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title: 'The Bloomfield times. (New Bloomfield, Pa.) 1867-187?, September 20, 1870, Page 2, Image 2',
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Inspector General |
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How He Missed Being Married.
HE WAS A SHYEST the most
painfully modest man I ever knew
and he often times suffered in consequence
most cruelly. He was the one who weut
most out of his way to avoid hurting
people's feelings, and for the sake of deli
cacy; and, as it usually happens, he
was treading on people's mental toes con
tinually. When he first came among us
and was furnishing his cottage, and get
ting introduced to his future parishioners,
I remember calling with him (on our way
to the market town) on a man who had a
club foot. It was not long before poor
Flush, who was not aware of this, and
was very near sighted, observed with a
smile that our host seemed to take excel
lent care to keep himself out of the dirt
among the lanes.
" What a sensible boot that is of yours.
Mr. Layman ; why it's treble soled 1"
And before he had recovered himself
from the flame of blushes into which he
burst on the discovery of this mistake he
informed Mrs. Layman and her four
daughters that the object of our expedi
tion into the town was to procure him
(Peony Flush) a pair of comfortable
drawers, meaning thereby a chest, I sup
pose, but sending the whole company into
shrieks of laughter, and suffusing himself
from top to toe with beautiful rose color.
This sort of things, he confessed to me,
annoys him for months afterward,oppress
ing him like sins ; and I could not forbear
"Why Flush, how will you ever havo
the face to propose to the future Mrs.
lie rose-colored in such a manner at
this, that I said :
" Gome, Peony, tell us all about it at
once, do," which, accordingly, after a
little pressing, he did.
I was once, he began, engaged to be
married, I believe; how I went so far as
that is a marvel to me still, but an inci
dent of so frightful a character took place
as to put the matter entirely out of the
question. I was a young undor-graduate,
spending the summer with a reading par
ty at the Irish lakes, when I met with
with Lucy, and got, in short, to be ac
cepted. She was residing with her mother
in the same hotel in Killarney as ourselves
and we all met every day. We boated on
the lake together, and fished and sang
and lead. We landed on the wooded
islands in the soft summer evenings, to
take our tea in gypsy fashion, and to
sketch ; but she and I mostly whispered
not about love, as I remember, but of
the weather and the rubric only it seem
ed so sweet to sink our voices and speak
low and soft.
. Once in a party over the moors, while
I was leading her pony over some boggy
ground, I caught her hand by mistake,
instead of the bridle, and she did not
snatch it away. I was in the heyday
and prime of life, my friend, and that
youth of the spirit which no power can
evermore renew. I knew what she felt
and what would please her as soon as the
feeling and the wish themselves were
born. Our thought my thought at,
least " leapt out with thought to wed,
ere thought could wed with speech."
She took a fancy to a huge mastiff dog
belonging to a fisherman ; and ,1 bought
it for her at once, although it was " ter
ribly savage," and except for Lucy's liking
it, not either good or beautiful Its name
also the only one it would answer to,
and sometimes it would not answer to
that was Towser, not a name for a lady's
pet, after all, and scarcely a gentleman's.
There was a little secluded field hedged
in by a coppice, which sloped into the
lake, about a inilo from the hotel ; and
there Lucy agreed (for the first time) to
meet me alone. I was to be there before
breakfast, at eight o'cloek in the morning
and you may be sure that I was there
at six with Towser. Perhaps I was
never happier than at that particular
time. The universal nature seemed in
harmony with my feelings. The sun
shone out bright and clear, so that the
fresh morning breeze could scarcely cool
the pleasant throbbing of my blood. But
the bluo rippling waves of the lake look
ed irrepressibly tempting, and I could not
resist a swim. Just a plunge in and out
again, thought I : for though I had plenty
of time to spare I determined to bo dress
ed and ready for the interview an hour
at least before the appointed time. Lucy
might, like myself, be a little earlier;
and at all events, with such an awful con
eequenoe in possible apprehension, I
could not run a shadow of a risk.
" Mind my clothes, mind them," said I
to Towser, who took his scat thereon
at once, sagaciously enough for I had
heard of such things as clothes being
stolen from unconscious dippers therewith
results not to bo thought'of ; and in I went.
I remember the delight of that bath with
them even to this day; the glow the
freshness, the luxurious softness of every
particular wave, just as the last view
which his eyes rested on is painted on
the memory of one who has been stricken
blind, or the last heard melody ia treas
ured in that of a man stunned by a fall ;
it was my last perfect pleasure, and suc
ceeded by a shock that I shall . never, I
think, quite get over. When I had bath
ed as long as I judged to be prudent, I
landed, and advanced toward the spot
where my garments and Towser lay.
