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title: 'The Bloomfield times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, July 05, 1870, Page 3, Image 3',
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made, tilings more pure, and left the Mis
sissiptiiun pirates free to continuo their
To them no doubt very unexpectedly,
these were sunn after brought to tin end.
They hud made a frrunl mistake in paint
ing the n ime " ncy ' 01 the tender of
their "broad-horn." sinee it enabled
ineto trarc the curf't to a point where
they could bo Captured.
My sore head d.d - not prevent me from
swimming nshora, which I did soon af
terward. Nor did it prevent 1110 from
galloping twenty miles down strcam.to tho
town of" Grand Gulf," where I knew the
flat-boat would be delayed by the remar
kable malestrom which has given to this
place its name.
I there found a justices of the peace
with a sheriff and posse, wlio were placed
at my disposal ; and when the " Nancy"
came floating along, I found my gold
watch, my gun, and my lost specie, in
possession of the two pirates, who instead
of reveliug in the delights of New Orleans
at my expense, as they had intended
spent the next ten years of their lives
in the State penitentiary of Mississippi.
Can Ton Keep a Secret.
DOROTHY," said Iehabod, pale
and trcmbliii'', to his wife.
" Dorothy I have a secret, and if you
will keep it inviolable I would not hesi
tate to reveal it to you; but, O, Dorothy,
" Why, Iehabod, it must be a secret
of great importance, for you are in woe
ful agitation. You know husband, you
can place implicit confidence in your
wife. Have I ever given you occasion
to doubt my fidelity!"'
" Never, never, Dorothy, but the se
cret I have to communicate is one tint
requires more than ordinary faithfulness
and prudence to prevent you from di
vulging it. 0 dear ! I shudder when I
think of it."
" Why, husband, do you know how
your lips tremble and your eyes roll !
What is she matter? Iehabod, surely you
cannot mistrust the confidence of one who
has vowed at the altar to be faithful to
you. Come unbosoni yourself J"'
" May I rely on your fidelity ?"
" Pchabod, you know you may !"
"Well, then we are both ruined ! Un
done I have committed murder !"
" Murder ?"
" Yes, muider! and I have buried li'un
at the foot of a tree in the orchard !"
" 0, awful ! Iehabod, committed mur
der ! Then indeed wo are both ruined,
and our cb'lJien with us!"
Iehabod left the room, and Dorothy
hurried off to a neighbors.
Mrs. Prattle observed a great change
in Dorothy's countenance, and in her
general appearance, so great as to cause
her to inquire into the cause of it.
"0, Mrs. Prnttle," said Dorothy, " I
am the most miserable of women ! I am
ruined forever 1"
"Mercy! Dorothy, how gloomy you
look ! What has turned up to make you
look bo dejected ? Whyjou sigh, woman.
Tell m'e the cause."
" I wish I might, Mrs, Prattle, but the
occasion of my unhappiness is a secret
which I am not permitted to divulge."
" O, you may tell me, I shall never
speak of it again."
" Will you promise never to reveal it
to any person living?'
"You know,Dorothy,I never tell secrets."
" Well, Mrs. Prattlo I scarcely dare
say it my husband has committed mur
der, and buried him at the foot of the
tree in tin orchard ! He told me of it him
self! For heaven's sake don't name it to
" Murder ! Indeed, indeed, Dorothy,
you have reason to think yourself ruined.
Poor thing! I pity you from the bottom
of my heart."
Dorothy went homo weeping and wring
ing her hands : and Mrs. Prattle, leaving
her dough half kneaded to hold a tete-a-tete
with a Mrs. Tell all.
Soon after this confab ended, the re
port ot leliabods bavins committed mur.
der became general, and the disclosure of
the fact was traced to the wife Dorothy,
rrocess was lnimeuiateiy issued a'-ainst
him by a magistrate, before whom, and
in the presence of a multitudo of anxious
spectators, ho gave the following ex
" My object," said Iehabod, "in the
courso 1 have pursued, was to test my
wife's capability of keeping a secret. I
have committed murder inasmuch as I
killed a toad, and buried it at tho foot of
a tree in my orchard. How far my wifo
is capable of keepins a secret, has been
sufficiently proved; and with respect to
tne rnuraer, those that ieel an interest in
it are at liberty to inspect the body."
'HE COBBLER'S SECRET.
A waggish cobbler once in Rome
Put forth a proclamation,
That he'd be willing to disclose
(For due consideration,)
A secret which the cobbling world
Could ill nfTord to lose
The way to make, in one short day,
A hundred pair of shoes.
