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12 THE MORNING TIMES, SUNDAY, AUGUST 18, 18Q5. MRS. TRAMWAY'S POSTERS' therchave passed ay ordinance to put checks on bloomers."-rawHlng for the ovation which came not, lie continued: "I thought Ibis would interest you, Birdie, in connec tion with your plansfora bicycle costume." Ignoring his Tenmrks, Birdie resumed: "But what does all that lot of black nieaur" snakes?" alio continued, holding up the next poster. "That, iuy dear," rcplied"Mr. Tramway, Fitted For Each Other. "is simply a decorative design. Can't you get onto the curves? Tula Is made by Gad ley, a Chicago artist, who for work of tliis character, stands at the head." "Well, lie must have stood on his head when he made that!" said the appreciative Mrs. Tramway. "What docs it all mean? Oh! perhaps It is to Illustrate the story of a lady lost in a labjrinth, or, has that sick-looking cat in the corner unwound a ball of yarn all 'round the dug-up looking Birdie Collects a Veritable Stock of Horrors. BUT MR. T. GROWS SKEPTICAL He Knows French Art When "lie Sees It, Egad! I I I i. II'-- 1 i i ' "So there will bo nothing to conceal after marriage, dearest, 1 may as well tell you that I smoke cigarettes, play poker, drink and am rarely at home before 1 o'clock in tho morning." "I'm glad to hoar you say so. I was afraid we wouldn't bo perfect companions " Life. HE WAS AFTHIt JOSEl'n. One of tlio Dlc-mliaumse-" of IIu ing u T In Droiber Explained. I was ovor in thePennsylvania depot the other day wlien a tram came m bearing a yeans man wlK stood over six feet high ad had arms as long as the pickets on a fence, says the Detroit Tree I'res lie was making inquiries about the ferry boats, when he .p,d a loudlj d re v-ed oung Xettow not far away whom anj body would have picked out as a traveling fakir The giaut from Uiecountry made three long steps and"peked the fakir from his feet ad staimaeti linn dowiijjiKl as he held hMH eutite plauks he said "Dam yer hide! But I thought I'd run across ye agin sonic day How the tooth powder swindle? HowVaeHin' a man sun ttata UiatS split evory tooth m Ins la-ad impossible. Harry: "Now look at me as if yon thought I were tho only man in the Trorld." Maud: ".My faco is incapable of expressing such deep grief." Truth. tryin' to olean 'cm? I'm goin to make a cold corpse of ye in jest two minutes!" Bat the police were on hand to haul him off and insist that he go his way The fakir bad been roughly used and couldn't get his breath for several minutes When the big depet had got through whiibng around with him I a6ked him if lie had been In the tooth powder business, and lie smiled in a sickly way as he replied "I never was He takes nif for my twin brother Joe, who goes about celling that et-aff. It takes theennniel off, bit Joe keeps right on selling it, Hang that hayseed he almost killed me!" "And you also have a line?" I asked. "O, yes; I sell a sure cure for consump tion for only twenty-five cents a battle and throw m a pair of eyeglasses worth half a dollar with each sale, b j t tlia t fellow wasn't after me It was tlie tooth ponder, and I mast speak to Joseph and warn him of the orror of his was" iSEUM -ri CUP403- . . &. iff i wKm The Fat Woman: "What did the police pull our manager for?" -The Sword Swallower: "For having designs on tho tattooed girl.'1 Pick Me Uft - Hard JLuoU. -Bangs What a. remarkable memory your wife has! Hangs Yes, I' should Fay bo. She re niembcrei cry thing that 1 have been trying de-peratclj for jeara to forget. New York World. ilea so n Enough. Xantippe Why is- it that novels are called fiction? Socrates Because the authors usually say when Iheir heroes and heroines are married "They lned happily eer after ward " Jones How did jou get your hands all gnarled like a sailor's? Were you ever a base ball player? Smith No, but I have carried bundles out to the suburbs for six years New York World Smokedrlft. Bring me nor frankincense nor myrrh" or cassia breathing of the east; Nor roses such as filled the air 'At sonio superb rompcian