As 1 did so every individual hair upon
his hc;tl seemed to bristle with fury, his
eyes kindled like coals of fire; he gave
me notice by a low, determined growl
that he would spring on me and tear me
into fragments if I approached near; it
was evident that he did not recognize mc
in the least without my clothes.
" Tow, Tow, Tow," said I pleasantly,
" good Tow, you remember mo ;" but the
brute, like tho friend we have known in
a better day, and appealed to when in
different apparel, only shook his head in
a menacing manner and showed his teeth
" Towser, be quiet sir : how dare you
Tow Towser here ho nearly had a
bit of my calf off you nasty brutal dog ;
go away, sir go; ain't you ashamed of
Drops of foam issued from the teeth of
the ferocious monster as he stood up, tall
erect, at the reproving words, buthe man
ifested no signs of remorse or sorrow.
My situation become serious in the ex
treme ; what if he chose to sit there on
my personal apparel until until ?
At this idea, too terrible to be conclu
ded, a profuse prespiration broke out all
over me. Presently, feeling a little cold
I went back into the lake again to con
sider what was to be done, and revolving
the fell design of enticing Towser into
the water and drowning him. Abuse
and flattery being equally thrown away
upon him, I tried stones; heaved at him
with all force the largest pebbles I could
select, the majority of which he avoided
by leaping aside, and those which struck
hini rendered him so furious that I be
lieve he would have killed and eaten me
if he could, but still he would not venture
into the water after mo. At last the time
was drawing on apace for the appointed
interview which I had once looked for
ward to with such delight and expecta
tion. I was faint in anjagony; of shame
and rage, to hide myself in a dry ditch
where 1 could see without being seen
and there I covered myself over like a
babe in the woods, with leaves. Present
ly my Lucy came down, a trifle more
carefully dressed than usual, and looking
all grace and modesty ; the dog began to
howl as she drew near ; she saw hira and
she saw my clothes, and the notion that I
was drowned, 1 could see in her expressive
countenanoe flashed upon her at once ;
for one instant she looked as though
about to faint, .and the next she sped off
again to the hotel with the speed of a
Gracious Heaven ! I determined upon
rescuing a portion of my garments, at least
or perishing in the attempt, and rushed
out of the thicket for that purpose; but
my courage failed mo as I neared the sav
age animal, and I found myself in some
confused and palpitating manner, back in
my dry ditch again, with tho sensation of
loss of blood, and pain ; my retreat had
not been effected probably because there
was nothing to cover it without con
siderable loss, as the boast had bitten
I protested that, from that moment,
frightful as my position was, it did not
move me so much a the reflection of the
honors that would bo showered on that
vile creature. 1 knew that he would be
considered by Lucy and the rest as a sort
of dog of Montargis, and affectionate and
sagacious creature, watching patiently at
his appointed post for the beloved mas
ter that would never return again.
Presently they all came back. Lucy
and her mother, and all the maid-servants
from the inn, besides my fellow
students and fishermen with drag-nets,
and a medical man with blankets and tho
brandy! As I expected, neither tho
women's cries nor tho men's labor in vain
distressed me half so much as the pat
ting and caressing of Towser ; if she
could havo only known, when she drop
ped those tears upon his cruel nose, that
there was a considerable quantity of hu
man flesh my flcsh,at that moment lying
in bis stomach in an undigested state, I
could not repress a groan of horror and
"Ilush, hush," said Luey, and there
was a silence through which I could dis
tinctly hear Towser licking his chops. I
was desperate by this time, and hallooed
out to friend Sanford :
" Sanford, and nobody else," to come
into the copse with a blanket.
I remember nothing more distinctly.
Immediately peals of laughter, now
smothered, now breaking irrepressibly
forth ; expressions of thankfulness, of af
fection, t of sympathy, beginning "-but
never finished burst in upon, as it
were, by floods of merriments, and the
barking, the eternal barking of that ex
creable dog. I left Killarney that same
evening ; Lucy, and the mother of Lucy
and my fellow students, and the abomina
ble Towser ; I left them for good and all ;
and this was how my engagement was
broken off, and why there is no Mrs.
Peony Flush, concluded the curate, who
had turned from rose color to a deep
carnation, and from red to almost black,
during tho recital.
TIIIIE following singular story, which
I was current among the English resi-1
dents in St. Petersburg, at tho coronation
of the present Emperor of Russia, has
been narrated to us by a person newly
arrived from that part of the continent :
In the early part of the year 1826,
an English gentlemau from Akmetch: in
the Crimea, having occasion to travel
to France on business of importance, di
rected his course by way of Warsaw, in
Poland. About au hour after his arrival
in that city, he quitted the tavern in
which he had been taking a refreshment,
to take a walk through the streets.
