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Home Rule, Justice, Equality and Recognition according to Merit.
5 cents per copy.
WASHINGTON, D. C. SATURDAY, NOVEMBER 10, 1883.
- r .
JOHN R ELLIS & CO.
937 Pennsylvania Avenue, Near Tenth Street
pi A.isros and onaosrs
for Sale at Reasonable Prices, on Easy Tentna
ITuniDg, Impairing and Moving promptly attended to. Cornets, NVioiius, vPiutes
Guitars, and everything in the musio line for
CASH Oifc ON IIVSTALMEO?.
JOHN ir. EILIS & ao.
v 937 PENNSYLVANIA AVfliNUE.
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I-AMD f&fel " d !
momentous matters, j
Germany is experiencing the novel !
sensation of a temperance movement,
savs a New York newspaper. It is a ,
quarter of a century since any interest
in the subject has been manifested, and !
the present revival is as sudden as it
was unexpected. The movement is i
hracled by Count von Moltke, indors-
rd bv nearly all religious parties, and ,
ciiniinrl lw mmittaPR nf fiVBlT nart
I I " J N Wrf r- r J X
of the country, while the former in-
li(Tprence has yielded almost every
where to hearty sympathy. The pro
moters of the movement have taken
warning by the failure of the last bio quantities of inflammable gas issues
aplaUon, which was confined solely to from it, and the gas is utilized in hght
loetotalism, and naturally made little ing up the work and also for firing the
progress in such a nation as Germany, steam boilers, the Chinese being practi
The effort now is to promote the spread j cal and wide awake in tins as m many
of temperance by preventing the abuse j other tnings-
n Miw'i s JL ruinnnp is I
0 OU Hill 1 1 Olll, III HI UIUIU WFJIUUWWU
, OMn. ii,, u :!.: wni to.-
ult in an important reform.
One of the young men who was
r-nt to Egypt under the auspices oi
M. Pasteur to study cholera, died from
that disease. His name is Thuillet,
and it should bo remembered grate
fully, for he died for science and hu
manity. A similar incident marked
tto previous epidemic. Pr. Ober
"V'ir, one of the assistants of the
"Wbratpil Yirehow, at Berlin, kept
is perinn'n in his lodging. Final
l lie injected choleraic blood hypo-'riiin-ally
into his arm. In six 'hours
'if- h0,i Avliilc examining his own
''"1 wilii the microscope. Xot long
'? it w ill bp remembered, an English
lbsici;m died from diphtheria, con
ira. tea in- removing diphtheritic mat
lfr from the patient with his own
ii-1 nth, ordinary means having failed.
Patients sometimes think their physi
ns arc hard-hearted. But if they
soiiii tunes ask much from those under
thr-ir care, at least they do not spare
A rorreepondent of one of the medical
to' Jialssays that the application of a
ttro solution of chromic acid three or
Jt tiroes a day by means of a camel's
nair pencil is the best and easiest method
f J removing warts.
Some Springfield physicians are specu
'at upon the influence of the tclc
i Lopp Up0n 1C ppnsc 0f Jicaring. They
'iivp found several cases wherein disease
rf thpearis said to have been aggra
vtpa by using it.
The waves are ever at war. They are
instantly shelling the '-"?h.
JVoudem Jit Storvu
Remarkable as have been the ad
vances in the uses to which alectricity
can be put, according to Professor Mel
ville Bell, the future has even greater
surprises in store for us. He thinks
the time will come "when electrical and
telephone messages will be sent with
out wires. The message bearer will be,
the rays of the sunlight. The so-caUcl
electrical action is simply vibrations in
the air, which produce certain rosults
at different points ; and Professor Bell
is of the opinion that inventive genius
will yet enable us to make use of the
imponderable agents to transmit mes
sages between distant localities. In-
, deed, there are enthusiasts vho now
think that we will ultimately be able
to communicate with sentient beings
in other planets. It has been
demonstrated that the materials which
compose the heavenly bodior? are identi
cal, and it is a fair inference that
creatures corresponding to our own
1 race, with the same kind of faculties,
people them. If so, w e may perhaps
yet have a friendly chat with the in
habitants of Venus and Mars, and
ibably other worlds in solar systems
ond our own. Christian at WorJi.