From every quarter, to the sight
There run a hundred fellows
Tanners, cobblers, boot-men, Bhoe-mcn,
Jolly leather sellers
All redolent of beer and smoke
And cobbler's wax and hides,
Eaeli fellow pays his thirty pence,
And calls it cheap besides.
Silence 1 the cobbler enters now,
And carts around his eyes j
Then curls his lips the rogue he frowns,
And then looks woudroim wise,
"5Iy friends," he says, "'tis Bimple quite,
The plan that I propose,
And every one of you, I think,
Might learn it if he chose.
"A good, sharp knife is all you need
In carrying out my plan,
So easy is it none can fail,
Let him be child or man.
To make a hundred rair of shoes,
Just go back to your shops,
And take a hundred pair of boots
And cut off all the tops !"
A HANDY MAN.
IN THE YE All 18 there resided in
the North of England a gentleman
who was known as Sir William Marston
He was one of those men who are cool and
calculating always looking before them,
he had made all his money at iron-work
ing, but after having got his title, he
thought fit to "sell out" and retire.
He accordingly chose a residence in
Darham.aud resided there for three years
when ho determined to build a lar-o
mansion for himself;. and he accordingly
consulted with an architect, and The
drawings and specifications were made
out, tenders received, and the work pro
Now when this mansion was built, Sir
William found that every one was admir
ing it, and artists came and sketched it
before the glass was in the windows.
Every one declared it perfection, all but
Sir William himself.
A very unpleasant idea had come- into
Sir William's head. lie intended to
keep a good many valuables and money
on the premises. Thus the question arose,
"was it burglar proof ?" The architect
assured him it was tho inspector of po
lice said to too ; ho thought so himself,
but he would like to be sure. The fol
lowing advertisement accordingly appear
ed in one of tho local papers a few days
after the house was finished :
NOTICE TO BURGLARS AND OTHERS
Whereas, Sir William Mutton, having
gone to great expense,in thebuildinge-f his new
mansion, "Fallow Hill," is desirous of ascer
taining whether it be burglar-proof or not, and
with that object has placed in Ills writine table
drawer, in the olllce on tho firr-t floor, the sum
of live hundred pounds. And whosoever shall
with the ordinary appliance) of a burglar con
trive to abstract the said llvo hundred po'mids
without heinrj etn:ilU in t!us net, shall be permited
to enjoy tho same, on condition that he write to
the said Kir William Marston, and fullv inform
him how lie did succeed in abstract ing the
same; and be it known, no ftps shall be t ikon
to recover the money or bring the offender to
justice. lint if the s:ld burglar be cau"ht ho
shall lie hound to state how hu entered the prem
ises, and how lie proposed abstracting the mon
ey, and he tshalHhen be permitted to depart.
A week passed, and Sir William was
getting in servants for his establisni'ent
buying furniture, horses and carriages,
and all the paraphernalia necessary 'Vor
the comfort of a mansion. Still there
came no nnswer to his extraordinary ad
vertisement. At last a thought struck
him. He put tho advertisement in again
adding that "no extraordinary precau
tions would bo- taken to preserve tho
house from being broken into."
Tho next day Sir William was sitting
in thesmall room adjoining his office,
.quietly reading a book, when the footman
entered, and stood waiting till his master
" Well t" nt last he said, looking up.
" A man wanting to speak to you, sir.
Says ho believes you want a groom. He
can groom, sir . harness a horso, clean a
carriage, fust-rate at gardening, rubbing
up knives and forks cleaning windows
in fact, sir, I assure you, by his own ac
count, he is a 'very handy man.'"
"What sort of a man is he?"
" Decent enough, sir tall, determined
)c mmcs, New Bloomficlir, 3.
looking, a kind of man as would knock
dander out of you, sir, or could "
" That will iio ; show him in."
" He has a portmanteau, sir. Shall I
take care of it ? It, might "
" Less o' y our lip!". Sir William was
becoming the. iron founder again. "Show
lie was shown in, and began to run up
his accomplishments, which to Sir Wil
l am seemed very suitable to him. lie
was just the. sort of man ho wanted, and
Sir Williain began to think of clinchiii"
tl.isb ii gi in.
