Newspaper Page Text
field soon swarms with competitors. It re
quires brain and muscle to manage any sort
of a bui:ics, and the same elements which
hare produced business success in the past
will produce it now and will always pro
"Suppose you were asked asto the most
promising field for enterprise, industry and
capital in the United States to-day, where
vould tou locate it?"
"One of the best fields," replied the Post
master General cmpnatically, "is the South,
ard this section would to-day have hun
dreds of millions of dollars of Northern cap
ital and thousands of cood Northern busi
ness men thrown into it, could it be shown
that a Northern man would hold there the
position that his intelligence, ability and
honesty entitles him to irrespective of his
Wauamakcr's Ideal l'ostal Service.
Tiie conversation here turned to postoffiee
matters, and I asked the Postmaster Gen
eral to give me, in a nutshell, his idea of
what the postal service should be and do.
Postmaster General Wanaruaker studied a
moment and then savins, "The question is
rather big for a nutshell," he reached for a
Dad of yellow foolscap paper and rapidly
wrote the following:
Onr postal service requires a number of
changes to make it an efficient one. In the
flrt place the Postmaster General should be
relieved from all clerical work, so that he
might study postal subjects, improve upon tho
old methods and construct plain for the en
largement and expansion of tho service. lie
should be an ex-oflicio member of the Senate
and riouc Committees on Pouoffices and I'ost
roails, and lie should be privileged to go upon
the floors of Congrcs to explain such postal
subjects as are pending before that body.
Again, the Gen eminent should procure tho
best trained business man in the postal service
and make him the permanent ecretary, not of
the Postmaster General, but of the Postoffiee
Department, so that the department would al
wavs have one thoroughly reliable official for
Its routine ork. This man should receire not
Ten Thousand Dollars a Tear.
He should be a good business manager and
should not be removable during his term ex
cept lor misbehavior. He should be appointed
by the President for a term of jcars wlih the
anoroval of the Senate. I belicv e that all post,
offices xihere the rental is $300 a year and up
ward ought tn be located in Government build
ings coating $10,000 and upard, according to
the popn'ation of the town. In the larger cities
the postoffices should be connected with their
sub-bUtions by pneumatic tubus telephones
and telegraphs and the smaller cities should be
connected by telephones with postomces having
1 uelie.-e that a postal telegraph and a postal
savings office oucht to bo located in the post
office within a walkingUistanre ot every home,
and thatafreedi.licr should be made at least
once every day from everv other that receives
V) letters and newspapers per day.
Again, the United Stales should be divided
Into postal districts. As the business is now
managed it is like a big store ltli a number ot
branches scattered at wide distances apart, but
all run from the main establishment, without
anv man to sea whether their accounts are cor
rect, or whether their business is being
Poshed as It Should Be.
The different parts of the United States have
different requirements. "We need men on the
cround to see that the people are gettiug what
they need, that the service is pushed to the
fullest capacity, and that complaints are in
vestigated the moment they are made. For
this purpose the smaller postoffices should be
grouped around the larger offices for the pur
pose of supervision, or th United States should
be divided into postal districts, with a superin
tendent of postolhces for each district, who
might be the best postmaster in the district.
'Again I believe that all postmasters should
be graded and that all employes should have a
hxed tenure of office with a scale of promotion
according to merit. No one should be ap
poiuted to the railway mail service who has not
had experience in postal work at the
the postoffices, aud no one should Le
appointed in the Postoffiee Department
here who has not served in the railway mail
service or in one of the thrco principal post
offices of the State in which he lives and no
oneshoulj be appointed at the head of any
bureau in the Postoffiee Department without
hating served at least four years in that de
partment. "There," said the Postmaster General as
he handed me the four sheets of yellow
foolscap paper which contained the above,
"you have tome of the changes I would
make if I could and one that I would
Oearlv like to make would be that intro
ducing the postal telegraph."
l'ostal Telegraph. Arguments.
"But, Mr. Wananiaker," said I, "I see it
charged that your postal telegraph would
bqth entail expense upon the Government
and be a tax upon the people."
"That" replied the Postmaster General,
"is a mistake. The postal telegraph bills
before the Senate aud the House give all
telegraph compinies the right to bid for the
business only they ex the rate about a third
below that which the monopolies charge.
Here for instance are two great machines.
One is the United Telegraph Company
dominated and made inordinately profitable
by oue company. The other is the 10,000
Carriers outside of ou.- free delivery post
offices. Suppose a company can use these
carriers and messengers Iree ol charge, can
it not do business cheaper and bring teleg
raphy within the reach of more people?
There will be no increased cost to the Gov
ernment save perhaps in the little which will
be expended by a small bureau managing
it, which will be more than supported by
the increase in the postal revenue. There
is no doubt in my mind that under this
system the telegraphing could be
Done at a Profit.
"The English telegraph, which is a real
Government telegraph, makes money, and
the bills before the Senate and House simply
state that there is enough ingenuitv in the
American people to assist the telegraph
companies to do a class of work which is
waiting to be done. The passage of these
bills would cut down the price ot messages,
would remedy the unreliability of operators,
and would give us a limited postal telegraph
which would pay as it went for what it
"As for me, I would like to take the risk
of inaugurating the details of such a plan.
Postal telegraphy is bound to come. The
ouponents ol the present bill know it, and
many of them, indeed, favor postal teleg
raph r, both in their hearts and in their
pocketbooks." Fkask G. Cakpenteu.
WORDS, MY LORD.
The New Dictionary "Will Define Ten Times
as Many as educated Men Use.
T. C Crawford In hew YorkTrlbanc
Professor Elliot Coues, of the Smithsonian
Institution, who is one of the editors of
"Tne Century Dictionary," has been en
gaged for nearly six years upon the depart
ment of biologv, which was assigned to him.
He says that the newdictionarywill contain
some 200,000 words. The Webster's Una
bridged Dictionarv, in its later editions,
contains about 130,000 words. The 70,000
additional words which will be found in
"The Century Dictionary" come from the
thorough definition of all scientific terms
and the words which have been added to the
language through new discoveries in science.
The prolessor says that in the department
of biology alone there have been aaded
since Darwin's discoveries some twenty odd
thousand new words. He said that it was a
well-educated man who could use 15,000
words, and then it would be some specialist
who was familiar with science. The most
highly educated and most widely read of
scientific specialists occasionally reached
the actual knowledge of 40,000 words. He
knew of no one who had ever gone beyond
that. So, to find definitions for the 200,000
words it has been necessary to employ a
great many individual specialists who arc
authorities in their particular departments.
The additions to the language year by year
are gieat All of the words of current slang
will be found in the new dictionary.
PHIKCE 3I6MAHCKT5 TOBACCO.
He Let the Mites Into Ills Good Dutch Can
aster as Into Old Cheese.