In a paper recently read before the
! Paris Academy of Sciences, some very
' interesting facts were given in regard
, fn fh A'sirimis materials used as fuel.
witn some of wWch our rea(lere arp
probably not familiar. Fossil resin,
which has tne appearance oi. yenow
amber, is obtained from the auriferous
allium 0f !New Grenada. Egyptian
asphalt leaves after burning a red ash,
which is oxide of iron. Judea pitch is
found floating in lumps on the surface
of the Dead Sea. Samples of pitch
from China are obtained from bore
holes which the Chinese put down for
the purpose of procuring salt. These
holes, which are usually about 300
fathoms deep and three-quarters of an
l11 J" uiaimuw, viU m ,..v,. ..
iron rope, and the salt water is raised
by a bamboo rod with a valve at the
bottom. When the bore hole is put
down to a still greater depth, consider-
There has been some discussion as
to whether a person
to whether a person lying in a
sleeping-car should place his feet to
ward the locomotive or the reverse.
One man (writing to a medical
journal) who traveled about forty-
eiWit tnousana mues u. chl nu uu
back to the locomotive, oecamo ex
tremely ill with a nervous affection,
- . .
and got well after he had given up the
habit. His doctor believes that per
sons who travel much by rail should
"take all sorts of positions." A Ger
man physician, Dr. Outten, says- that
If a person lies with his feet toward
the engine, the movement of the car
tends to draw the blood from the
brain to the feet, cerebral anaamin is
produced, and then sleep. But if he
lies with his head nearer the locomo
tive (as is the custom in Germany),
there is produced a cerebral hyper
emia, incompatible with sweet re
pose. Doctor McBride, of the Mil
waukee Insane Asylum, advises ex
actly the reverse. lie holds that
with the feet toward the engine the
blood tends to the head. In the start
ing of a train momentum is first
given to the car. Bodies in the car
resist for a moment, and then acquire
the same momentum. But on the
least increase of speed they offer
resistance they- are not disposed to
go as fast as the car. A round
marble placed on a board will roll
back when the board is moved rapidly,
and he thinks it is reasonable to sup
pose that,in a human body the blood
constantly offers resistance to the mo
tion of the train. Therefore, with the
feet to the engine, the blood will
seek the brain. For this reason Dr.
McBride urges sleeping with the heau
toward the engine.
The Arrest of a Drnnken Ant-Somc-thlne
About Animal Prisons rind. lrl
soners. Must cast your eye over this," said
a naturalist "There is evidence that
among the animals thero is a police
department or am ambulance corps,
one or the other."
The reporter closed one eye, holding
it shut with one hand, and with the
other gazed through a powerful mag
nifier. He saw three ants, and one
was apparently in a very maudlin con
dition. It raised its legs in the air,
waved its head to and fro like an ele
phant, and evinced a decided desire to
walk backward. In the mean time
the other two ants were vainly en
deavoring to coax it along, at first
caressing it with their antennie, and
finally, as if out of patience, seizing it
and marching it off out of the range
"That," said the naturalist, "is a
case of 'drunk and disorderly; $10 or
ten days.' I fed the ant on sweetened
rum, so that it was .actually drunk;
then I admitted two sober ants to see
if they would take care of it, and you
see they have done so.
"The idea of intoxicating ants is
original with Sir John Lubbock. He
found that ants nearly always arrested
other ants that he had made drunk. In
fact, if you asked me what was the
most intelligent animal next to man I
should say the ant. 2fo, not because
he will get drunk, but for a thousand
"Do you suppose ants imprison their
kind for offences?" asked the reporter.