V bile they were quibbling about
tcrnis.they were assailed by a strong smell
oi ournin g, ami a scream suddenly star
tled then.i. Upon hearing loud shouts
of" Fire !" Sir William and the man in
stantly rushed to the door; but the man
suddenly fell headlong on the floor, Sir
William darting oft' to the scene of' the
Upon arriving at the hall, he found
volumes of smoke coming from a cup
board Minlcr the stairs, and he immedi
ately o vdercd in the little hand fire-engine
kept in the kitchen (a thing no mansion
snouKj. tic without), lie ran it unto the
ipboarcl-door. and. KfiIiirr dm l. ;..
his 1c ft hand. 1
furiously with tho rhrht nnt. tholifHn 1
handle was almost invisible, with such
speed did it go up and down. The foot-
min Kicked away the portmanteau that
had been left in the hall, and burst the
cupboard-door open, and then proceeded
to drag to the light a vast assortment of
rags and brown paper and damp straw,
all of which made a terrible smoke, al
though no flame was visible. It was soon
put out, and Sir William returned to his
lie found tho door locl-od nil tlin inciiln
upon his arrival ; but this did not startle
him at first. He knocked, but, ho o-nt.
no answer; so, quietly stepping back
alonir the nassnsre hem" n ni..,i-fiii
man he flung himself at the door, and
it gave way with a crash. The room was
He looked everywhere, and found two
things viz., that the window was wide
open, and that his five hundred pounds
IJe was mortified in the extreme. Had
this man who wanted a situatiou taken
his money ? If so, was it a plot to do so
or merely that, knowing that there was
money there, he had availed himself of
the opportunity and taken it? lie thought
Th e man that was at the porter's lodge
said that he saw a man come in the morn
ing of the fire with a portmanteau, and
that soon afterwards ho saw him run
ning towards the gate, saying he was
going for tho fire engines ; so ho lot
The next morning Sir William received
a letter by the post which puzzled him
no'o a little. It ran as follows;
" Sir : Having seen your advertise
ment in the Gnzeth- inviting burglars to
break in and steal, I thought that -as it
was hardly to be called 'a crime, this
housebreaking being in fact, an out of-the-way
proof of tho safety of you that
forcible entry' is not the only way spec
ified so accurately where the rihno was, I
determined to possess it.
" I accordingly took an old portman
teau, and filled it with somo very smoky
and inflaniable, but not dangerous mate
rials; and, donning some old clothes, I
proceeded to your mansion.
" As I h ad often visited it while it was
building, I knew it we'll , and so, upon
giving an elaborate message to (ho foot
man,! stayed in the ball while he deliver
ed it. But I was not idle. I knew of
the. cupboard under tho stairs, and im
mediately opening it, for the key was
in it, I emptied my portmanteau, light
ed a uiatcth, and applied it to tho damp
straw and tho bits of brown paper, and
then I quietly closed the door and pocket
ed tho key, knowing it would .bo some
timo before- tho smoke would ozze
" I then palavered to your highness
till tho alarm was given, Whereupon I
pretended to trip and fell while running
for tho door ; but picked myself up im
mediately, locked tho door, forced all tho
drawers of your writing-table, pocketed
tho money, and, lifting up the window,
leaped on to the lawn a good jnmp cer
tainly, but I ran off towards tho gate.
Here I was stopped. I pointed to the
suioko coming'through the hall-door, said
I was going for tho engines, and then
quietly returned home.
" It is my intentiou to indulge in a
tour iu the United States with the five
hundred pounds I procured by my inge
" Tray remember they are not all
thieves that steal, and believe me, yours
" A Very Handy Man."
Sir William never put any more ad
vertisements in the paper to say where
his money was.
Going to Jesus.
Nearly three years ago, a noble steamer
was siuking with hundreds of persons on
board. Only one boat load was saved.
As a man was leaping into tho tossing
boat, a girl win rould not be taken into
.1 i I,.
inc ooat ami who knew t int. r in won ,1
soon be swallowed up in the deep, deep
sea, handed him a note saying.
" Give this to my mother !''
The man was saved. Tho girl, with
hundreds of other persons was drowned.
The mother had the note. What do
you think the little girl had written in
it? Here are her words :
" Pear mother, you must not grieve
for me. I am going to Jesus."
Dear girl! What faith and courage
she must have had to write that note I
She was going to Jesus through the
stormy waves of the angry sea, yet she
was not afraid. That's the kind of f i h
jo i need, my reader. Well.Jesus wil'g e
it to you if you ask him, for he says,
" Come unto me.' '" 1 will give you rest."