Herr Max Brewer, in describing a late
visit to ex-Chancellor Bismarck, says: "The
constant and predominant expression of
Bismarck's countenance is that of grave
aud thoughttul composure, of natural com
placency, and ol the objective enjoyment of
life, such as is exhibited by children and by
all healthy and natural creatures. After
luncheon when his favorite long pipe was
handed to him. the ex-Cbanccllor spoke of
'bis good Dutch canaster tobacco,' of
which, he said, ne ept wnoie parcels Dy
him in the house, and he made the singular
remark, 'I Jet mites into it as into old
cheese " s
GOSSIP OF GOTHAM.
Short Talks on Timely Topics With
All Sorts of People,
THE FUTURE OP JDLIA MAELOWE.
Latest Fads and Fashions and Stories About
ENTERTAINMENT AND INSTRUCTION
WHOM A. ETArF COKBESPOXDENT.J
New Yokk, Jan. 31. During my
peregrinations this week I picked up the
following short interviews which will be of
interest outside the metropolis:
Jay DuunAsi, business manager Julia
Marlowe Miss Marlowe is on the road to
early recovery from her long snd severe ill
ness. It is probable that she will return to
work in March. The prior dates were can
celled. The company was disbanded and
some of the leading people engaged with
other companies; but we will have no
trouble in reorganizing. There is no truth
in the stories to the effect that she has
broken her contract with Falk, the photo
grapher, who has been her backer, though
some of Miss Marlowe's friends have been
urging her to do so. Falk's contract
covers next season. He has paid her
$200 a week right along during
her entire illuess and is paying it to-day.
She is a lovely and talented young woman,
and has a great dramatic future, no matter
who handles her. In this connection I may
say that certain gilt-edged theatrical man
agers curtly told Mr. Falk that they would
take his contract lor Julia Marlowe off his
hands and reimburse him for the amount of
money he had spent upon her. This with
out consulting Mr. Falk as to whether he
wished to give up the contract or not. Think
of the feelings of a man who had purchased
a piece of property for say 10,000, and the
property having iucreased within a couple of
years under good management to be worth
f 50.000 when some other real estato speculator
demands the title deeds to the same, on the
ground that he was ready to reimburse the
owner in the amount of the original purchase.
Apropos of this Mary Shaw, the actress, said:
"I'm not surprised tn hear that Julia Marlowe
intends troing back on Falk. the photographer,
who put up money for her last season, and to
star next season under the management of T.
Henry Kronen. It's very rare that an actress
remains with tho backer who risked his money
on her when she was a beginner and unknown.
After an actres has made a certain reputation
she goes in for some well-known gilt-edged
manager. I was In Boston the other day and
met Kben Plyinpton hurrying tn catch a train.
Where are you going. PlymT' I asked. "To
n country place.' said be. 'What do yon call
it;' I asked. 'insultington.' said he; 'for it w as
bought with money I earned playing with Julia
Marlowe and bearing her insults.' "
Stanley's Place In History.
Colonel Charles Chaille Long-Stan-lev,
who is so much made ot at present, is a
Welshman, not an American, by birth. He is
undersized and stocky in build, with gray hair
and a stoi;d expression. He cannot make a
coherent speech after dinner, writes a bad
hand, and interviewers complain that he is
slow in the delivery of his opinions. His
lectures, I bear, are not as great a financial
success as .was predicted. When I was in
Egypt they did not think much of him as an
explorer, and considered him the result ot
newspaper booming and meretricious favor.
Time will tell how Stanley's name will go down
In hlstnrr. One thing is certain. He never
"What Mado Carmenclta.
Edmoxd Gersox. brother-in-law and, man
ager of the Kiralfy's I was much surprised to
sec tho Spanish dancing fad take as it did in
Keiv York. Carmenclta, whom we brought to
this country and introduced in "Antiope" was
a low salaried w oman in her country. The best
dancers In Spain are Italians. Dancers like
Carmenclta and Otero are to be found only in
tho lowest coffee houses and dance balls of
Madrid, and jou can hire them for a mere song.
Carmenclta was made the fashion by the fact
ihatan artist ot tho Four Hundred painted
her portrait and that the pavagrapbers of. the'
prois took ncr up.
Papcr-ISackcd Books Going.
G. W. Francis, bookseller I'm one of the
oldest booksellers in Now York, established 43
years. Bound books are becoming popular
again, I'm glad to say. and the cheap 10 aud 20
cent paper-back reprints arc going out. I bold
that there was great danger to the cause of
good literature in cheap paper books. You
will tind that what is got cheap is usually held
cheap. The passage of an international copy
right bill would benefit American authors,
because there wouldn't be so many reprints of
English novelists. I have alwajstbought there
was consiaerauio rruiii ana justice in tne re
mark of Ouida. who said, when she heird that
Americans objected to her books on the score
of immorality: "Tne Yankees violate the
Eighth Commandment by stealing my books,
and then wince because my heroes and heroines
occasionally violate sonio other command
ment." The Taste of Smokers.
Valkenbukoh, dealer in cigars It is
amusing how the taste ot smokers changes
with snpnly. The manufacturers down in
Havana mado a combine a short time ago to
send more Garcias than Henry Clays to this
country, and the manufacturers have actually
forced the smoking community to smoke what
they decreed. No supply, no demand, and
smokers are easily n eaned from favorite Brands.
A Sporting Club Wanted.
John W. Kellar, President of the Tender
loin Club I hare thought ot using my influ
ence to change the social nature of the Tender
loin Club into a sporting club. I think wo
ought to have a club In this city like the Calif or
nian in San Francisco, tho Olympic in New Or
leans and tbe Pelican In London, where gilt
edged fistic exhibitions conld be given for cer
tain purses before limited gatherings. I don't
see any barm in sparring matches between pro
fessionals it law and order are properly main
tained. He Deals in Back Numbers.
Bodd, dealer In back numbers of papers I
have ihe dally papers on my stand, bnt my
specialty Is back nnmber papers. A 3 cent
paper dated a year ago I sell for a quarter, and
so on. I nave a big wooden barn on Long
Island, where I keep files of back numbers of
all the big dailies and weeklies, and when there
is a demand I supply them and charge In pro
portion to rarity. Lawyers are among my best
customers. When Jake Sharp was up for trial
and endeavored to get a change of venue on
the ground that he couldn't get a fair trial
here In New York, his lawyers ent for a lot of
back numbers to show how the papers had
been trying him before his trial.
IToinen and Fencing.
Lester Sharker, fencing master 1 was
a bad actor before I became a fair and popular
fencing master. My pupils are mostly women.
I have a dressing room in my fencing establish
ment and a female attendant, and when women
take lessons tbey do so in a free-and-easy cos
tume. Women learn fencing much more readily
than men. Actresses go into it to reduce flesh.
Marie Jansen lost ten pounds in three weeks
under Colonel Monstery, of Chicago. Langtry
and Coghlan are fine fencers. Our best fenc
ing masters in New York are Senac, Fredericks
and Jacobr, each of whom has a fine school.
There are the foils and boxinggloTes of Robert
lay Hamilton, wbo;ot himself intosuch a mess
with Eva Mann. He was one of my pupils, and
paid me for bis last quarter just two days be
fore ne leit ioi luu west, wucro ne cameti
such an untimely end.
Fashions In rictnre Frames.
