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ESTABLISHED FEBRUARY 8, 1S4S
Vol. !. No. 1SJ Entered at Pittsburg Postofflce
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ITlTslSUKG. FRIDAY. AUGUST 5. ivz.
As a party of shams the free traders cap
the climax. Under stress of misrepre
sentations of the results of protection
they secured a majority in the Fifty-second
Congress, pledged to sweep away high
tariffs. Side by side with their pictures of
the calamities to follow the McKinley bill
the party painted in glorious colors the
excessive expenditures of the Fifty-first
Congress, and undertook to show the
country an example of scrupulous
It kept its pledges by passing some half
dozen bills nibbling off corners here and
there from the protective tariff, and gave
every evidence that it would have lacked
courage even to do that unless convinced
that a protective Senate would uullfy its
action. For the rest, the Democrats oc
cupied their time with buncombe speeches
on the evils of wastefulness, while even
their most rigid economizers readily suc
cumbed to the temptation of log-rolling.
Already this Congress has surpassed the
appropriations of its predecessor for the
same period of its existence. Yet, not
satisfied with that record, it adds insult to
injury by supplementing its useless ex
travagance by cheese-paring in a case of
necessity where its parsimony endangers
national credit Its members already
bhow a disinclination to regard its latest
and most radical expressions of opinion,
and the country is confronted by a party
with audacity enough to ask for the sui
Irages of the people on a declaration of
opinions that it has shown its ability to
Nothing could be much worse for the
country thin the tree trade piank of the
Chicago Convention. But there is one
thing worse, and that is the utter unrelia
bility that comes from an absolute disre
gard of past pledges in the history of the
DEMOCRATIC PROGRESS IN ENGLAND.
Lord Chief Justice Coleridge, of Eng
land, delivered a judgment yesterday that
will live long for the straightforward em
phasis of its language. A workman had
brought suit against the Duke of Rutland
because his gamekeepers blocked a high
way while driving grouse. During the
evidence it transpired that the plaintiff
was knocked down by the gamekeepers
on the public road and that on appealing
to the Duke's son, Lord Edward Manners,
he was told to get off the earth and warned
that if he were shot his life would be on
his own head. "Manners maketh man" is
an ancient English motto that this sprig of
nobility would do well to study that he
may make his conduct tally better with
the laws of the land.
There is such evident injustice on the
defendant's side, so far as can be judged
from the briefly cabled report, that it is
difficult to understand how the action
came under the notice of the Chief Justice
at alL But the scattering remarks with
which Lord Coleridge accompanied his
deliverance warrant the assumption that
lordly sportsmen will henceforward show
a greater regard for public rights than
characterized the performance of Lord
Edward Manners in this instance. As the
Chief Justice remarked: "The days of
high-handed interference with the rights
of the people have passed, and, if the Duke
.cannot conduct his shootings without med
dling with the right of the public to use
the. highway, he must elect other places to
hold his battues."
There are still too many laws on the
English statute books that favor the titled
at the expense of the commoner. And
until these are repealed it is at least satis
factory to know that nobility, so-called,
will not be allowed to transgress sucli
laws as do exist to put a limit on their
A FRANK AVOWAL,
A remarkable statement concerning the
relations of the wholesale and retail
liquor dealers with New York politics has
just been made public. The assertion
does not come from any impracticable
from the liquor point of view tem
perance advocate; nor is it made by the
hated mugwumps. It is in the organ of
the liquor trade, the Wine and Spirit Ga
zette, that the following striking view of
political morals in connection with the
liquor trade is presented.
In former times, under the old ballot law
which made traud at the polls easier, the at
tempt has been repeatedly made to use the
condition or bondage in which many saloon
keepers are lielij by the brewers and whole
salers for political purposes.aud the brewers
especially have largely traded on the polit
ical Influence which they were thus gap
posed to possess. But matters have changed.
The new ballot law has made it very dlfflult
to con ttol the votes of others. The saloon
keepers, though they may be the vassals of
business, have learned to know that their
votes are their own nnder the new ballot
law, and have begun to feel their political
This frank statement of the functions
of the liquor trade in politics, made by the
organ of that business, has a double in
terest In the first place, it displays a
commercial interest avowedly run on the
lines of selling its political influence. The
brewers and wholesalers are alleged to
have kept the saloonkeepers in bondage
for purposes of political trading. The ex
act consideration of the trade does not
matter so long as the portrayal of this in
terest offering itself in the political mar
ket is vouched for by its own organ.
There is some mitigation -in the other
branch of the assertion that the new bal
lot law in New York has weakened the
solidity of this commercial element in
New York politics. This is an unexpected
testimony to the efficiency of that by no
means perfect enactment But the force
of the testimony is considerably weakened
by the further assertion of the organ of
the liquor trade that political managers
have now got to deal with the retailers.
If wholesalers sannot make sure that re
tailers deliver the goods how can political
managers obtain the desired guarantee?
We should bo glad to believe both classes
of trading are shut out; hut we fear there
is little assurance of the sort The polit
ical influence of the saloons will be valued
by the general results, not by Individual
votes; and the saloonkeepers who do not
satisfy their mortgage proprietors of the
wholesale trade by carrying their pre
cincts will be liable -to disciplinary meas
ures. The salient feature of the avowal by
the organ of the liquor interest of its
presence In politics, organized for the pur
pose of bargain and sale, suggests volumes
of reflection for thoughtful people. '
A CONCLUSIVE COMPARISON.
While free trade advocates are struggling
with the showing made by the Senate in
vestigation into wages and the price of
living, another and even tougher nut is pre
sented for them to crack. A claim is
possible that a comparison for a period of
two or three years is not conclusive as to
the general average; but comparisons of
the course of prices and wages for thirty
years leaves no room for dispute.