It makes dying easy to know that we
are going to tho bright home which
Jesus has gone to make very beautiful.
Let us all get ready for that bright houiu
uy loving jesus.
Covering up the Sear.
When an eminent painter was reques
ted to paint Alexander. the Great, so as lo
give a perfect likeness of the Macedonian
conqueror, he felt a difficulty. Alexan
der, in his wars, had been struck by a
sw( id, and across his forehead was an
immense scar. The painter said :" If I
retain the scar, it will be an offence to
the admirers of the monarch and if I omit
it, it will fail to boa perfect likeness
what shall I do?" He hit upon a happy
expedient; he represented the Emperor
leaning on his elbow with his forefinger
upon his brow, accidentally as it seemed
covering the scar upon his forehead.
Might not we represent each other with
the finger of charity upon the scar,instead
of representing tho scar deeper and black
er than it actually is ? M ight not Chris
tians 'learn from heathendom a lesson of
charity, of human kindness . and of love ?
A Beautiful Kenlr.
A pious old man was one day walkin"
w mo sanctuary, with, a iNew Testament
iu his hand, when a friend who met him
" Good morning ," Mr. Price.
" Ah ! good morning," replied ho.; " T
am readiug my Father's will as I walk
" yell, what has He left you ?" said
" Why. he has bequeathed me a hun
dred fold more in this life ; and iu tho
world to come, life everlasting."
It was a word in season ; his Christian
friend was in circumstances of affliction,
but went home comforted.
A celebrated divine who was remnrL-n-
b!e in the first period of his ministry for
a ooisM-rous moue ot preaching, suddenly
changed his whole manner in tho pulpit,
and adopted a mild and dispassionate
mode of delivery. One ot his brethren
observing it, inquired of him what had
induced him to make tho change. Ho
answered : " When I was young I al
ways thought it was tho thunder that
killed the people: but when I orew wiser
I discovered that it was tho lie-lit.niiwr
I determined in futuro to thunder less
and to lightens: more.
f;G5" The following is a verdict of
colored jury :
" e, do uudersigned, bein a korner's
jury, to sit on do body of do nigger Sam
bo now ded and afore, hub been sittin on
de said nigger aforesaid, and find dat do
same did, on the 14th of November, come
to def by fallin from do bridge ober do
river, and broken bis neck, where we find
that he was subsequently drown and ar
terward washed to do ribcr side, where
we supposed he was froze to def.
JCSy A French gardener finding a piece
of woollen cloth, which had lodged on a
tree, covered with caterpillers, acted on
tho idea suggested, and placed woolleu
rags iu several trees. Every morning he
found them covered with caterpillers,
which ho easily removed.
S3" It is stated that by allowing arti
cles coated with iron rust to remain a
short timo iii kerosene oil, the rust can be
readily removed by afterwards rubbing
for a few minutes with a cork.
HENRY CLEWS & CO.,
(United States Treasury Buildings)
Xo. ;t2 Wall Street, X. Y.
rpiIE business of our House is the same. In all
r respects, as that of an Incorporate Hank.
( hecks jinn Drafts upon us pass throuirh the (Jlcar
Corporations, Firms, and Individuals keeping
Bank Account with ns, either In Currency or
"III. will be allowed Five Per Cent. Interest, per
numiin on all daily balances, and can check at
., ii nw,u-,-. jim-it-tt cicuueu aim AC
ilMlt. ( !tll-i-mt i-.it,.l..n.l 1I.....1.)..
uik-1,-11 i.i , ri ii in v.
I C ill'C lll-IMI!l t-l.il .it ,.ll ti.iw.u 1 1. n.1
"l" 1,calul's on approved Collaterals, at market
Certificates of Deposit issued, pavable on dc-
IMIHl. OI- MlliT liv,.,l ,l..l !,.. ... ....
...... ... .v.. ....... ..,iu mi; him -i jti,
ciiiieiu. r:it( inii -i,.-.i i.. a. ii i.. ... .i...
country. ,.. 1MllB wl ,
Collections made promptly cvemvhere in the
IlltCfl St:iliw I 'ftit.i.l..u .....I 1.- v.:..- i 1..
aildl oiipnns proiiiplly Collected,
,..V i T . """ "'"'"aiipi an issues or Uovern
mcnt . ISonds at current market prices.