Goldberg, picturn framer Billy Florenco
is one of my best customers. He has most of
his frames done in simple passo pat tout, Fram
in oak and cherry is still fashionable. Heavy
gilt Ms still out of fashion, thongh light gilt
ribbon frames are coming in vogne for photo
graphs. Lillian Russell has ber little oil paint
ings framed in these gilt ribbon-formed frames.
Fine frames are sold by the inch and yard.
Tho cheap oak and cherry Jrames you eee are
made by machinery.
Edwin Booth Langhed.
WrLLiAM Mestayer, comedian I never
saw Edwin Booth laugh heartily but once. We
were playing "Julius Csesar" at Baldwin's In
'Frisco. Booth was grutut, McCnllough was
Castius, Harry Edwards was Catar, and
Charley Bishop and I were plain every day citi
zens. It was tbe last night of tbe run, and we
all felt frisky. So wiien Ccrrar spoke .tbe well
known line, "Let me bare men about me that
are fat," Bishop and I, both fat men, walked
boldly up to Casar and shook him heartily by
the hand. It broke Booth all up and he laughed
Some Good Marksmenl.
James H. Con lis, keeper of the well known
shooting gallery My place is a rendezvous for
crack shots who try their luck and science in
hitting the bull's eye. I'll givo you some
records. Frank Lord, man about town, has
taken a revolver and made as many as 21 con
secutive bull's eyes. He has bit tho edge ot
laving cards at the word, 18 out of CO time',
u V. B. Senc. Albert A. Cohen, William H.
Chase, the artlsr, W. H. Wickham can take a
gun or a revolver aud bit a bullet swinging on
a string, every time, split carets edgewise held
up at 20 paces. Pierro Lonllarn and Lewis
Livingston, at 15 paces havo bit the bull's eye
with revolver 61 times out of.a possible 70., J.
J. Dunn, Charles Jones, J. B. Blydcnbnrg,
Theodore Roosevelt, Eugene ilicgtns, D. A.
Davis, Judge Gildcrsleeve and N. F. Brisac are
crack shots. Brisac has only one eye, but he
gets there all the same.
Betting on Records, '
William Hallock, sporting man The
men who study tbe records o f horses and then
bet on them generally get left for their pains.
Nothing is more uncertain than records, and a
pedantic knowledge of records doesu't assist a
fellow much in safely pi acing his money. 1
hear that Tagliapotra, the opera singer, bets
heavily on the races and keeps a scrap book in
which he pastes the records of horses on the
track. Foolish man!
Brodlo is Superstitions.
Steve Bbodie, bridge jumper and sport
Yes, I'm superstitious. I wouldn't touch them
boxing gloves there as hangs on the walls of
my place for nothing. Tbere'3 blood on 'em,
and dey tells me a man got killed flghtin' in dat
mill. I'm not superstitious, see, but I don't
like the looks of that dry blood ou clem bnxin'
f loves. I first took interest in sporty lifewben
was a bootblack in tbe Mills building, on Wall
street, listening to the swell coves talk.
Eva Mann's race.
A Court Reporter The scenes during
the trial of Eva Maun, alias Mrs. Hamilton,
were beyond ordinary reportorial description.
That the woman is thoroughly bad the evi
dence shows: but the depth of her badness, the
cunning, tigerish spirit, the total depravity,
could only be read in tbe lines of that remark
able face. The fact that Nurse Donnelly was
not murdered is certainly not due to forbear
ance or mercy on the part of this woman. In
all my criminal experience as a journalist 1
never saw her counterpart. She perjured her
self over and over again; but perjury is nothing
in her case. During tne long aud searching
cross-examination she looked as if she rould
jump over the rail and strangle Lawyer Root
where be stood. Tbe constant watchfulness
and momentary admonition of her counsel were
necessary to prevent her from some sudden
burst of passion that would overturn what
slender deiense she had. Itblnk she is about
the same type of woman as Sarah Altbea Hill,
later Mrs. Terry, who made such a mark in the
civil aud criminal annals of California. How
such a man as Robert Ray Hamilton could be
captivated and long deceived by such a woman
will be one of the unsolved mysteries of New
York social life. Last of her? Not much. If
Eva Steele-Mann-Hamilton lives long enough
she will do niuraer; that's my judgment.
Bluo Stono Flagging.
Peter B. Bweexy, blue stone manufacturer
Souio of the best blue stone in town nsed for
fine flagging comes from Kingston, ou the Hud
son. Our quarries are up there. It's an im
mense industry. The price of bluo stone de
pends on the size. Big, thick flags bring as
much as 51.000. There is one flag of blue stone
in front of one of the Vanderbilt houses on
Fifth avenue, valued at SV-W. The blue stonn
business, like the oil business, is largely syndi
cated and small dealers are few and tar be
tween. Actors Who Draw.
Edward W. Kemble, the artist I know
many actors who are artists with the brush and
pencil, and very fair artists at that. Joseph
Jefferson goes in for water colors. Dixey diaws
queer caricatures and I saiy one of bis eccen
tric drawings on a Parker House, Boston, bill
of fare only the otherday, Louis Harrison, tbe
comedian, is a rapid draughtsman. Tim
Murphy used to be a bouse painter in Wash
ington, so he comes rightly by his taste for pen
and pencil. His dressing room w herever ho
may be, is covered with daubs roughly, but
effectively, dono in grease paint and crajon.
Lotta, Mmuie Maddern, Madeline Lucette and
Alice King Hamilton, draw very neatly. Ji H.
Sothein has made sketches wnlch Dan Froh
nian considers worthy of banging framed in
the lobby of tbe Lyceum Theater. George
Fawcett Rowe used tn go in for oils. Alexan
der Salvini, son of his father, presented a very
neat water color to Marie Burroughs last year.
A New Department of Trade,
Percival, dealer in delicatessen Oue of the
most striking cbauges that has taken place in
this city is tho number of delicatessen stores
you'll see along Sixth avenue aud on tbe
avenues of the east side. Originally patronized
by the Germans and French, who there pro
cured tbe delicacies of their own country, these
shops are moro and more frequented by Ameri
cans. It is very bandy, you know, to be able to
get cold tongue, turkey, sausage, pickled her
ring, ham anchovies, mustards, a dozen and one
sauces, gravies and gastronomic rlens at a
moment's notice, and housekeepers havo found
that the delicatessen shop is a better place to
get them than tto groceries. You will notice
that we get up our windows almost as artistic
ally as they do in Paris, and ysu'll admit that
the charcutcnes of Fans ate as great institu
tions as the Louvre and Luxembourg.
Some Interesting Autographs.
Jeanno Frakko, tbe violinist I take al
roost as much pride in my autograph album as
I do In my violin. On its pages you can find
tbe scratch of Wiemawski, Remenyi, Patti,
Nilsson, Rubenstein, Essipoff, Hoffman,
Thomas, Damrosch, Seidl and Joseffv. Most of
these musical geniuses do not write a good
band. One of the wittiest things in tho book is
the autograph "I wasn't born I was quarried"
Henry Adonis Dixey. When I asked Patti
for ber autograph she wrote on the last page,
"Last, but not least. Adelma Patti." When.
later, I asked Nil'son for her signature she no
ticed Fatti's signature and wrote on tbe inside
cover of the book, "Last Christine Nilsson."
