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The morning times. (Washington, D.C.) 1895-1897, September 22, 1895, Part 2, Image 10

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SSE53W5
30
THE MORNING;. TOLES.r jgtffi DAY, SEPTEMBER 22, 1895.
P5S
2
Costs
to see for yourself whether our prices are not
lower than 'ou can iind elsewhere.
All our Lightweight Suits, we are selling out
at prices that do not cover the cost of the cloth.
You can buy them now for half the price you could
in the Spring, and we are not through with the
warm weather yet.
Our Pall Stock is. so immense that we want
all the room we have, to display it so, all the
summer goods must go, if we have to give them
away.
HERMAN,
THE
CLOTHIER,
PROCESS SERVEfiS' TRIALS
Deputy Marshals Are Not the
Luckiest Men in the World.
EVADING LAW'S COMMANDS
ferils They Endure In Quod of Men
AVlio Are"Wniitl In Court Amus
ing Anecdotes of 1'ers.onnl Experi
ence by Several of the Guild Tuo
I Italian Hidden In Ills Organ.
The man who studies the careers of men
end who drops Into the office where deputy
marshals hold sway In the belief that he
has struct sinecures Is bound to find that
be isllke Me dreaming man who Isawakened
from n vacuum of cares to walk the crying
baby.
Viewed from afar, the lot of the server of
writs and summonses does not appear an un
happy one. Indeed, seeing the deputy mar
shals of the supremo court of the District
of Columbia during the uneventful day
time, men have often been heard to observe
that they are not unlike the lilies that toil
not, neither do they spin, and yet have an
enjoyable time withal. That is the super
ficial view of the uninitiated, however.
When the disciple of BLickstone loads
a small law library under his arm and steps
from the court at -4 o'clock to sin no more
until another day, then the really interesting
and exciting work of Uio marshal's deputy
begins.
TRIALS OF A DErUTTt".
It usually lasts then until the day has been
welded into to-morrow, and often until
the deeendents of the chanticleer that
crowed a trio of times begin their matin
herald of tho crack of day.
And such a day, or night rather, as it
oftimes is. So full of prowling dogs that
have been trained from Infancy to inter
cept all nocturnal passengers up the
front yard walk. So often marked, too,
by a last look before retiring upon the
filigree, a la Belgian lace, appearance of
the end? of the trousers that have lately
made an acquaintance with the dog that
would be a Iloman.
Then again as the faithful deputy planks
his cranium upon the pillow there is tho
strange, weird ringing of the alarni-iluck-voiecd
female, who intimated to him in al
ready conimaudnftheEnglisb language that
he was hardly as welcome as the news of
a rich uncle's death! He remembers, too,
of hU transit down a series of alleys where
the blackness would corrupt a razor's
edge, aud where he held to his breath ,as.
though he never expected to receive any
more! Three assaults and two murders
aud a half doren hold-ups, to his personal
knowledge, had occurred in that Egyptian
reservation in the last two years. And
yet the uninitiated would grasp at the
position as though it was a member of the
peach family.
The average citizen finds about as little
delight in being the recipient of a sum
mons, subpoena or a Judicial writ as he does
in attending a funeral, and that is the
rcasouthedeputy marshal, whuscbuhinessit
Is to wait upou him, docs not always ex
perience an altogether pleasant time. So
greatls theaverslou to receiving the papers
that run ny points In veracity will be strained
and the most ingenious strategy to thwart
theendsof Justice willbe devised.
HINDERED BX NEWSPAPERS.
The newspapers are the greatest draw
backs to the writ department of Jurispru
dence, say the deputies. When a warrunt
or summons Is Issued It Is generally pub
lished in the papers and reaches the domi
cile or the man In the case more than an
hour before the deputy. As a result, the
person wanted Is forewarned and he either
proceeds to make himself rare about the
locality or to fortify his domicile The
latter course often proves more effective
than a curEory thought would make It ap
pear, when It is considered that there are
certain immunities given a man In his own
castle.
I remember of attempting to servo a writ
for the production of records upon an Irish
man," Baid one of the deputies. "He had
been in partnership with a man and the
latter sued for a dissolution of partnership.
"The Irishman made away with the firm
booke and I went after them with a writ.
As I entered the front gate I could see a
pair of eyes peering through a second-story
window shutter. A typical Irish lad of
about 8 years opened the door.
" 'Is your father at home Iasked.
" 'No, indade, sir, be answered.