This comparison has been recently made.
The decline in prices in all articles enter
ing into the cost of living, since the last
year of a revenue tariff has been 21 per
cent If wages remained stationary this
would be equal to giving every workman
earning 5600 per year an advance of 5144 in
the purchasing power of his wages. But
wages have not remained stationary. On
the contrary they are now 30 to CO per cent
higher than they were in 1860. Combining
the advance of wages with the decline in
cost of living, it means that the purchas
ing power of the wages of the American
workman is now nearly double what they
were at the close of the revenue tariff
svstem. It is to be noted that, as the New
York Tribune says: The workers of this
country expend a large proportion of their
gains through the cheapening of products
in obtaining greater comforts, better
homes, betterliving, more wholesome food,
more desirable clothing and better educa
tion. They live better in every respect
than they lived thirty years ago, in part
because protection has enabled them to
command larger wages in money, but in
pare because the cheapening of products
has given to every dollar the buyingpower
that about 51 30 formerly possessed.
This is a gigantic fact, whatever ex
planations may be offered for it Doubt
less the increase in machinery, the bugbear
of the shallower Socialists, has had much
to do with It But the fact that in this
improvement the United States has led the
world, proves that protection has not pre
vented the cheapening of the cost of life
by machinery, but has rather stimulated
it at the same time that it has advanced
the wages of the working class.
The formal opening of the British Par
liament took place yesterday. But noth
ing of moment will transpire in its pro
ceedings until the amendment to the
Queen's speech is offered on Monday.
Then will begin the struggle between the
opposing forces. Gladstone's majority is
so slim and of such heterogeneous nature
that the greatest tact and skill will pe
necessary to keep it in line. The least
slip would make defeat imminent, and
cause a fri'sh appeal to the ballot boxes.
The chief danger of such an appeal lies
in Gladstone's advanced age. For, albeit
he is a wonderful old man, with an un
rivaled intellect and a physical energy cal
culated to put many a younger man to
shame, nature's laws cannot be overrid
den, and his preservation can hardly be
hoped for much longer. The defeat of a
home rule measure at this time, therefore,
would mean more than a brief postpone
ment, since there is no man fitted to suc
ceed the Grand Old Man and rally the
Liberal forces as he does. Latest esti
mates point to the possibility of passing a
home rule bill. But it will be a tight
squeeze at best, and an early dissolution
would cause surprise nowhere.
THE CHURCH BLAMED AGAIN.
Yesterday the Rev. Lewis A. Banks, of
Boston, delivered a lecture on the tene
ment house evil at Bound Lake, New
York. He went even further than Dr.
Bainesford did at Chautauqua the other
day in condemning the Church for its neg
lect and mistakes in dealing with this mat
ter. Overcrowding is one of the conditions
of the times most urgently calling for
amelioration, and the increased attention
it is attracting is the only offset to its
growing importance as a social, moral and
The key to the lecturer's remarks is
found in his statement of the advisability
and even necessity of setting about saving
wretched bodies in seeking to reclaim mis
erable souls. This is to all practical pur
poses the modern doctrine of the Salva
tion Army, and the slum settlements in
London, Boston, New York and all large
cities where earnest men are seeking to
elevate their fellows by methods outside
the cut and dried lines of antiquated or
thodoxy. New conditions demand new
systems, and city life at the close of the
nineteenth century cannot have too many
men like Banks, of Boston, and Baines
ford, of New York.
Suicides are admittedly a peculiar sec
tion of humanity, and they generally ap
pear in larger force than usual when the
thermometer gets over-excited. But all
former reasons for suicide are surpassed
by those alleged for two cases within the
last week. A day or two ago a St Louis
girl of eighteen summers took her own
life because she was "the soul of honor,"
and could not consent to live with a father
who refused to pay his grocery bills. It
is presumable that if there were any
method in this madness it lay in the ex
pectation that the parent would not only
be conscience stricken by his daughter's
desperate deed, but would also be in a
better position to meet his liabilities when
relieved from the responsibility of pro
viding food, clothing and lodging for this
filial sensitive soul of honor.
This is a somewhat far-fetched system
of reasoning, but it is surpassed by the
case reported from Dayton, Ohio, of the
aged, miser who hanged himself on Tues
day. It seems that the defunct gentleman
had made about a quarter of a million
dollars by neglecting his personal appear
ance and collecting garbage and slops to
feed his stock withal But he had a
daughter who had secured cultured feel
ingssupposedly by means of an educa
tion paid for by the proceeds of the slop
gathering industry and this culture led
her to consider cleanliness and retirement
from this mendicant profession of more
importance for her father than the further
accumulation of wealth. An expression
of her wishes, however, bo incensed the
paternal relative that he straightway put
his neck within a noose and passed out of
hearing of further complaints. Surely he
died rather of a broken heart than of
hanging, for there is no mention of any
disinheritance of his daughter, and she
must now be free to enjoy his hoarded
wealth m all the surroundings of cultured
From these two cases it is evident that
reasons for self-destruction are not far to
seek if sought at all, and that this is the
age when parents wishing to prolong their
lives and .those of their offspring will do
well to obey their children and particu
larly their daughters.
The Chinese exclusion bill was no doubt
passed to exclude the Chinese, but it does
the race of photographers a good tarn by
the way, as all Celestial residents are
obliged to supply three photographs of
themselves when signing the certificates al
lowing them to remain on the American
World's Fate officials appear to have
made np their minds that starvation on
half a loaf will be less painful than starva
tion on no bread at all.
Hallioan, of the Baltimore team, seems
better fitted to play the rowdy bully than to
play ball. He broke this Captain's Jaw on
Tuesday night, ana It remains to be seen
whether public opinion and the powers that
be will consent to bis appearance in the
field again as a League player.