Rider Haggard at Dinner.
Horace Stokes, nian-about-fown I was
present at a dinner given in honor of Rider
Haggard, the novelist, and his wife by a wealthy
gentleman uptown last week. Tbe dinner was
for 6.30. but Mr. Rider Haggard didn't show up
till 7. When the novelist' did present himself
bis boots were muddy and eveiythingbut his
bair was rallied. Ho appeared to be in a revery
during the dinrer, and was higlily'uninterest
ing. His conversation consisted of "Ah real
lys I" and hems and haws. He ran his band
continually through his caiefully barbered
hair. "1 was late," he explained, "because I
had to como in one of your tramways on stilts.
you know." The other guests bad come in
cabs and carriages.
Bernhardt and Morris.
Fred. Schwab, musical critic and inipros
sario When Sarah Bernhardt camo to this
city for the first time Jarrett took her to the
Union Square Theater, where Clara Morris was
playing "Camllle," and escorted her to a box.
Morris, on tho stage in a yellow wig, bowed
with dignity to Bernhardt in the box, and
Bernhardt In the box bowed with a swoet smilo
to Morris on the stage. As the play went on
Bernhardt bent over to -mo and whispered
something. Tho next morning tbe metropoli
tan dallies announced with "scare" headlines
that Bernhardt admired Morris. What Bern
hardt really said when she whispered into my
ears was this : "Sno is as homely, mon petit
Schwab, as a louse."
Getting Up Jokes.
Carl Hatjser, editor of the German -Puofc
Jokes and suggestions for cuts in comic
papers are welcomed from anybody and any
where in tbe offices of the comic papers, and
are paid for at from 50 cents to t5 apiece. Wo
are overrun by humorists, alleged aud genuine.
Every comical paper in town has a regular
library ot comic papers duly bound, catalogued
and presided over by a librarian. Every 'week
tne editorial stan oi mo comic papers have a
weekly dinner at which jokes and ideas are ex
changed and the paper of the week Is planned.
Can you wonder if chestnuts are often cracked
for dessertT ,
An Inventor's Troubles.
Paul Geher. Chicago inventor "I've been
struggling on the brink of solving a great
problem. Success is a matter of millions of
dollars. I have almost perfecteO my invention,
and the trifle which stands between nie and
those millions is enough to drivoa man crazy.
It is a constant repression, an nnceasing guard
upon mvself. rigid self drill, to prevent .mad
ness. Sometimes I have thought I bad reached
tbe proper thing, and after anxious days and
sleepless nights that preceded tbe trial another
failure fairly drives me wild. I often dream of
it a sort ot a hideous nightmare. My areams
contain other dreams, one within another
wherein the joy of success ends in despair; or,
vice versa. It is terrible! No wonder men go
mad over inventions! At times I devoutly wish
I had never conceived this thing, but was still
plodding along at my bench. Then I go at It
again with fresh spirit and renewed hope.
.CHARLES T, MURRAY.
PITTSBUKG - . DISPATCH,
A TUNE'S GENEALOGY.
Howard Fielding Comes on Some
Facts About a Popular Son?.
INFORMATION FROM SPIRIT LAND.
Several lllastriona Spooks Lay Claim to
Belnj: the Author
OP WILLIE KEILLT'S WHITE SHIET
IWniTTEK FOB THE DISPATCH.l
Schiedam, a suburb of New York, boasts
of being a very lively town, and of possess
ing a cemetery containing some of the dead
est men in these parts, if seniority of decease
counts for anything. I have some relatives
in Schiedam; two ma'iden aunts, not quite
so old as the cemetery, but very interesting
relics for all that. They promised to make
a pleasant little party for us it we would
come up for au evening.
"We, of course, meant Maude and myself.
"We took a vote on the invitation and de
cided not to attend the festivities in a body.
It was thought more advisable to send a
small sub-committee, consisting of myself,
to represent our household. As mv rela
tives had intimated that they would have
some of the girls at the house, and play
games, I did not object to being a sub-committee.
The Girls Were Venerable.
I don't propose to dwell ou this party.
The "girls" were girls when my aunts were,
and they haven't been since, which is a
great many years now. "We didn't play
jneiaing Mone With the Song.
Copenhagen or postoffiee; we amused our
selves more intellectually. I escorted one
of the girls to her home, far, far away on
the other side of the graveyard. It was
three miles if we went around the cemetery
aud only a mile and a half if we went
through" it, but my companion was a timid
voung thing, and insisted on the long road.
But after I had seen her to her venerable
doorstep, I needed something to cheer me
up, so I took the short cut.
I speak of the nature of my entertainment
on that evening in order to convince the
reaper that my experience in the Tombs 1
should say among the tombs was notthe
creation of a mind unbalanced by dissipa
tion. Not a man there was calmer than I.
As a proof of this, I mention the fact that I
whistled a popular song, entitled "Willie
Eeilly's White Shirt," as I climbed the
A Very Persistent Piece.
I had caught the tune in New York, and
had long wailed an opportunity to whistle
it in a solitude that would conceal uiy
degradation. For it was such-a bad tune;
so shamelessly suggestive of every Other bad
tunc; so offensive to a sensitive ear; in short,
such a thoroughly typical popular song that
I feltgmlty when I carried the remembrance
of it home with me. And yet I couldn't
shake it off. It had clung to roe for days;
my mouth had beeu perpetually in a pucker
with it; and every night the silent whistle
in my brain had lulled me to sleep with
"Willie Keilly's White Shirt."
There was nothing coarse in the word;
they even had a moral purpose. "Willie was
represented as residing in the Fourth ward,
and the song appealed directly to the young
men of that locality. "Who could say that
it might not be the means of leading many
of them to emulate Willie's example and
procure white shirts for their own use, thus
distinctly advancing in tbe path or civiliza
tion? I said as much to Patrolman Cassidy
of that district, and he replied that I was
not the first one to think of this possible
Confab With the Spook Authors.
J, ..1 ySr W"
result, for he had noticod that the washer
women were hauling in their clothes lines
earlier in the evening since the song had
A Musical Disease.
No, no; the words were pardonable but
the tune ah, there was the crime. It had
the property of contagion. It was a musical
disease. I felt that if I didn't whistle it all
out of my system I should lose my apprecia
tion of every sweet and honest melody. So
I piped away lustily among the gravestones,
expecting to'do myself much good and no
body any harm.
"Youiig man," said a voice at my elbow,
"where did you get that tune?"
I turned hastily with a cold feeling in my
spine, and saw a tall, thin man leaning over
his own gravestone. By the dim moonlight
I discerned that it had been erected to the
memory of Edgar Smith in 1865.
"I beg your pardon," said I. "If I had
anv idea it would disturb you"
"Oh, never mind," replied the ghost. "I
suppose you intended to be complimentary."