"Well, I saw him peeping from-an
m upstairs window as I came in," I ventured.
' 'Ask him what In the divll ho asked
If I was home fur thin," called a male voice
from within.
"While tho youth was expressing his
disgust nt the old man for his lack of
Ebrewdness, I pushed on In.
" 'I h.-ue come after the partnership
books you and the other members of the
firm kept and that aro now In your
possession,' I said.
"And I don't know what yer afther
meaning" De ba,1i 'w't3 a Io,k that made
him appear really Innocent. At last be
admitted that be had the books, and then
tot mad because I wanted them. After
another half hour's wrangle I went away
.41 .Div VI.
You
Nothing
738 7th St. N. W.
with the books, but when they were pro
duced in court next day they proved to be
others than tho ones I was sent after, so I
was compelled' to make another trip."
HIDDEN IN TltlT 0RC1AN.
Another deputy told the reporter of his
experience in Bervlng a summons on an
Italian organ grinder to appear before
the grand J jry. When thr marshal'sassls'.
am curried the summons to the house the
first time no one was at home. It being
evident that the older members of the
family anyhow were out giving a street
concert. Tlie neighbors must have guessed
though that the visitor was an officer
of tho law, 60 before ho was within a
block of tiie house when he came an
hour earlier the next day botli the Be
gan grinder and his wife, who were
standing before the door, disappeared like
a flash of lubricated lightning.
The deputy had seen the performance,
however, so when he arrived at the house
and got no response from the door he
started around to an old shed at the side
of the lion fe. There lie Baw two or three
street pianos and the woman sitting at
the center of the floor shelling peas.
Tho deputy inquired for the husband,
but was demurely told that he had been
absent for three days with nights to
match.. The official, knowing the woman
had prevaricated, to say the least, made
a careful and fruitless search of the
premises.
Italy's daughter, meanwhile, sat shelling
peas. The deputy walked over by an organ
lu front of herfor the purposeof remonst rat
ing with her As he stopped he voluntarily
dropped tils hand on the organ (.Tank beside
liinj, and turned it half way aliout.
In an instant Italy's child was on her
feet and the shelled ieas were in the dep
uty's face. To lend coloring to the scene
theatruospherc wasdiscolored by spasmodic
aud doubtful outbursts of provincial Hal
Inn. The woman hurried to the other side
ofthc organ and dropped a door that ex
tended along .uncsJde of the liase of it.
FRiriVpSOF CRIMINALS.
There her husband was revealed In the
bottnnibT the organ, with his head against
.one. cnd.and.wiih one of the paddles of
the wind wheel pressing against hU-reck.
Thtrsgrldi'U lufrTBT the crank had resulted
thus,and Inmother three minutes he would
have been strangled to death. His wifo
and the deputy extricated him.
When he half way resumed his composure
he said:
"Never niinrla- I go as soon as I
getta da windpu'hed batk In me."
The handling of crooks and'critnlnalsalso
falls within the bailiwick of the marshal and
bis deputies, and the dangers of it sap awiy
all the romance and interest that might be
supposed to cluster around it. A feature
of such characters is that they often form
siroiig friendships' with the deputies who
or-"t them or have tho keeping of them
after arrest. - -.
Ail Luminals" have peculiarities, the
deputy marshals say, but there Is one thing
that evcry-housebreaker Is afraid of. That
Is the common house terrier. He is looked
upon with more awe and fear by the real
swell burglar than If he were a bloodhound.
they all give liic same reason. The terrier
is accustomed to living in the house, and lie
will consequently howl at the drop of a ph.
Ills bark is like the tok, too, the crooks
say after it is started it goes on forever.
DOES TIIE MOON TEMPT TI1EM?
Queer Theory" of Prof. TiurrongliB
About Light-Attracted Insects.
".An emanating, point of light," said
Prof. Burroughs, of Georgetown Heights,
recently, "will attract winged creatures,
which will flyfor miles to reach the lumi
nous point. This fact lias been exempli
fied hundreds of times since the long-distance
search light has been In use.
"When the 200-mlle arc search lamp for
signaling purposes was placed on the sum
mit of Mount Washington the number of
birds and Insects that found their way to
the Immense ray-thrower excited much
attention and Interest, but the thing has
become so common It has assumed the form
of a nuisance to the operators.
"A delicate question arises In my mind
when I think of how winged creatures will
fly any distance toward a light, and the
question may never be answered. It is:
'Is not the moon an everlasting source
of attraction for birds, bats, beetles and
butterflies? .