There is some talk of an absorption of
Newfoundland by Canaaa.but the Dominion
already has more territory than It can make
a business success of.
Op course the "World's Fair has become
a matter of national importance and de
mands national aid, but incidentally the
Democratic party in Illinois will have a
good deal of trouble in explaining why the
Democratic House refused proper assist
ance. It is a wise son that knows his own
father, and the most scientiflo of astron
omers has much to learn about Mars.
So few States are now destitute of a
Chautauqua of their own for at least a week
or two of the summer that a constitutional
amendment making such a possession a sine
qua non for the enjoyment of rights of State
hood is almost to be expected in the future.
The usefulness of a woman's pocket
handkerchief diminishes as it approaches
the fashionable style.
That Cooler gang knows its business
well enough to stop short of laying claim to
any of the public offices of Fayette ounty.
And no doubt that discretion is a part of the
reason for the respect and freedom from
molestation which the marauders enjoy.
A seashobe baby parade is as prolific of
jealousy and contention as any political
FROM the number of letters Mayor Ken
nedy has received favoring the issue of
bonds to improve Allegheny, it is evident
that the city paving would already be in ex
cellent condition if good resolutions were
the only material necessary.
Whether the deadlock in the House is
mora unseemly than ridiculous is an open
It is entirely in keeping with the
wonted perversity of inanimate nature that
there should be somewhat of a boom in
natural gas wells at a season when the
public is making itself warm in efforts to
Train robberies will soon have to be
listed among the staple products of Call
Cleveland has mistaken his vocation in
becoming onco again a candidate lor the
Presidency, when he is so much better fitted
for the office of public letter writer even if
it should have to be created for his benefit.
This is the season at which the pedestrian
realizes the beneficence of the private hose
The new British Parliament has been
opened amid much Liberal enthusiasm, but
It will have to make lots of hay while the
sun shines, as its life is likely to be very
Tennis players cannot consistently com
plain that it is too hot to work.
Gas wells are like legal witnesses in that
a cood deal can frequently be got out of
them, after they have shown signs of ex
haustion, by a process of judicious pumping.
When the householder is away the bur
glar is at play.
It is hardly surprisitg to hear that Sena
tor Colquitt's right side is paralyzed, when
it is generally understood that that is what
is the matter with Congress as a whole.
Filibusteeees ought to be marooned.
The Duke of Manchester had a relapse
yesterday morning and is now in a critical
Walter Besant, the English novelist,
was intended by his parents for the Church,
but he turned naturally to literary work.
Prof. John Fiske has returned from
his Alaska trip to settle down, at his Cam
bridge home, to the compilation of a new
textbook of American history.
The condition of Senator Colquitt does
not improve. Mrs, Colquitt is now with her
hnsband, and she Intends to move him to
some health lesort as soon as possible.
Premier Abbott, of Canada, was at
tacked with faintness and became insensible
at his desk yesterday afternoon. The doc
tors say he will soon rally, but he must re
frain from work.
General OLIVER L. Spatjldino, As
sistant Secretary of the Tieasury, who has
been making a tour of Europe, sailed from
Southampton for New Toik on the steamer
William T. Adams (Oliver Optic) has
written altogether more than 100 books for
boys, and is now busy at work with another.
Mr. Adams is 70, but well enough preserved
to last lor 30 years to come.
Andrew D. White, Minister to Russia,
was in Syracuse yesterday afternoon, and
said: "I have just accepted the position, and
my present intention is to leave for St.
Petersburg on August 17."
General Hastings will leave Liver
pool next Saturday on his way home. He
will shortly after his arrival take the stump
for Harrison and Beid, speaking in New
York, New Jersey, Maine and Pennsylvania.
Dr. Thomas Arnold, one of the Fel
Iowb of the Royal University of Ireland, en
joys the double distinction of being the son
of Dr. Arnold, of Rugby, and the, father of
Mrs. Humphrey Ward. He is an earnest
Count AlexanderKutousow, nephew
of Count Leo Tolstoi, but by no means a be
liever in bis famous uncle's socialistic
theories, is staying at Washington in the
course of a Journey through this conntry.
Count Kutousow Is a man of SO years, with
swarthy skin and dark eyes. He was partly
educated in England and sjjeaks English,
French and German fluently.
No Need lor Extra Help.
It is not expected that additional time
keepers will be necessary to keep the time
Senator Hill works for Cleveland. .
It Looks .That Way.
New York Commercial Advertiser.
A Republican Congress, will support the
next President, and that President will be
A LOOK AROUND.
A game of billiards 'was in progress
yesterday, and the man who lead was left
handed. It struck me, as it has often be
fore, that left-handed men are usually more
expert at such games, or at things which re
quire accuracy and deftness, than their
right-handed brethren. I wonder if It is be
cause they require their weakness early In
life an d take a greater degreejof trouble to do
Chicago seems to have aroused an ugly
spirit by the manner in which she treated
people who attended the Democratic Con
vention, and it is sure to hurt her concerning
tfie World's Fair. There was too much rob
bery to suit the public When it comes to
hotels charging $100 a day for a room con
taining five beds, it is time to call a halt.
It is understood that there is a strong
probability that Mrs. Schenley will agree to
donate a considerable addition to the park,
provided the City will buy about the same
acreage at a fair charge This will add a
great deal of attractive scenery to the park
and permit some delightful additions to be
made to the drives.