"Yes; in life I was reputed to have written
that tuue. It was a popular war melody
and wentbv the nament 'Johnny Griffin's
BetreaL' I had supposed that it was for
gotten." Hard to Convince.
"You must be mistaken," I replied; "this
is 'Willie Beilly's White Shirt,' and was
perpetrated by C. A. Jenkins. Perhaps I
didn't whistle it correctly."
"Oh, yes you did, near enough," said the
ghost. "It went this way," and he finished
the air from the poiut where he had inter
"That's it," I admitted, "and I consider
your claim established. But may I ask I
don't want to be offensive, you know may
I inquire what was done about it when you
arrived that is,' did they make it very'hot
,lor you on account of this thing?"
"No; my claim to its authorship was not1
allowed, and I escaped. ' Between you and
me, I didn't compose it; I just hashed it up
in a hurry out of one or two old things."
"Well, I wish you'd let it rest, that's all,"
said I, somewhat harshly. "Perhaps, if you
had, it might not have arisen in my day,"
"I wish I had," he groaned; "it haunts
me even now. Oh, remorse, remorsel"
He ran his fingers wildly through his hair,
and then beat his head upon the gravestone.
Another Composer Found.
"Is there anything I can do lor vou7",I
SUNDAY, FEBRUARY '
asked, sympathizing with his distress,
though I couldn't help thinking that it was
more than he deserved.
"No, no; take it away, that's all."
I took it away. Even after this fearful
morniug I couldn't keep it out of my head,
and before I had gone 20 paces from the spot
I was whistling it again.
"Say, my friend," siid a voice on my
right, "did that fellow Smith tell you he
composed that sorfg?"
"No, he didD't," said I, confronting this
second specter boldly,' "he confessed that
he stole it."
"Probably he knew that you would meet
me," continued the ghost; "I'm the man he
stole it from. My name is Cyrus J.- Per
kins, and I was buried before Smith was
Refrained From Buying the Bong.
horn. Look at my date, 1819. I composed
that song "
He was interrupted by a deep groan
which proceeded from a somewhat older
portion of the cemetery. The groan was
lollowed by a voice:
"Perkins, why will yon prevent the facts
in this shameful manner. You know that
you stole that song from a revolutionary
bOIad composed by me and called 'General
C.inton's "White Horse.' My young friend,
il vou want to go into thearchsology of that
song, just ascribe its authorship to Levi C.
"Whitcomb, originally of Connecticut."
The Tunc Gets Older.
"When were you buried, "Whitcomb?"
inquired a specter whom I perceived look
ing down at us from a sparsely populated
district up near the brow ot the hill. The
voice had a slightly foreign accent which
suggested sunny Italy.
"Seventeen eighty-one," answered Whit
"Fifty years before that date," said the
voice, "I was assassinated by a mob because
I played that tune on a hand organ which I
did not know contained anything calculated
to ofTend. Believe me, sir; I am the Count
"Go back to your cage, old whale-oil," said
Whitcomb, sternly; "you are trying to ruin
"And furthermore," continued Count
Beppo, "there is a lady of my coutry in the
third walk to the left "who was a member of
an operatic chorus, and died in 1729. She
remembers that song in her youth; in her
youth, mind youl"
Hooked at Whitcomb' and he melted
away into thin mist, taking his pretensions
"I am gratified to have the Count Beppo
Spermaceti substantiate my claim."
The words were spoken in Dutch of a
somewhat antique pattern, but, ou the whole,
good enough Dutch for a ghost. The speaker
stood looking at me over the gravestone of
Peter Yollis, who died in 1629. Of course it
was not the original gravestone; it was a
comparatively new one, erected by the later
Yollises. But it was the same old Peter;
there was no mistaking his antiquity.
The Original at Lost.
"The late Mynheer Yollis," said I, re
spectfully, "will pardon me for presuming
while still living (and on a imall salary at
that) to address the distinguished dead, but
if the lady to whom the Count Beppo refers
heard the song in her youth which mnst
have been passed in Italy, or considering
her profession perhaps, I should say
"Exactly, my friend," said Yollis, inter
rupting: "I composed tbe song while there,
belore coming to this country. It was re
published here, and I dedicated it to Hen
drick Hudson. Of course I didn't care a
d , well, we will say a dike, which means
much the same thing. Of course I didn't
care a dike for llendrick, but I thought his
name would help sell the song, you under
stand." "Yes," I admitted, "the same thing is
"I was accused, sir; falsely accused of
stealing the melody, but it was wholly and
entirely original with me."
"Strange," said I, musing, "that is just
what Mr. C. A. Jenkins says."
I climbed the graveyard wall in a medita
tive mood. Something in my experience
with the departed had cured me of that
song; and when in New York the next morn
ing, I beard a man shout in my ear, "All
the latest songs of the day: Willie Beilly's
White Shirt, etc.," I was able to restrain my
desire for a copy.
SB. KOCH'S PBINCLPLE.
The Peculiar Fact Upon Which the Cure of
Fall Mall Budget.
Dr. Koch's consumption cure depends on
this important fact, namely, that, juat as
the little yeast plant (an organism not far
removed from the bacteria) produces alcohol
in a solution of sugar as one of the results of
its digestive and nutritional chemistry, but
is actually paralyzed and rendered incapa
ble ot further growth by the presence of a
limited percentage of this very alcohol (so
that we add alcohol to a sweet liquor to
prevent its fermentation,) so, too, the poison
or "toxiu" produced by the growth of path
ogenous bacteria in a nourishing fluid
actually prevents the further growth of that
particular bacterium uhen a sufficient
quantity of the toxin is present. Not only
that, but the toxin of one bacterium has
been fouud to' be inimical to the growth of
other disease-producing bacteria.
Perhaps you could get the poison a little
altered so as to be still paralyzing to the in
fecting bacteria, but not so harmful to the
living tissues and phagocytes. If the ap
propriate poison could be extracted from
cultivations of, lor instance, the bacterium
tuberculosis, or from another allied bacte
rium, we might inject it into the diseased
parts, aud check the bacteria there growing
just as the winemaker checks the wine-yeast
by pouring alcohol onto it; and once tbe
bacteria are checked they will be engulphed
by the phagocytes and destroyed.
GLYCERINE FOE THE PACE.
That Made From Vegetables Is the Only
Safe Ono to Use.
IWBITTBN ion THI DISPATCH. 1
Glycerine is variable in character, and
more often than not, very impure and tinc
tured with irritating substances, which
neither smell nor affect tbe skin pleasantly.
The smell of most glycerine is enough to
deter one from giviug it a place on the
toilet table. Vegetable glycerines are the
safest to use, for much animal fat used in
soapniaking is of too doubtful qualitv, and
tbe separation of the glyceriue too carelessly
done to recommend it, 4B
After reading the processes for separating
glycerine from soapfat and lanolin lrorn the
scurvy retuse of wool factories; one does not
care to use either on her skin while there
are unctions or cleaner origin, vegetable
glycerine from nut oils that are not raucid
have a wholesome start, and with due puri
fying and redistilling commend themselves.
