip right back In time to see our beautiful
sunset. Nobody has actually ever seen a
sunrise and sunset at the same time, and
never will, until they can see everything In
the twinkle of an eye.
A SerloiiH Affliction.
"Why," asked Dismal Daweon, leaning
over the fence, " w hy do you keep on diggin'
when the boss ain't around?" .
"Bcanse I really like the Job, replied the
new farm hand.
"Got a real llkin' for works'
"You'd orter take treatment."
New Suburban Resident When you sold
me thc.se lots you said nothing about that
swamp. You did not tell me that my whole
family would have malaria.
Real Estate Agent My dear sir, would
you have nictrytomakennymandlssatLsfied
with his home? Life.
Proficient In One Thing.
What he has learned you cannot tell
From aught he has to say.
But he can emit the college yell
In a most appalling way.
" rb wi v&mmMOBM
vMirfwi .y Mm IMvk ,, . KMi&MA
,-Wv 1 " SB
Sh. - IX l. Wl' S ' ' 7
dm ' wS?
A BUM AN HARP.
How tlio Kins of a Madmnuvw- Tribe
Arranged Him iKiineru.
The most cheerful liar in the world lives
InMadagascar. Theiatcst story that comes
from there tells about Pip. the King of the
Lotolles.oneof tho local tribes which Is now
busy fighting the French.
This King, the story goes, devised some
time ago a human harp. He had been visit
ing the place or punishment in his village,
and witnessing he bastinadoing of his cap
tives he was struck by tho tonal difference
of their groans. He at once commissioned
the royal carpenter to construct a series of
, V1' " ..'11.
whose howls of pain when tho soles of their
fectwerestruck by the rod were so carefully
arranged that they inudc a perfect octave.
This seemed such a success that he had a
second frame constructed for the feet of
eight more wretches, whoseaverage groans
ranged a full octave higher. Tlie harp was
now complete. On It he proposed to play
melodies, and started In to practice the na
Uls project was to regulate the length of
Ihe note by the vlolepce of the blow. At
first the scheme did not succeed at all, for
the reason mat Ihe captives, hitherto used
to hard hits alone, howled loudly each time
and wllh little difference in force. At last
ho arranged II, however, so that the groans
became proportioned to the blows.
But thu instrument never got quite in
tune. Incessant was the cry of some of the
animated notes. Others would not sound at
all at the right time. The heathen King had
toglveitup. The discords were too painful
for his musical ear, for, although he tried
fresh sets of prisoners, the human notrs
would never work Just right. New York
Nerving HIniHclt Up.
Tho major came softly from his room on
the floor above and opened my door with an
expression of deep anxiety on his face.
"Can you tell me," he said, "ota dentist
that hurts? I want to suffer pain."
"Real, genuine pain?" I Inquired calmly,
for I was too much used to the major's ec
centricities lobe surprised.
" Yes, sir," he replied, beginning to pace
the floor rapidly. I want a man that will
hurt. I propose to have several teeth out.
That's one of the things I thought or. But
there are others. Yes, others," he contin
ued, bis face flushing with emotion. "For
instance, I would like to meet a man who
will argue politics with me. I want a
formidable man. I want to get him mad.
If he calls me out so much the better. I
must have excitement. Can you suggest
"Why, yes," I respond, carelessly." You
might take a ride in a hospital ambulance.
Why no't take a poem into an editor I know
or I cnu get you a ticket to an afternoon
session of a young woman's emancipation
club. Is that enough?"
"As far as It goes"," replied the major, in
creasing his pace. "I must be aroused, I tell
you. Nothing is too dangerous for me toat
lenipt. Oh, for the battles that I have been
in! Give me those tickets. I must see that
demist at once and arrange for a couple of
hours of agony. I wanttocallamanoutte
rore supper. I mu6t "
"But why?" I interrupted. "Tell me
"Young ma n."said the major. Impressive
ly, stoppingsuddenlyand facing me, "I will
tellyou. I am Id love withthedeareet. sweet
est, most angelic piece ot widowhood that
ever drew breath. I havesworn to propose
to her at 11:30 to-morrow morning by tLe
clock, and I've got to do somiAhing to lead
up to it." Life.
ne was a new man In New York, evi
dently a country product, and as he rode
up town the other afternoon in a cable
car he sat In the corner trying to read his
paper, while several women held on by the
straps. He watched them furtively as
they swayed lo and fro, changing his eye
every now and then to the men who occu
pied seats as he did. None of them moved,
and didn't show any signs of moving, and
at lat he gently pulled at one of the
women's dress and got up.
"Excuse me, ma'am," he said, so every
body could hear him; "I thought I was the
only hog In thecar. but I see I'm mis
taken." New Yo'rk Snn.
A Bnsele-.. -Tbeory.
Mrs. Billus Don't you believe it's true.
John, that a person partakes lo a consid.
crable extent of the nature of the creatures
Mr. Ilillus No I've .been eating fish all
my life and I can't swim a stroke.
To a Silk Sboe.
Which hangs upon my study wall,
Wasoncea fairy bark Uiccrcw
Five elfin passengers so smalt
That, when across the dews they went.
Scarce were the billowy grasses beut.
And in the hold for merchandise
Were carried silks of divers hue.
While Ivory, such as kings might prize.
And marble-veined with softest blue;
My lady's foot, that has no peer
In either earthly hemisphere.
Ah! liappy little shoes that boro
A burden light as thistledown.