I'm sick of all the noises of the people on the
The dy s are full of weariness, the air is full
The street car bells are jangling and the
wagons rumble by,
And the fever of the city seems burning my
I wi3li I was afishing below old Struther's
And waiting for the lunch to come with
Struther's boy, young Sam;
I don't suppose there is a fish within a half a
And fishing in that long, dark pool is noth
ing if not guile
But oh! to feel the wind float by from further
up the pines,
And see it stir the water and rumple up the
And oh! to catch tho perfume of the new
leaves of those trees!
I wonder if that sweetness is beyond tho
reach of bees?
And to teol the soft, deep oushion of the
dead leaves and the moss,
And to listen to the sighing of the forest for
To hear that saddening sighing that has
fallen in soft waves
Upon the ears in long-gone years of dusky
maids and braves.
To see pure, deep laurel cups and smelly
To puff the smoke fromabrlerpipe and take
a quiet chuckle.
To think of those who stew and swear and
call for iced champagne,
And try to find a breath of air and try it all
To hear the swashing ripples against the
And wonder if you'll see to-night that dark
eyed girl of Jones',
Who came along at twilight and said she
looked for cows
In a scanty skirt of homespun and dark blue
To feel you might write verses if you only
had a pen.
And are glad you have not got one for the
sake of fellow men;
To lie beneath that greenery and catch a
glimpse of blue, x
To thank God you are living and have not a
thing to do.
Phewlaflshing and a wishing are sometimes
But there's work to-night and copy's short
and I must now Degln.
I found some figures in the City En
gineer's office yesterday in regard to streets
and sewers which give some faint idea of
what has been accomplished within a com
paratively few years. It seems thatwe have
in Pittsburg at this time about 165 miles of
paved streets, of which nearly 50 miles are
new, that is. were finished within a short
time compared with the age of the city.
There are about 50 miles of proposed streets.
The citv contains 27.C5 square miles and the
parks 703 acres. There are 2-25 miles of
streets opened, 100 miles of sewers laid, of
which 21 miles" are brick and 79 pipe sewers.
There are 38 miles of steam railway tracks,
18 miles of electric railway tracks and 15
miles of cable tracks witnin the city. The
frontage on the Allegheny river is 42,500
feet, on the Monongahela, north side, 43.500,
and on the south side 26,000. These figures,
so far as they go, are official. It is proposed
next year to prepare a table for the En
gineer's report showing exactly how much
street making has been done and what it has
The Coroner's jury has decided that the
Homestead act is illegal. Still this will not
Where are the inhabitants at least many
of them? Go ask the railway and steamship
passenger agents, the excursion managers,
tho smiling proprietors of the seaside
and hill resorts, and you'll get a
quick answer. Truly the town is stripped
of a goodly number of familiar faces.
The summer hogira is at Its top
notch, and tho movement will not
cease until tho nights grow
long and chilly. But the bronzed faces are
more numerous than usual at this season,
too. The outing at Homestead put the tan
on many manly cheeks, and the
recall of a portion of the
soldier boys has left with us a goodly num
ber who wear the badge of seaside service.
Still judging from the deserted ap
pearance of the public places it is
safe to conclude that Pittsburg
has added more than its usual quota to the
rest and pleasure seeking throngs this sea
No Chance for Filibustering.
Had Reed's rules, about which the Demo
crats made such a howl two years ago, been
in force during the last ten days in this
chaotic Democratic Honse they would have
saved the country $150,000. Voters will do
well to make a note of this fact.
DEATHS HEKB AND ELSEWHERE.
Robert B. Patterson.
Bobert H. Patterson, one of the oldest
and best known citizens in Allegheny county, is
dead. Mr. Patterson was a brother of the late
Body Patterson, and an uncle of the Hon. Thomas
M. Marshall His first place of business was on
First avenue, below Smithfield. where he remained
until 1860, when lie erected a large llverv stable at
comer of Cherry and Diamond streets. At tne out
break of the war he organized a cavalry company
of PIttsburgers which served during the war as
Company G of the Maryland Union Cavalry. In
the early seventies Mr. Patterson represented the
Second ward in Common Council, and In 1872 and
1875 was a candidate on the Democratic ticket for
Sheriff of Allegheny county, but was defeated by
Messrs. Hare and Fife, respectively. His next
Bolltlcal contest was in 188A when he tan for
oronerand was defeated by Dressier, but when
the latter died Governor Paulson appointed Mr.
Patterson to serve out the unexpired coronial
William Reese, Centenarian.
William Reese, aged 104, died at his
home at Bolivar Wednesday night. He was born
In Wales and came to tills conntry in 1832. He was
tbe founder of the fire brick works at Bolivar.
Leopold Mueller, the celebrated painter, riled
In Vienna to-day. Many of his pictures had been
purchased by Americans of culture.
JOHN Hammond, the theatrical manager who
was wounded In a Detroit saloon affray a short
time ago, died In Cincinnati yesterday.
Ex-Senatok Mahcos A. Fulton died yester
day at Hudson, Wis., or apoplexy, aged S3. He
was widely known'as an advocate of free surer
Ex-Jddoz John H. Pbice died at his home,
near Darlington. Md.. Wednesday. He was
elected Judge or the Sixth Judicial Circuit of Mary
land In 1805, serving ten years.
Theodobk Stubois, treasurer of the New
Jersey Zinc and Iron Company, and a prominent
figure for a quarter of a century In the Iron trade
of the country, died In Brooklyn, Tuesday night.
He was 63 years old.
John P. Bigelow fell dead of heart disease In
London. Monday night, as he was enterlne his
residence. He was formerly the American Gov
rrnment's.llscal agent in London. The body will
be cremated Saturday.
John Kbottschnitt. German Consul at New
Orleans, died Wednesday, aged 80 years. Mr.