Undo Sam's Sugar Snpply.
"Do you think we shall raise our own
sugar?" I asked Senator Stanford.
"Yes. It will not be many years before
we shall raise tbe whole of it," was the.
reDiv. "Wherever Indian corn will flour
ish, sugar can be raised from the root aud
I the itaiK,
MONKEYS CAN TALK.
The Phonograph Has Proved That
Tneir Chatter Has Meaning
CAMPHOR INDUSTRY OF FLORIDA.
Ths Fntnro Railroad Trains Will Weigh
Half ot What They Do Xoft
WISE ' CDLTDUE IN CALIFORNIA
ifhefjlxxd ron tiie dispatch. !
The account of the experiments recently
made by a learned professor at the Smith
sonian Institute,in determining themeauiug
of the various sounds of the Simian tongue,
is of exceptional interest. This gentleman
has, with extreme patienc, succeeded in
recording noon the phonographic cylinder,
many times repeated, the chatter of montteys;
and af.er careful practice of the sounds thus
obtained, he finds that on repeating them he
can make himself understood by the ani
mals. As it is but natural to suppose, it is
only sounds expressive of sensations com
mon to ourselves and ourfour-footed brethren
that have as yet been recognized and de
fined; sounds, for instance, that express
cold, hunger, fear and other of the feelings
most frequently experienced.
The value, however, of such investigations
as these from a scientific standpoint can
hardly be overestimated. They will unques
tionably result in the following out of an en
tirely new line of speculation and research
in the near future. This novel use of the
phonograph is an interesting confirmation
of the fact that the more or less marked ten
dency of many scientific discoveries is
toward special applications undreamed of
when the offspring of the inventor's ingenu
itv was first made known to the world.
What at first is regarded as an ingenious
toy frequently becomes a necessary adjunct
to our civilization. Photography lor a con
siderable time seemed to have little use
other than that of ministering to the vanity
of the favored few who could afford to em
ploy it; uow it is used in every branch of
science and art, and is, indeed, absolutely
indispensable. The phonograph was long
considered a wonderful bnt comparatively
useless plaything, and doubts are still ex
pressed of its ultimate practical valne for
the purposes for which it was originally de
signed; but there can be no question that
this invention, like many ofits predecessors,
is destined to open out fresh fields of investi
gation and develop new wonders in many
and widely varied directions.
Some very interesting facts have been
lately established which point to the possi
bility of tbe use of the phonograph in the
solution of certain problems involving mu
sical acoustics. About two years ago, when
Dr. Wangemann, Mr. Edison's -representative,
was exhibiting the phonograph before
the young German Emperor at his palace in
Berlin, a record was about to be made of a
performance of the royal orchestra. Dr.
Wangemann suggested certain changes in
the position of the instruments which ex
perience had convinced him were more
favorable to the blending and recording of
sound than their ordinary disposition. The
leader of the orchestra was horror-stricken
at the idea of such an unheard-of innova
tion; the Emperor at once commanded that
it shonld be done and the record was made.
The result so pleased the Emperor that at
the next royal concert the strings, wood
wind and brass were placed "a la phono
graph." The recording ot the tubtlest
quality, or tbe "soul" of the human voice
tbe phonograph has not yet attained to, but
for indicating the purely technical capabili
ties of the vocal organ it possesses remark
When in Paris Dr. Wangemann called
on Mme. Marchesi, the celebrated teacher
of singing, and suggested that the phono
graph might be used for vocal teaching, And
rendered possible certain distinctions and
shades of tone whicb often escane the un
aided ear. Mme. Marchesi ridiculed the
idea, saying that her 35 years of tuition had
been none too much to give her right ideas
on the subject, but she could trust herself
sooner than the new-fangled instrument.
Dr. Wangemann, however, gained per
mission to call the next day, when 12 of
the artist's pupils sang a plain scale, ascend
ing and descending into the phonograph.
Mme. Marchesi was perfectly astounded
with the result, for on listening to the record
she perceived inequalities and inaccuracies
of tone which had escaped even her keen
Possibilities of Callfornlan Wine.
Champion Bissell is quite hopeful as to
the possibilities of wine production in Cali
fornia. While conceding that she has yet
furnished no red wines equal to the fine
classed growths of the Gironde (Bordeaux
wines) or of Bourgogne (Burgundy), nor no
white wines equal to the high grade Sau
ternes and the white high grade Burgundies,
he points out that she is yet too young, and
that her vinevard area "may be increased
more than a hundredfold without overstep
ping her gi ape-growing capacity. Mr. Bis
sell regards it as a thing to be fairly ex
pected that somewhere in that extent of ter
ritory certain nooks and hillsides will be
found that will furnish such unknown and
mystical ingredients to the sap of the vine
that the juice of its grapes may have the
aroma and flavor of the superb wines of
That the question of soils enters very
largely into this result is shown in other
manufactures. In the Island of Jamaica,
which produces the far-famed Jamaica
rum, it is known that the opposite sides of a
comparatively small sugar estate, making a
prize brand of rum, will produce a spirit of
quite dissimilar favor. The area of the
Chateau Lafite vineyard is limited to per
haps 70 acres; the soil differs in no ascer
tainable respect from that of neighboring
vineyards, but the fact is indisputable that
the same variety of grape when grown on
this soil and other soils produces different
wines, and that the wine of the Lafite es
tate has excellencies all its own and peculiar
to itself. The causes of this are believed to
lie bevond chemical aualysis. Still it
is within the possibilities, and Cali
fornians say it is within the prob
abilities, that there will yet be discovered
in that noble State districts in which
the grape now cultivated on the Marne will
produce a sparkling nine, equally good with
that of the renowned vineyards of Eastern
France. These districts will be, if they ever
exist at all, to the north of San Francisco,
and in the direction oi the Sierra. The
southern wines are too rough, too sugary,
too alcoholic, to be matured into a delicate
mousseaux that shall leave no cloying after
taste on the palate, and no headache in the
morning. In sherries, muscatels and ports,
California already gives greater promise;
and when the sound, pure brandy which is
now producing has acquired age, it will put
an end to the importation into this country
of much of what is called French brandy,
but which is in reality a vicious German po
Distinctions have already been clearly de
fiued between the California red wines, and
the wines of the northern counties are found
to be more delicate than those of tbe south
ern. The latter counties are indeed semi
tropical, Los Angeles being in latitude 34,
and this latitude on the Pacific coast is
much warmer than on the Atlantic. Here
and there wines with a true aroma and
lioquet have been produced in the Sonoma,
Napa aud Fresno districts, although they
are not yet largely" commercially known
under their right names. Some ot these are
now ripening in the cask; others have been
sold, aud shipped to the Bordeaux mer
chants, whose wealth and knowledge enable
them to take up good things when they see
them. In a few years, under proper labels
and introduced by tbe right sponsors, they
will be called for at tbe high-class restaur
ants by connoisseurs, and will deserve to be.
The Locomotive to Go.