"There is no doubt of it," was the
reply, "as they imprison vast numbers
of insects for various reasons. In fact,
the lower animals have their prisons
and prisoners as well as we do. Of
course they are a little different, bit
we .must allow for a difference in
tastes. Everj'body knows how ants
make prisoners of various species of
aphides, and slaves of their own kind.
One of the most remarkable cases of
imprisonment is that of the bird horn
bill, so called from the wonderful de
velopment of its bill, which is only
used in crushing fruit. The breeding
SfiflPOn. ip probably not Inolrorl fonvartl
to with any great degree of pleasure
by the birds, as it is a period of close
imprisonment for the mother and of
great labor for the father bird. As
the time approaches the female search
es for a hollow tree, and, having form
ed a rude nest, takes her place within.
The male now Hies awav and returns
with its bill full of mud, which it
plasters about the opening of the nest.
Load after load is thus brought and
laid on until the crevice is completely
plastered up, with the exception of a
single orifice large enough to admit
the bill of the prisoner. The mud
soon hardens, and the bird is firmly en
closed, and so remains until the young
are hatched and well grown. The
male bird is not a hard jailer, however,
but works to obtain food for its mate,
so that she comes out of prison in
much better condition than her unfor
"Trees are not the only prisons,"
continued the speaker. "In marine
life there is no end of prisons and
prisoners. For example, here is tho
beautiful sponge called Vcnus's flower
basket which grows in eastern seas.
They are unsightly objects when first
taken up, the rich sheeny silvery
framework that we see being merely
the skeleton of the sponge, so to speak.
So much like basket work is this skel
eton that when they were first brought
to Europe they were supposed to be
the work of men, and so brought fabu
lous prices. In this one that I have
you see there arc two prisoner crabs,
but how did they get in? Each is as
large as the end of your little finger,
and the largest hole in the skeleton is
not larger than a pinhead."
"The reporter gave it up.
"The truth is' said the naturalist,
"that the crabs are prisoners for life,
and have served out a life sentence.
In their younger days these crabs are
called by different names, and in one
stage tho zoea they are extremely
small, and live a roaming sort of life.
Durin"- this time our crabs must have
crawled through the minute window
of the living sponge, and were unable
to get out. The sponge grew, and so
did the crabs. Finally the sponge was
fished up, and the animal matter was
washed away, leaving the bright,
silvery prison with the two great
prisoners crawling about as great a
puzzle as the egg in the bottle." Hew
A Long Service.
John Quincy Adams received a sala
ry from the United States government
for sixty-nine years, and the sum total
must have amounted to one-half a
million. At the close of his presiden
tial term he had had fifty-two years of
office-holding, and his salary had ag
ereffated $425,000; still, he had seven-
I teen years of congress after this, and
died at the capitol at a congressional
session. At the age of fourteen he
went to Russia as the private secreta
ry of the American legation,and he was
jn after years minister to England,
Germany, Portugal, Russia and the
Wisdom That Comes Only With Years.
It is a singular analogy which is of
fered with the life of human flowers by
the growth of those of a frailer and
more perishable sort. Fair and sweet
and delicate are vouth and maidenhood,
as the strawbell and anemone and
twin linnreas; rich and beautiful are ;
the early years of li f tv ?Jurose3 and car
nations are; but in the riper, maturer
life is strength for vital work that
needs must exhaust the earth, so soon
is it to be followed by mild decay.
Our statesmen do their great work in
this season; our poets try their wings
in May and lune, but their larger
flight is now; our novelists write
from intuition only till the ripeness of
experience comes: our young lawyers
may havo talent and acumen, but
they havo not the power that is theirs
later wit', r.mnded intellect and com
pleter knowledge of life; our young
physicians may be fresh from walking
famous hospitals abroad, but they have
not the habits and memories of twenty
years by night and dav at the side ol
sick beds to make their wisdom seem
like genius; our young preachers may
tickle the fancy with their airy
eloquence and gift of words, but they
will not touch the heart as they dc
when they have tasted all the springs
of sorrow and sympathy, the draught
that added vcars, and thev alone, shall
proffer them. It has needed what is
equivalent to the fervent and accumu
lated heals which belong to that mid
die of life as of the year, to call out
the full force of what is in them, and
the flame burns then with all its might,
for presently it must fall in ashes,
presently the beats will all be gone;
no more will the vital efflux of the re
ceding sun send its impulse through
the roots of life, no more will soul or
flower expand to the rich light of day.
but the autumn damps and the chill of
t.hp grnvfl will rise round them. liar
Nightcaps in the Navy.