Kruttschnltt was a native or Wurtemberg, Ger
many, but moved to New Orleans in 1837 and en
gaged In commercial business,
Pastures Green That Await Pittsburg's
Pair Creatures Drugs Made Delicious
When Doled Out by Their Dainty
Bands Choice Nuggets of Current
"I intend to put women iu as many de
partments, as I can." said a druggist yester
terday. "Many women wonld buy more if
there was a lady attendant to wait upon
them. I don't know," and his eye twinkled,
"if a woman would select powder from a
woman; for, you see, every woman seems
to regard herself as a general detec
tive of tho whole sex, and too often the
tongue begins where the eye leaves off. and
a pretty kettle of gossip starts abolling. On
general principles, female clerks, however,
are a desideratum, and to prove to you that
I am not merely talking, let me tell yon, I
shall fill every position of care with a
woman, who either is experienced
or shows herself willing to learn.
If she comes in here with kid gloves on
though, off they'll go in a hustle, and if
she's timorous at the sight of work, I'm
afraid we'll part company."
This is the composition of a drug clerk for
the year 1892: Painstaking, good natured,
quick and retentive memory, tactful, able
to rise to an emergency, understand bad as
well as good English, know how todlstin-
Sulsh in tbe dark between the dialect or a
ominlcan negro of the Northwest crtrner
and that'of his brother of the Southwest,
capable or talking or taking babies through
their second summer or octogenarians
through their ninety-second winter, if need
be know the stylos in opera bonnets, and
likewise be' authority on the latest ap
proved method for saving the soul, also the
complexion. Over ail this is to be worn a
coating of humility.
Great BIches In a Good Memory.
If ypu have ever' thought before that a
good memory is great riches to a drug clerk,
recall how many colloquialisms there are
and how dearly the people dote upon them.
There is, the familiar boneset herb of our
grandmothers, and the drug clerk 'may De
asked tor it by 13 diffeient names, including
the Latin, French and German terms. If
boneset is not the familiar word, it may be
thoroughwort, ague weed, sweating plant,
foverwort, vegetable antimony, crosswort,
durchwachseuer wasserhaut, eupatolre per
centile and eupatorium perfoliatum.
The drugirist believes in a feminine ver
sion of "All men are liars." He thinks a
woman would falsify a pound's worth to
gain a penny, and unfortunately his asser
tion nas a stouter pair of legs to stand upon
than such statements have in general. The
most modest trick ot the fair sex, when she
enters as a tyro upon this course of whole
sale lying, is tonsk for 5 cents worth and
then demand tho price. She is quite sure
her eyes will ttansflx thedrugman, and sear
his common sense into permitting him to
make a declaration that he never charges
more than 3 cents for a nickel's worth.
Then here is a field for a woman
with her nineteenth century appetite for re
form! She knows the belladonna falsity of
those andaluslan eyes, and stoutly takes a
dime.giving back a nickel in change, and a
light one it sho can; for a woman believes in
retaliation as fervently as she does not be
lieve In her own sex.
When a woman comes into a drug shop, it
is noticeable that she invariably brings all
herdearllttleaffectatlouH with her. Probably
she thinks they will be accepted as part
payment of the bill, which will be reduced
Woman's Wars While Snopplnc.
"AM good morning Mr. Smith. Tonr
medicine is so good, you see I have finished
it and I want the bottle filled again with
exactly the same dear sour stuff. This is a
delicious jutube of flattery 1 While the order
is being executed, every perfnme bottle
within reach is uncorked, to the accompani
ment of the following conversation:
"Is this a new perlumeT"'
"Don't you give samples?"
"The lilac isn't as pretty as what Mr.
Jones has; he gave me a whole bottle the
"Do you present your good customers with
new perluine it tliey promise to advertise
By this time the prescription is filled and
the druggist says, "50 cents ma'am, if you
"Why Mr. Smith, you only charged me 40
cents for the last bottle you filled."
"Then, my dear madam, you owe me 10
cents; for this always costs halT a dollar."
Hastily, Madam, since she sees that her fib
is apt to hurt more thau help her pocket, re
members that it did originally cost 50 cents.
Sho never blushes. Kather.sne assumes a
while she reluctantly gives over that half
dollar bit, especially the part where she
thinks her ten cents is situated, and then
Stokably goes home and tries to teach her
ttle children the Decalogne.
Pit & woman clerk against this woman
herd, and my word for it they'll both come
out on top, as the two most injured nieces of
creation in existence.
A Genius In Paper and String.
To poets alone does not belong trio proud
distinction of being born instead of made:
To put up a neat package is an inherited in
stinct. Paper and string are deceiving and
look manageable at a distance, but lc takes
a tyro months of practice before any real
rapidity combined with neatness Is attained.
Not satisfied with tbe assurance of an un
sichtly result I insisted on a prentice at
tempt. It deserves its own paragraph. No sooner
was the lycopodlum a tricky sort of a
powder that insists upon playing eye-spy
laid on the paper than there came a tit or
trembling. First Bymptonof the disease of
Inability. Then as the paper was being
lolded, more correctly ciumpled, the,
powder began to ooze out at either end.
These ends were seized, while the middle
flew open, and the saucy contents liberated,
rose in a yellow dust and settled every
whete, notably on my nose. This was the
end of package mnking. As he threw the
ruins away the veracious drusgist laid upon
me a firm eye and I could hear my vanity
simmering into vapor and disappearing.
To understand people when they are unin
telligible; to translate the untranslatable; to
solve the unsolvable problem; to rise up in
wisdom to your customers stupidity, are all
commonplace merits of a drug clerk.
"A friend recommends the use ofcocossip
Jjity for ringworm."
Trials of tbe Shopkeeper.
"Fill this bottle with corrosive sublimate,
John, I have just sold the last ounce."