Here are you anchored evermore.
Into a peaceful haven blown;
And may this your comfort be
That you are honored so by me.
For through the seasons I will wreathe
Yoursilken sides with fairest flowers.
Which, with their perfumes sweet, shall
Of summer gone, and scented hours.
When you, in all your pretty pride,
Upon my lady's service plied.
rail Mall Gazette.
"The farmer said one of the little pigs was sick, so I brought it some sugar.'
"Sngaii" ". -
"Yes, sugar. Haven't yon ever heard of sugar cored hams?" -
FROM TEE DAIRY.
We keep the very finest
Creamery Butter, and are
most careful to always have
it fresh. Cheeses of all de
scriptions at low prices.
Emrich Beef Co.
Main Market 130MS1S Sd Street N. W.
Telephone S17. Branch .Varitets-l'M
HlhiLnw; awn llthst. aw; 8th and il
sts nit: 3017 il st nii; gist and K . nw;
215 Ind. Aro. nw. Ota and I sts. nir; 4in
and I sis. mr. 20th st and Pa. Ave. nw:
13th SL and X Y. Are. nir.
"OULD ONE" SAT ON ICE CHEST.
PhOHptiorcKcent Light From Meut
Drove A way a Good Cook.
" Orb, arra there, it's after lavln" 01 am!"
exclaimed Bridget, as she closed theice-bor
with a bang and hastened to the other side
ot the kitchen. "And this very night, too,
"What Is the trouble, Bridget?" asked
Mrs. Ashley, who beard the servant's ex
clamation. " Sure, ma'am,andlt'sanother cook yez'Il
have to git. Whin the divll himself comes
Into the very kitchen and cools himself fer
mncbt the Ice In the chist. It's after lavin' Ol
"Why, Bridget," said Mrs. Ashley, us
she entered the kitchen and raised the lid
of the ice box, "i3 it the light from tho
meat .that frightened you?"
"Sure, ma'am. It's the lolght from the
"Why, no, Bridget, that's phosphorus."
"Pnos what, ma'am?"
"Phosphorus," explained Mrs. Ashley.
"Didn't you know there was phosphorus
in the bones of all animals, and that Is what
gives out the light fronrthie Iamb chops?
Come and see, Bridget,"
"Nlver a see, ma'am. It's good that yez
have been lo me, but when the 'ould one"
hides in the chist ready to jump fer yez
when yez raise the lid, it's arther lavln' 01
am, and yez'Il have to tie glttin another
And so the services of the inoinvinceable
Bridget were lost. Chicago Inter Ocean-
Slio iiecognlzed Geulua.
A moldy-looking wayfarer knocked at
tne back door of a bumble dwelling in the
Eu!rurb3 the other morning and inquired of
the woman who answered the knock:
"Do you want your piano tuned to-day,
"Land sakos!" she replied. "We haven't
'Tcrhapa the frescoing In your parlor
needs touching up a little," besuggested.
'There ain't any frescoing In the parlor."
A look of deep melancholy settled on the
faca of the tourist.
"I am very sorry," he said. "By doing
this kind of work for our b"st jieople I make
my living. I was hoping I might lio able
by the exercise of one of ray callings in your
tasty cottage to earn my breakfast "
"Lord love you; come right In!" ex
claimed the woman, oiienlng the door wide.
"You're a greasy fraud, and I know it; but
you've got talent, and I admire talent
wherever I meet it. How'U you have yuof
eggs hard or soft boiled?"
Dunilns Since IbSO.
The commissioners appointed by the
local government to inquire into the "his
tory, causes, and efted" or the coal
mine fires of Picton county have Just fin
ished taking evidence. The work of tb
commission was directed mainly to an
Investigation of the condition ot tle Foord
pit. This mine has been on fire in one place
or another since the fifties, and it Is
burning yet. Explosion afte'r explosion has
occurred, and many lives have been losf
When fire broke out in one place the mincra
re-orted to another, sinking a new shaft.
To avoid the fire on an upper level, a shaft
was sunk and coal taken out on" the level
Immediately below the fire. Soon the fire
came through, and again the miners were
driven out. Nothing the owners could do
availed tddrlve out the fire, awl tlie splen
did mine has been practically abandoned,
though a little coal has been taken out on
a level below a part that Is on fire. The
object of the commission is to leam whether
something cannot be donetosavesovaluable
a property as the Foord pit. Halifax Her.
They Struck Out.
"I should think," said the horse editor
this morning, as he calmly filled his pipe
with the baseball editor's tobacco, "that
the liaseball teams of this country should
Join a labor union."
"Oh, you would, would you?" sneered
the snake editor, sarcastically "And
may I inquire the reason of yiur wonder
rul thought?" Ar.d he laugh a cold, hard
"Well," replied the horse editor,
smding Ecrenely, "they have ro many
strikes." And the rrake editor admitted
that they were on him, and the olfice filei?
A Great Freak.
Mr. Murdstone (at the museum) This
man is down on the programme as thu
mental phenomenon from Boston. I sup
pose he understands Browning, eh?
Manager No; he siniply doesn't eat beans,
New York Recorder.
Why Thi-y CiunoLatc.
Husband (in bat and overcoat) "Good
gracious! Uavn't you got yourcoatoujet?"
Wife "It's all fixed except tucking in
my dress sleeves so they won't get mussed.
I'll be ready in half an hour." New York
The Moraine Times for enterprise.