Capt Y. II.-Parker entered the navy
as a midshipman in October, 1841,
being then fourteen years of age, and
was almost immediately ordered to the
U. S. steamer North Carolina, anchor
ed off New York. "When he went to
bed in the evening a surprise awaited
him for which he was totally unpre
pared. "Up to this time," he says, "1
had suffered much with earache, and
my mother caused me to wear night
caps. My caps were of many colors,
blue, red, green, etc., for they were
made of remnants of my sister's
dresses. Now, as I made my final
preparations for repose 1 opened my
trunk and put on a close-fitting night
cap. It was the signal for indescriba
ble confusion. If 1 had put on a suit
of mail it could not havo caused more
astonishment among those light-headed
reefers. They rushed at my trunk,
seized tho caps, put them on, and join
ed in a wild dance on the deck, in
which were mingled blue caps and
white caps and all colors of caps in
pleasing variety. I had to take mine
off before turning in, as it really
did seem to me too much for their feel"
ings, but I managed to smuggle it
under my pillow, and, when all was
quiet I put it on again. But, when
the midshipman came down at mid
night to call the relief, he spied it and
we had another scene. This was the
last I ever saw of mv caps. I have
never had one on since, and consequent
ly never had the earache."- Ph.ladcl
The American Camels.
The camels now running wild in
Arizona Avere bought by the United
States Government in Asia Minor.
Thero were seventy-six camels in tho
first "colony." They were first em
ployed in packing between Fort Tejon
and Albuquerque, in some instances
carrying 100 gallons of water to the
animal and going nine days without
', water themselves. linng of the
camels, the, Government condemned
them, and they were sold at Benicia to
two Frenchmen, who took them to
Reese River, where they were used in
packing salt to Virginia City. After
ward the animals were brought back
to Arizona, and for some time were
engaged in packing ore from Silver
King to Yuma; but through some
cause or other the Frenchmen became
disgusted, there being no market for
camels just then, and turned the
camels loose upon the desert near Mar
icopa wells, and to-day they and their
descendants are roaming through the
Gila Valley, increasing and multiply
ing and getting fat upon the succu
lent sagebrush and grease-wood with
which the country abounds. Tomb
CLIPPINGS FOR THE CUIUOUS.
It is an honor in Morocco to receive
from the Sultan a loaf of black bread.
An ancient and venerable mulber
ry tree, its trunk propped up with
stones, marks the spot in Jerusalem
where Manasseh caused the prophet
Isaiah to be sawn in two.
A distinguished botanist has found
that by simply soaking tho stems ol
cut flowers in a weak dye solution,
their colors can be altered at will with
out the perfume and the freshness
As an illustration of the strength ol
paper, it.is said that a Bank of Eng
land note twisted into a kind of rope,
can sustain as much as 329 pounds
avoirdupois suspended to it, and not
be injured in the least.
In Donegal, Ireland, there is a rock
cavity into which the tide rushes
with great force, producing a sound
which can be heard twenty or thirt
miles, and sending a torrent of water
several hundred feet into the air. It
is called McS wine's Gun.
A curiosity in Irwin county,
Georgia, is a large pine tree with twe
distinct bodies and only one top. The
two trunks grew out of the ground
about five feet from each other, but
at forty feet high grew together, and
from thence made only one tree and
The remains of certain mushrooms
which make excellent tinder are found
in nearly all the ancient Swiss lacus
trine dwellings, and it is supposed that
their inhabitants cither ute them to
kindle fires or pounded them and em
ployed them as snuff, as some Asiatics
do to this dav.