"What did mother tell me to bring hert"
and a small boy stands ruefully rubbing the
side of his head.
"Kid, did you forget what you came fort"
says the unelegant hut practical salesman.
"That's itl that's it!" delightedly shouts
the boy. "Camphor, I came for." And here
is what was sent to a drugstore last week.
Ten cents worth of an herb name tanzey for mak
ing tea off.
These are a few of the trials and the peo
ple to whioh a woman would be subjected in
a drugstore. And yet, or the people it could
be said, "of such are the kingdom of heaven."
A new business that has sprung up in the
East End since the arrival of a particularly
heated variety of weather is the vending of
lemonade by the young scions of some of
Pittsburg's most aristocratic houses. In
several instances the plebeian occupation
was carried on under the very patri
cian eaves, that is to say, at the
entrances to several of the swell
private avenues, where a flourishing trade
is carried on all day with the relreshlng
beverage going at lcent per glass. The
passersDy could no mote pass by than they
could fly, and oftener left a nickel than a
penny. A trade was also struck up with ice
men: the barter being ten pounds of ico for
an ovoi flowing class of lemonade. There Is
but little difference between this class of
business and lying on a bed of roses. '
Marion Ceawvord Gallaueo.
Mas. John K. Murkat, known in the the
atrical world as Clara Lane, is spending a
short vacation in Pittsburg witn ber people.
MissGince Golden Is enacting Miss Lane's
role during her absence in the opera
company in which Mr. and Mrs. Murray are
making a very successful summer tonr.
Miss Lane will return to her professional
duties in a few days and be actively engaged
until September, when the company dls-.
bands before the regular winter season.
Her iviends say that Aiiss Lane's health is
most satisfactory, and that she looks for
ward In the greatest possible spirits to the
Dr.' Tindle's family left yesterday for
Lakewood, N. Y. Mr. J. E. Tindle accom
panied them, and Miss Huwortli, of Stock
ton avenue, who will be the guest of Miss
Alice Tindle during the sojourn of the Tin
dies at the Lake.
Clarence Schmertz, Albert Schmertz and
Will Phelan arrived home yesterday from
the Cheat Mountain Boserve where they have
been fishing for several weeks.'
Miss Nannie L. Holmes, of Linden ave
nue, Allegheny, is summering at Mackinao
Santa Clans to Visit Chlcngo.
Boston Herald. 3
There are Indications that Chicago may
find that $5,000,000 appropriation In her
stocking somewhere about Christmas.
ACROSS THE CONTINENT.
"You'll see the snow In the morninfr,"
said the lawyer-miner as we retired on tbe
edge of Montana. The day bad been
dry and dusty, the coach temperature was
moistening tbe cuticle, and the suggestion of
winter's chief product at the beginning of
July was comforting. So the thought of the
snow was the alarm clock that aroused me
with the dawn. I shot up the blind from the
broad pane and gazed over space to
where some white blotches lay be
tween the defiles and upon the slopes
of black-brown pinnacles that, wedge
shaped, penetrated tbe horizon. Soon the
sun crept over the crests and their silvery
heads grew more and more distinct closer,
bnt miles upon miles away. And down at tbe
deep-green, grassy feet of the bleak giants
red, deep-dyed red, and yellow and blue
wild flowers, fed by untainted waters, held
up their dewy heads. And over the valley
the snow-washed breeze dry, invigorating,
life-sustaining swept on to another range
and pushed aside tbe mists that hung over
its white-capped peaks. And the morning
picture was prettier than the work of any
painter. And in the absent-mindedness of
the scene spring, summer and winter were
rolled into one. And in the majesty of tbe
hills came the thought of the littleness of
The snow was a constant companion
thereafter to the Pacific Tho sight or it
was grandest when, after spending a night
and nearly the whole of a day over a cheer
less sandy waste, a huge mountain white,
so white as to be like unto a part and parcel
of the fleecy clouds that swathed its
summit loomed up far ahead. Tbe late
afternoon was clear, and the eye conld take
in long stretches that brought the buttes
and the foot-hills close to the range of vision.
There, 260 miles away so knowing ones
averred snow-draped, rugged, grand old
Mt. Hauler, the pride of two Washington
cities and the peak of peaks of the new
Coast State, poked its pure head into the
very blue. Only the eye alone can see
and the mind alone can contemplate the
sublime grandeur of such a long dlstancn
view of this magnificent mountain of unde
When you go to Washineton, tbe home of
several snowy peaks and living glaciers, and
should you be In Tacoma, call this white
monster Mt. Tacoma. When you reach
Seattle call it Mt. Hauler. Both cities claim
it as their own.
"How far is it to the foot-hills yonder?"
I asked the irrigation engineer, -whose
practiced eye assured me that his guess
wonld be about right. "How fart Why.
about 20 miles, sir. Deceiving distances
here, aren't theyt Tour query reminds me
of an anecdote they like to toll to tenderfeet
in Colorado. It runs like this: A couple or
tourists struck Denver in time to retire early
one fine August evening. One was an En
glishman, an early riser, and, like mo3t of
hU touring countrymen, liked a spin
on" Shanks' mare before breakfast a
constitutional, you know. Well, he looked
out of his hotel window and his vision easily
took in the mountains surrounding the city.
He decided to walk over to the hills for an
appetizer. His companion, who arose later,
and who, like myself, was a 'ditcher' and
well acquainted with Colorado's deceptive
distances, made inquiries, and tbe clerk
told him that his friend had set oat
in the direction of Long's Peak for
a morning stroll. Well, the minutes grew
into hours and the anxious one de
cided that something must have befallen
his walking friend. So he hired a bronco
and set out in the direction indicated by tbe
hotel clerk. After riding a couple of hours
he overtook his English chnm sitting hatless,
coatless and vestless beside a ditch, and in
the act of taking oft" his shoes. 'What on
earth are you doing here?' he exclaimed.