"Probably instinct prevents such a thing.
But 1 f nature does not step in and prevent
such affairs millions upon millions of creay
turcs fly upward toward our satellite
sightly, and, ascending as,hlgh as the air
will sustain Mem, remain fluttering their
wings on tiie boundary strata, as It were,
until exhaustion causes them to fall, fail,
fall and drop to terra ilrma or to a denser
air. How Is that theory?"
Yotr cannot
help seeing the wall Paper
nnd Carpet every tlmo you enter
a room If they are ng'r they
will depress your spirits.
- 'It docs'not He In the price a
cheap paper can be as pretty as
an expansive one.
We stodyeffeets.
LONG
Horace J,
&Co.,
'Carpets! Waif Papor, Window Shades,
524 Thirteenth St. N. W.
SIIEI0IBII.TIE1II0
Though . Beautiful and Orderly
Wasliingtonjs Not txempt. .
WHERE MOST THEY GATHER
Tlicy Sook TJitinnnlilteil Houses and
Giva Tliem Gliostly Iti'putiitlon,.
Haunt HatliJIoinsess nnd IlrtiHli-Cpy-ered
Flats, Itnilw iiy Cars mid Trump
L.xlRliic l'laccH.
Washington can boast of all manner and
species of "vags" and local "bums,'1 and
to make the rounds of the different locali
ties Infested by this class of degraded hu
manity one would have to have the aid of
either a policeman off duty or a police
reporter. .
The first among the list of vag-infected
territories comes the vicinity of the little
triangle at the intersection of Seventh street
and Pennsylvania avenue. The mission
naturally Is the center of attraction for all
tramps who light in Washington, but tran
sient tramps never linger long In ono spot,.,
as "locals" do. At nearly any timeduring
the day when a policeman is not In sight.
of course groups aud squads of "littmV'ofJ
every decree and shade stand about the
area beneath the trees or sit on the steps
leading to the fountain, smoking away at
old rusly clay pipes or "chawing le quid,"
while their conversation runs from "le best
reedin' Joint in town" to how to gel Sway'
from n "cop" or Judge by a "simple sqng,
and dance."
There is usually one In every group who
has a boltle of "white lime," and at in-"
tcrvals the company will cross to C street,
where each lakes a "pull at de bloomer,"
much to the envy of othcr"bums" who are
not lucky enough to possess a flask or a
friend with one.
Among the Seventeenth-street loungers ,
may lie seen many men who have more than
once "bucked with the stripi-s." or did
time in Jail or wfirLliuute. but as mute the
mission characters are orderly, ard with
a few exceptions n very well behaved lot
of "bums."
OnFirststrcet.bctwecnllandtbcnienue,
is another camping ground for "bums."
In portions of this square there are small
two-story frame bouses, having placards
and transparencies hanging on front an
nouncing that a room or I cd can belt-cured
for a nigh t for a few cents.
LODGERS' SQUARE.
As the shades of night begin to fall over
the city, seedy and ragged Individuals
may lie seen congregating at "Lodgers"
Square," where until bedtime the street
aud Capitol grounds abound in "locals'"
and "drillers," as regular tramps arecalled
by hobos.
The Monument grounds furnish an ex
cellent harbor at night Tor "bums." The
dense trees to the south and west of the
tall shaft cast their fhadows so dicply
on the grass that even on a moonlight night
persons or other objects which may be
under the trees cannot be discerned at even
a very short distance.
nere on the grass, which affords a bid
much softer than freight car floors or
porches, sleep on warm nights hurtles of
tramps, both "local" rd "drillers," and
and on some mornings pieces or newspaper
and malting, brought, Xrom neighlwring
dumps lielow the bathing teach, are four d
lying about promiscuously on 11. sward.
When tho free tiathing beaih l closed
for the season and police vigilance is lax,
tlie little dressing stalls are pressed ,into
requisition as "bunks' by "Wandering
Willies." Tho locks on the doors are
'."orced open, and although the space within
one of the small boxes is extremely limiti-d
"bum" will not htsltate doubling" up Z
Inshlon on the floor, and snoring away
until the light of dawn glances through
the small apperture above the dooroAhc
ehai'ibtr and arouses tlie weary cast-off
of society to the realization that he must
get out nnd "work tl.t' town" for a break
fast and a bracer.
The writer one morning, while wandering
through the grounds, came upon tw6"meu
walking toward him.
