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Newspaper Page Text
Profitable Ailment, lie —"They say pearls
are a disease of the oyster."
She— '' Incurable, I hope.'' — Fliegende
Insurgent Candidate. Gabe—"Who is this
Steve—"Why, he is the Teddy Roosevelt
of Mexico."—Cincinnati Enquirer.
Same as Coffee. Mrs. Knicker —'' You must
not ask for a third piece of pie."
Johnny—"But it won't be consecutive,
Ma. I'll wait five minutes.—Brooklyn Life.
Agreeing with Him. Husband —"But you
must admit that men have better judgment
Wife—"Oh, yes —you married me, and 1
Lengthy Cough. The tiger came toward
me, bellowing and grunting, and when he
got opposite the screen he gave one of those
fearful coughs which only a man who has
been close to such a beast can appreci^e.
It was eleven feet long.—London Standard.
Another Objection. She—"What is your
principal objection to the snffragettes f "
lie —"Well, they look as tho they would
make better fathers than mothers."
In London Town. Regular Customer —"l
shall \v;mt a large quantity of flowers from
you next week, for my daughter's coming
Mower Woman — "Yea, mum. You shall
'aye the very best for Vr, pore dear. Wot
were she put in for?"— Punch.
An Old Hand. Mrs. Regstaff—"Did your
husband ever try his hand at sustained tie
Mrs. Percoleum — "Did he? For at least
ten years he's been trying to make me be
lieve he likes my cooking."— Chicago Tri
Hope. "And you still have hopes of in
fluencing old Titewad to become a regular
attendant at your church?"
"Yes, and 1 am more sangine than ever."
"Yes. If the Government really begins
the coining of half cent pieces 1 regard it
as a cinch."—Houston Post.
On Authority.—Two men were hotly dis
cussing the merits of a book. Finally one
of them, himself an author, said to the other:
"No, John, you can't appreciate it. You
never wrote a book yourself."
"No," retorted John, "and I never laid
an egg, but I'm a better judge of an omelet
than any hen in the State."—Publisher and
Agreed. "My dear girl," said her mother
in law, "any woman would be satisfied with
what John says he gives you."
"So would I."—Puck.
Inconsiderate. "If yon don't stop nagging
me, Erniiy. I sluil] shoot myself this very
"Yes, that's just like you, when you know
how nervous I am when I hear a shot,"-—
THE SEATTLE) REPUBLICAN
Flunked. —"How's your son getting on
"Not at all. Every time there are two
men on bases and it's his turn to bat, they
bench him and give a substitute hitter a
chance.'' —Detroit Free Press.
Partly Fitted. "Did you succeed in get
ting that manager to engage you?"
"Yes. lie is going to let me play the part
of a walking gentleman."
"Well, you can walk all right, so you'll
merely have to learn the other part."—
J adge '« Library.
Unimportant. Marion (just from the tele
phone)—"He wanted to know if we would
go to the theater with him, and I said we
Madeleine —"Who was .speaking?"
Marion—"Oh, gracious! I forgot to ask."
A Lottery. "la that picture one of the old
niosters you were telling 1 me about?" asked
"Yes," replied the art-dealer. "It is a
genuine treasure; absolutely authentic."
"IT MaKes 1 The Mountain SmWe "
ON MOUNTAIN OR LAKE YOUR SUMMER OUTING WILL NOT BE
COMPLETE WITHOUT RAINIER. FREE DELIVERY MADE TO
ALL PARTS OF THE CITY. PHONES SIDNEY 1; SIDNEY 526.
Seathtle Brewing &Malting Co.
FRIDAY, JUNE 21, 1912.
"I'll buy it. I already have three just like
it, and somewhere in the bunch I'm liable to
hit the original."—Washington Star.
Tastes Differ. Mrs. Youngwife — "Do
you cook lobster?"
New Cook—"Always, mum. Do yous eat
yours raw?"— Brooklyn Life.
Old Saw. Tramp —"You know the sayin',
mum: 'He that giveth to the poor lendeth
to the Lord.' "
Mrs. Subbnba —"Very true. And since
you speak in proverbs, I'll refer you to an
other old saw."
Tramp—"Which one is dat, mum?"
Mr*. 8. —"The one back in the woodshed."
Over the Counter. On a business trip to
the city a farmer decided to take home to
liis wife a Christmas present of a shirtwaist.
Going into a store and being directed to the
waist department, he asked the lady clerk
to show him some.
"What bust?" asked she.
The farmer looked around quickly and
answered: "I don't know; I didn't hear
anything.*' —Ladies' Home Journal.