'Doing! Why, blarst my hyes, I'm going to
undress and swim this river.' 'River! Why
this isn't a river, old boy; it's a ditch an
irrigating ditch. Why you can almost jump
over it. It's only IS feet wide, sir.' 'Well,
I've been walking here for the past four
houis, and the blurs ted hills yonder seem no
nearor than when I started out. You can
Jump the stream if you like, but I propose
to swim it, and not take any chances.'"
Out in Colorado and other dry-aired dis
tricts westward it is not hard to make a
tendonoot believe that there's more truth
than fiction in this story.
Truly the enchantments of distance are
brought out fully, forcol nlly and fantastically
while spinning through the Western lands
where the level, bushy, sandy plain
stretches away to the foot-hills. So nearand
yet so far their oddly formed crests meet the
horizon, and in the setting sun the effects
produced on their wind-spun and water
woven slopes are past picturing or pencil
ing. When tbe sun gees down on a summer
day behind those buttes of white and red
and brown and yellow stone and sand the
mind's eye can fashion what it will from the
curious contours outlined beneath the
golden halo. Up into the blue, beyond the
white, fleecy, odd-shaped clouds, shoot fiery
rays. Beyond, a purple background like
unto a sea of fire, with ship-shaped
mists sailing in and out of enchanted
virion's range. In foregiound, level
plain that leads to high-walled cities.
There, with distance and weird effect feed
ing the imagination, domes, spires, pillars,
turrets, terraces, all the grandeur of some
pictured place of palaces is within tbe eye
sweep. Tbe more you gaze the greater and
grander the fancy, the clearer the concep
tion, the more real the unreal.
Geo. A. Madden.
MOT A NEW DISCOVEBY.
The Moons of Mars Referred to by Voltaire
To the Editor or The Dispatch:
The remarkable paragraph concerning the
moons of Mars in Swift's "Gulliver's Trav
els" has been often quoted, bnt the follow
ing words, written by Voltaire in 1752, in his
tale, "Micromegas," are equally curious, al
though not so nearly approaching scientiflo
exactitude as the great English satirist.
Translated the passage Is as follows: "But
to return to our travelers. After leaving
Jupiter they traversed a space or about 100,
000,000 or leagues, passing near to the planet
liars, which, as is well known, is five times
smaller than our own small globe; they re
marked two moons which accompany this
planet, and which have escaped the scru
tiny or our astronomers.".I know that Father
Castel will write against the existence or
these two moons, but I refer to those who
reason by analogy. These good philosophers
understand how difficult it wonld be for
Mars, so lar from the sun, to do with less
than two moons." J. B, Williams.
PlTTSBDBO, Aug. 4.
M'XINLEY IN NEBRASKA.
MoKinlet's splendid speech at Beatrice
will rouse tbe Nebraska Bepubllcans like a
trnmpet-blast. Toledo Blade.
McKinlet's speeches in the Northwest are
adding thousands to the Bepublican vote in
that region every day. St. LouisGlobc-Demo-crat.
' Governor McKinlet has a hearty wel
come wherever he speaks. He talks to the
point and tells the truth. Sea York Re
corder. GovernorMoEinlet's speech in Nebraska,
analyzing'the action or the Chicago Conven
tion on tbe tariff, was like cold steel sinking
into flabby flesh. Cincinnati Tima-Star.
Fifteen thousand people greeted Gov
ernor McKinley at Beatrice, Neb., and still
the Democrats would have us believe that
protection and protection's champion are
not popular in that part of the country.
A SHorrrso tonr, in any American city is
an excellent protection argument. Gov
ernor McKinley might invite Colonel Mc
Clure to that kind of debate if he cares to
explode a few hundred free trade flbs.
That Governor McKinley's speech was the
most effective yet delivered on the tariff in
tbe present canvass is beyond question. His
claims of vast benefits to the country from
the effect of the McKinley law were Dold
and sweeping. Chicago Stmt. '
As the battle is to be fought on the line of
tariff this fall it is weir that Governor Mc
Kinley, who stands as tbe embodiment of
the Republican protective policy, shdnld
have been selected to throw down trie gange
of battlo to the Democraoy. Ohio State Jour-
The diameter of Mars is 4,400 miles.
Coldwater, Mich., has an "old bacheloi
The clarionet was invented by t
German In 1690.
The alphabet was brought into Greece
from Phoenicia 1493 years B. C.
Oregon has adopted the blossom of the
wild grape for its State flower.
Belgium is declared to be the most in
temperate country in Europe.
A man in Kentucky has been struck bj
lightning four times and is still alive.
A pet rattlesnake in Florida com
mitted suicide by biting itself in the neck.
There are still over 8,000 widows o
veterans of the war of 1312 on the peusioi
A Russian physician uses soothin;
musical tones as a remedy in nerrout
A sign on a street in Philadelphii
reads: "Coal oil, wood, milk and othe
Four salmon, weighing from 8 to l:
Sounds, were caught in the Hudson rive:
ist week. x
The combined weight of three peachei
seen in a New York market recently wai
A straw hat and a linen duster havi
been worn for 40 winters by a citizen o
The Government of Mexico will ex
hibit at tbe World's Fair a rare collectioi
of Aztec relics.
It costs $2 for a three-minute attemp
to carry on a conversation over tbe London
Paris telephone line.
The old rifle was invented by Whit
worth in. 1800, while the new repeating rifli
is the work ol Sharp in 184A
Captain Davidson, of Detroit, is prob
ably the king of the fresh waters. His flee
numbers 40 ships and schooners.