"Say, nanl," shouted one, a writable
hobo, "did any one see us cumin" but o'
the boa Mouse?" ,
"I don't know," the writer answered
truthfully. '
"Will, yer needn't give it away," added
tlie speaker, confidentially, apparently
seeing lie had made a "break" ill giving
himself away and trying to recover his
ground, "but we have been carryiu
the lianner every night fer two weeks In
in tiler lifeboat In that house nod don't
wan't no one ter get outer us, as we
alnt bi-cn ddln' uothin' but sleeplii."
Tlie police raid these bath houses at
certain periods, and as a result judge
Kimlull has his court filled with vags
at theso respective times.
The flats are also used as a hobd'lcrrl
tory and whole colonizations of "bums"
make their winter quarters in scrub
river bush and drift-wood huts in iso
lated portions of the flats and islands,,
The class that Infest the flats the police
have found the most dangerous of nil as
to sustain the colony members go on whole
sale begging and pilfering expeditions.
As a rule these encampments nre bruken
up by the FourM precinct police when
ever discovered..
CAMP AT ECKINGTON.
Until recently the freight yanls above
Eckington was the abiding place of num
erous "locals" and "drillers," but' the
police in that section broke up the quar
ters and vagged nine of the colony a few
nights ago. "
On this night the police officer on the
Eckington beat wandered down the rail
road track to the lines of box nnd open
cars standing on side tracks In the freight
yard. Far above the cars he could see a
light made by a bon-flre and knew tramps
were In the vicinity.
Procuring a lantern the officer walked
behind the cars until a flat hopper was
reached. Climbing noiselessly to the top
of the car, he saw lying side by side at
least a dozen ragged, dirty men, all
asleep and snoring. Dropping to theground,
the policeman crept toward the bon-flre,
around which was stretched several head
more of hobos. Retracing his steps the
blue coat summoned the yard watchman
and together they proceeded to raid the
entire camp. They corralled the car, but
the remainder scrambled to their feet and
went like the wind in different directions.
Below Twining City is the Anacostla
freight yard and It keeps the Anacostla
police busy vagging the tramps who persist
in taking up their abode In Me yards.
"It Is not generally known," said, a-
pollce sergcantin the Eight precinct, "that
one-fifth of all Me vacant houses or this
city are Inhabited by hobos. That is a
fact as 'far as I know, and it keeps the
police on the watch to apprehend vacant
house creepers.
"One house on ScvcntcenM street, I
remember, was reputed as haunted and
had been vacant for more than a year.
The patrolman on the beat even saw
strange figures moving In the darkened'
rooms of the alleged haunted house, and
reported the facts to the station. The
next night wlM a couple of men I went
to the-plnce and entered it by rear and
front: We caught the ghosts, big, ablo-
bodied tramps, who were promptly vagged
and Bent to the workhouse as suspicious
characters1.'' u"
" 'Indlvid'iiaTlj'4he WaBhlrgton hbbo fa a
curious airTma?.'' As the regular tramin
abhor anii'dlsnke "local bums" as thor
diignfy hs a'rfjJTd lariiatcs'"land lubbers,"
the "lorahV'iire generally fpund .either
singly or in Befamte ringsnf their own.
' Aa'a"rule "iii typical "local"1 waa-once
In good circumstances- in life and Jell
cither thriHiglifnilf fortune or drink, gen
erally Inl" tattor, 'to their position next to
the brute,!' while the I'drillers" are thor
oughbred, -jYursMlispi.sirg'Iiobo3, who took
'to 'their prese'rit'plane from choice and
laziness. ' il
Among our notorious "bums" may bo
nnmed-''Crying John," un ex-commander
In the army, who spends the greater por
tloirofiiis thilo UlBfrlpi-s; "Type-setter Nil-
Y lyi" nil ex'lypo, as his nickname denotes;
"Whisky John," who bus left his family
'and' hii'exalteil position in the Navy for
whisky; "Rum Jim," a once well-known
scribe; VMue,'' a lawjer; "Tout Tom," a
'broken "tllnvn'' sporting mail, and others
whose dubbt-il names are nothing when
compared with the individuals who own
them. -
Tho "bum" class is not restricted to
men. Every "day In police court this
-sttueiuMit-ruay be exemplified. The
women who have become notorious through
their degradation', however, 'should be ob
jects of pity more than of ridicule or com
ment. VOOUOO MIXTUHES.
Strutiiris'Dec'ocfiuiis Undo nnd Peddled
, . by Old lr. JupUsou.