( vclers executed for the purclia.se or sale of Gold
and Kxehitntre. a so for State, City, and all other
Special : attcnroii tr'iven to the negotiation of Kail
Itoail, ( ity. and other Corporate I o;uis
We are prepared to take Mold Accounts on terms
fhe same as tor Currency; to receive, (iold on De
posit, bear ng Interest and subject to check at
sight; to issue Cold Ccrtillcates of Deposit; to
make Advances In (ioM, against currency nud
other pnl hifi.nilu niwt t., 0IT....1 .... 1 .. ImA, . ..
- , 'i"'"'M "limMIU lUCIIUICH
generally upon a (Joi.n lUsis. 4 17 lm
V'ho has a House to l'alntf
BEADY - MADE COLOllS,
Known as "RAII.KOAD" Colors. Guaranteed to
he more economical, more durable ami more con
venient than any Paint ever before otlercd. A
book entitled "Plain Talk with Practical Paint
ers, with samples, sent free bv mall on applica-
V"r -.v, r , , masihy& wihto'n.
Globe AMiitc lead and Color Works, 111 Fulton
St.. New York. Kstabbshed 1835. liewaro of
imitations. 1 17 3iu
B UPLEX TURBINE.
jyor Equaled by any Wheel in exlstencc
. (.','l0:lt '"'""""ly of water. The only WltfH
mutnUh to varlnhtr stream. Adapted to all kinds
of Mills. Illustrated I'ami.hleV will, vl TaK
sent free. j. K. STKV EN SON,
4 1 ' m S3 Liberty St., N. Y.
T 1 71W GIT ATT 111- ti 1 lvm . . , .
" ' ' 1 "Hit II I II INKS.
ny niit'l, on receipt of piiuo.
j'.y .. . iiiii.im v. ui.. zzt'ii.. pi r,o wvi.
........ vt v, itc
Alasury & Wliiton,
y AUift. if ,)IU,
" TTIMTSON ITOT-SE PAINTING," fiy j. w
J 1. Masury. CI. 4Sp.. 40c. Free !v mail on re
celptol price. AlAStlii' & WIUTON, ,V. Y.mm
$ 7 140 U(,w ma,,e 11 ' 0 nios.with Stencils.
Samples mailed free.
4 17 3m
A. J. FULLAM, N. T.
J" AMES B. CLASK,
MANLTACTUltKIt AND DEALEU IN
Stoves, Tin and Sheet Iron Ware
Kew Blooinficld, Perry co., Ta.,
K KEFS constantly on hand every article usually
kept iu a llist-class establishment.
All the latest styles and most Improved
Parlor and Kitclicu Stovca,
TO BUKN EITHER COAL Oil WOOD!
?r Spout'ngand Iiooflns put. up in the most,
durable manner and at reasonable prices. Call
and examine his stock. 3j
New Carriage Manufactory,
On HiGn Stiieet, East of Cakusle St.,
Jicw Blooinficld, I'cnn'a.
Tilt subscriber has built a larire nn,i commodi
oiis Shop ui High St., East of Carlisle Street,
New liloomlleld. Fa., where he is prepared to man
ufacture to order
Of every description, out of tho best material.
Sleighs of every Style,
m'irlbra mnner"11 "nishl!d 1,1 tho most Mitotic and
tv-I.raviiiK superior workmen, he is preparer)
to tiiriiis i work that will compare favorably with
the best City Work, and much more durable, and
at much more reasonable rates.
J-l!EI,ni;iNOof all kinds neatly and prompt
ly done. A call is solicited.
JiOTICE TO LAND OWNERS!
o A.rtRrm',0l,-,n! !,ilyof AKst of this year, (1870)
suits will he liable to be hrouuht In tho Court of
Dauphin County for money due on lauds In Ferry
County, unpatented. -j
a. For Information relative to the ratcntinii of
lands, call on or address t
H. 11. (lA),l(l(AITir,
in i , Attorney at Law Ik County Surveyor.
Illoomtlcld, March 8. 1870. tf.
THE WORLD'S WONDER!
Equalizing Oil !
THIS .Oil for Jihcunuiti'iii in all its forms,
Sprains, nrulses. Cuts, Wounds of all descrip
tions. Cranip, etc., etc., etc..
IS UNEQUALLED by any now offered to the pub
lie. It is for sale at 50 cents per bottle, by
KOllTHK. HOLING EH,
Mlllerstown, ' '
Ferry county, Fa.
kd F. MOIITIMEK Hi CO.,
New Bloomtleld, Pa.
Relief Riven almost Instautly, and permanent
cure ellcvted. 4W3w