On the icy peaks of the Himalayas, it
India, there is a "snow maggot," weighing
nearly a pound, and excellent to eat.
Truckee, Uev.t had a shaving contest
recently. The successful artist scraped hit
man in 45 seconds, and no blood was shed.
A Detroit lady over 70 years of age hac
a head or hair which turned from white
to a jet black the color it was in her girl
TJndergronnd London has 3,000 miles o
sewers. 34,000 miles of telegraph wires. 3,20
miles of gas pipes and 4,500 miles of wate.
A photographer says that next to babiei
youngmarried couples are the most trouble
some, the bride especially being hard t
Iu many of the Italian universities,
once the most celebrated in Europe, thi
students are so few that there are only foui
pupils to every professor.
One of the natural curiosities of Asia ii
the Great Salt Desert of Persia. It is man 3
miles in extent, and is a solid incrustatjioi
of salt several feec thick.
Gibbon began the "Decline and Fall 0
the Boman Empire" at 39, and finished it it
12 years. The work of preparation vta
really the labor of a lifetime. I
A street car in Fitchburg. fitted wit!
steel ball bearings as an experiment,ha
been run for several months without b ;in
oiled since it was first pat in service.
There is a frame house iu Lawrei ice
Kan., that is 6 feet long, 6 feet wide a id
feet high. It has 6 windows with 6 pant :sc
glass, and shelters a family of 6 people.
Inian newspapers tell of a scloo
teacher in Lackharabad who wosattacKe'
by a lion and kept the animal at bay witlh .
common broom until assistance arrived. 1
The little town ot Cumberland i.
Bhode Island boasts of a meeting hou s
which was built In 1740. The late Presldei i
Garfield's mother worshiped In It in ht '
If this globe were cooled down to V
degrees below the zero of centigrade
would be covered with a sea of liquefied ga
thirty-tive feet deep, or which ahout sever
feet would De liquid oxygen.
A Canadian customs officer distin
guished himself a rew days ago by assessim
a Buffalo Sunday school picnic party $9
on ice cream which they took overbite
Canada as part of their lunch.
The Chinese language is spoken bj
403,000,000, the nindoo bv more than 100,000,
C00. the English by about 90,000,000, the
Kusslan by 85 000 000. the German by 57,000,
000, and the Spanish by 43.000,000.
A Chicago man has recently taken out
a patent lor an electric pickpocket and coat
thief detector, which apparatus is intended,
automatically, to sound an alarm bell when
ever the wearer's personal property is inter,
The aborigines of the Andaman Island
are reputed to be fast dbappearing. All ol
them on two of the islands are dead, and
only a few remain on the third. Only a
small number of children are born, and they
die in infancy.
Juvenal first recited his satires in
pnblic at 80. He was supposed to have at
tacked the actor Paris, the lavorite of Dom
itan; was sent to Egvpt to command a
cohort or infantry, and died of vexation at
this honorable exile.
In Malta harbor is a large dock, in
closed with gates, in which can be seen sev
eral hundred turtles, all marked with the
name of the owner. They are thus marked
wheu young and placed there, and can be
taken out at will by tbe owner.
A enrio in vegetation has been found
near Port Biakely, Wash. It is a fir sapling,
about 8years old, grafted on another sapling
of the same kind about 5 vears of age. Ap-
Earently, tho larger of the two trees had
een broken ofl and falling had Impaled
itself on the smaller one.
A small island in Passamaquoddy Bay
is inhabited by only one man and his family.
It is said that the man has several wives,
and he certainly has a surprising number of
children. They live Dy fishing and farming,
and although the husband and father
doesn't own tho Island he is king there.
The Chinese have an elaborate system
for the Interpretation or dreams. To bo
whipped by a god or devil they regard as
extremely unlucky, while to enter a temple
and see the gods moving about.ls considered
lucky. To dream of fighting with wander
ing ghosts means
that one will live to an
ASTEROIDS IN AUGUST.
Brekkus I love to hear a silver-tongued
Barlow I prefer a golden-tongued.
"What kind Is that?"
"Silence Is golden." Detroit Free Prett.
He had wealth that was unlimited,
But there never was a strife
Among the girls to capture him,
For he ate pie with his knife.
Chicago Inter Ocean.
Miss Pert I've never seen Mr. Bjenka,
Is he a handsome man ?
Miss Flyrte-Hanasome? Well, that's a matter
of opinion. My own Idea Is tht if beauty were
subject to taxation. Sir. BJents would be entitled
to a pension. Hoston Courier.
A SAD FLIGHT.
A tear stood in her bright, bine eya,
Her quivering lip told sorrow's tale.
Hers mingled with the zephyr's sigh.
Her boiom heaved, her cheek grew pale.
Barsh fate had done for her Its worst,
Agd at her anguish seemed to scofl;
1 fonnd the geatle maid had burst
Her left suspender button off.
Seio T(,rk Prett.
"Well," said Mrs. Brugglns alter a solo
by a fashionable church choir tenor, "If that ain't
the rudest thing I ever saw!
"WhJtf" Inquired her niece.
"Why. didn't jou notice it? Just as soon as
that young man beian to ilng every other member
of the choir stopped. But he went right through
with It, and I must say I admire his spunk."
As real beaux are scarce this year,
The summer girl places
A feather boa 'round ber neck.
And wears a pan of braces.
Mrs. "Wickwire I see that chair-collecting
Is about to become a craze. I do hope It will
not reach the proportions of tbe apoon fad.
Mr. Wlckwlre-I don't suppose It will. As near
as I can recollect, the proportion was about two
spoons to one chair. At least, that Is the way It
was la our courting dais.-Indianapolis Journal,