While sauntering in front of one of the
public buildings, he met an elderly gen
tleman of a grave aspect and courteous
demeanor. After mutual change of civil
ities, they got into conversation, during
which, with the characteristic frankness
of an Englishman, he told the stranger
who he was, where from, and whither he
was going. The other, in the most friend
ly manner, invited him to share the hos-
!)italities of his house till such a time as
le thought convenient to resume his
journey adding with a smile, that it was
not improbable he might visit the Cri
mea himself in the course of a year, when
perhaps, he might require a similar re
turn; the invitation was accepted, and ho
was conducted to a splendid mansion, ele
gant without and commodious within.
Unbounded liberality on the part of
the Pole, produced unbounded confidence
on the part of the Englishman. The
latter had a small box of jewels of great
value, which he had carried about his
person from the time of his leaving home.
Feeling that mode of conveyance both
hazardous and inconvenient in large
town, he requested his munificent host to
deposit it in a place of security till he
should be ready to go away. At the ex
piration of three days ho prepared for
his departure, and iu asking for his box,
how he was amazed, when tho old gentle
man, with a countenance exhibiting the
utmost surprise, replied :
" What box ?"
" Why, the small box of jewels which
I gave you to keep for me."
" My dear sir, you must surely be mis
taken ; I never really saw nor heard of
such a box."
The Englishman was petrified. After
recovering himself a little, he requested
he should .call his wife, she having been
present when he received it. She came,
and on being questioned, answered in ex
act unison with her husband she cx-
!ressed the same surprise and benevo
ently endeavored to persuade her dis
tracted guest that it was a mere halluci
nation. With mingled feelings of hor
ror, astonishment, and despair, he walk
ed out of the house and weut to the tav
ern at which he had put up on his arri
val in Warsaw. There he related his
mysterious history, and learned that his
iniquitous host was tho richest Jew in
Polaud. lie was advised without delay,
to state the case to the grand Duke, who
fortunately happened to be at that time
He accordingly waited upon him, aud
with littlo ceremony was admitted to an
audience. He briefly laid down his case,
aud Constantino " with greedy car de
voured up his discourse." Constantino
expressed his astonishment told him ho
knew the Jew, having had extensive mon
ey transactions with him that ho had
always been respectable and of an un
blemished character. " However," he
added, " I will use every legitimate means
to unveil the mystery." So saying, he
called on some friends who were to dine
with him that day, and despatched a mes
senger with a note to the Jew, request
ing his presence. Aaron obeyed the
" Have you no recollection of having
received a box of jewels, from the hand
of this gentleman V said the Duke.
" Never, my lord," was the reply.
" Strange, indeed. Are you perfectly
conscious, ' turning to the Englishman,
" that is the man you gave the box as
I Quito certain, my lord."
Then addressing himself to tho Jew,
" This is a very singular case, and I feel
it my duty to use singular means to as
certain the truth j is your wife at home t"
" Yes, my lord."
" Then," continued Constantino, " there
is a sheet of paper, and here is a pen ;
proceed to write a note to your wife in
such terms as I shall dictate."
Aaron lifted the pen.
"Now," ssaid the second Solomon,
" commence by saying ' all is discovered !
There is no resource left but to "deliver
up the box. I have owned the fact in
the presence of the grand Duke.' "
A tremor shook the frame of the Iraol
ite, and the pen dropped from his fingers.
But instantly recovering himself, he ex
claimed : .
" That is impossible, my lord. That
would be implicating myself."
" I give you my word and honor,"
said Constantine. " in presence of every
one in the room, that what you write shall
never be used as an instrument against
you, farther than the effect it produces
on your wife. If you are innocent you
have nothing to fear but if you persist
in not writing it, I hold it as a proof of
With a trembling hand the terrified
Jew wrote out the note, folded it up, and
as he was desired, sealed it with his own
signet. Two offieors were despatched
with it to his house, and when Sarah
glanced at its contents, she swooned and
sank to the ground. The box was deliv
ered up and restored to its owner and
the Jew suffered the punishment his vil
lainy deserved. He was sent to Siberia.
Murder will Out.
"VrrHEN Dr. John Donne, a distin
f guished poet and divine, in the
reign of James I., was taking a walk
through the church-yard, where the sex
ton was at the time digging a grave, the
latter in tho course of his labor threw
up a skull. The doctor observing it
!icked it up and found a rusty, head
ess nail sticking in the temple of it.
He withdrew it unnoticed by the sexton,
and wrapping it up in his handkerchief,
asked the grave digger whether he knew
whose skull it was. He immediately re
plied, it was a man's who kept a drink
iug house an honest but drunken fel
low, who one night having indulged very
freely, was found dead in his bed the
" Had he a wife V asked the doctor.