The enormous mass of extra dead weight
due to tbe carrying of the holler, fuel and
water in the old locomotive will be entirely
unnecessary in the railways of the future,
which will be propelled electrically. Un
questionably the future electro-locomotion.
will show a motor on every axle, or at any
rate upon two axles of each car, and every
car running as a unit, in which case tbey
can run coupled together in a train or not,
as may be convenient. Oberlin Smith has
entered a strong protest .against carrying
this enormous dead weight of a locomotive
for absolutely no purpose. We have the
weight of tbe cars, plus the passengers or
freight, for purposes of traction, even if we
make our cars in future of lighter material.
In speaking of the lightness of the futnre
conveyance by rail, Mr. Smith says that we
shall not only use steel and aluminum, but
paper, India rubber and other fibrous sub
stances, which will give us remarkable
light cars, Jar beyond anything we now
speak of practically. Just as a wheelbarrow
is to a bicycle, so will onr present clumsy
cars be to the future ones. To have a big
motor car loaded with tons of ballast to give
it traction, is following the path of steam
locomotion; in all probability the neces
sary ad.hesion will soon be gained by elec
tricity. A New Typo Brush.
Seldom does an invention receive such a
welcome as will be given by the thousands
of typewriters throughout the country and
abroad, to a device which effectively serves
the purpose of saving the loss of time and
patience and the smearing of the, fingers and
injury to the alignment involved in the
ordinary method of cleaning the type of the
typewriting machine. An invention has
just been brought out which claims to do all
this, and it consists of a hand brush applied
at right angles to the type bar. When in
place, the rotating brush is held directly
over the type center, so that by pressing any
key the type isbrought into contact with
the brush. It is cleaned almost -instantly,
when it is released and another key is
struck, and so on until all are cleaned. One
hand turns the crank, while tbe other
presses down tbe keys in order until all are
finished. When not in use the whole at
tachment is swung out of the way, and it
can be at any moment readjusted in an in
stant. If this attachment meets the pre
valent want of a handy and effective type
cleaner it will be a pronounced success.
Covering Hot Water Pipes.
An instance of the success attending the
covering of pipes for conserving heat oc
curred quite recently, in which a residence
'was fitted with a complete system of hot-
water supply pipes on a scale sufficiently
large for a good boiler in a fivefoot kitchen
range; hut owing to the exigencies of a
temporary delay a three-foot range was
fitted up and connected to tbe chimney and
circulating pipes for temporary cooking and
hot-water supply. It was not supposed that
the little range with its boiler would do
much in the way ot water heating, but to
the astonishment of every one it gave an
abundant supply of very'hot water in every
part of the bouse as quickly in the morning
as a larger range could be expected to do.
The best material for covering pipes is
hair-felt; hair is a poor condncter of heat,
and is unsurpassable lor this purpose, es
pecially as it is so easy of application. The
felt, which is readily obtainable in sheets, is
cut up in strips for pipe work and wound
round the pipe spirally aud secured with
cord or wire.
Healthfdlness of the Electric Light.
The healthfulness of the electric light
was recently illustrated in a striking man
ner. Some railway men were discussing in
a car factory the relative advantages of il
lumination by gas and electricity, and the
advocates of each system remained uncon
vinced by the other. Finally the superin
tendent of the factory suggested that the
matter could easily be put to a practical
test, and, turning on the gas in the smoking
compartment of an adjacent car, he invited
the officials inside. It is said that their
stay was of the briefest, for in a very few
minutes even the strongest of them had to
succumb to the heat and oppression and to
seek the outer air.
A like test, made in a compartment
lighted by incandcscents, was attended by a
very different result, and the verdict which
followed was unanimous for tbe cool, whole
some light. This will readily be under
stood by those who, accustomed to the elec
tric light, have occasion to sit in gaslit
rooms iu which the sense of heaviness often
Experiments In Tight Lacing.
Some experiments have just been made
with a view of ascertaining, the effect of
tight lacing ou monkeys. Female monkeys
were put into plaster of paris jackets, to
imitate stays, and a tight bandage put
around the waist to imitate a petticoat band.
Several of tbe monkeys died very quickly,
and all showed signs of injuries resulting
from the treatment. The Jirilish. Medical
Journal, in treating the subject at some
length, proves that the constriction of the
vital organs of 'the body caused by tight
lacing is continually working mischief in
ihe human subject. It commends the en
lightened intelligence of a certain section of
tbe fashionable community which is dis
carding the use of the corset, and states that
those who are continuing its abuse are work
ing woe for themselves and their children.
An English paper, commenting on these re
flections, says that this is all undoubtedly
very lamentable, but, as an expression of
opinion, it considers that the most to be
pitied are the monkeys.
New Process for Raising Sand.
An impr&ved process for raiding sand has
beeu patented in England. A barge is used,
having a tanfc to receive drainage or over
flow of water therefrom. A pulsomeier or
other pump is furnished with a suction pipe
part rigid aud part flexible to reach to
the bed ox bank of sand, which is drawn
through it and deposited in the tank.
Around the mouth of the suction pipe are
placed a nnmber of hollow prongs, suitably
connected with another pump. Through
these prongs jets of water from the water
hole of the barge are forced, and the sand
thus loosened is readily taken up by the suc
The new industry of camphor production
gives promise of being permanently estab
lished in Florida. It is believed that in fen
years' time there will be more camphor
trees than orange trees in Florida, and that
the camphor indust-y will be more profita
ble than that of sugar. It is stated that the
camphor obtained from the Florida trees ap
proaches more nearly to that or Japan than
to Chinese camphor, since the odor of saffron
is distinctly recognizable.
A Novel Pencil.
An old German in San Francisco has con
ceived a new idea which is rapidly bringing
grist to his mill. 'This is the utilization' of
long French nails as lead pencils. The in
genious mechanic hollows nut the nail, puts
a screw in the head, and then, by putting a
piece of graphite in the hollow stem, he has
an excellent pencil. The nail when pol
ished looks like silver, and tbe pencils are
in great demand.
Beneath the Mask of Wit.
Men who are professionally funny are, in
mnst instances, solemn-faced, melancholy
minded individuals. Tbe favorite comedian
in private is anything but humorous, and
lives and dies cherishing the idea that in
him was spoiled .1 great tragedian to make
ad indifferent comedian. The newspaper
jester is another paradox, for his funny
flings seem but a reflex of his sad thoughts.
Affected the Natural Way.
Tom I say, Charlie, you donot appear
to be deeply affected by your uncle's death.
Charlie Not .affected! Well, I shonld
say I am, 197 dear boy! I am richer by
150,000. . ,
HOW TO LEND JJIONEY,.
Bangs DiscoTers a Plan by Which It
Can Be Done Profitably.
HIS DEPOSIT IN A TOBACCO JAB
Schema Srowin Out of the Experience; C
a Hart With Funds.