An ear of corn on exhibition at San
Louis Obispo, Cal., grew in the exact
form of a hand of a child, showing the
wrist, hand, thumb and fingers, all per
fect excepting the little finger, which
is double. It is covered with a small
grain of corn to near the tip of the
lingers, which are bare prongs of cob,
giving the. appearance of a hand clad
with a mitt.
An extraordinary pearl has been
r.Minrl nh Xichol Raw It. is com nosed
of nine distinct pearls about the size
Df peas, of a fine lustre and firmly bed
ded together in the form of a perfect
cross about an inch and a half long. It
is a perfectly unique curiosity, and is
expected says the Melbourne Argus, to
fetch a fabulous price, owing to the ex
traordinary coincidence of its perfectly
representing the symbol of Christian
In a Persian City.
Resht contains over ten thousand in
labitants, and is important as being
;he principal Persian city on tho Cas
pian, says a correspondent. It is noted
for its tobacco, which is very delicate
mil mild, and for a sort of embroidery
m broadcloth called Resht work,
which is sometimes seen in America
n tho shape of table-covers and sofa
jushions. The city is very unhealthy,
Dwing to malaria from the low grounds
ind the stagnant pools of water which
:over the numerous ricc-ficlds. The
jtrccts.are narrow and winding; the
louses low and built for the most part
Df mud and sun-dried brick, and
thatched with mud and straw. Some
Df the summer places in the ncighbor
aood are very pleasantly surrounded
by rose gardens, and have fine avenues
Df shade trees. In a visit to one of
;hese in company with a Persian of
ligh rank, we were both amused and
lisgusted at the absolute control he
had, not only over his servants, but
over all inferiors as well. As we came
to a party of boys bathing in a small
river the humor seized him to make
one of his servants bathe, and, not con
tent with this, he made other servants
throw several of their fellows into the
water with their clothes on, and was
quite delighted at the sorry plight
they were in as they came ashore. He
had the boys, who came up begging
for a "shia's," thrown heels over head
from a high bank into the water. One
little fellow was seriously hurt. Tho
gentleman thought, when his fun was
aver, that he had settled all scores by
tossing a few silver pieces among
Qneen Victoria's Proposal.
Mrs. Oliphant writes in the Century:
'There was a story current at the
time, that at a stato ball, very near the
period of their betrothal, the young
ady gave her princely suitor a rose,
which he, without a button-hole in his
:lose-fitting uniform, slit the breast of
ais coat to find a place for, and that
this was a token to all the court of the
anal determination of the great event
her Majesty, as it is pleasant to hear,
laving shown herself a little coy and
lisposed to put off the explanation, as
aappy girls are wont to do. No more
oerfect marriage has ever been record
ed; the Queen herself attributes the
'ormation of her character to it, and
01 that is most excellent in her lite."
ft. New York Correspondent' Account
of a Bowery Encounter.
Near the Bowery, in Canal street, is
No. 192. with a errosrererv in the base-
' f --- -
ment, a number of rascals in the grog-
... . :i J
gery, ana a vaneuy oi curious viiv u.
the rascals. This is a kind of head
quarters for operators known as street
fakirs prize candy pedlars, three-card
monte men and other petty swindlers.
They are usually on vacation while
here, havincr returned from trins to
, ... D 4
horse races, country fairs and Other
- B "T5-.1. V. A
occasions or concourse. xuu wucu ,
ffiair mnnpv nin nnf. hfifnrp their
play spell does, they sometimes go to
r J r J o t
work close by. Thus circumstanced.no
doubt, was the low-browed, unshaven,
greasy-coated chap who to day opened
a black bag on a tripod at the outer
edge of the sidewalk in front of 192.
He had about two dozen small cubes
wrapped in white paper like caramels.