, Abjvi; Mifuin) Pleasant, in the very center
of a clump of oaks and s-pruce, "Dr."
Andfew Jackson has Ills alchemist estab
lishment, a hlUo onertory, .frame shack,
and Mere dulrng the long, dark nights the
old darky" brews his medicines.
"J)r." Jackson is a unique type of the
"ol" C'llna" negro, with bis bald pate a
vet of bushy, white chin whiskers, and a
hubit consisting- of a much-used and
antique stovepipe hat, a ligSt, greasy
uliter; jukI-u pair of dyed overalls, tiie
stiff legs of which reach to within several
inches of tho tons of a pair of time-and-nioislure-crnckedshocsof
great length. Cut,
with all, the old fellow Is treated with
much deference by the poorer class of
coloreiLiK'opus throughout tin- city.
For years tlie aged negro has peddled
mcdt"lnor hi own ill mill rnrpin.nnnnn' hi
I .people,, mid. the marvelous cures credited
to his mysterious concoctions are innumer
able. As one pass.es out Blagden road late at
night he will see a dim light shining out
from tlie dark, grini wood, and should the
traveler be buld enough to Investigate, ho
will find the "doctor" busily engaged in
the one room of his shanty mixing the
broth of strange herbs Tn earthen jars before
the flickering light of a candle.
HIS KAIISWI'ltE STUFFED.
E n
Hilling ,1'usfslon Which "Was Strong
In lit Cobbler's Life.
A cobbler' named Reader keeps his lit
tle shop on 'Thirteenth street and though
Ids vocation Is bumble his wit Is enjojed
by patrons who flock to his place Just to
hear his huiuucous remarks.
Honiii tim. .ni'ii :i pi nthmiau railed unon .
the sliocm.ikwar.il when told his shoes
were not ready pt the time designated by
Im ws.ibouttii nre the last -nnninula tor
a tougue!.ishing"wheu Uie old cobbler said
ho did not Jivar the customer when he
tave orders as to the time the shoes-were
to bo ready "t;v"
"How waf th.tj?.'" stormed the patron.
"Well," explained ihesiioenukcr, with
a twinkle in Ins eye; ""3?Be,n I was in the
war I had a constanrdreail of having my
he.iriugdest;ye(lJiy tire reports of the guns,
and at, everjTbattle ! stuffed my cars
till of iwjier, Naturally I never obeyed
the orders ot-my superiors an. I tould not
hear them n.nd' was evc.rbstiugly being
being punished for my disolntlienee.
In rplto of, that I contracted the habit
of p.iituigji'uris.of piiicr in i.iv cars ami
, '.7-t-b - '. ..., . '.
I murt'beg your most humble pardon for
saying..! Jiail paper hi my cars (lie uajf you
called." -
-VOT.A ItOMIISiiniO,.
Xnl Quite it Kntul MIsle.Ki) From Er
roneous I.lellp:r.
When Me,Navj Mutci.ni was transferred
from the big white bulldicg west ofjhe
White House into tlie ravy jard i-yery arti
cle in ,tbe exhibit was'-laheled with"-its
respective omhlier.. Tliq cm.tractor. who
hod the Job of moving the muieuiu articles
did not use printed li.bels, but impruvircd
ones, made of paste-board and oddu-,-,j -iuf
paiier,' were und ai.il answend ery well,
u, til by time hook or.ciook a slight mis
take was made.
A s tiifif by o':e of the workmen at the time
wheiwUieJavalcfeets had hern removed to
the new building, the catalogue was
brought "InToTi'rvIce to lelridir.tify the
varied assortment of arms ard other relics.
When a imall I ex was brought to l'ght
with No 31( ii'fcnledon Itsti p, riferince
to the catalogue Mowed that Ihi'Xox con
tained a CO-pourd bomb thill The con
tractor was called' to ui.larglc matters,
as the box was but an ii cli sr.uarp.
""You i'ntarnal Took," ilicd I he boss,
"That box was loft from my rccket. n
contaliis myB quinine pils mid. nut bomb
'shells. "(Jet to nork, all hards."
riii Unexpected.
The landlord .presents Ills bill to the
traveler. The latter looks at Me sum total
anclrprepiires, to paywlthout demur,
"Mlnc host, stupefied at tills unwonted
nromptitude, ou Me part of a guest, stam
mers out: i , .