WINHI5G EICHES IN WALL STEBET
iwitrmtM toe the dispatcu.1
There is one thing I like abont myself. Z
am'such a generous soul. No one ever
makes a request of me that is denied. It
maces no difference what the request is I
always accede to the importunities of the)
would-be beneficiary. And tifen I take the
consequences without a murmur. No man
ever heard me growl, because I had to do
without my Perrier Jouet that he might
pay his rent, nor does that person live who
has been reproached by me because I have
contracted pneumonia while he was wearing
Last year this is strictly in confidence
between the world and myself, I do not wish
it to go farther last year, I say, my profes
sional income amounted to $18,326 83. The
83 cents came from royalties on books, the
$26 from poetry, the $300 accrued from the
various salaries I am supposed to he draw
ing, and the $18,000 was the result of the
36,000 jokes which I annually extract from
my head and long forgotten "Treasuries of
Of this $18,826 83, $17,000 went to friends
who had bills they were afraid to meet, and
the balance was squandered by myself in
riotous boarding, "xnis will give you some'
idea as to just what sort ot a generous soul I
am, and the result is that except with my
creditors I am the most universally popu
lar man in this country. If I would permit
it I could have more gold-beaded canes,
ormolu clocks and grand pianos voted to me
at fairs than I could afford to pay storage
on, despite the quantity of ready money that
is always to be lound concealed somewhere
about my person.
So popular have I become that hardly a
week goes by in which some friend does not
offer to let me in on the ground floor of
some intensely profitable scheme. I made
$10,000 in one week two years ago through
one of these offers. A Wall street frieudf
came to me and told me of anew corporation
that was to be started under the laws of this
State to work the copper mines of Ireland
and any man who has studied the personnel
of New York City police force knows exact
ly what extraordinary copper crops are pro
duced in that fair land over the sea and I
was offered 200 shares of stock of a par value
of $100 at 50.
How He Made 810,000.
And then, as I say, I made $10,000 out
right. I declined to invest. Then an
other time just after New York's executive
had hewn down several million feet ot
timber belonging to the Western Union
Telegraph Company another clever friend
of mine conceived a scheme of such intense
brilliancy that blinded me to the profits of
the concern and lett me witn several tnon
sand handsome green engravings worth $1
aoiece to my credit in the bank. The
scheme was to buy the old telegraph
poles and make them over into toothpicks.
His calculation was that every loot oi
timber would yield 10,000 tooth picks, aud
on a basis of 3,000,000 teet of old poles we
could produce for almost nothing 30,000,
000,000 of these useful utensils, the profits
on which he estimated would be 15 cent3 per
1,000, or $4,500,000 truly an alluring
prospect. What he wanted me to do was
to advance enough capital to enable him to
incorporate tbe enterprise and acquire a ma
jority of the stock, and for this I was to re
ceive a minority of the stock.
For the Sake of Others.
I stayed ont because my tfrieud said that
there were 100 others ready to jump right in
if I didn't, and my disinclination to avail
myself of the opportunity to roll in wealth
could not affect the enterprise in the slight
est respect and as was ultimately shown it
was best for my friend that I did stay out,
for I was able to lend him a $5 bill the
other day which he probably would not
have received had I gone in.
Of some of these offers I have taken ad
vantage, and I now have iu jny safe deposit
500 shares of West Africa and Santa Fa
Kailway, not yet constructed, worth.... 3 13
1.000 shares Siberian Cattle and Kuby
Company, estimated as worth 1 OS
200 shares Tarryton Natural Gas Co.... 07
o7,iS9 other shares in various companies
worth 1 50
Altogether these have not stood me in
more than $8,000, and it only costs me $30 a
year to keep them, that being the amount of
my rent for safe deposit box which is very
little, considering the fact that if I could
sell the whole block out at par I should
realize $6,808,900. Sometimes when I get 3
little blue about finances and receive bills
from my friend's tailor which my friend
ought to have paid, it is verv comfortable
indeed to think of that $b'",8y8.900. Of
course, I Knew that the ?6.89d,900 would
hardly buy a pair of $3 shoes ou the market
to-day, but my leslings in regard to it is
similar to that of tbo ben who sets on a door
ktiob we both know that notbing will ever
come of it, but it is simply Elisian to think
of what might be if it were otherwise.
Looking Out for No. 1.
Considering all these things, my popular
ity, the pleasure I derive from walking so
that my impecunious friend may snort a
drag, it is with very great regret that I find
myself compelled to make a change. Instead
of doing the square thing by my intimates
as I have always hitherto done, I am going
to look out f.ir myself a little this year. I
made this resolution on New Year's day, and
I must confess I have been miserable ever
since. When my dearest friend has asted
for a loan of $100 I have given him a quar
ter. It has hurt me dreadfully to do it, but
after all I don't know any easier way to
make $99 75.
When my room-mate's tailor's bill cornea
to me nowadays, iustead of putting on my
hat and rushiiy; right around to tbe tailor's
and paying that bill, I tear tbe memoran
dum np into three eqnal parts and write joLel
on the blank side aud no harm cotne-i to ths
tailor from this course, because lie assured uis
only a week ago that he bad given np swearing
iritll the coming uf tbe new year.
Now, 1 have notified tbe mnst persistent bor
rowers that I have set aside only one-halt in
stead of nine-tenths of my income for theiz,
benefit, and if tney want to get any of the
money they must be on hand early Monday
morning and get it for themselves.
Tho Great Discovery.
My system is briefly, to put one-half of. my
receipts into a large tobacco Jar wblcb stands
on tbe mantel in my parlor and let my friends
help themselves. The monev goes into the
lar precisely at midnight every Sunday and
I have noticed that since this scheme was bus
into operation Sunday nigh; is the creattimo
forgathering at my house, and a great many
of my cronies who n3ed to devote that evening
to calling on their fiancees, have deserted the
courts ot enpid altogether and stick by me.
As for myself. 1 find I am much happier
than I was before 1 devised this plan. 1 zat
three meals a day; 1 live In 3. comfortable
snite ot apartments in a bed that looks like a
bookcase in the daytime and a bay scal6S at
And then I can quit work whenever I please,
fori find that by cnargmg my hours ot loafing
against the tobacco jar fund, my own personal
Income i never diminished by my laziness aud
my lriends get every cent they are entitled to
in the bargain. I commend this plan to every
man who has friends, and so great is my nubile
spirit that I do not ask f or any sbare-in the
profits. It works like a charm, and In the long
run it is economical. J. K. BAlfas.
A 81,000,000 Carpet.
The greatest marvel of all the rich pouts
sionsof the Maharajah of Bsroda is a car
pet, about 10 feet by 6 feet, made entirely of
strings of pearls, with center and corner
pieces of diamonds. Tbe carpet took three
years to weave and cost 200,000. It was
made by the order of Kbande Eao, who de
signed it to be a present for a JlohammedaS
1 lady who had fascinated hist-
s '.-gvJiM&L-o. ,Af sSsMilesL&i&A JjJtfcSJi
usaemrmmt.imssBdxmaxmtaaMinaiaitEiiamitimaiSaraaiuBssajik ..t-'fflfrifaTifii JflMMeTTKWstwM8siHMslseWsieWfi
.-: -i -IT,,?-- - m "ft' .i.yto I I hm..-,.,;
-assfcsgJsg5gg-m "e aanBa nsBEEeMeMeEMaieEEigEE