He took several $1 and $2 dollar
bills from his pocket, making as rich
a display as possible on a meagre
"I am fminfr to roll this 'ere S2 note !
round this 'ere block of wood," he ;
! ?i! t 1I A tU. ,..-,-l-. I
said, suiting his action to the words,
"and there it is, all done up neat', and
I holds it atwixt my thumb and fin
ger," which he unquestionably did.
"Now keep your eyes on it, for I'm go
ing to fool you. I throws it into the
pile of blocks so and yer can't tell
now which it is.
But wo could, for he had dropped it
quite separate from the rest, and so
slowly that there could be no doubt
about its identity. Then he asked a
bystander whether a stool-pigeon or
not made no difference to the game to
pick out three of the wrapped blocks.
This was done, and, of course, the se-
lection included the' one containing the!
money. He laid these in a row, anu
at that point changed the prize for a
blank by deft "palming."
"Now, I'll sell the three" for half a
dollar," he said, and rattled along with
nonsensical argument until a fool
m.ide tho mirchase. The crowd laugh
ed at the dupe, when he opened the I
narnnlc onil fniirwl Tin h.'inlo nnfp and i
jcoiuux'. ...ii-,t wilier purchnuurs, j
and in Id minutes the raseu iu.vt ti
in 3. A policeman sauntered by, but
did not interfere. A scowling pal, by
driving off all the boys, prevented the
crowd from reaching undesirable pro
portions. The seventh deal was in
progress. It was intently watched by
a fellow who was fully a foot taller,
proportionately broader and incompar- j Xever mind,"' said the tramp as hei
ably brawnier than the gambler. His ciearea tho wall; "don't go to any
character was unmistakable by any- trouble about it. I thought you hadi
body in the least familiar with New I it handy. I'm not very hungry now
York types. -Ho was a Bowery slug-1 anyhow."'
gcr. If not employed to whip or eject j 0ufc in Manitoi,a a c0uple of leading
disturbers in some concert hall, it was , citj,eng na(i a race 0I1 foot about which
simply because he had temporarily therowa3 considerable betting and
given up business to go out on a excitement The local paper in its
spree. His condition was palpably . hcaaiI1g A Foot Kace," got in an
that of an inebriety which, by long uyt mstCad of a "t." This did not suit
duration rather than present intensity, th(J competitors to a "t." Such ac
filled him from the tousled hair that insmuation was not "l"-egant.
stuck through his broken hat to his i
toes, that threatened a similar escape i A Strange Hallncinatlon Cured,
from his muddy shoes. His trousers Malebranche, a celobrated philoso
pockets were empty, except for his , pher Q, the aeventcenth century, was
hands, judging by the size of those i fQr a 1(mg time tho Yjutim 0f a singular
maulers when ho pulled them out, but notion Che London Journal says he
an exploration of his vest resulted in fancied thafc he ad an enormous leg of
the discovery of 50 cents. He tender- mutton attached to the end of his nose,
ed the coin and reached for the three A friend would shakt5 hands with him
cubes that the swindler had tempting- , innlIj- uow is m. Malebranche
ly displayed, but there was a sudden
tendency on the part of that individ
ual to reform.
"Mind, I don't say there's $2 in this
lot," he said in a forced, even ghastly
vein of pleasantry; "Hi guarantee you
that there ain't," and he winked elab
orately at the slugger, as much as to
say confidentially, between themselves,
that of course it was only a sucker
that would fool his money away.
The slugger was not to be repelled
He had made up his mind to play that
game to win. He held his half-dollar
for a second aloft, with a gesture that
made his biceps distend his coat sleqve
significantly, and then made tho silver
rinrr nmnnrr the little mckcts. "YOU
lie," and here some of his personally
descriptive words arc not quotable;
"there's a $2 rag in one of 'em, and
don't you make no mistake. I'm a
buying 'em, and the money's right in
side." He waved his big forefinger
close under the swindler's nose.
"This game is for greenies," and the
wolf-turned-lamb bleated very mildly.
"This game's for me right now
mi Tm awaitins?." was the uncom
wuv --- - -- . Jr
mntr trrmvi in rrcmonse: Three for
hellef a dollar. Toss 'em over." producing from under his coat a splen.