""'It'eg your'ardnn, sir; will you let me
have another look at that bill? I must
lave omitted something." Le Voltaire.
tic bi
c Iirant to bs the Jeweler who
u robes into your mind first.
c
JUTW
A witgh
V.affrioys you
(13 "I
' atfd'olifrequently puts
you .-i'olngreat inconven-
-ience; if it is not a good
tirnetfteeper.
Thfe Davison" watch
is one tjiat I can safely
guarantee. A perfect
movement solid gold
case 14 karat it is
everything that a high
class watch should be.
It is -an .exceptionally
- good time-keeper.
Have.vyou looked into
. .my window lately? I
. . am showing some tempt-
. inglyv- "pretty wedding
presents;,
O. Hr DAVISON,
Jeweler,
1105 F ST.N. W. j
SIGHTS fHINGERS
Parties From Afar Who Had to
Be Led by Guides.
THOSE FEOM AWAY BACK
Explorliur till" Vnrloiis Points of In
terest In the. Capitol Quaint-mid
Comlciil Comments on Pictures,
Stiituury nnd IJronzes Three Short
Stories That Are. Now in Print.
One of tlie genial and omniscient guides
at the Capitol told the Times yesterday
three clever short stories which have nev
er been in print, and they arc stories all the
incidents of which nre true. The guide,
by the way, was lu a Jolly good humor.
In the course of a talk on the pictures on
Me wall, the whispering gallcry.'thc
crypt and other wonders of his special
bailiwick, he said that business had been
wonderfully good for the raat six wecli.
The G. A. R. excursions, the Knights
Templar conclave, had brought crowds
through Washington nnd a very fair pro
portion of them staid oer to be told
by tlie guides about Commodore Perry,
Henry VII, Christopher Columbus, Plza
uo and Pocahontas.
All guides arc good talkers, ever since
Virgil took D.iute on a tour of hell and the
outyling precincts. They are necessarily
garrulous; they are paid at the rate of
60 cents an hour for talking and they can
rattle off an eternity of history in that
eventful hour. They are proverbially po
lite, philosophic and courteous gentlemen.
A great many are like the glrr in the song
who had teen better days, bat every now
nnd then you are conscious that you are
lieing talked to parrotlcally, so to speak.
Just as it a graphophonc were getting in
Its work on you from dictation.
KNOW THINGS 111' HEART.
Tho guide said all thl3 aud lie ought to
know. As a prefaiv to his Jofci-s lie said
that when he first became a guide 30 years
ago lie knew things by heart. One day he
was talking to a party in front of tlie
rreal Rogers bronze door which tens
tho story of Columbus nnd had readied
at the end of his torrent of "words, words,,
words," the bronze reliefs of Henry VII,
Alexander VI and John II of Portugal.
"One of the girls In Me iwrty," he said,
"who. I thought, was nagging at ma ail
day nnl trylag to emharnirs me by her ac
tual knowledge of things, said:
-Now, Mr. Guide, there is a big historical
blunder here. Alexauder lived more than
2,000 years before Henry VII, aud had
nothing in tlie world to do with Columbu'.""
"That Juet knocked me out; I didn't
know what to say, but I was tlie guide,
you know, and I had to cay something, so
j I thought I'd d
''' nl''1 ' fai,1:
draw to the king that was
Yi-s, Miss, that objection
to the work has often been made, and very
correctly. Tlie antet ought to have known.
as we all d.?-that it was John II of Portu-
gal and Alexander tlie Great who were
cronies, and Mat Henry VII wasn't in it
in More days."
"I never knew why the whole party beard
my explanation in thick fller.ee until I
told the ttory to Mr. Lodge, who came to
Congress some ears afterward. Mr. Lodge
told me that the Iloeton girl and party
were simply dazed by my knowledge of
history; but I haven't been caught aiwlo
giziug for the bronze door since that time."
Ilut the Joke 1s not always on the guide,
at least not os this one.
"A week ago." lie said, "a big party
canie hero from. York. It was alwut tl
most composite, heterogeneous mam of
men and women I eer saw. I walked out
I lo ttK" "'S'' "r ,UL" tlr"c '", fro"1 of lue
' C.itiltol. where I saw a likelv looking irowd
Capitol, where I saw a likely looking irowd
which I thoughtl might iiersimallyiouducu
GOOD TIME TO I1EGIN.