" Yes," was tho reply.
" What character does she bear ?"
" A very good oue; only the neigh
bors were very much surprised to learn
that she had been married the day after
her husband was buried."
The doctor soon after called on tho
woman and asked her several questions as
to what sickness her husband died of.
She gave him tho same account he had
before received, ho then opened his hand
kerchief, and casting a searching glance
on tho woman, cried in an authoritative
" Woman, do you know this nail ?"
She was struck with horror at the un
expected demand, instantly acknowledged
the fact, was brought to trial, and exe
A Paris bunker has devised what he
considered an ingenious measure to pro
vent a defalcation by his cashier, lie
places an iron cage in front of his safe,
and insists that the cashier shall be locked
in it until his cash account is verified at
the close of tho day. He has as yet
found only one man willing to accept this
"You must enter the cago at 9 A. M.,
and you will bo liberated at i P. M.,
after your account has been verified,"
said the banker to an applicant.
"You must not leavo during the day
under any pretense. I keep thokey in
"A 11 right ; I'm used to confinement."
"Where have you been ?"
"In tho penitentiary for tho last fif
Situation still open.
" Behold I stand at the door and knock if
any man hear my voice and open tho door, I
will come in to him, and will sup with him,
and ho with me."
Sweet Guest, dear Guest, no more
I lock the low dim door,
Where long with patience sweet ,
Have strayed thy weary feet ;
Withdrawing bolt and har,
I see It now ajar.
It Is a poor, dark place,
Unworthy of such grace.
For through Its pane.dust-deeiN ; i( t
Only the shadows creep,
And thick have spiders spun
Nor left space for the sun.
And here no rich banquet
Hettttlng Thee is set;
Not even bread Is mine,
I have no food, no wine,
No damask lino, no silver cup
How, then, with me canst sup?
O I that I were but clean 1
For canst Thou really mean
To come and sup wherein
Only foul guests have been
A dusty dwelling where
All empty is and bare.
Sweet Guest, dear Guest, If thou
In such canst go, como now;
O come, I hungry wait
Longing, repentant, late,
Withdraw each bolt and bar,
And set my door ajar.
Obedience to Parents.
Show mc a boy who obeys his parents,
who has respect for age, always has a
friendly disposition, and who applies him
self diligently to get wisdom aud to, do
cood toward others, aud if he is not re
spected and beloved then there is no
such thing as truth in tho world.
Even when parents are ill-tempered
and unseasonable they should be treated
with respect and forbearance by their
children. Olympias, mother of Alexan
der the Great, was a woman of ambitious
disposition, and occasioned much trouble
to her son. Nevertheless, when pursuing
his conquests in Asia, he sent her splen
did presents- out of the spoils which he
had taken, as tokens of his affection.
He only begged that she would not med
dle with 6tate affairs, but allow his king
dom to be managed peaceably by his gov
ernor, Antiputer. When she sent a
harsh reply to the request which he had
made, he bore it patiently, and did not
use sharp language in return.
On one occasion, when she had been
unusually troublesome, Antipater sent
hira letters complaining of her in very
sad terms. Alexander only said "Anti
pater does not know that one single tear
of my mother is able to blot out six hun
dred of his epistles."
A boy was ouce tempted by some of
his companions to pluck ripe cherries
from a tree which his father had forbid
den hirn to touch.
" You need nat be afraid," said one of
his companions, " for if your father should
find out that you have taken them he is
so kind ho would not hurt you."
" That is the very reason," replied the
boy, " why I would not touch them. It
is true that my father would not touch
me, yet, my disobedience, I know, would
hurt my father, and that would be worse
to me tnan anything else."
A boy who grows up with such princi
ples will be a man in tho best sense of tho
word. It shows a regard for rectitude
that would render him trustworthy under
J6 I met a little boy, the other day,
hauling a big baby iu a wagon. "Littlo
boy," 1 asked, " what are you doing for
tho Lord 1" He stopped and looked up,
and in a moment paid: "Why, I am
trying to make baby happy, so she won't
cry and d'sturb my sick mother." That
indeed was a good work. 1 am sure it
pleuses Jesus. He loves to see tho chil
dren helpful to each other and their pa
rents, even though their help be ever so
(tf A littlo Swedish girl, whilo walk-,
ing with her father, on a starry night, ab
sorbed in contemplation of the skies, be
ing asked of wlmt she was thinking, re
plied, "I was thinking if tho vrovj niJ
of heaven is so glorious what must the
right side be!"
Ja" Those who in the day of sorrow
havo owned God's presence iu the cloud
will find him also in the pillar of fire,
brightening and cheering the abode a
night comes on.