The swindler parted rather with the did leg of mutton, he flourished it
two dollars that he had than take the triumphantly in the air. "Ah," ex
whipping that he did not want. He claimed Malebranche, "I hve, I breathe!
hastily manipulated the three cubes, ' My nose is free, my head is free! But
and cringingly handed them to the -but-it was a raw one and this one
sludger who controlled his fist with a ' is cooked!" "Why, of course; you
visible effort on finding nothing in the . have been sitting for an hour close to
flnt that he opened, but he slouched the fire!" From this time Malebranche,
away mollified after taking the requi- ceased to be 1 aantcd by his leg of
Ute money out of the second. mutton,
f Address to a Sea-BIrfl.
Oh, wild wave wnndorcr.
Haunter of henven and searcher of aena.
Storm scorner, thunder-born,
Through clouds neumler torn,
J.HOU not. lor wuuuw u""
needless ot horror, with sickle-liko easa
..... ... . .v.
Thou not tor wonder born.
Ctittest thy silent swnrth,
When the fiorco Quivering lightnfoe-sting)
Darts to the dark earth
Tho snake ol ita blade.
Folar snows snow on thee,
j.ropic winua uiuw uu vuoo,
Tempest and terror are stung with delight;
". tl J -Ml-
Tropic winds blow on theo,
ucoans oioaa umuwa
To thee are thy pillow3,
V,t boMowed heaven thy chamb at
Kiinnsnnnil moonriie and wUaerilurVW
Sunrise and moonriie and wildermg,wa-'
51 idnight's pnlo shudows, the olcrad'3 sa
AH gnzc upon theo n.id envy thy flight;
Freedom itsell in its perilous hight,
Cries He is mine in his mien and I hist
The net that is most popular witht
blonde juth brunette.
Long courtships are to becoided
. , il 1 - nnftl fViroo
espccially when they last until three .
o'clock n the morning.
A noted physician says that nearly
all women have smaller chests andi
trunks than they ought. Baggagemen!
don't think so.
When a young man escorts his girl'
home after evening service, he findsi
that the longest way round is near
enough for him.
"No trouble to have my ears bored;"'
remarked the young lady with diamondl
pendants. "1 have it done at every
party I attend."
"The difference." mused Twistem,,
"between a necessary adjunct of thei
kitchen and a fat party going up a
ladder is simply this: One's a raufflm
pan, the other's a puffin" man.
Little Nellie, six years old, who hasi
been at school two weeks: "Mamma,
I am next to tho head of my class!"
Mamma: "How many scholars are there
in the class, Nellie?"
Tho yung lady who considers it an
pender button, goe3 into ecstacies of
delight over, and thinks nothing of
making a quilt containing about four
thousand pieces of silk.
"Can you give me a bite or two?"
asked the tramp. "Certainly," replied
the farmer. "Here, Towser, Towseri
to.dayj "Pretty well, on the whole;
but this horrid leg of mutton is getting
quite unbearable by its weight and its
smell." "What! This leg of mutton?"
"Yes. Can't you see it hanging there
in front?" If the friend burst into a
laugh, or ventured to deny the existence
of tho strange phenomenon, Male-
liraiicnu would get nngry. At longth
a colleague of his, a man gifted with a
sense of the humorous, determined to
cure him by some means or other.
' Calling upon him one day he affected
to perceive the cause of his trouble
and inquired about it. The imaginary
, patient, overcome with gratitude, ran
to embrace this first believer, who.
stepping backwards, uttered a cry,
""What! Have I hurt you, my mena t
"Certainly; you have run your leg of
mutton into my eye. I really cannot
understand why you have not tried to
get rid of that awkward appendage
long since. If you will allow me with
a razor an operation performed with
out the slightest danger" "My
friend, my friend, you will have saved
my life! Oh! Ah! Oh!" In the
Hvinklimr of an eye the friend had
sliffhtlv crazed the tip of his nose, and