"Theyacrcpteil my escort, andas we were
approaching the door I thought I would
licgln my speech. On the left of the head
of the steps on a high block Is the marble
groupotCoiunibuswithhlsarmuutsirctibcd,
his hand holding a sphere, and Just lielow
liiai a crouching figure. I began in my
u-ual grandiloq.uent manner in this way:
'iiefore you on the left Is the
" 'Oh. never mind aliout that one, said
a squeaky female voice. "We've seed them
In Philadelphia. We teikon we know tlie
pittherand catchcrof the Washington base
ball nine.
"I knew I was going lo have trouble with
that liarty, and I did. They were all in
terested In things in u lai kadaisiral sort of
way, and especially one old woman, who
usually looked at an entirely dlffrcnt thing
when I was lalklrg abi.-Jt another. I made
up ray mind to make an example of her
when I got h.to tlie wliiii-ring gallery,
into whii h they ere all eager to hurry I
explained the wonderful old clock of Fran
ronl to them, ard then pitched into tlie
i-lii...i!trl ri rttli,- Imnr.m
"I was delcrml Jed to make that silent wo
I man seak. I took the bull by the horns,
' or rather the old lsiV by the shoulders.
and fixed her firmly on one of Me squares,
and Men took my own position on another
square It never missed fire till then. I
whispered softly a message to the old lady,
bat she made no resiionse. I whispered
agaiu and again, and by this time the party
got a little tired. Oneof the party, a rather
good looking Priscilla, came over to mo
and said:
" "What are you a-dolng?"
" "I am whispering to the lady. I have
whispered four times nnd she hasn't an
swered." " 'I reckon she didn't," said Priscilla.
"That's my aunt. If you had hollered at her
she wouldn't a heard you. She's deef.
"Thereafter I rever tried to whisper to
a deef woman from York.
SHE WAS MISTAKEN.
"About a week ago I was asked by a
Visitor who had come to the Capitol on
Mo F street line: "Who was Uie author of
"Christ and the Magdalene?" ' I asked
Me lady where she saw it. She told tho
location and I had the pleasure of explain
ing to her that that was Me bronze group
represcnUng Lincoln emancipating the
crouching slave. She didn't know that
Magdalene was not a brunette or that the
Saviour didn't wear a double-breasted
frock coat.
"Ilut the story that in my experience
takes the cake took place at the Naval
monument, or as it is called now, the
Peace monument. As you know the stat
uette of Peace is In a .frightful state of
nudity from the waist up. She is rep
resented with an agricultural product In
her right hand. I was looking at it and
commenting on its beuaty to an old farm
er one day. He listened attentively to
all I had tosayandaftera while'said mus
ingly: 'What did you say that might be?'
"'That is the figure very classical
of a woman sowing Me seeds of peace and
prosperity.
" 'Well, stranger,' he said, 'maybe she
Is, but I'll be d If the women In my coun
try go out to sow seeds In that kelter.
That's not my Idea of our girls. Why that
woman might as well be perf ccUy lewd as
to dress like that In public'
"Of cou rse he meant nude, but there Is an
other way to understand nude, which was
taughtmebya Virgiuiabrideaboutamonth
ago. She was rosy but rustic. We, that
Is. her mother, husband, bereself and I were
looking at the figures of 'America and His-
p.
HENRY FJWC
The
Carpetrbuying
Season .
is on us Have you looked around yet for yours?
"We have prepared for your coming- a magnificent stock
complete perfect. Indeed we fairly lead in our Carpet
Department. Of course we show Art Squares and Rugs
in endless variet-.
You ought to know by this time that you need not pay
cash for what you order we'll enter you on our books
cheerfully and await your convenience.
JOHN RUDDEN,
Your House Outfitter.
513 Seventh Street N. W.
Do You Wan! Cheaper Gas?
If so, write your name and address
in this coupon and send it to THE
TIMES.
IMAMS.....-..,...
ADDRESS
You can help to save Washington a
half million dollars each year by writing
your name and address in the above
coupon and sending it to THE TIMES,
to be used in preparing a petition to
Congress asking for cheaper gas.
tory" on the (op of the Naval monument.
CLASSICAL, IJAHIES
"Jut lienealli them ai two very cute
statuettes of .Neptune and Mars. They are
rcprc-ciitcdasclarslcallhihies with helmets
on their heads. They are so jour.g and
Greek that they never felt the need of a
single covering except the htlniets.
"The old mother turned her head away
when Iiereyewandereddownaivl hit the two
dainty little classical devils.
" "Don't look at them. Joscy, she said;
'don't look at them. she said, pointing di
rectly at them. ,
" 'Look at what?" said Joscy.
" 'Why. them .sinners there; come on,"
and she started to drag her aw.iy.