feast. Nor lead me to yon minster old, What time tho holy mass is said 4nd clouds of incenso rare are rolled In fragrant wreaths above my head. But let me stand on this green hill Beneath the chancel of the skies. And hear the thrushes' anthem trill And see the pale-blue peat smoke rise. And fill my nostrils with the breath Of fragrance that tho west wind brings, As, Bwcepim softlj o'er the heath. It fans my cheek with noiseless wings. And summons from the forcpast years Of youth, fair visions manifold. And summercen''S.jor smiles and tears In that old-homestead on the old. - -r-T. Bruce Dilks m Chambers' Journal. --of HUMAN RAT'S in that pack age, husband?" said Birdie, as Mr. Tram i aj entered with an unusually important air and a roll under his arm "I am beginning, my dear, to collect mMim t, mM u to collect money to pay the gas bill? The agent was here again to-day and says lie will turn off the gai on Satur day," answered Mrs Tramway, always" ready with some cheering remark to en courage her other halt on his return trom business "If corporate cruelty should be carried to that extent, Birdie, we must make light of our troubles," retorted Mr. Tramway with a smile as sickly as his jest "Fortu nately evenings arc short just now. But I knew you would be interested in this idea. Birdie, for it's the fad of ail the fuMi ionables You remember the article I read you the other evening in the Ladies' Home Wind Bag? Now as soon as my collection of posters are large enough wo will give 'Shure, an nurse an exhibition in the church vestry for the benefit of your sewing circle " "What!" exclaimed Mrs, Tramway, in her shrillest treble (three limes ns piercing I as her common or garden call-to-break fast oice) "What! exhibit thoe oh oh pictures in the pure air of oar church cstryl Why, Anthouj Comstock would hae the "Their Faces Almost Glued to tlio Paper." house dragged!" so sajing she held up the first sheet that caught her ej e, a design in red, jellow, and blue, by Cheret, portray ing the dancing figure of a bold female in a costume too simple to describe a kind of a cross between the summer bathing dress of a Hottentot and a brand new baby, fresh from the mint "Oh, that," said Mr Tramway patroniz ingly, "that, you know, is Trench!" "Trench!" shrilled Birdie, "well. I don't know French, but I kaow that women oughtn't to be let out of the house without at least a petticoat and corset cover on " "Petticoat?" interrupted Mr Tramway, "corset cover? Why, my dear Birdie, that is called one of the best that the famous Cherethaseverexecuted " "Well, he ought to Le executed, and I'd like to be the one to pull the rope " "Oh," interrupted Mr Tramway, "you always draw the line so sharp, my clear You women can't appreciate art, if it's anything out of the common " "I can't appreciate tilings that arc un commonly improper," agreed Mrs. Tram way, looking far from acquiescent as she fished another picture from the roll "Now, husband, what might this be?" "Well," responded Mr Tramway, "it might be Napoleon crossing the Delaware, or it might be Trilby discovering Moses in the bullrushcs, but it isn't Now. if you will give up your usual cstom of looking at a tlnng upside down, and simply turn that poster round, or, if you prefer, stand on your head and look at it, you will fiud that it is one of the world-renowned designs of Baudrey Tcarsley " "Well," said Birdie, reversing the pict ure, "I can't say it looks much moro intelli gible this way " "You see," retorted Mr Tramway, with acid in his tones, "Mr. Tcarsley does not agree to furnish brains with his designs " "No; Judging from th Is sample ofhis work, I don't think lie could," put in Birdie, with triumphant gall. "But what is it? And what has it got on its its legs?" "My dear Birdie," .answered Mr. T., "this original and characteristic poster rep resents a lady at her toilet." "A lady!" screamed Mrs. Tramwav. "Yes," interrupted her spouse, "and its doubtless a Chicago lady, as tho aldermen 7 J. jr.. U KaKiiHJ til ofPI "A Lady at Her Toilet." (By Baudrey Tcarsley.) "Black!" Paid Mr Tramway, "why, that ia put in for color." "Color!" shrilled his better halt, "why, that's black." "Oh, you don't understand. That's a term we use in art. It meatis it means to give an effect Why, if that was loft out the design wouldn't be anj thing." "Well, I'm sure it isn't anj thing as it iB. A PLEASANT PROSPECT. t, yo'll save tho darlint's loife, an I promise ye ho'll bo afthor Now, husband, look at the woman's face. Do ou call that protty?" "Well, that's a peculiarity of Tearslej's faces; they are never pretty. Perhaps its the way women's faces look to him; he's a married man." A chair tipped over at this juncture and Mr. Tramway passed deftly around to the other side of the table. "What are those long things?" asked Bir dio, after a moment of silent study o er tho design. "Those, my dear, are candles. I suppose ho put tlicm in to light up the picture," re plied Mr. Tram way, airily. "London has so little real daylight, I presume they require long candles." The next poster Mrs. Tramway fished out she gazed at intently. Then turning to Mr. Tramway, she asked. "J)o you call lhisart,ornature,or was tho artist on his way to tho Kceley cure?" "Why, Birdie, this is one of Plumchamp'a .best efforts." "Do yuu call that an erfort? Why, that ts as easy as making a crazy quilt Look at the green coat, the red gloves, and his face is in blue and such a face! ne looks as if he'd been reading something in the magazine that made him sick, and the girl she looks like something th cat had brough In " "Birdie!" interrupted Mr. Tramway, "the maker of that design is one of the best American artists. You are so liteial so practical ou go at art just as you would tackle a week's wash Now, you must Lar in mind, posters are not made to be rtamlncd so closely. You mubt place them at a distance to have them look their best." "Oh, yes, I should say the rarthcr off they were the better thej'd look," mur mured Birdie, with an innocent look in her baby ejes "This artist has studied abroad and doubtless Is more or less permeated with the chiaro-scuro t the Continental ate liers, while his, wqrk.is finished with the -veneer of the jtuodf rn Trench pre-Uaphael symbolism " 1 t Birdie lookct at, him a moment, then responded "Now, I understand Why, of course; I liu ll eTen prettier than (i Hi "A riumchninp Postor." the other posters. I was just going out to buy poisoned paper to kill the flies; now, you'll lend, roe this one,- won't you, husband, too spread on the kitchen table? Aud what is this lady doing with the II Awe- J 'Ono of Cliorot's nest.1 woman? It makes me crawl to see those things twisting all 'round her Hus band, don't you think that artist drinks too much sometimes?" Mr Tramway removed tho design ten derly from Birdie's fingers and she gath ered up tho next one, exclaiming: "Oh, marryin of ye whin he gits well." this is nice! I suppose it is to advertise the New York horse show " "Now, Birdie, that was made by tho great French artist, Grassot- It represents Napoleon." "Oh, yes! I see him now behind the horse's mane " "Some of tbeso pictures have sold, m dear, for $5 each " "Five dollars!" shrieked Birdie "Five dollars! Do you mean to say, husband, that you gave up five good dollars for that circus bill. You must be cracked on queer things " "Perhaps, that's why I married you.rav love, "said husband, ashe cautiously slipped behind a large armchair! At this moment, Neighbor Thinner ap peared at the door to irquire about golf. Mrs Tramway disappeared upstairs to cur! her front hair. Ou her return she found a breathless silence filling the gloaming. Bending over the table, their eager faces almost glued to the paper, i ere Mr. Tram way and Mr Thinner A postcrby Steinlen, depicting the attraction of the "Red Mill," they were holding down with their four hands. Birdie caught one glance one fleet ing glance of a mass of flame-colored limbs, when suddeidy conscious of her presence, Mr. Thinner, with a dextrous shove, slid it Into the roll. "Well," 6aid Mrs. Tramway, "they say the lower