"The groom smiled, and I"thoughtit was
time to say something to apologize ur ex
plain. " "My dear Mrs. A " I said. "Mere is
nothing to object to in this. The rigurcs
are con-idered extremely lieautlful. and
everylwdy knows they are nude.'
'"They arc nothing of the kind. said
the bride, tartly. 'They are what I call
plumb caked, and I don't want to sec any
more nudes. "
THOUGHT IT AVAS MO.VDAY.
Iteimirkablo I.nio f Memory of a
Denier in Drliitssw
Everybody is more or less absent minded,
and who arc they who do not at some time
in their career aek. "What day is to-day?"
"Time is more easily forgotten tlian any
thing else." is the old saying, but an
occurrence outrivalllug any other in for
getting the present is told by "Billy" Mc
Gill. One Sunday morning not many ages ago,
he was in South Washington. On M street
he chanced to iass by a saloon, the win
dows ami doors of which wcrcwideoicn.
Amazed and curious, the story-teller
eays, he walked into the bar, behind the
counter of which stood- the proprietor, and
asked for a glass of. whisky.
Much to his astdnishment, the drink was
set up. and, after swallowing the fiery
draught, MeUill, saldi -
"You'll be pulled for selling liquor oa
Sunday."
"Sunday!" answered the bartender,
"This is Monday."
A calendar proved. Billy's statement,
and, between breaths, when the saloon
keeper was locking and' barring his doors,
he said he had been on .a three weeks'
drunk, and had Just recovered and opened
up. " "
"Suppose It bad been a cop,'- suggested
McGDL
Everybody Itendy to --Dicker.
Many years ago,.ln central Maine, a man
started out to sell oilcloth table covers
throughout the country at CO cents a cover.
After traveling all day without selling one a
happy Moughtstruckhlm. Ilewouldcbarge
$1 and take lUf the pay in cost-off shoes.
The result was people imagined they were
gettlngsome return from their old shoes and
Mero was a general ransacking of atticsand
table covers went like, hot cakes. But, the
old shoes? Well, wherever he found a
convenient hole beside tho road, out ot
sight, he pulled up bis cart and damped the
lot. Lew Is ton, Me., Journal.
"WJ-T 7 "" ..
.p
-
& SQTf C0R.7 &D f1.W'
John Rudden's
Ta
f)r. rtccwlth'snew discovcrv-in riectric-
ity TiirR.MO-ozosi: r.ATrrm
Thi.3 discovery is of the m -s vital importtnea
to the sick, because it furnishes tamilit-s with .
means ot curia r disease at its beginning by
Lome treitinent
Tho mrlhod is by a e entla current of galrnnic
electricity and tfct conveyance of oxygen, ozone
and medicine luto the blood or human severs
where iil-e.i3 originates, lis curative valuo Is
proven by over&,0JU physicians.
Electro-Calvano Plaster by S. R.
BECWITH, M. D.
Th only MeuW-atpd Plaster ever made irhera
the iiKHllctao it contains is conveyed through
tho skin to th diseased parr, the force of
current ecndlns the medicine into tissues be
neath plaster.
Principle lutly explained In circulars. ent
onienuest. The public are invited tociltnnd
hrvestisate. L. H. BAXTER. Agent.
Iiooms 4 and 5, 707 G Street. Opposite
lnurlLll.cc. se,e:-tf
HOTEL VENDOM
"ROADWAY AND rORTY-FlKSr ST..
NEW YORK CITY
A Modern fire-Proof Hotel containing 3 Oj
rooms, 200 with rath and toilet attached
I'.UROPEAN PLAN.
Good rooms, $1.50; Large Iiooms. S2.anJ
with private bath. $50 and upuard per
day. x
RESTAURANT, Cl'ISINE AND
M'.KVICK LNKXCEI.I.KI).
In close proximity to tho princlp.il theaters
and tho shopping district
Five minutes frjin Grand Central and
West ihoro Depots.
LOUIS L. TODD, J. II. riPC,
Owner, .Manager.
The paper on which The "Wash
ington Times is printed is made
by
The .
Jay
Paper
Mfg.
Co.,
C.S. FAULKNER. Sole Agont.
Times Building. New York City-
ICE
nYGIENlC-nEALTHFUI.
TIIE H.KDEST TI1K BfcST
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LlapbouetL ocicaU.3 rutat
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gj BECKWITH&COi 1 J
I 111 1 THERKfXOZONEEATTCKY) I
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