regions are paved with good in tentions, but if they want to mako them horrible, why don't they say they're paved with posters?" WILL PHILLIP HOOPER. Observe It. MyEon,obscrvetliepostagestamp;itsu3o f ulness depends upon its ability to stack to one thing till it gets there. Penny Illustrated Paper. Tho Crown's Definition, Roslni (therlngmaster) Whatdo you mean by tlio new woman? Maude (Uie clown) Why the up-to-date man, of course. New York "World. Gndley's Curves. Friend: "I put in a good word for yon today with old Selfmade. Ha wants his wlfe's'portrait painted badly, and I told him you were just tha man to do it" , Once a Week. j Tlio Sweet Creature. "Oh, yes, "said the young woman with the babelike face, "I know he is ever so much older than she. When they were marriedshe was twenty-three and he thirtj-two. I remember it because the figures were re versed. That was three years ago,-which makes her now twenty-six; so he must be sixty-two." Boston Transcript. A Law-abiding Girl. Mrs. McBndo (entering the kitchen) Bridget, didn't 1 see that policeman kiss you? Bridget Well. mum, surean" yez wouldn't hcv me Ia y mesilf open to arrlst for restetin a uofficer, mum. Harper's Bazar. Nell I -wouldn't be in your slices for anything Bellle, sweetly You couldn't get into them, my dear. Somerville Journal. WA fit husband fox my daughter! Why, in the first place, she ia hall l head taller than yon. " "Well, sir, I don't expect to be so short after I am married." Lifa. TJnclo Jack's Mistake. Uncle Jack returns from a long walk and, being somewhat thirsty, drinks from a tumbler he finds on tho table. Foiter his little niece, Alice, who instantly seta up a cry of despair. Uncle Jack What's the matter Alice' Alice (weeping) You've dnnked up my qnarlnm and you've swallowed ray free polljwogs Rehoboth Sunday Herald. Educated. "Bill Jones' Jim has got his eddication, ain't he?" "You bet! He's the best pitcher in the teaman' kin Jumpjilgher'n a boss kin kick." Atlanta Constitution Tried to Be Complimentary. Stout Lady (at street crossing, to police man) Could you eeomo across the street, officer? Policeman Sure, ma'am I could see you tin limes the distance, aisy - Tid Bits. A Chinese View This sketch is an, exact reproduction of a cartoon published in a native paper. Around it were Chinese characters, of which the following is a translation: "The sanguinary hogs calling themselves foreign missionaries fool both the heavens and the earth. They try to destroy tho dignity of oui ancestry and our ancient religion. If they were riddled with bullets an(? cut up with, swords, the punishment would not be too great The dirty dogs I The wild boasts! The foul books! The hypocrites destroying tha re ligion of the angels for their savage doctrines! Every kind of people ii every land and ou every sea want to see them punished." Now York Herald. In the Summer, Tra La. The gentle wind New among the flowers Miss Daisy spoke: "That Miss Sunflower leaves to-mos-row " " Yes " Miss Rose was talking "And I am glad of it, the horrid talngj She wears bloomers Miss Daisy interrupted her.- "Of late she has become positively sefdy!" Then they stalked, away together. NeT York World. Gabriel What is tae matter wita St. Peter? He seems very gloomy of late. Michael He's sore because aia same j doesn't appear In the papers so often as it useu to. a lew years ago no eome paper was complete without a few of ais bright remarks. Truth. Mary's Little RinB. Mary had a little ring, 'Twas given by her bean. And everywhere that Mary went That ring was sure to go. She took the ring with her one dy Off to the seashore, where She might display It-to thegirla. Who were all clustered there. And when the girls all saw that ring They made a great ado. Exclaiming with one voice, "Has it Just gotaround to you?" Tom Masson, Scandalous. Hojack Did you hear how Skhlruwre dls graced his f anidy at church last Sunday? Tomdik No; how was it? Hojack. The minister read two ctaaptera from the Acts aBd he insisted on going out between them. Judge. of Missionaries,